Bikini Med School (1994) Day Two -- Check out the big brains on the Fun House readers. All but one of the unknowns from last night have been identified, most by more than one person.

1) Diana Cuevas
2) Unknown
3) Tamara Landry
4) Lisa Comshaw
5) Raven Alexander
6) Monique Parent
7) Kim Dawson

Thanks to all the readers who sent in IDs. The sense I got from all of the Email is that many of you found it fun.

Everyone recognized Kim Dawson, and most knew Lisa Comshaw. ID was made harder by the fact that some of the credits were aliases rather than their usual names. The other side of the DVD titled Bikini House Call seems to be more of the same, but IMDB has not even heard of this one. Based on this, I suspect it was a Skinemax series. Now, enjoy the images.

S.I.C.K. (2003):

SPOILERS:

This film is also known as Grim Weekend, and Serial Insane Clown Killer

Acttually, he's not a clown killer. He's a killer clown. But SIKC was a shitty acronym, so they twisted it.

It is an ultra low budget movie of the "young adults stuck in a remote cabin with an insane cannibal killer" type, kind of a Friday the 13th meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre meets Cabin Fever kind of film, which brought exactly one fresh element to the genre - a really tricky surprise ending that caught me by surprise. Since I have seen hundreds of similar films, it's not easy for me to be surprised, so I appreciated the offbeat twist, but there was a major problem: when you review the film in your mind, or watch it a second time knowing the surprise, as I did, the "surprise" plot twist is not possible!

No wonder it was a surprise.

You see, it turns out that the Serial Insane Clown Killer was in cahoots with one of the four people spending the weekend in the cabin, and was also in cahoots with a teenage runaway that the four main characters picked up along the way. The idea was that the guy who owned the cabin brought people out there as sacrifices, to be killed and cannibalized. That actually makes sense, inasmuch as cannibals living far  from civilization are going to be out of victims quickly unless they find a source.

In the epilogue, we see the cabin owner invite some real assholes from work, including the resident office Lumburgh.

• The Runaway. She could not have been in cahoots with the cabin owner, as revealed later. They only picked her up from the roadhouse because of something the other woman noticed. The other (innocent) woman insisted on taking her along - AGAINST the objections of the guy she was supposed to be in cahoots with. OK, you can say he was just acting when he refused to take her, but the problem is that he did nothing at all to push the others into taking the girl along. The "innocent" people made the decision entirely on their own.

• The Insane Clown. We see the cabin owner shoot at the clown with real bullets. We know the bullets are real because they nearly destroy the cabin door. We know that the clown is behind the door. So how could the guy with the gun and the clown have been in cahoots?

There were some other inconsistencies as well, but those were the key ones. So, the great plot twist didn't really hold up well in light of previous developments in the film. It came as a surprise partially because it was illogical, which is a totally dishonest way to generate a surprise. But do you know what? It wasn't a bad script. They complicated it all with ruses and games that made the whole scenario more fun, like some dolls, one for each victim, whose gradually disappearing body parts reflected the status of the corresponding victims. At one time the intended victim got control of the gun and "killed" the cabin owner - until he stood up and said to the Insane Clown, "see, I told you she had the guts to pull the trigger", and we find that he had swapped the bullets for blanks.

Yes, I think the script was fun. It could have made for a pretty good genre film in the hands of professionals. That didn't happen. The director didn't do such a bad job with a zero budget, but when push came to shove he had no resources to establish the shots and atmosphere he needed to make it all come together. He still might have snuck it through as a workable cheapie, except that the actors were all amateurs, and they just couldn't make it work.

I can't even recommend the film for slasher/gore fans, because there isn't much. There is a murder in the opening scene which seems to have nothing to do with the rest of the movie. When the movie actually begins, there are some interesting moments in the first half, but it takes an hour before anyone is killed.

There were three nude scenes, but they are lame. The best one, the one with Erica Hanlon, is the cold prologue, which seems unrelated to the film proper.

• Erica Hanlon
• Amanda Watson
• Melissa Bale

The Nostradamus Kid (1993):

Never seen it, but I like LOTR's Miranda Otto, and she got naked in this rarely-seen, seldom-captured, film. I made the caps from an anonymous film clip on usenet, which was damned good quality for a film that has never been on DVD to my knowledge.

• Miranda Otto (1, 2)

OTHER CRAP:

• Is Republican patriarch Bill Bennett in the grip of an imminent dominatrix scandal? Given that it's political season, you can bet that (a) the accusation will be made, and (b) it will turn out to be baseless.
• "You're soaking in it". Madge, the manicurist with dishwashing detergent as pre-soak, dies at 86.
• Kerry wins Wisconsin as expected, but with a smaller margin than anticipated. Edwards stays alive. As for Dean, he can call in the hounds and piss on the fire, cuz the hunt is over.
• The latest working links for the Paris Hilton sex tape (in multi parts)
• The Atlanta Journal-Constitution is reporting that Greg Maddux will sign a contract to pitch for the Chicago Cubs, not the Yankees, and will report for work with the rest of the Cubs' pitchers and catchers on Wednesday morning.
• King Henry VIII was a soccer player. In fact, he the only goalie in history who was never scored upon. Soccer experts attribute that to
  • the deference show him as king because of his penchant to behead those who displeased him, and/or
  • the fact that his body size was greater than the size of the total goal area.
• It's time to play Death to Celebrity Couples
• Reality shows account for 11 of the top 20 TV shows.
• Barry Bonds's personal trainer admitted to distributing steroids to various (mostly unnamed) athletes, but says he has now stopped. In other news, Bonds reported to Spring Training weighing 135. Bonds was not mentioned by name in the public documents, but Gary Sheffield was.
• Conan O'Brien Issues a hilarious 'Apology' to Quebec. (Much funnier than the original material he got in trouble for.)
• Hollywood is buzzing that Clooney has offered Mike Tyson the Mr T role in the A-Team movie. How could they offer this to anyone but Ving Rheames? The Vinger was born for this moment. I suppose Clooney's pal Brad Pitt will get offered "Face", but likely turn it down. Jim Carrey would be the logical Murdock, and Clooney himself would make a good Hannibal. Nite to Hollywood: I would go enthusiastically with those four guys in the leads, although they would cost a mint unless they worked for far less than their going rates.
• There is now a second online teaser from Harry Potter and the Most Recent Thing He's Battling.
• How low can they go? That's the question even seasoned political observers are asking this week, as Democrats and Republicans unleashed a series of commercials showing their opponents digitally morphing into members of the embattled Jackson family.
• Lenny Bruce - The Trials of Lenny Bruce. Audio clips of Lenny's work, excerpts, etc. Interesting site.
• Scientists use gene therapy to build super rats.
  • Here's my tip for you scientists. There are many worthwhile things to study. Show us how to colonize space. Show us how to conquer hunger. Show us how to cure pain and diseases and insanity. Show us how to create economical and comfortable habitation for the world's children. Show us how to neutralize weapons of mass destruction. Show us how to make human males less violent and territorial. When you have done all those things, then there will be other worthwhile things to study and invent. Finally, when human life on the planet is perfect, then you can start to work on creating super dogs and dolphins and chimps. If you always ask youself "could I find something more important to do?", my guess is that you will never really find the time to work on those super rats.
  • OK, I'm kidding. The article actually has important implications. It suggests that the same process will work on humans - that scientists can create super athletes without steroids. Before this becomes illegal, please give those scientists the phone number of the Boston Red Sox, who will be needing this information.
• James Cameron has attached himself to GHOSTS OF VESUVIUS, based on an upcoming book by Charles Pellegrino about the volcanic eruption that leveled Pompeii in 79 A.D. Listed only as a co-producer right now with his Lightstorm Entertainment partners Jon Landau and Rae Sanchini, Cameron will wait a while before deciding whether or not he will direct.
• Disney buys the Muppets from the Jim Henson Company.. The transaction does not include the Sesame Street muppets, which are owned by Sesame Workshop.
• Dental hygiene video includes naked woman.
• Rick Salomon tells all. The full story behind the marketing of the Paris Hilton sex tape.
• What really happened to Natalie Wood?
• Here's a working link to the Paris Hilton video
• Bishop Thomas O'Brien is believed to be the first Roman Catholic bishop in U.S. history to be convicted of a felony.
  • The jury deliberated nearly five hours before coming back with a guilty verdict, and a recommended sentence of a trillion "Our Fathers" and a good Act of Contrition.
  • Interestingly and somewhat surprisingly, he is also the first American bishop with an Irish last name.
• Behold the Rocklopedia Fakebandica! Striving for a comprehensive list of the fake bands made up for movies and TV shows, etc,
• Another Victim at Colorado. Female kicker tells all.
• American superstar Justin Timberlake won the best international male award at the Brit Awards.
• WebCam Central
• Movieoke, karaoke's ugly stepchild.. Actually, it sounds like it could be a hoot to watch, if you have enough to drink, and the right crowd.
• Cheerleader update. The Los Angeles Avengers Dancers. Superheroes, dancers, or cheerleaders? You be the judge.
• What is a Nimrod? I'm not sure, but the dictionary listing had a picture of Ralph Nader.
• The 300 Most Common English Words, in order. I wasn't taken aback to see "the", "of", "and" finish 1-2-3, but I was a little surprised to see "Oprah" at number 4.
• Animals on the Underground I can't really explain this succinctly. Don't go there unless you like the offbeat and are into hidden images found in innocent sources.
• Art Directors honor 'ROTK' 'Mystic River'
• ROBOT CHICKS. Weird, but kinda sexy, and very brilliant.
• Here's the trailer for the latest Obi-Wan wienerfest, Young Adam
• Cash family won't let "Ring of Fire" be used for a hemorrhoid ad. I'm kinda surprised after they let "Folsom Prison" be used for that Paul Newman Salad Tossing commercial.
• Brigitte Nielsen hurt filming Italian reality show, Italian news stories show her topless.
• Mel Gibson says Norwegians didn't kill Christ, and there was much rejoicing. "Break out the Lutefisk, Lars, we're innocent"
• Why did Salvador Dali need a herd of goats in his hotel room?
• Weekly World News claims: Nerd dumps supermodel wife because of bad cooking.
• The history of Nudity on Television.
• The Women of TechTV to be featured on Playboy.com
• Ain't It Cool News - has a very interesting story about the battle over the new Indiana Jones script.
• The sort of surprised me. The Last Samurai is a megahit overseas, reinforcing Tom Cruise's reputation as automatic international gold. The film barely cleared $100 mill at home, compared to $111m in Japan alone, and another $134m in Europe. Of course, $111m in Japan is only three tickets.
• Kerry Tops Bush 47-42 in new CBS poll. But it wasn't a poll about the Presidency. It was about which guy looks more like a former associate of Past Presidents. 47% thought Kerry looked more like Ed Muskie, and 42% thought Bush looked more like Bonzo.
• SPICE UNCENSORED! Four more free videos which were too hot for Spice TV.
• WABC-TV is reporting that free agent Greg Maddux will sign with the freakin' Yankees. Let's hope it's bullshit.
• Apparently, I'm not the only one who thinks Scarlett Johansson is now lookin' like a young Marilyn. The only thing I have a problem with is the description of her hair as blonde. I don't think they looked at that picture. Those sure look like dark roots to me. (Of course MM was in the same category.)
• More of Beyonce with her breast almost free.
• Hail to the Chef : a salute to America's fattest President.
• Astronomy Pic o' the Day, February 17 - Galaxy Cluster Lenses Farthest Known Galaxy
   

Other Crap archives. May also include newer material than the ones above, since it's sorta in real time.

Click here to submit a URL for inclusion in Other Crap

MOVIE REVIEWS:

Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.

• The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
• If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
• A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
• If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

Words from Scoop.

.avi's from Shiloh.

.wmv files made by Scoop from Shiloh's .avi's.

Charlize:

• Her sexiest role: 2 Days in the Valley (.avi version, .wmv version)

• Her funniest role: playing Marilyn Monroe on SNL - Jimmy Fallon plays Joe DiMaggio.(!!!???) No nudity, but the cast spends most of the skit's running time under her skirt and fondling her breasts. (.avi version, .wmv version)

Perhaps these tips will help if you have trouble with the codecs for these movies:

Shiloh says:

FYI when I hypercam vids to make the file size smaller I use DivX MPEG-4 Fast-Motion for the video compressor, then I use virtualdub to compress the audio. The properties for the vids says the video codec:  DivX Decoder Filter & audio codec:  Morgan Stream Switcher which I'm not familiar with. When I compress the audio with virtualdub I use MPEG Layer-3.  A friend of mine told me about compressing the audio about (6) mos. ago. Like I said previously, only been capping for a year & a half & I'm no expert. Hopefully this info will help members with the proper codecs for my vids.

 

When I cap big brother's I use hypercam mostly & sdp & asfrecorder if the set up allows me. I stopped using camtasia cause the file sizes were always too big, could never figure out the process, over my head lol, plus it cost too much to buy in my opinion.

A reader says:

You mentioned that some users were having trouble with the videos on your site. There is a tool designed to determine what codec is needed for a video. http://www.headbands.com/gspot/ Hope this is useful to you or your users.

Scoop says:

I made the .wmv versions of each video. The codecs for these: Windows Video V8, Windows Audio 9. The upside of these is that you know the codecs, and they'll play in the Windows Media Player. The downside is that they are slightly larger, and slightly lower quality.

Som 'caps from a couple of movies today.

From American Wedding, Amanda Swisten. After-market equipment, to be sure, but she is a most attractive young lady. Dressed as a French maid. Or as they call 'em in the halls of Congress, a Freedom maid.

• Amanda Swisten (1, 2, 3, 4)

From Papillon, Ratna Assan. She played one of the native villagers who Papillon stumbles upon after his escape from Devil's Island. The movie is PG rated because the toplessness is covered by the National Geographic Exemption.

• Ratna Assan

And from Chromiumblue.com we have several women. Recall that this is a DVD made from the merger of two episodes from the cable program. The women are:

Erica Prior, who plays the lead character and gives up absolutely nothing. Even in scenes where she is supposed to be humping someone she keeps clothed or covered... or both.

• Erica Prior

Tatiana Moukhamedjanova. Yep, another of the Moukhamedjanova sisters nekkid in a movie. Most be eight or nine Moukhamedjanovas we've seen starkers. Common name, that Moukhamedjanova. This woman is a babe, however, and worth a good long look.

• Tatiana Moukhamedjanova (1, 2, 3)

And then there are the unknowns, or at least some of them. Chromiumblue is a Zalman King production and so there is the need to keep up the naked babe quotient, so spasmodically interspersed among scenes that advance what plot there is are short clips filled with...well, naked babes. They are identified as a group in the credits but there is no way of knowing which is which or who is who... or whom... or anything like that.

• Unkowns

"The Majorettes"
80's fluffy hairdos and some shower scene nudity are the highlights of this 1986 B-movie horrror flick. Yes, it sometimes looks like a high-school film project, but it's classic b-horror nevertheless.

All the ingredients are here: really really bad acting, incredibly bad in fact, lots of phony blood and gore, neck slashing scenes where the victim holds real still to allow the killer to make the cut just right, and of course, a couple nude shower scenes because, hey, could we have a story about the offing of high-school majorettes without the shower scenes? Hell, no!

Regardless of how bad it sounds, it's still classic 80's b-horror, and with all the production values you expect from such a critter. For example, notice the tampon string hanging out in the upper left frame of the collage. I checked several frames from the film, and that's definitely a string and not just a blemish on the film.

• Assorted toplessness

RANGERS TRADE A-ROD, STILL HOPELESSLY SCREWED
Damn Yankees! - Monday, the Texas Rangers officially traded MVP shortstop Alex Rodriguez to the New York Yankees. Rangers owner Tom Hicks said "Things just didn't work out here." But he said he doesn't regret signing A-Rod to a $252 million, 10-year deal, even though the Rangers remained a losing team and he'll still have to pay Rodriguez another $82 million plus interest through 2025 while he's not even playing for the Rangers.