"Greaser's Palace"

Greaser's Palace (1972) could only have come from that era. Those who remember that time might recall that a common justification for having long hair was that Jesus had long hair, the implication being that hippies were more "Christlike" than the conservative Christians who were not very kind to longhairs. I suppose a natural outgrowth of that was making a hippy "Life of Christ" film, and Robert Downey (senior) stepped up to the plate. The Jesus character, Jessy (Alan Arbus) is a zoot suited wannabe song and dance man on a holy pilgrimage to the old west looking for the agent Morris. He enters a small town that seems to be entirely comprised of "Greaser's Palace" owned by local leader Seaweedhead Greaser and featuring performances from his daughter Cholera Greaser. Then there is his son, Lamy "Homo" Greaser, whom Seaweedhead keeps killing, but whom Jessy keeps resurrecting. Each time, Lamy describes his death experience as follows, "I was swimming in a rainbow with babies and they were all naked, then I turned into a perfect smile."

Jesse does some required schtick, including dancing on water, raising from the dead, healing cripples (one of them crawls into the palace chanting "I can crawl again," and curing an Indian chief by expert chiropractic manipulation. God the Father, after killing her husband and son, keeps shooting a pioneer woman with an air gun (no, not a bee bee gun, an imaginary gun) and an air bow and arrow. She is to become Judas, after Jessy heals her. The Holy Ghost, who wears a sheet with holes cut out for the eyes and a western hat, does a lot of complaining about being misunderstood and under-utilized.

Seaweedhead is terminally constipated, and a mariachi band is on hand to play whenever he is in the outhouse. Hervé Villechaize is married to a bearded man named Petunia. By now, you should have the idea that this is a seriously strange film. I suspect that viewers should prepare by trying to get as high as the film makers likely were.

The nudity is from Toni Basil, as a topless Indian scout. We see her breasts while running, talking in exaggerated sign language to a pipe smoking Indian who answers in perfect English, and riding a horse. Like this film itself, she is an original item from the 70s that is still around. She also appeared in 5 Easy Pieces and Easy Rider, had an International hit song "Mickey," directed a hit video of the song, and has done a lot of work with choreography, as recently as 2001.

I don't want to give away too much of the ending, but the final scene is a sunset shown in real time. IMDb readers have this at 5.1 of 10, and most of the comments are very positive. Seems like there are a lot of people who remember the 60s. I am sure by now you have already decided if you need to see this or not, but the proper score as a cult oddity is C+, as it doesn't not get much odder than this, and, in the proper frame of mine, has much symbolism and possibly a truth or two hidden in all the foolishness.

  • Thumbnails
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  • Toni Basil (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17)

  • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)

    Into the Sun (2005):

    It's the latest direct-to-vid from Big Steve Seagal, and it is one of his best in the last five years. (I know that is faint praise, but what am I supposed to say? It ain't fuckin' Casablanca, now, is it?)

    I wrote a lot, and I think it is pretty entertaining. Check it out here.

    • Juliette Marquis (1, 2). A lot of people, including Tuna, predicted stardom for her after This Girl's Life. (Review here.) A minor role in a Seagal STV film doesn't seem to be the destiny they planned for her. There is still plenty of time, and she did a good job in the small role.

    • Kanako Tamaguchi. I assume she has breasts, but I can't imagine where they might be. Look at how uncomfortable Seagal looks in the sex scene. Well, how comfortable would you be if you had to do a sex scene and you weighed 300 pounds?

    • Some unknown

    • Some other unknown or unknowns (1, 2)


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    • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
    • If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
    • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
    • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

    Jr's Polls
    With a little help from Brainscan, this week's poll has been revised to...
    Best Nude Performance by a model-turned-actress.

    1.Grade-A top models only!
    2.The actress/model must have done more than one movie.
    3.The actress/model must have done a nude scene!

    Here are a few nominees from Brainscan. Please Email Scoopy Jr. with more nominees, comments or suggestions.

    Angie Everhart, "Sexual Predator", "Bare Witness"
    Beverly Johnson, "Ashanti"
    Carol Alt, "Bye Bye Baby"
    Carre Otis, "Wild Orchid"
    Catherine Oxenberg, "Time Served"
    Cindy Crawford, "Fair Game"
    Diane Kruger, "Troy"
    Elle McPherson, "Sirens"
    Ines Sastre, "Beyond the Clouds"
    James King, "Happy Campers"
    Jenny Shimizu, "Foxfire"
    Laetitia Casta, "Gitano", "The Blue Bycicle"
    Lauren Hutton, "American Gigolo", "Lassiter"
    Melissa George, "Dark City"
    Rachel Hunter, "Two Shades of Blue"
    Rebecca Romijn-Stamos, "Femme Fatale"
    Rie Rasmussen, "Femme Fatale"

    Here are the final results and comments for last week's poll Who has the best bum in Hollywood?

    Here are the results of our most recent other polls...
    The Top 20 Nude Scenes of 2004

    The Best Nude Film Debuts of the 80s

    The Best Nude Film Debuts of the 90s

    Which actress has been the most convincing playing a stripper.

    Please Email Scoopy Jr. with more nominees, comments or suggestions.

    Crimson Ghost
    NOTE: We currently have to do all of our movie files in zip format. Instead of viewing them online, save the zip files to your hard drive in the directory of your choice, un-zip and play from there.

    Today from the Ghost...a very little known B-actress baring breasts and a bit of bum in two slow moving sex scenes scenes from an episode of "Women: Stories of Passion".

    • Deirdre Imershein (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13)
    • Deirdre Imershein zipped .wmvs (1, 2)

    Jolene Blalock The sexy Vulcan co-star of the recently cancelled "Enterprise" wearing some tight tops and possibly showing some breast views in scenes from "Diamond Hunters". I say *possibly* because we don't see her face clearly.

    Adriana Slijepcevic
    Lisa Comshaw
    Mina Zawode
    Shauna O'Brien
    Traci Bingham
    Tracy Dali

    From what Brainscan would call a "strip and wiggle" DVD. Here we see all 6 babes posing while partially dressed at the beach in scenes from "Exposed: TV's Lifeguard Babes" (1996). The each bare at least one breast, plus Comshaw, Bingham and Dali show a little bit of bum.

    Note to Shauna O'Brien fans: in these 'caps we see the former Pet before she had the silly-cones installed.

    Diane Kruger
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

    C2000 'caps of the former model turned actress baring her bum in scenes from the Brad Pitt movie "Troy".

    Debra Wilson
    (1, 2)

    The busty and well-inked comedienne wearing a bikini top and showing off ample cleavage during a guest appearance on last week's episode of "Mad TV". She spent 8 seasons on "Mad TV", but recently left to make a few low-medium budget movies (including "Skin Deep" which features her showing off some of her implants!).

    Erica Durance
    (1, 2, 3, 4)
    Sonya Salomaa
    (1, 2, 3, 4)

    Awesome, high quality 'caps by DeadLamb featuring some nudity from the ultra-lame horror flick "House of the Dead" (2003).

    Erica Durance aka Erica Parker aka 'Lois Lane' on the WB series "Smallville" goes topless and shows off a thong view. Sonya Salomaa also gives up a little toplessness.

    Gabrielle Anwar
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12)

    Señor Skin 'caps of the "Scent of a Woman" star topless in scenes from the 1993 remake of the 1957 sci-fi classic, "Body Snatchers".

    Pat Reeder
    Pat's comments in yellow...

    He's Stable? That's Abnormal! - Tuesday, Michael Jackson's molestation trial was delayed yet again after he was taken to a hospital with what his doctor called a "flu-like illness with some vomiting." He said Michael is "in stable condition, and we expect a full recovery."

  • It's the first time those words have ever been said about Michael Jackson.
  • Unless he sneezes and shoots his nose across the room.
  • He really needs to start buying better quality surgical masks.

    Bending The Truth - The names of more possible celebrity defense witnesses were revealed, including "psychic" spoonbender Uri Geller, Larry King, Quincy Jones and "Tonight Show" host Jay Leno, who says he has no idea why he would be called as a witness for Michael Jackson.

  • Hey, who knows more Michael Jackson jokes?
  • The rest of the list sounded so much like a "Tonight Show" guest list, they figured, "Why not let Jay Leno host it?"
  • Well, has Michael Jackson ever molested him? NO!!
  • As long as Uri Geller's under oath, ask him if he can really bend spoons with his mind.

    Just Tax Cigarettes More! - California urged people to buy fuel-efficient hybrid cars, but politicians now realize that the income they depend on from gas taxes is dropping. So some are proposing taxing drivers by the mile. Proponents say cars could be monitored via GPS devices to keep track of every mile they drive inside California. The state would even know when and where you drove, so they could charge more for people who drive in congested areas at rush hour, to discourage traffic jams.

  • Being stuck in rush hour traffic would be a luxury you could no longer afford.
  • How about if Californians just agreed to trade in their hybrids for Humvees?
  • Of course, to pay for all that GPS tracking, they'll have to tax drivers $10 a mile.
  • This is too complicated...If Californians aren't buying as much gas, then just start taxing Starbucks coffee by the gallon.
  • Here's a better way to pay off the deficit: tax politicians for every stupid idea they come up with.