Biohazard (1984) is a Fred Olin Ray Alien rip off, and marks his first 35 mm film. His son played the rather pathetic space monster (see the upper left corner of the images). A top secret government experiment uses the psychic powers of Angelique Pettyjohn to summon space junk, hence the monster comes to Earth. He turns out to be small, fast, and deadly. She teams with the good guy, who has some undisclosed position with the government, to catch and stop the monster.

There is a short scene where two hobos are roasting dinner over a fire, and admit to an uninvited guest that they get their meat at the pond. A woman credited as Loren Crabtree shows breasts as a scream queen. My guess is that she has done other work under a different name, but she has no other credits at IMDB. Angelique Pettyjohn, who also shows breasts, had a long career that included some hard core as Angel St. Crois, horror, popular TV shows such as Get Smart, Batman and Hill Street Blues and stripping. She died young of breast cancer.

IMDB readers have this at 3.4 of 10. This is not Fred Olin Rays worst film, nor is it his best. It does have a surprise ending, but the $250K budget is clearly evident. This is a C- as a bad B movie. Compared to normal horror drama, it would score much lower.

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  • Angelique Pettyjohn (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19)
  • Loren Crabtree (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)


    Shades (1999) is a Belgian European co-production that tells the story of a film crew making a European Co-production of a biopic of a serial killer. Mickey Rourke is pretty good as the alcoholic director. Koen De Bouw plays a sleazy producer, and Andrew Howard plays a twisted method actor playing the lead. Investors suspect that the film is going to be more important than they thought, and start demanding a bigger cut, the star is nothing but trouble, and the serial killer comes up for parole during the filming. He becomes deeply interested in the script, and the press begins to make a big deal over the film.

    The intent of the film is to show what a sleazy business movie making is, and it was not entirely ineffective. We had breast exposure from Mireille Leveque, Tine Raymer, and the stripper Mercedes. IMDB readers have this at 4.3 of 10. They did manage a surprise ending. They chose a very dark tint for the entire film, but the biggest problem was a script that was very boring and tedious for the most part. D.

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  • Mercedes (1, 2, 3, 4)
  • Mereille Leveque (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
  • Tine Reymer (1, 2, 3, 4)

    "Can She bake a Cherry Pie"

    Can She bake a Cherry Pie (1983) is a poor man's Woody Allen style romantic comedy made by Henry Joglam. It stars Martin Harvey Friedberg and Karen Black as the couple. As the film opens, Black's boyfriend moves out, and she and Friedberg pick each other up at a cafe. He is a compulsive neurotic, and she is as bad. As an idea, he keeps a pulse monitor clipped to his ear while having sex to judge his degree of love for her.

    We get two quick peeks at one of Black's nipples. IMDB readers have this at 5.1 of 10. It takes place in Manhattan, much of it outdoors, and does portray New York of the era, including a Sheep's Meadow concert in Central Park. This is a very strang efilm, but did manage to hold my interest. C-.

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  • Karen Black (1, 2)

  • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)

    Km. 0 (2000):

    Kilometer Zero comes from the Spanish school of offbeat, sexually polymorphous romantic comedies which combine sentimentality with explicit sexuality, farce, and slapstick hijinks.

    The name comes from a place in the center of Madrid, kilometer marker zero, which I gather to be the place which separates East and West, North and South, and from which all distances are measured. I'm not really sure about that, but the point is that it seems to be a common place to meet people that you've never met before. So it happens that on a sweltering Summer day in Madrid more than a dozen people say "meet me at Kilometer Zero" to people they've never seen before.This encompasses computer dates, cousins who don't know what the other looks like, a hooker and her john, and so forth.

    As so often happens in movieland, few of the people ended up with the partners they originally intended to meet, at least not at first. Multiple cases of mistaken identity led to some silly situations. The kid who was to meet his sister's friend found her surprisingly friendly, his surprise presumably generated by the fact that he was coming in her mouth fifteen seconds after they were first alone. Gee, guess who ended up with the hooker.

    The pair-ups encompass every possible combination: straight, gay, pay for play, gay with straight, human with angel, old with young. One couple even finds out they are cousins.

    All in all, it's colorful, kinky, and sentimental, as is typical of the films of Yolanda García Serrano, who also wrote  Love Can Seriously Damage Your Health and Why Do They Call It Love When They Mean Sex?

    Based on this description, this is a C. Moderately amusing, offbeat romantic comedy. Good enough, successful at what it tries, but not as good as implied by the 7.6 rating at IMDb.

    I would have given it a C+, but I had to reduce the score based on the Lou Diamond Phillips Rule. (Any film that features the incredibly stacked and adorable Silke Klein and leaves her clothes on deserves to be reduced, by the same logic as having Richie Valens in the film and not letting him sing La Bamba.)

    • Elisa Matilla (1, 2, 3, 4)


    Blueberry (2004):

    I haven't seen this film. I first heard about this nude scene from Charlie, our resident French Cinema expert, and these captures are taken from a video clip made by Shiloh, which can be found in his section below.

    Here's what you need to know. Western. Mixed cast of Europeans and Americans. Oh, yeah. Did I mention Juliette Lewis spreading her legs on camera?

    • Juliette Lewis (1, 2, 3)




    Other Crap archives. May also include newer material than the ones above, since it's sorta in real time.

    Click here to submit a URL for inclusion in Other Crap




    Here are the latest movie reviews available at

    • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
    • If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
    • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
    • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.


    Words from Scoop.

    .avi's from Shiloh.

    .wmv files made by Scoop from Shiloh's .avi's.


    Two Must-See Items:

    • You read about Juliette Lewis's spread shot in Blueberry. Now see it for yourself. (.avi version, .wmv version)

    • Rockbitch, those hard-rockin' Amsterdam carpet munchers, actually do a lesbian fist fuck live on stage. Shiloh's original six monute .avi wasn't a practical item for the site, but here's the essence of it in a .wmv version.


    Perhaps these tips will help if you have trouble with the codecs for these movies:

    Shiloh says:

    FYI when I hypercam vids to make the file size smaller I use DivX MPEG-4 Fast-Motion for the video compressor, then I use virtualdub to compress the audio. The properties for the vids says the video codec:  DivX Decoder Filter & audio codec:  Morgan Stream Switcher which I'm not familiar with. When I compress the audio with virtualdub I use MPEG Layer-3.  A friend of mine told me about compressing the audio about (6) mos. ago. Like I said previously, only been capping for a year & a half & I'm no expert. Hopefully this info will help members with the proper codecs for my vids.
    When I cap big brother's I use hypercam mostly & sdp & asfrecorder if the set up allows me. I stopped using camtasia cause the file sizes were always too big, could never figure out the process, over my head lol, plus it cost too much to buy in my opinion.

    A reader says:

    You mentioned that some users were having trouble with the videos on your site. There is a tool designed to determine what codec is needed for a video. Hope this is useful to you or your users.

    Scoop says:

    I made the .wmv versions of each video. The codecs for these: Windows Video V8, Windows Audio 9. The upside of these is that you know the codecs, and they'll play in the Windows Media Player. The downside is that they are slightly larger, and slightly lower quality.

    'Caps and comments by Brainscan:

    I can just picture the meeting now. A producer wannabe walks into the studio head's office and says, "I want to make a movie just like Dumb and Dumber."

    Studio guy asks, "You mean a prequel?"

    And the wannabe replies, "Are you kidding me? No one is that fucking stupid. This is a movie that takes off from the last half of D & D, when the boys finally reach Aspen and they find all that money and go out and spend it on things like cars and hotel rooms and stuff."

    "Sounds pretty funny to me," says studio guy.

    "Well, it won't be a comedy. It's a gritty drama of the mean streets and what money can buy."

    "The mean streets? Of Aspen?"

    "No, we'll move it to L. A. and have the boys go to clubs and boff a bunch of chicks and buy a lot of cars. Like twin Porsches and a muscle Mustang. But the money is the Mafia's and they come to collect. So what do you think?"

    "Doesn't sound like much to me."

    "Well we already contacted McQueen and Swayze and they said they'd do it for scale."

    "In that case, go for it. Here's a couple mil to get you going. Call it "Money to Burn" or "The Squanderers." Oh hell, use both."

    Of course what the wannabe didn't make clear is that the protagonists are played by CHAD McQueen, Steve's son, and DON Swayze, Patrick's brother. Don looks just like Patrick... if Patrick had been born and raised in a trailer park on the outskirts of Bug Tussle, Arkansas. He's got the mullet, the cheesy goatee, the pencil neck... all the required equipment. Chad, on the other hand, looks nothing like Steve, acts nothing like Steve, does nothing like Steve. He is to Steve McQueen and his acting what Ted Williams' son was to Ted and his hitting. We're not talkin the same ballpark, not the same league, not even the same mofo-ing game.

    The story, as you might surmise, blows. So badly that when it was clear the nekkid babe quotient had been filled I turned off this toxic waste dump. Didn't care what happened to the boys. Hoped, in fact, the mafia dudes caught em and did a Braveheart on em. Not the characters... the actors.

    A couple of women show up and show off.

    There is Julie Strain in a full-frontal performance. This is pretty early in Julie's career and she looks darn nice (not clear how early, though. IMDB says 1996, Bare Facts says 1994, but the credits say 1997... pick one, pick em all).

    Ashlie Rhey is topless in the bath tub.

    Melanie Good is sorta topless.

    Kymberly Herrin (Hefmate for March 1981) gives good face and a bit of cleavage. Kymberly is famous for her face, having been the Dream Ghost in Ghostbusters and the woman at the beginning of Romancing the Stone, as the story written by Kathleen Turner's character is played out on-screen.

    In the end you would just have to say that someone got taken with this movie. A few someones, in fact. The studio head, for one, and anyone who has paid to watch it, for two or maybe three.

    Crimson Ghost
    A few .wmv files from the Ghost today.

    • Carla Gugino, the "Spy Kids" mom topless and baring her bum in scenes from "Jaded" (1996).

    • Heather Graham in her well lit and very beautiful topless scene from "Killing Me Softly"

    • Jessica Paré, the busty young star topless in "Stardom" (2000)

    • Sadie Frost, the UK actress flashes her breasts in "Crimetime". (1996).

    • Virginia Madsen, baring a lovely breast in her film debut, the 1983 movie "Class".
    • Jennifer Jason Leigh, topless in the pool house scene from the 1982 classic, "Fast Times at Ridgemont High".
    • Phoebe Cates...of course you can't show any clips from "Fast Times..." without the scene.

    Juliette Lewis
    (1, 2)

    An awesome find by LC...Lewis going full frontal in scenes from the Euro movie "Blueberry" (2004), starring Vincent Cassel, Michael Madsen, Eddie Izzard, Djimon Hounsou, and one of the official French guys in American movies Tchéky Karyo. The movie is based on a Euro-comic and has some positive reviews at IMDb. No clue on whether or not it will play in the US.

    Trishelle Cannatella
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12)

    One of the contestants on the WB series "The Surreal Life". For my money, Trishelle isn't really a celeb since her claim to fame is doing MTV's "Real World: Las Vegas", which she later cashed in on by doing a spread in the bunny mag. But hey, she's on TV and I'm not, so what do I know. Anywho...she was topless on a recent episode and here are some uncensored 'caps.

    Beyoncé Knowles
    (1, 2)

    Another look at the Grammy winner almost falling out of her dress.

    Desiree West
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12)

    More hardcore 'caps by Marvin from the good ol' days of porn. Here is one of the first female African American adult film stars in action. Scenes from the 1978 movie "Sex World".

    (1, 2)

    A couple of unknows from the ultra-low budget college comedy "Going Greek". Watch out for the amazingly bad impants from Unknown #2. 'Caps by Kitt.

    Adrienne Sachs
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16)

    Señor Skin 'caps of the brunette babe showing off an excellent pair of robo-hooters in several scens from the Shannon Tweed movie "In the Cold of the Night" (1991)

    Pat Reeder
    Pat's comments in yellow...

    Song Of Salomon - The full-length version of the Paris Hilton sex tape hit the Internet last week, and the New York Post's Page Six discovered who released it: her lover from the video, Rick Salomon. Salomon said he wouldn't have done it if Hilton's parents hadn't accused him of releasing the earlier snippet and claimed he was a rapist. He said he wanted to prove she was not drugged and joined in enthusiastically. Salomon said he's making $50 every time someone buys it, and he plans to make a lot of money and go surfing for a year. He added that Paris "will probably hate me after this, but what are you gonna do?"

  • Personally, I see no other alternative.
  • He should be able to replace his relationship with Paris, now that he has all those 50 dollar bills.
  • He was so offended at being accused of releasing part of the tape, he had no choice but to release all of it.
  • Proof that all the money in the world can't buy a woman a decent guy.

    It's All Out In The Open Now - Britain's Daily Star tabloid claims that Janet Jackson hopes to cash in on her Super Bowl infamy by launching her own line of sexy lingerie and jewelry, including leather bras, chastity belts, and of course, nipple decorations. She reportedly told friends that she wants "to bring to the world some of the pieces that I wear in my own private life." She likes the word "exposed" for a name, so she's working on variations, such as "Decent Exposure."

  • Or something equally sarcastic.
  • How about "OVER-Exposure"?
  • Hasn't she already brought to the world the intimate pieces she wears in her private life?
  • Something tells me Janet doesn't wear a chastity belt in her private life.
  • So that wasn't a halftime show, it was a Super Bowl commercial for nipple jewelry.

    Love That Dirrty Water - Want to buy some unusual celebrity memorabilia? In January, 2003, Christina Aguilera promoted her "Dirrty" video by posing for Maxim magazine in a white thong in a pool of water. The thong and the sealed tub of pool water that Christina squatted in were given to a British DJ, and the seller obtained them from him and is offering them on eBay. Here's the Ebay link

  • This just in: they've been confiscated by the Department of Sanitation.
  • At least, the thong USED to be white.
  • It's the next best thing to having Christina come to your house and pee in your own pool.

    It Didn't Sit Well - A Florida advertising producer's idea to use the Johnny Cash classic "Ring Of Fire" in a hemorrhoid-remedy commercial has been shot down by his family. The producer said she thought it was funny, but Roseanne Cash called it moronic and demeaning. She said that "Ring Of Fire" is "about the transformative power of love," and that's what it will always mean.

  • Except every time I hear it from now on, I'll think of hemorrhoids.
  • It's worse than moronic! It's asinine!
  • Still, there's nothing quite like the transformative power of a good hemorrhoid cream.
  • How about a subtler song, like, "I Don't Like It, But I Guess Things Happen That Way"?
  • Christina Aguilera will sell them one of her songs.