"Barb Wire"

Barb Wire (1996) is a post apocalyptic (in this case US second civil war) Pamela Anderson vehicle. She is a former resistance fighter, now a mercenary, living in the only free city left, running her bar, and doing the odd bounty hunter gig to pay the bills. In the opening scene, she is dancing and swinging on a trapeze with her breasts hanging out being sprayed with water. This is a night club act, and everything goes fine until a customer calls her "babe." Not a good idea, and she throws her high heel and kills him instantly, saying, "Don't call me Babe."

A government scientist discovered that the government killed an entire city testing a biological weapon, and goes over to the resistance with the antidote to the weapon in her DNA. She hopes to escape to Canada and expose this to the world, if only she can get her hands on a special set of contact lenses that will fool retina scanners, the current method of proving ID. She is traveling with Anderson's old resistance partner and flame. The Congressional's (the government bad guys) are out to prevent this at any cost.

Anderson is big and bad, and has a real attitude, but not much acting range in this film, and everyone else is like a comic book stereotype. However, the film looks great. I have no idea what their budget was, but the sets and lighting were imaginative and very effective. Much of the story seemed a homage to Casablanca.

Anderson shows breasts in the opening scene (during the title credits), in a bath, and changing. There is a full ten minutes of out-takes of the trapeze and water spray scene on the DVD. IMDB readers have it at 3.2 of 10. Ebert gives 2 1/2 stars, but gives them some credit for at least trying. Berardinelli savaged it at one star. It is not much of a story and the acting is abysmal, but some of the fights are good, and the sets and lighting are very good. Based on this, it is a C-.

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  • Pamela Anderson (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 49, 50, 51, 52, 53, 54, 55, 56, 57, 58, 59, 60, 61, 62, 63, 64, 65, 66, 67, 68, 69, 70, 71, 72)

    "Never Say Never Again"

    Never Say Never Again (1983) is available on DVD from MGM, but not as part of their Bond Special Editions. The DVD transfer itself is very good, but there are no special features. It is not a bad bond film except for two things. They were not allowed to use the opening Bond credits, and were not allowed to use the Bond theme music. The music by Michel Legrand just did not have the right tone for 007.

    They handled Connery's age pretty well in the plot, and I am not about to argue with Kim Basinger and Barbara Carrera as Bond Girls. It was time to try an upgrade of Bassinger's see through. As always, this Bond suckered me into watching the entire thing yet again. Say what you will, they are entertaining. All the previous images are still available in the Tuna archive. In keeping with recent reviews, I will give this one a C, not the best of the Bond films, but entertaining none the less.

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  • Kim Basinger (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)

  • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)

    As you may know, Paris Hilton's full-length video is now available on the internet.

    • Trust Fund Girls is the site that has the complete 37 minute Paris Hilton video. It is pricey. 50 bucks gets you 5 days of access, but NOT permanent rights, and you can watch it no more than five times. It's copy-protected, it will only play on the Windows Media Player 9,  and the video is DirectX, so there are no easy screen snaps. The video is, however, completely legit. I paid my fifty bucks and watched it. It is certainly Paris and Rick. It finishes with a five to seven minute BJ, in good natural light (not night-vision), with Paris's breasts in the shot the entire time. The grand finale is a money shot on her chest. These two would make excellent porn stars. Rick has a big one which stays hard constantly, and Paris is a champion sword swallower.
    • The original video delivers a 640x480 (nearly DVD specs) picture in 144 meg, with satisfactory video. It is technically excellent for a home video. The rips I have seen offer a 304x256 picture and have some quality issues, but are watchable. Compare them for yourself here.

    • Here are some captures from the rip. (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)

    • Still more captures from the rip. Paris showing off her breasts and complete lack of pubes and Paris giving a serious BJ

    • Here is a .wmv file of the last minute or so, also from the rip. If you see this, you've seen the highlight.

    • By the way, Paris's sister is gorgeous, and very girl-next-door looking.

    • You will find many more Paris-related links in Other Crap and also probably some newer ones at




    Other Crap archives. May also include newer material than the ones above, since it's sorta in real time.

    Click here to submit a URL for inclusion in Other Crap




    Here are the latest movie reviews available at

    • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
    • If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
    • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
    • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.


    Words from Scoop.

    .avi's from Shiloh.

    .wmv files made by Scoop from Shiloh's .avi's.



    • Only one vid from Shiloh today, but it is awesome. A cable show from the UK about the rockin' carpet munchers, Rockbitch (.avi version, .wmv version)



    Perhaps these tips will help if you have trouble with the codecs for these movies:

    Shiloh says:

    FYI when I hypercam vids to make the file size smaller I use DivX MPEG-4 Fast-Motion for the video compressor, then I use virtualdub to compress the audio. The properties for the vids says the video codec:  DivX Decoder Filter & audio codec:  Morgan Stream Switcher which I'm not familiar with. When I compress the audio with virtualdub I use MPEG Layer-3.  A friend of mine told me about compressing the audio about (6) mos. ago. Like I said previously, only been capping for a year & a half & I'm no expert. Hopefully this info will help members with the proper codecs for my vids.
    When I cap big brother's I use hypercam mostly & sdp & asfrecorder if the set up allows me. I stopped using camtasia cause the file sizes were always too big, could never figure out the process, over my head lol, plus it cost too much to buy in my opinion.

    A reader says:

    You mentioned that some users were having trouble with the videos on your site. There is a tool designed to determine what codec is needed for a video. Hope this is useful to you or your users.

    Scoop says:

    I made the .wmv versions of each video. The codecs for these: Windows Video V8, Windows Audio 9. The upside of these is that you know the codecs, and they'll play in the Windows Media Player. The downside is that they are slightly larger, and slightly lower quality.

    A whole mess of paparazzi pics from Brainscan:

    'Caps and comments by Dann:

    "Rod Steele 0014: You Only Live Until You Die"
    What makes this 2002 direct-to-video spoof work is the good job that Robert Donovan does as Rod Steele, Agent 0014. Steele is a low-rent James Bond, not quite good enough to be in single digits, but still very cool and very British.

    The plot predictably has Steele facing arch-villainess Tangerina and of course to do this, he's given a box (looks like an oversized TV clicker) that has several tools just made for villainess fighting. Unfortunately, the box is accidentially switched with a box which causes uncontrollable sex urges. Hey, why not, happens to me all the time. :-)

    Of course it's very lame and just an excuse for tons of nudity and fake sex, but Donovan pulls it off so well, as do most of the other actors, and the script is very funny, so this is definitely worth watching. Even people who aren't attracted to the nudity and sex will get a lot of laughs from this one.

    Jolene Blalock The sexy Vulcan showing a little bit of bum right before she gets it on in a scene from the most recent episode of "Enterprise".

    Leslie Bovee
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14)

    Another round of classic "adult cinema" from Marvin. Here's Bovee showing all in hardcore 'caps from the 1978 movie "Sex World".

    Kristi Frank
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16)

    Señor Skin 'caps of the former contestant on the NBC series "The Apprentice" baring all in scenes from "Red Shoe Diaries 17: Swimming Naked".

    Pat Reeder
    Pat's comments in yellow...

    Raw Deal For Taxpayers - Critics of a British government program called "The New Deal For Musicians" claim it's wasting taxpayer money. The program has spent 14 million pounds ($29.4 million US) on classes and cash grants for 13,000 people who want to be DJs or pop stars. Opponents say they've seen no proof that any of them have managed to find work in the music industry.

  • If they have, next, the government will have to pay people to listen to them.
  • They should put Simon Cowell in charge of it.
  • The taxpayers paid $4 million just to try to teach one guy how to do a passable version of "She Bang."
  • But the government subsidy helps solve the chronic shortage of untalented people who want to become pop stars.

    How Could She "Skip" Anywhere? - Police in Italy are looking for a woman who had a plastic surgery clinic install the biggest silicone breast implants available, then skipped out without paying the $9,500 (US) surgery bill. She used a fake name, but police are hoping that a photograph and her unusually large bra size will help locate her.

  • They're pretty sure she'll stand out in any crowd.
  • They're asking Italian men to be on the lookout for a woman with huge breasts...Yeah, like they really had to ask.
  • They're staking out all the chiropractors' offices.
  • They plan to charge a cover and a two-drink minimum to watch the police lineup.

    You Bet Your Life - ABC announced that its new $10 million version of "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" will include two new lifelines at the big money levels, to encourage people to play on for bigger stakes. The "Double Dip" lifeline will let players opt to take a second question if they miss the first one. And for the "Three Wise Men" option, players can seek advice from three smart people backstage, such as journalists, scholars or previous "Millionaire" winners.

  • ...Who only won because they called for help from their mothers.
  • If they're New York Times journalists, don't believe any answer they give you.
  • If they get it wrong and cost someone $10 million, THEY'LL be the ones who'll need a lifeline to survive.