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"Control" (2001)

When Scoop, who enjoys most mystery films, hated this one, I already regretted owning it, as I am much harder to please in this genre. Everything Scoop said is absolutely true. Each plot twist is so badly edited into the film, that it is a podium kicker. Further, normal techniques like long establishing shot, cut to close-up, are done in a way that is jarring. For instance, it is night, and some characters are told to go to a nightclub they have been to before. So we see a helicopter shot, cutting to a close-up of them arriving at the club. Of course, we already knew where the club was, and that it was night. They must have paid a fortune for the helicopter footage, and had to put it somewhere to justify the expense. Insult to injury, they did the same thing to show the exit from the building a few minutes later.

For those who don't know what a podium kicker is, here goes. Military instructors have two tasks. One is to cover all the prescribed subject matter, and the other is to prepare students for the standard tests. They are promoted based on the student success rate on the tests. The students often are either in basic training, or are subject to other of the quaint but exhausting quirks and customs of the military, and have some difficulty staying awake in class. So, when an instructor is about to give information that will be on the test, he kicks the podium to wake the class up.

So, the plot was bad, the script was bad, the editing was terrible, the acting was the pits, and all of the characters were detestable. There are two pluses for the film. First, is decent photography and lighting, and second is nudity. It is always a good sign when I have my first exposure before the opening credits finish, and that was the case here. Sarah Crawford, as part-time sex surrogate and full-time go go dancer, shows breasts and buns while with a patient. Sen Young also shows a breast and buns in a lengthy sex scene. This film is a D, and would be lower except for decent photography.

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  • Sarah Crawford (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
  • Sean Young (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12)


    Deathsport (1978) is a Roger Corman film directed by Alan Arkush, who found his niche directing for TV. It stars David Carradine and former bunnyperson Claudia Jennings as "Range Guides." It is the distant future, and most of civilization has been destroyed. Some live in cities, and have some remaining machinery. Outside the cities, there are mutants, and range guides. The range guides live by sacred traditions, and have much wisdom and even more fighting and survival skills. The leader of a town wants to convince his constituents to begin a war with another town, and decides to capture some Range Guides, and kill them in the arena during deathsport to show the superiority of his new Death Machines, which are tricked out dirt bikes. The good guys get away, and kick bad guy ass.

    Yes, the story is every bit as lame as it sounds. There is a lot of exposure (all three Bs) from Jennings, which is welcome, especially as her career was cut short by a fatal auto accident. A one-time wonder, Valerie Rae Clark, also shows all three Bs. IMDB readers have it at 4.8 of 10. While there is good exposure, all of it is in bad light. The scene with Jennings strapped to the table is shot with a lime jello colored strobe, for instance. I did the best I could with the color correction. This is a D, not even a good genre effort.

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  • Claudia Jennings (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18)
  • Valerie Rae Clark (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

  • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)


    A mammoth undertaking today.

    New encyclopedia volumes for: (models) Ana-Claudia Michels, Kristen McMenamy, Josie Maran, Malgosia, and Georgina Grenville, plus (actresses) Pam Grier, Gretchen Mol, and Melanie Griffith.

    Updated encyclopedia volumes for: Helen Mirren, Sophie Marceau, Julianne Moore, and Sean Young



    Celebrity Sleuth seems to be back in the swing of things after a publisher switch, and he lined up some outstanding paparazzi shots in his new issue


    The following are the latest movie reviews available at

    • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
    • If there is a white asterisk, it means that I inexplicably determined there might be something of interest.
    • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Lawdog or Junior or C2000 or Realist or ICMS or somebody else besides me)
    • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

    Just a little muckig around...starting with a few collages of Tuna 'caps:

    Ahmo Hight, Amy Lindsay and Angela Monroe in Animal Attraction II. Amy is quickly evolving into one of the house faves for B movie bims. Small natural body, cute as a bug. What's not to like?

    Next up is April Daisy White in Silent Madness. You know it's not the silently mad ones who are so annoying: it's the noisy variety you gotta watch out for.

    Charlie Spradling in Puppetmaster II. Charlie was a Jennifer Connelly wannabe who went out and spent good money to get what god gave Jen.

    Yutte Stensgaard in Lust for a Vampire. Odd title. Vampires may inspire many emotions... a real tug on the limbic system are they... but lust? I don't think so.

    Included for your enjoyment is a single frame of Helen Mirren in Age of Consent, filmed when she was what? 19 years old? What a package: brains, real talent and a bod that would never, ever bore you.

    A few non-Tuna caps intrude. They are of former Olympic gymnast, Juliette Cummins in Psycho III. If the caps are any indication, lil' Juliette spent a lot of time putting on and taking off her shirt in this movie.

    • Juliette Cummins (1, 2)

    Today is a classic "Babe in Bondage"'s Pam Grier all tied up and showing those fabulous boobs in "Foxy Brown"!
    • Pam Grier...tied up in all of them, busty bra action in 1-7, breast exposure in links 8-12.
      (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12)

    Olivia Pascal
    (1, 2)

    Topless in scenes from the German movie "Coconuts" (1985).

    Gabriella Hall Nice breast exposure in scenes from "Desires of Innocence" aka "Indecent Obsession" (1997).

    Maria Conchita Alonso Topless in "Caught" (1996)

    Claudia Demarmels Topless vidcaps from "Tatort - Schuldlos schuldig" (1988).

    Mascha Rabben All 3 B's in scenes from the German TV movie "Welt am Draht" (1974).

    Nicole Kidman A spectacular rear view (and some breast exposure too) from "Eyes Wide Shut".

    Julienne Davis Frontal nudity in her overdose scene from "Eyes Wide Shut".

    Teresa May
    (1, 2)

    Clear breast exposure, plus some not so clear frontal and rear nudity from the famous, banned-from-MTV video by Prodigy for the song "Smack My Bitch Up".



    I found this image of J-Lo almost showing a breast in public in the alt.binaries.nude.celebrities.female newsgroup. Does anybody have a better picture. It really looks like it has potential!


    Kelly Preston An excellent collage of a very young, and very hot Kelly baring her amazing breasts, bum and bush in scenes from "Mischief" (1985).

    Samantha Morton Another young actress showing all three B's. This time it's from the UK movie "Under the Skin".

    Grazyna Szapolowska I couldn't pronounce her name to save my life. But at least there is topless, rear, and a hint of frontal nudity in these scenes from the Polish movie "Wielki szu" (1982)

    Ellina McCormick Vidcaps by Scorpion from the Eric Roberts movie "The Flying Dutchman" aka "Frozen in Fear" (2000). Ellina shows breasts and pubes.

    Nancy Travis No nudity, but she is being groped in this image from "Internal Affairs" (1990). Personally, I like TomKru has done with this one.

    Britney Breast News

    Just saw this article on and thought Fun House readers might be interested.

    Britney Spears' Breast-Baring Scene Cut From 'Crossroads'
    February 17, 4 p.m. ET, Launch
    --Sofia Fernandez, Los Angeles

    Audiences who saw Britney Spears' movie Crossroads this weekend can tell you that she didn't bare anything that hasn't been seen before. What moviegoers don't know is that Spears was actually filmed baring her breasts, but that footage was not included the final cut.

    Spears and her Crossroads co-stars Taryn Manning (Crazy/Beautiful) and Zoe Saldana (Get Over It) were approached by the film's screenwriter, Shonda Rhimes, to help come up with a scene to depict the girls' joy at winning a New Orleans karaoke contest and its prize money. The actresses put their minds to the task and decided that flashing sounded like a realistic way to celebrate.

    "You know the writer, Shonda (Rhimes)? She said, 'What's something crazy that you would do with your friends?' you know, and we're, like, 'Oh, flash people.' But we got to write that scene in, but it got cut. We flashed, like, when we were at the hotel celebrating, you know?," Manning says.

    Saldana adds, "In New Orleans." Manning continues, "These girls start drinking too much, so we end up going down the hall and flashing a couple doors, but it didn't make it in the movie."

    According to Saldana, all three of the film's protagonists, including Spears, took part in the flashing action. But in the end, the Crossroads creative team decided to leave the footage on the editing-room floor. Crossroads, sans bare breasts, is now playing in theaters nationwide.

    HUGE Celeb News

    A Kansas City shrink who appears to be legit, claims that The King is not only still alive, but in his care, and planning to come out of hiding soon.

    Click here for the full story.