Monday

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When Scoop, who enjoys most mystery films, hated this one, I already regretted owning it, as I am much harder to please in this genre. Everything Scoop said is absolutely true. Each plot twist is so badly edited into the film, that it is a podium kicker. Further, normal techniques like long establishing shot, cut to close-up, are done in a way that is jarring. For instance, it is night, and some characters are told to go to a nightclub they have been to before. So we see a helicopter shot, cutting to a close-up of them arriving at the club. Of course, we already knew where the club was, and that it was night. They must have paid a fortune for the helicopter footage, and had to put it somewhere to justify the expense. Insult to injury, they did the same thing to show the exit from the building a few minutes later.

For those who don't know what a podium kicker is, here goes. Military instructors have two tasks. One is to cover all the prescribed subject matter, and the other is to prepare students for the standard tests. They are promoted based on the student success rate on the tests. The students often are either in basic training, or are subject to other of the quaint but exhausting quirks and customs of the military, and have some difficulty staying awake in class. So, when an instructor is about to give information that will be on the test, he kicks the podium to wake the class up.

So, the plot was bad, the script was bad, the editing was terrible, the acting was the pits, and all of the characters were detestable. There are two pluses for the film. First, is decent photography and lighting, and second is nudity. It is always a good sign when I have my first exposure before the opening credits finish, and that was the case here. Sarah Crawford, as part-time sex surrogate and full-time go go dancer, shows breasts and buns while with a patient. Sen Young also shows a breast and buns in a lengthy sex scene. This film is a D, and would be lower except for decent photography.

UPDATES:

A mammoth undertaking today.

New encyclopedia volumes for: (models) Ana-Claudia Michels, Kristen McMenamy, Josie Maran, Malgosia, and Georgina Grenville, plus (actresses) Pam Grier, Gretchen Mol, and Melanie Griffith.

Updated encyclopedia volumes for: Helen Mirren, Sophie Marceau, Julianne Moore, and Sean Young

OUT IN PUBLIC:

Celebrity Sleuth seems to be back in the swing of things after a publisher switch, and he lined up some outstanding paparazzi shots in his new issue

• Lisa Nicole Carson, with her mammoth chest pouring out of her top. Massive download (900k!), but worth it if you are into big 'uns.
• Here's the same Lisa Nicole Carson image at a modem friendly 87k.
• Alicia Witt with a nipple running free.
• see-through from Dark Angel's Jennifer Blanc (1, 2)
• see-through from Kim Delaney
• see-through from late night talk show host Cynthia Garrett
• see-through from Lisa Edelstein from Ally McBeal
• see-through from Christine Mourad, whoever she is

The following are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.

• The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
• If there is a white asterisk, it means that I inexplicably determined there might be something of interest.
• A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Lawdog or Junior or C2000 or Realist or ICMS or somebody else besides me)
• If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

Ahmo Hight, Amy Lindsay and Angela Monroe in Animal Attraction II. Amy is quickly evolving into one of the house faves for B movie bims. Small natural body, cute as a bug. What's not to like?

• Ahmo Hight, topless, rear nudity, and super pokies.
• Amy Lindsay, topless only.
• Angela Monroe, bare breasts and a great thong view.

Next up is April Daisy White in Silent Madness. You know it's not the silently mad ones who are so annoying: it's the noisy variety you gotta watch out for.

• April Daisy White, topless.

Charlie Spradling in Puppetmaster II. Charlie was a Jennifer Connelly wannabe who went out and spent good money to get what god gave Jen.

• Charlie Spradling, topless in her undies.

Yutte Stensgaard in Lust for a Vampire. Odd title. Vampires may inspire many emotions... a real tug on the limbic system are they... but lust? I don't think so.

• Yutte Stensgaard, topless.

Included for your enjoyment is a single frame of Helen Mirren in Age of Consent, filmed when she was what? 19 years old? What a package: brains, real talent and a bod that would never, ever bore you.

• Helen Mirren

A few non-Tuna caps intrude. They are of former Olympic gymnast, Juliette Cummins in Psycho III. If the caps are any indication, lil' Juliette spent a lot of time putting on and taking off her shirt in this movie.

• Juliette Cummins (1, 2)

• Pam Grier...tied up in all of them, busty bra action in 1-7, breast exposure in links 8-12.
  (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12)

I found this image of J-Lo almost showing a breast in public in the alt.binaries.nude.celebrities.female newsgroup. Does anybody have a better picture. It really looks like it has potential!

-lynx

Just saw this article on launch.com and thought Fun House readers might be interested.

Britney Spears' Breast-Baring Scene Cut From 'Crossroads'
February 17, 4 p.m. ET, Launch
--Sofia Fernandez, Los Angeles

Audiences who saw Britney Spears' movie Crossroads this weekend can tell you that she didn't bare anything that hasn't been seen before. What moviegoers don't know is that Spears was actually filmed baring her breasts, but that footage was not included the final cut.

Spears and her Crossroads co-stars Taryn Manning (Crazy/Beautiful) and Zoe Saldana (Get Over It) were approached by the film's screenwriter, Shonda Rhimes, to help come up with a scene to depict the girls' joy at winning a New Orleans karaoke contest and its prize money. The actresses put their minds to the task and decided that flashing sounded like a realistic way to celebrate.

"You know the writer, Shonda (Rhimes)? She said, 'What's something crazy that you would do with your friends?' you know, and we're, like, 'Oh, flash people.' But we got to write that scene in, but it got cut. We flashed, like, when we were at the hotel celebrating, you know?," Manning says.

Saldana adds, "In New Orleans." Manning continues, "These girls start drinking too much, so we end up going down the hall and flashing a couple doors, but it didn't make it in the movie."

According to Saldana, all three of the film's protagonists, including Spears, took part in the flashing action. But in the end, the Crossroads creative team decided to leave the footage on the editing-room floor. Crossroads, sans bare breasts, is now playing in theaters nationwide.

A Kansas City shrink who appears to be legit, claims that The King is not only still alive, but in his care, and planning to come out of hiding soon.

Click here for the full story.