"Bikini Med School"

Bikini Med School (1994) Day Two -- Check out the big brains on the Fun House readers. All but one of the unknowns from last night have been identified, most by more than one person.

1) Diana Cuevas
2) Unknown
3) Tamara Landry
4) Lisa Comshaw
5) Raven Alexander
6) Monique Parent
7) Kim Dawson

Thanks to all the readers who sent in IDs. The sense I got from all of the Email is that many of you found it fun.

Everyone recognized Kim Dawson, and most knew Lisa Comshaw. ID was made harder by the fact that some of the credits were aliases rather than their usual names. The other side of the DVD titled Bikini House Call seems to be more of the same, but IMDB has not even heard of this one. Based on this, I suspect it was a Skinemax series. Now, enjoy the images.

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  • Diane Cuevas (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
  • Kim Dawson (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
  • Lisa Comshaw (1, 2, 3)
  • Monique Parent (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
  • Raven Alexander (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19)
  • Tamara Landry (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)
  • Unknown (1, 2, 3)

    "Divorce Law"

    Divorce Law (1993) is another effort from writer/director Michael Paul Girard and uses an attorney firm specializing in divorces as the premise. It also seems like four episodes of a series, but this time the stories are somewhat entertaining, and some of the stars manage to act.

    Jay Richardson is the head of the firm. At the start of the film, he discovers his illegitimate daughter, Cyndi Lewis, who has sex with one of his staff, Christian Noble, and a client's estranged husband to get even with her father. Monique Parent is the other member of the firm, and also doubles as her sister in a lesbian divorce case. Tamara Landry is a former rock star whose Japanese husband is divorcing her and blackmailing her with a video tape because he doesn't want her to start her rock career again. Agusta Lane had a fling with a mete reader, and her husband, a pro basketballer who has slept with literally thousands of women, is suing on grounds of adultery and trying to cut her off with nothing. Patricia Skeriotis is the firm secretary, but only shows cleavage. Lisa Comshaw and Sheila Redgrave are suing because Redgate had an affair with Monique Parent. There were two undredited woman. The first discovered that her husband, who had been making private tapes of her with men he would bring home, was selling them in South America, where she had become the number one porn star. The other unknown was a homeless woman. Christian Noble defends the man, and MOnique Parent the woman, because they were told to do some pro bono work. The contentious part of the divorce is the division of property, in other words, the contents of their communal shopping cart.

    We see breasts and buns from all of the women. This is very soft core, but is told with some humor, and some of the "testimony" dialogue is imaginative. The IMDB 4.8 reflects what it is, Skinemax mindless fare. On the other hand, it is a reasonable genre effort. C.

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  • Augusta Lane (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
  • Cyndi Lewis (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
  • Group (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14)
  • Lisa Comshaw (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
  • Monique Parent (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15)
  • Patricia Skeriotis
  • Sheila Redgate (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
  • Tamara Landry (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
  • Unknown (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)
  • Unknown (1, 2, 3, 4)

  • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)

    S.I.C.K. (2003):


    This film is also known as Grim Weekend, and Serial Insane Clown Killer

    Acttually, he's not a clown killer. He's a killer clown. But SIKC was a shitty acronym, so they twisted it.


    It is an ultra low budget movie of the "young adults stuck in a remote cabin with an insane cannibal killer" type, kind of a Friday the 13th meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre meets Cabin Fever kind of film, which brought exactly one fresh element to the genre - a really tricky surprise ending that caught me by surprise. Since I have seen hundreds of similar films, it's not easy for me to be surprised, so I appreciated the offbeat twist, but there was a major problem: when you review the film in your mind, or watch it a second time knowing the surprise, as I did, the "surprise" plot twist is not possible!

    No wonder it was a surprise.

    You see, it turns out that the Serial Insane Clown Killer was in cahoots with one of the four people spending the weekend in the cabin, and was also in cahoots with a teenage runaway that the four main characters picked up along the way. The idea was that the guy who owned the cabin brought people out there as sacrifices, to be killed and cannibalized. That actually makes sense, inasmuch as cannibals living far  from civilization are going to be out of victims quickly unless they find a source.

    In the epilogue, we see the cabin owner invite some real assholes from work, including the resident office Lumburgh.

    • The Runaway. She could not have been in cahoots with the cabin owner, as revealed later. They only picked her up from the roadhouse because of something the other woman noticed. The other (innocent) woman insisted on taking her along - AGAINST the objections of the guy she was supposed to be in cahoots with. OK, you can say he was just acting when he refused to take her, but the problem is that he did nothing at all to push the others into taking the girl along. The "innocent" people made the decision entirely on their own.

    • The Insane Clown. We see the cabin owner shoot at the clown with real bullets. We know the bullets are real because they nearly destroy the cabin door. We know that the clown is behind the door. So how could the guy with the gun and the clown have been in cahoots?

    There were some other inconsistencies as well, but those were the key ones. So, the great plot twist didn't really hold up well in light of previous developments in the film. It came as a surprise partially because it was illogical, which is a totally dishonest way to generate a surprise. But do you know what? It wasn't a bad script. They complicated it all with ruses and games that made the whole scenario more fun, like some dolls, one for each victim, whose gradually disappearing body parts reflected the status of the corresponding victims. At one time the intended victim got control of the gun and "killed" the cabin owner - until he stood up and said to the Insane Clown, "see, I told you she had the guts to pull the trigger", and we find that he had swapped the bullets for blanks.

    Yes, I think the script was fun. It could have made for a pretty good genre film in the hands of professionals. That didn't happen. The director didn't do such a bad job with a zero budget, but when push came to shove he had no resources to establish the shots and atmosphere he needed to make it all come together. He still might have snuck it through as a workable cheapie, except that the actors were all amateurs, and they just couldn't make it work.

    I can't even recommend the film for slasher/gore fans, because there isn't much. There is a murder in the opening scene which seems to have nothing to do with the rest of the movie. When the movie actually begins, there are some interesting moments in the first half, but it takes an hour before anyone is killed.

    There were three nude scenes, but they are lame. The best one, the one with Erica Hanlon, is the cold prologue, which seems unrelated to the film proper.


    The Nostradamus Kid (1993):

    Never seen it, but I like LOTR's Miranda Otto, and she got naked in this rarely-seen, seldom-captured, film. I made the caps from an anonymous film clip on usenet, which was damned good quality for a film that has never been on DVD to my knowledge.

    • Miranda Otto (1, 2)



    Other Crap archives. May also include newer material than the ones above, since it's sorta in real time.

    Click here to submit a URL for inclusion in Other Crap




    Here are the latest movie reviews available at

    • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
    • If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
    • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
    • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.


    Words from Scoop.

    .avi's from Shiloh.

    .wmv files made by Scoop from Shiloh's .avi's.



    • Her sexiest role: 2 Days in the Valley (.avi version, .wmv version)

    • Her funniest role: playing Marilyn Monroe on SNL - Jimmy Fallon plays Joe DiMaggio.(!!!???) No nudity, but the cast spends most of the skit's running time under her skirt and fondling her breasts. (.avi version, .wmv version)


    Perhaps these tips will help if you have trouble with the codecs for these movies:

    Shiloh says:

    FYI when I hypercam vids to make the file size smaller I use DivX MPEG-4 Fast-Motion for the video compressor, then I use virtualdub to compress the audio. The properties for the vids says the video codec:  DivX Decoder Filter & audio codec:  Morgan Stream Switcher which I'm not familiar with. When I compress the audio with virtualdub I use MPEG Layer-3.  A friend of mine told me about compressing the audio about (6) mos. ago. Like I said previously, only been capping for a year & a half & I'm no expert. Hopefully this info will help members with the proper codecs for my vids.
    When I cap big brother's I use hypercam mostly & sdp & asfrecorder if the set up allows me. I stopped using camtasia cause the file sizes were always too big, could never figure out the process, over my head lol, plus it cost too much to buy in my opinion.

    A reader says:

    You mentioned that some users were having trouble with the videos on your site. There is a tool designed to determine what codec is needed for a video. Hope this is useful to you or your users.

    Scoop says:

    I made the .wmv versions of each video. The codecs for these: Windows Video V8, Windows Audio 9. The upside of these is that you know the codecs, and they'll play in the Windows Media Player. The downside is that they are slightly larger, and slightly lower quality.

    'Caps and comments by Brainscan:

    Som 'caps from a couple of movies today.

    From American Wedding, Amanda Swisten. After-market equipment, to be sure, but she is a most attractive young lady. Dressed as a French maid. Or as they call 'em in the halls of Congress, a Freedom maid.

    • Amanda Swisten (1, 2, 3, 4)

    From Papillon, Ratna Assan. She played one of the native villagers who Papillon stumbles upon after his escape from Devil's Island. The movie is PG rated because the toplessness is covered by the National Geographic Exemption.

    And from we have several women. Recall that this is a DVD made from the merger of two episodes from the cable program. The women are:

    Erica Prior, who plays the lead character and gives up absolutely nothing. Even in scenes where she is supposed to be humping someone she keeps clothed or covered... or both.

    Tatiana Moukhamedjanova. Yep, another of the Moukhamedjanova sisters nekkid in a movie. Most be eight or nine Moukhamedjanovas we've seen starkers. Common name, that Moukhamedjanova. This woman is a babe, however, and worth a good long look.

    • Tatiana Moukhamedjanova (1, 2, 3)

    And then there are the unknowns, or at least some of them. Chromiumblue is a Zalman King production and so there is the need to keep up the naked babe quotient, so spasmodically interspersed among scenes that advance what plot there is are short clips filled with...well, naked babes. They are identified as a group in the credits but there is no way of knowing which is which or who is who... or whom... or anything like that.

    Elsa Pataky The Spanish actress shows some parital side breast views and even though her bum is covered, it still looks pretty good.

    Eva Santolaria
    (1, 2)

    Another Spanish actress, this time going topless, but in dark scenes from "No te fallaré" (2001).

    Tere López-Tarín Far off toplessness and rear views from "Ave María" (1999).

    Leticia Dolera
    (1, 2)

    The Spanish babe nudity is the young actress going topless and full frontal in scenes from "Bellas durmientes" (2001).

    'Caps and comments by Dann:

    "The Majorettes"
    80's fluffy hairdos and some shower scene nudity are the highlights of this 1986 B-movie horrror flick. Yes, it sometimes looks like a high-school film project, but it's classic b-horror nevertheless.

    All the ingredients are here: really really bad acting, incredibly bad in fact, lots of phony blood and gore, neck slashing scenes where the victim holds real still to allow the killer to make the cut just right, and of course, a couple nude shower scenes because, hey, could we have a story about the offing of high-school majorettes without the shower scenes? Hell, no!

    Regardless of how bad it sounds, it's still classic 80's b-horror, and with all the production values you expect from such a critter. For example, notice the tampon string hanging out in the upper left frame of the collage. I checked several frames from the film, and that's definitely a string and not just a blemish on the film.

    Francesca Annis Rear nudity and partial side breast views in the Roman Polanski version of "Macbeth" (1971).

    Heather Graham
    (1, 2, 3, 4)

    Rollergirl shows off her impressive big'uns and a little bit of her bum in excellent collages featuring scenes from "Killing Me Softly" (2002).

    Karina Lombard The exotic beauty bares breasts and bum in scenes from "Wide Sargasso Sea" (1993).

    Rowena King One more from "Wide Sargasso Sea"...King bares breasts, bum and plenty of bush.

    Louisa Shafa Rear nudity and close up toplessness in scenes from her one and only IMDb credit, the French movie "L'Effrontée" (1985).

    Milla Jovovich
    (1, 2)

    The star of two of my all time favorite movies "The Fifth Element" and "Zoolander" baring breasts, bum and bush in a brief scene from "No Good Deed" aka "The House on Turk Street" (2002). (the goodies are in link #2)

    Meg Ryan
    (1, 2)

    Still more coverage of Meg's recent nudity from the movie "In the Cut" (now on DVD).

    Paz Vega
    (1, 2, 3, 4)

    The beautiful Spanish babe shows everything in scenes from "Lucía y el sexo".

    Randi Brooks
    (1, 2)

    The tall, blonde 80's b-movie babe topless and showing off her bum in scenes from two movies. Collage #1 is from the 1983 Steve Martin movie "The Man with Two Brains". Collage #2 is from the 1984 Clint Eastwood movie "Tightrope".

    Jennifer Connelly
    (1, 2, 3)

    Connelly topless in sex scenes from the 1996 movie "Mulholland Falls". Need we say more.

    Nina Bott The German actress shows brief breast and bum views in a love scene from "Das Beste Stück" (2002). 'Caps by Slartibartfast.

    Emmanuelle Seigner
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18)

    Señor Skin 'caps of the French actress (and Mrs. Roman Polanski) going topless and showing pubes (link #9) and some brief gyno views (links #6 and #7) in scenes from "Corps à corps" aka "Body to Body" (2003).

    Pat Reeder
    Pat's comments in yellow...

    Damn Yankees! - Monday, the Texas Rangers officially traded MVP shortstop Alex Rodriguez to the New York Yankees. Rangers owner Tom Hicks said "Things just didn't work out here." But he said he doesn't regret signing A-Rod to a $252 million, 10-year deal, even though the Rangers remained a losing team and he'll still have to pay Rodriguez another $82 million plus interest through 2025 while he's not even playing for the Rangers.

  • If Tom Hicks ever leaves baseball, he's a natural for Congress.
  • The very rich are not like you and me: They buy sports teams and they're idiots.
  • Meanwhile, to save time, the World Series title for 2004 has already been Fed Exed to George Steinbrenner.

    Come See About Me - Diana Ross completed her 48 hours for DUI in Greenwich, Connecticut, but some jail insiders aren't happy. They complained to the New York Post that Ross got celebrity treatment. They said even though the police chief had cut out overtime, he put a special female guard on Ross so she could serve her sentence a few hours at a time at her leisure. Also, she was allowed to order her own meals, and police officers were sent to get them.

  • All the way to Spago in L.A.
  • Meals, and her favorite after-dinner whiskey.
  • It was still an ordeal for her: the Room Service was SO slow!
  • She couldn't stay in for more than a few hours at a time, or she would've had to use that horrible toilet!

    Why The Marlboro Man Has No Friends - Researchers at the University of California Irvine say that some people may be "born to smoke." Brain imaging studies found that the same genetic variations that give people hostile or aggressive personalities may also make them more likely to become addicted to nicotine. Hostile smokers needed higher-dosage nicotine patches than regular smokers to get the same response, which suggests that hostile, aggressive people may be predisposed to nicotine addiction.

  • And that's why cigarettes are so valuable in prison.
  • So you don't want to be anywhere near them the week they quit smoking.
  • They need to mellow out...They're smoking the wrong thing.
  • So letting them smoke would be less dangerous to your health than demanding they put it out.

    Put That In Your Pipe And Smoke It - California Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger, an avid cigar smoker, plans to tear a roof off part of the capitol and create an open-air "smoking plaza," so smokers can enjoy a cigarette without anyone else smelling it. It outraged anti-smoking activists, who held a weekend protest.

  • You know, the Surgeon General says that constant outrage causes high blood pressure and heart attacks.
  • They'll think of a reason why they're outraged later.
  • A word of advice: don't tick off Arnold. He's aggressive and hostile.
  • These are the same Californians who wonder why right-wingers oppose gay marriage when other people's lifestyles don't affect them in the least.

    Men Buy Penis Health And Beauty Products - According to a study by the retail analysts Verdict, the Internet is no longer a male preserve. Last year, for the first time, women spent more money online for retail goods than men. On average, women now spend $935 a year online, while men spend $888, and the growth rate of online spending by women is six times that of men. However, the goods they buy still reflect sexual stereotypes: women buy health and beauty products, food, furniture, clothing and shoes, while men buy electronics, music and do-it-yourself items such as tools.

  • And various products to make their tools bigger.
  • And, of course, porn.
  • I have a feeling a lot of the women who buy extra-large dresses and high heels on the Internet aren't really women.
  • Women still spend much less time on the Internet than men, but they are spending money every minute they're on it.

    Probably Bought By A Man - You really can buy anything on eBay: right now, if you are a legal U.S. resident, you can bid on your very own Navy F/A-18A Hornet fighter jet. It cost $28 million new, and used to belong to the Navy's Blue Angels precision flying squad. This one is in parts, which is why the bidding started at only $1 million. For $9 million, you can get it assembled, painted and ready to fly.

  • So see how much you save by being a do-it-yourselfer!
  • Come on! If you put your kid's bike together, how hard could THIS be?!
  • That's a bargain: if you bought it all in spare parts at Pentagon prices, it would cost $90 billion.
  • Also on eBay: fake U.S. residency papers.