"Sea of Love"

Sea of Love (1989) would be a better than average cop serial killer film with a nice twist ending except for three things, Al Pacino is the starring role as the detective, John Goodman as the detective who teams with him, and a naked and horny Ellen Barkin playing suspect/love interest to Pacino. These three elements elevate it from pretty good to very good. Pacino has hit 20 years of the force, could retire at partial pay, and doesn't like the look ahead at his declining years. He is still not over his divorce, and drinks rather heavily.
When John Goodman shows up with a very similar murder to one Pacino is assigned to, they suspect a serial killer, and figure out that a personals ad is the common link in the victims. They hit upon the bright idea of taking out an add, meeting the women for a drink, and getting their prints. Along the way, Pacino meets Barkin, and starts thinking more with the little head than the big one. He is not sure she isn't his dream girl, but he is also not sure she isn't the murderer.
Barkin is nude, but in very bad light, and the DVD is a very poor transfer. I imagine the original film looked much better, as the trailer wasn't nearly as grainy. IMDB readers have this at 6.7 of 10. Pacino was nominated for a Golden Globe. Granted, I am predisposed to like any film with Samual Jackson, John Goodman, Goldie Hawn, Susan Sarandon or Sam Elliott, and this was no exception. All of the leads were spot on, the characters were interesting, and the plot itself was believable yet managed to surprise me. This is a very high C+.

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  • Ellen Barkin (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12)

    "Tales of the Kamasutra 2: Monsoon"

    Tales of the Kamasutra 2: Monsoon (2001) is a couples erotic romance that takes place in Goa, India. With the story tried to integrate an ancient romantic legend, modern romance, karma and reincarnation and a drug lord, the imagery of Goa was the strongest performer in the film.

    Richard Tyson and Jenny McShane visit Goa, India to spend time with his old school chum, Matt McCoy. McShane hopes to get Tyson to finally commit to marriage on the trip. She was not counting on the fact that McCoy was the reincarnation of the famous lover in the legend, and would reunite with his one true love, Helen Brodie. Brodie is unhappily married to the drug lord.

    Both McShane and Brodie show breasts and buns, but not often, and this is roughly the same level of erotic content as a romance novel. A few IMDB readers have it 2.0 of 10, and the one review I read advocated the death penalty for everyone involved with this effort. I didn't thin it was nearly remarkable enough to generate that much hate, and found some of the scenery amazing, especially set off with very high color saturation. Still, you don't rent an erotic film as a travel log, so the proper score is D.

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  • Helen Brodie (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16)
  • Jenny Mc Shane (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45)

  • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)

    Blowup (1966):

    There is no special lifetime achievement award for directors who are considered great but completely suck, but if there were, Michelangelo Antonioni would just about have first place locked up. His films are filled with technical flubs and gaping logic errors, and yet he retains a mystique. The more he messed up, the more people said that he did it on purpose to demonstrate the failure of modern man to communicate. I have read many interviews with him and I have to say without irony that he demonstrated man's failure to communicate better than anyone I have ever seen. And he did it by doing, not by telling. Ya gotta love that.

    Zabriskie Point is a very strong candidate for Worst Picture of All-Time, despite a fairly strong IMDb rating. Blowup isn't anywhere near as bad, but it is every bit as illogical and pretentious.

    I wrote about a zillion words on this topic here, including pictures.

    • Gillian Hills (1, 2, 3) . You have undoubtedly seen her naked, and you probably don't know who she is. She has done exactly two important things in film. (1) Got naked with no dialogue - except screaming - in A Clockwork Orange (see encyclopedia) (2) Got naked in Blowup. Her very hairy crotch in this scene probably represented the first time many of my generation saw pubic hair on screen. Believe me, there wasn't much opportunity in 1966.
    • Jane Birkin (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10). Unlike Hills, her partner in this scene, Birkin went on to a substantial cinema career in two different languages, and has three famous daughters as well (by three different men).
    • Vanessa Redgrave (1, 2, 3, 4) . I think you all know who she is. Vanessa was an unknown in 1965, and became a monster star in 1966-67, with four famous films in a row. Blowup, Morgan, Camelot, and A Man for All Seasons. Her acting was actually pretty stiff, but she had a regal presence, and her politics were in tune with the times from 1966-71, so she was a counter-cultural favorite.
    • Unknown (1, 2)


    Money Train (1995):

    The critics, Tuna, and I split on the merits of this action-oriented buddy pic which featured J-Lo before she was a megastar. Tuna thought the camaraderie between the characters was enough to make it a decent watch, and felt that it had some impressive action sequences. The critics thought it was a copycat film and a waste of a vast amount of money. I think Tuna was generally right about all of his points, but for me there were too many credibility problems, the action scenes were overlong and repetitious, and the life-threatening actions of the main characters made them just too damned evil for me to be rooting for.

    I wrote quite a bit more here.


    .wmv film clips





    Other Crap archives. May also include newer material than the ones above, since it's sorta in real time.

    Click here to submit a URL for inclusion in Other Crap




    Here are the latest movie reviews available at

    • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
    • If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
    • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
    • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.


    Words from Scoop.

    .avi's from Shiloh.

    .wmv files made by Scoop from Shiloh's .avi's.






    Perhaps these tips will help if you have trouble with the codecs for these movies:

    Shiloh says:

    FYI when I hypercam vids to make the file size smaller I use DivX MPEG-4 Fast-Motion for the video compressor, then I use virtualdub to compress the audio. The properties for the vids says the video codec:  DivX Decoder Filter & audio codec:  Morgan Stream Switcher which I'm not familiar with. When I compress the audio with virtualdub I use MPEG Layer-3.  A friend of mine told me about compressing the audio about (6) mos. ago. Like I said previously, only been capping for a year & a half & I'm no expert. Hopefully this info will help members with the proper codecs for my vids.
    When I cap big brother's I use hypercam mostly & sdp & asfrecorder if the set up allows me. I stopped using camtasia cause the file sizes were always too big, could never figure out the process, over my head lol, plus it cost too much to buy in my opinion.

    A reader says:

    You mentioned that some users were having trouble with the videos on your site. There is a tool designed to determine what codec is needed for a video. Hope this is useful to you or your users.

    Scoop says:

    I made the .wmv versions of each video. The codecs for these: Windows Video V8, Windows Audio 9. The upside of these is that you know the codecs, and they'll play in the Windows Media Player. The downside is that they are slightly larger, and slightly lower quality.

    Graphic Response

    Be sure to pay Graphic Response a visit at his website.

    'Caps and comments by Spaz:

    "Puppets Who Kill: Prostitutes for Jesus"
    Last Friday's episode was saucy but no nudity. Buttons the teddy bear goes down on Kathryn Zenna while Emily Hampshire and Robin Brule play two prostitute nuns who service bedridden patients for a charity function. Kristin Booth played Zenna's lesbian lover but the kissing scene ends before they go down on eachother.

    "Blood & Donuts" (1995)
    Vampire cult classic. Helene Clarkeson has a wild psychic sex scene.

    "The Donor" (1997)
    Movie about guy who have sex with mysterious woman in hotel room and wakes up with an organ removed.

    "Seeds of Doubt" (1996)
    Alberta Watson has a hot love scene with Joe Lando in the unrated video "Seeds of Doubt". This scene was cut from what aired on Canada's Showcase a couple of weeks ago. However she used a body double for the boob shots.

    • Alberta Watson: nude love scene, partial breast.
    • boddyub: upclose boob shots for Alberta Watson.
    • Alex McLeish: red bra and panties. She is not the male soccer player of the same name (unless he got a sex change).
    • Lisa Wegner: pokies tied up.

    "White Lies" (1998/I) (TV)
    Sarah Polley shows partial breast in love scene. This is gyno-cam for Sarah if you want to buy the DVD.

    "Happy Face Murders" (1999) (TV)
    Murder mystery involving Emily Hampshire's character.

    "Def Con 4" (1985)
    Low budget sci-fi that put Salter Street Films (Bowling for Columbine) on the cinematic map.

    Crimson Ghost
    The Ghost pays tribute to Lana Clarkson, the tall blonde B-movie favorite who was "found dead" just over a year ago in the home of record producer Phil Spector.

    Here are 'caps from of Lana (and others) in scenes from two of her movies.....

    First up, scenes from the 1983 sword and sorcery classic "Deathstalker".

    • Lana Clarkson, topless. (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)

    • Barbi Benton, former Heffer and former girlfriend of Heff himself, also going topless. (1, 2, 3, 4)

    • Unknowns baring breasts and bums. (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

    Next up, 'caps from one of Lana's last movies, "Vice Girls" (2000).

    'Caps and comments by Dann:

    This 2003 movie tells the true story of American poet/novelist Sylvia Plath and her stormy romance and marriage to English poet Ted Hughes. An excellent performance by Gwyneth Paltrow doesn't stop it from being mostly boring and draggy, but lovers of deep and insightful character studies may like it nonetheless.

    Plath struggled with suicidial urges throughout her life and finally succumbed to those urges using the unpoetic method of sticking her head in an unlit gas oven, triggered by the continuing unfaithfulness of her husband. The movie, mostly a downer, will best be viewed by fans of her work, poetry, or sad romances.

    Charisma Carpenter

    'Caps and comments by Brainscan:
    Scoops...Something simple today. A righteous fellow posted HDTV captures of Charisma Carpenter in the 100th episode of Angel. I could not resist playing with them and sticking them together. This woman is something of a babe, ain't she?

    Claudia Koll
    (1, 2, 3, 4)

    Topless 'caps by Dragon of the Italian actress in scenes from the Tinto Brass movie "Cosė fan tutte" aka "All Women Do It" (1992).

    Cyia Batten
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12)

    The B-movie actress and an original and current member of the LA cult favorite celebrity cabaret act The Pussycat Dolls. Here she is going topless (and showing a hint of pubes in #5) in scenes from "Red Shoe Diaries 17: Swimming Naked" from the segment "Tears". 'Caps by the Skin-meister.