There are about 200 new pics added to the existing volumes in the A,
B, and C sections of the encyclopedia.
Note: Charlie is swamped in real life and did not add any new
pictures this week.
Perdita Durango (1997):
One time I was walking through a somewhat
disreputable part of Amsterdam with my girlfriend and her ten year
old daughter. No, I wasn't corrupting children. It was in the
middle of the day, and the area was filled with families. Avoiding
the sex trade in Amsterdam is not as easy as you might think. The
X-rated stuff is integrated into the warp and woof of the city.
At any rate, the clubs have sex shows around the
clock, and they post barkers outside to hawk the shows to
passers-by. One particularly aggressive guy said to me, "C'mon in
buddy. Hot action. We have real fucking, not fake fucking like those
other clubs." I indicated wordlessly that Linda's child was with us,
and the guy said, without skipping a beat, "Hey, pal, people of all
ages like REAL fucking. It's fun for the whole family."
Well, if you find the family that he had in mind,
this is their family movie!
Even if you're a major movie buff, you've probably never heard of
although he has indirectly contributed quite a bit to the movies of
the 90s. David Lynch has made two of his books into the films Lost
Highway and Wild at Heart. He wrote
some noir novels about the sleazy underbelly of border
life: "Wild at Heart", "Baby
Cat-Face", and "59 Degrees and
Raining". The books all include the same basic cast of characters,
so any movie about those characters (including Perdita Durango
herself) is most likely based on all three books in one way or
another. David Lynch stuck closest to "Wild at Heart" in his
eponymous 1990 film, while the Perdita Durango movie is closest to
"59 Degrees and Raining". Perdita Durango may share some characters
and a pedigree with Wild at Heart, but it is not stylish surrealism
like a Lynch movie. Nor is it smart tongue-in-cheek satire like Pulp
Fiction, nor a creatively sociopathic romp like A Clockwork Orange.
Instead, it is a farcical, over-the-top gore-fest in the modern
Grand Guignol tradition. The most similar movie I can name is
Natural Born Killers.
Rosie Perez plays Perdita Durango in this film
(Isabella Rossellini played the part in Wild at Heart),
as a cynical hooker who finally meets her love match in the form of a
voodoo priest, bank robber and grave robber all rolled
into one, a guy who does a hokey Santeria act where he hacks up dead
bodies and finishes by ripping out the body's heart. Most women are
scared of him, as well they might be, but not ol' Perdita. She knows
he's a con man, and suggests that his
act is way too tame, and that the only way to make it more authentic and pep it up
a bit is to kill live human sacrifices.
They propose to do this to an incredibly "white
bread" chick played by Rollergirl's sister, first by ripping out her
heart while she's still alive (ala the Aztecs), then eating her.
Perdita gets a trifle hacked off, however, when voodoo-boy decides
to start eating Rollergirl's sister while she's still alive and
naked, if you catch my drift.
After a substantial amount of rape and other physical
and mental abuse, Rollergirl's sister and her boyfriend, are
finally ready for the human sacrifice and cannibalism, so
they are stripped naked and covered with feathers. Only one of them needs to die, so they have a vote to see
which one. The Wonder Bread twins get really
ticked off at each other because each voted for the other to
be killed. Finally, Graham gets chosen in the tiebreaker, and is about
to get her heart cut out when some other bad guys show up at the voodoo
ceremony with machine guns and start blasting away.
Perdita and Voodoo-boy and our teens manage to escape,
only to get into another bloody shoot-out with some DEA guys hewaded up
by Tony Soprano. No problem. After they escape again,
they get to drive a hijacked truck of human fetuses to Vegas, where the
fetuses will be essential in testing some new cosmetics. More bad guys
double cross each other, more blood spills, and ... well, I'm sure
you know that the various bad guys and Feds all have to figure it out
somehow, using the Socratic method, and especially automatic weapons.
It's basically an attempt to out-Tarantino the master,
but gets strangely trapped between very broad satire and straight-out
gore for the sake of gore. It gets funny, then it gets sentimental. Some
scenes are icily serious, as if no farce had preceded them. The movie
ends, for example, with Rosie in tears, walking down a Vegas street with
the sad music signaling the movie's end.
Overall, the whole show is an anarchistic adolescent
jerk-off fantasy movie designed for the young male market. The film is
sometimes racist, and generally glorifies rape and violence. I guess
this was meant as satire.
Fun for the whole family.
AVOID the Region 1 DVD.
As seen below, there was quite a
bit of flesh in the uncut version, but the so-called "unrated"
Region 1 version called Dance With The Devil has been censored
for tiny bits of bare flesh, even though the film is
disgustingly and gratuitously violent, and is unrated! The cuts
have nothing to do with the different aspect ratio. In the
censored scenes, the action as been snipped prior to the the
part with exposed flesh. So why is it cut if it's unrated?
If you want to obtain an uncut
DVD, there is a fully licensed copy available in Australia with
the following features
- Region 4 encoding
- full screen 4:3 aspect ratio (full 35 mm
frame, not a pan 'n scan)
- no significant extra features
The DVD info can be found
here. The distributor's home page can be found
here. If you are thinking of buying DVDs from outside your
- Rosie Perez somehow manages to appear in this sleazebag
shock and gore fest without ever baring her breasts in the
"unrated" Region 1 version. These caps are from the Region 4
- Aimee Graham shows her breasts in two scenes, one
having sex with
her boyfriend, and the other being raped by Bardem. (1,
- Jessie Faller is a bank clerk with no lines, but she
gets to show some big firm breasts.
- There is also an incredibly ugly fat woman who shows
her breasts and buns (1,
Tattoo is the classic Bruce Dern film, in which Dern
gets the ideal opportunity to do his obsessive, wound-too-tight 70s
kind of Bruce Dern psycho thing.
The Bruceman plays a lonely, reclusive, humorless man
whose only distinguishing characteristic is that he is a magnificent
artist in his own field - body tattoos. He became obsessed with the
art of full body tattooing when he was stationed with the military
in Asia, learned as much as he could, and then took his obsession to
the next two steps, first by covering his own body with tats, then
by learning to do it to other people. Around the urban Jersey slums,
he is known as the top creator of the ornate and colorful skin
patterns of the Orient.
As you can guess, such a refined talent doesn't actually have much value in
North Jersey, where the regular guys just want a basic anchor and
the word "mom". The average joes in his clientele basically think
that Tattoo Guy is polite and
talented, but a really strange guy. Indeed, it seems that he might be a bit
lacking in social skills, which is to say he makes Travis Bickle
seem to have the wit and Úlan of Cole Porter.
At any rate, Mr Creepy Tattoo Guy seems to have some
kind of long-distance crush on a supermodel, so his ultimate dream
comes true when an assistant magazine editor shows up in his tattoo
parlor one day and asks him to come to their offices to create body
art for a swimsuit layout. Best of all, the models will include his
favorite dream girl. Sweet! He gets to bring his two favorite
obsessions, tats and supermodels, together under the same roof. It's
a day to remember, tantamount for him to the glorious day when
peanut better and chocolate first met. This puts him on the psycho-nutbag
equivalent of Cloud Nine. Unfortunately, the magazine job will be
done with removable paint rather than permanent tattoos,
but the opportunity to paint on his favorite supermodel's titties
just sets his psychotic heart all in a tizzy!
Amazingly enough, he starts off on a good foot with the model but in the due course of time, his
psychotic personality manages to emerge, so he is forced to kidnap
her. Hey, you were expecting something different? He
imprisons her for carnal purposes, but unfortunately for him, he
can't make love to her because her body has not yet been ritually
purified, which is to say that she isn't covered with tats. In his
mind, skin decoration equals purity while naked skin is the mark of a
slut. Thus, if he were to meet Mother Theresa, he would have to
purify her until she looked like the offspring of Dennis Rodman and Pam
Makes good sense.
Well, to him anyway.
At any rate, after he finishes purifyin' the livin'
daylights out of her by covering her skin with pretty purple
dragons, majestic blue and gold eagles, pink hearts, and green
clovers, he is then able to eat a hearty Irish breakfast, but more
important also to maintain an erection, so he rapes her. By this
time, as you might expect, she's pretty darned upset with the whole
pesky imprisonment and disfigurement thing so, just as he climaxes,
she grabs his tattoo needle and kills him with it.
When he comes, he goes
So to speak.
Although it was made in the early 80s, it's
a leftover piece of typical 70s alienation fare, all arty and
symbolic, and filled with disenfranchised characters who are
tortured by their pasts and can't communicate with one another, kind
of like an Edward Albee play, except with the added bonuses of hot
babes and tattoos. Just imagine Albee writing for a biker
mag, and you'll have the general picture.
It's not a good movie at all. In addition to its
heavy handed rendering of familiar 70s themes, its plodding pace and
its self-consciously arty approach, the film suffers from a complete
lack of audience identification. The supermodel is a shallow bitch,
Dern is mentally ill, and neither has a sense of humor.
Amazingly enough, I can give you some reasons why you
might like some things about this project.
It's the classic career role for Laura Dern's odd
Maud "The Bod" Adams, a supermodel, two-time Bond
girl, and all-around babe, gets naked a lot, and shows everything
there is to show.
The sex scene between Dern and Adams, with both of
them completely covered in colorful body tats, is erotic just
because it is so different from what one normally sees. You tend to
watch the rather elegant movement of the dragons and eagles rather
than their routinely grinding naughty bits. This scene has the same
kind of unique appeal as the Kari Wuhrer "paint sex" scene in Vivid.
There were rumors at the time that Dern and Adams might have been
engaged in honest to goodness, non-simulated copulation. Maud
Adams once "admitted" that Dern did want to do the nasty on camera
for real, but she refused. Dern denied the entire charge, but I'm
not sure exactly what he was denying. The fact that they did it for
real? The fact that he wanted to? The fact that Maud refused?
Anyway, it's still an erotic scene, whether real or simulated.
Personally, I don't care about anything but the result on film, and
I'm not convinced that real sex on camera would actually be better
than great actors faking sex.
Maud Adams (1,
Anne Andersen (1,
- Is this real?
Paris Hilton shows her naughty bits.
Charles & Camilla - Royal Wedding Souvenir Plate. Has
to be the ugliest looking commerative plate of all time. "This is
a limited edition of one, signed by the author. Who knows - it
could be priceless in thousands of years to come?!"
The Straight Dope: Whatever happened to Hitler's family?
A clip from Diary of a Mad Black Woman - Yahoo! Movies
- "Diary of a Mad Black Woman" is set in an affluent community
and focuses on Helen, a devoted and loving wife who, on the eve
of her 20th wedding anniversary, is rudely surprised to find
that her husband Charles wants to divorce her in order to be
with her best friend. Struggling with this sudden change, Helen
is forced to deal with many new and upsetting feelings, sending
her into a comedic barrage of confrontations while she struggles
with her anger, bitterness, jealousy, denial, revenge, and
selfishness. Finally, Helen realizes that if she is to recover
from the changes in her life, she must rely upon the strength of
her faith, lifelong values and the compassion and forgiveness
required to heal the hurt.
- In other words, it's the same movie as Waiting to Exhale,
except without the buddies
The trailer and three clips from Harry and Max
- "Harry (Bryce Johnson), aged 23, is a former boy band idol
who is watching his younger brother Max (Cole Williams), aged
16, follow in his footsteps. Harry escorts Max on a
long-promised camping adventure to the San Gabriel mountains
above Los Angeles but things quickly turn serious as the boys
discuss Harry's contradictory relationship with their family.
Max's longing to connect with Harry both physically and
emotionally grows even more, wanting to bring stability to
Harry's life. In an effort to create a type of alternative
family for his brother, Max goads Harry to rekindle his
affections for his former girlfriend, Nikki (Rain Phoenix). Back
from the weekend, Max realizes that he must redefine his
relationship with his brother, and that only by setting
boundaries can the boys grow into adulthood together."
Urban Legend: "Photographs show a mermaid-like creature discovered
in the wake of the 2004 Indian Ocean tsunami." I reckon
you don't need to be Steven Hawking to figure this one is false.
Letterman's "Top Ten Possible Titles For The Donald Trump Movie"
Browser speed comparisons - which is really fastest?
(Opera's speed claims seem to be justified.)
Playwright Arthur Miller, author of Death of a Salesman and former
husband of Marilyn Monroe, dies at 89
55 Christian Pickup Lines
NotProud.com - online confessions - "a smorgasbord of shame"
Einstein, the world's smartest parrot. Or else, she's a
short, feathery, stupid human. One or the other.
- Ben Franklin, mass murderer?
Kite-flying event claims 13 lives.
Underwear Police? Virginians May Be Fined For Low-Cut Pants.
"something needed to be done about young people who wear their
pants around their knees, exposing their underwear."
Canadian Clinic to Try Prescribing Heroin. They use it
to help wean people off fatty foods.
- As Chris Walken said when he visited Alaska,
"I gotta have more Ice Wall."
Drew Barrymore - still a wild child - now with hairy armpits
More about Candice Michelle, the chick from GoDaddy.com
- How good are the airbrush and photoshop artists at Playboy?
Here's a cover from one of their DVDs, and
here are the model's comments from her home page.
Tom Sizemore wears a plastic penis filled with drug-free urine.
Don't we all, dude. Don't we all.
An orphaned baby hippo has been "adopted" by a century-old male
- From the sensitive Weekly World News women's affairs desk:
What women really want in a man
Ailing pope to reassess his commitments. Rumor has it
that he will have to give up a couple of his Rugby Leagues, or at
least move to the Back 3.
Straight Dope: where did we get the term "slush fund"?
Former child actor Corey Feldman, who has publicly defended Jacko
in the past, said in a recent interview the pop star once showed
him a book of nude photos when Feldman was a young teen.
He was easily able to recall the event, since they are the only
naked women Feldman has ever seen.
Rene Russo and Dennis Quaid to remake "Yours, Mine & Ours."
More bad news for Cosby.
Paul Giamatti has signed to star opposite Edward Norton in
director Neil Burger's The Illusionist.
- Interestingly, Giamatti wants to show his versatility, so
he'll bulk up, get a face lift, get a hair transplant, and wear
lifts to play a 6'3" action hero with a stoic and honorable
attitude toward the world's injustice, so you nerds ...
- Nah. You can breathe. I'm just kidding. He'll play his usual
whiny, talk-too-much bitch.
Other Crap archives. May also include newer material than the
since it's sorta in real time.
to submit a URL for Other Crap
are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.
- The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the
review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
- If there is a white asterisk, it means that
there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined
there might be something else of interest.
- A blue asterisk indicates the review is written
by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
- If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too
ashamed to admit it.
Pat's comments in yellow...
FELDMAN TURNS ON MICHAEL JACKSON
Beat It! - Cory Feldman told ABC's "20/20" that he hopes Michael Jackson is
innocent, but he's rethinking his childhood memories in light of the court
case. For instance, he recalls stopping at Jackson's home when he was 13,
and he noticed a book on the coffee table with pictures of grown men and
women naked, focusing on VD and the genitalia. Michael sat down and
explained the book to him. He said he was grossed out but didn't think it
was a big deal; but now, if his 13-year-old son went to a 35-year-old man's
apartment and that happened, "I would probably beat his ass."
He could probably have beaten Michael's ass when he was 13... And
Michael would've enjoyed it.
Today, we're much more civilized: we SUE his ass.
If that's his idea of a coffee table book, remind me never to stop by
his house for coffee.
NAKED KARAOKE COMING TO CONNECTICUT
How To Improve "American Idol" - A year ago, the Berlin Station Cafe in
Berlin, Connecticut, put up a joke sign reading "Naked Karaoke." Neighbors
complained to the city, and the owner was threatened with fines or arrest
if he hosted a nude musical show without a permit. His business partner
who's also an attorney sued, claiming the ordinance was illegal, and won.
So tomorrow, the cafe will host its first "Naked Karaoke" night, which they
never intended to hold in the first place. 120 people have signed up, but
the owner doesn't know how many will actually undress.
It'll probably be nothing but men, doing a "follow the
bouncing ball" singalong.
The bad news: karaoke singers' bodies are even worse than their voices.
If I want to see naked karaoke singers, I'll turn on MTV.
This will answer the burning question, "Is William Hung?"
PARIS HILTON: NO DRUGS, NO BOOZE, NO PLAYBOY
She's Much Too Shy - The next issue of Playboy features Paris Hilton on the
cover as "Sex Star of 2004," but she doesn't appear nude inside and didn't
even pose especially for the cover shot. Playboy is desperate to shoot
her, but her spokeswoman told MSNBC that Paris is afraid people will think
she already posed nude for Playboy, "which she did not."
Playboy is the only place on Earth where Paris Hilton has yet to appear
Playboy will even pay for the breast implants!
By now, I think a lot of people are desperate to shoot her.
Her Face Is Frozen Without Botox - Despite her party lifestyle, Paris
Hilton says she doesn't do drugs or drink anything stronger than Red Bull
because girls who do that "look haggard and old" and "I like my young face.
I don't want to look old."
She likes the way her face looks so much, she never changes the
Besides, she seems to be on drugs anyway.
Once she starts to look old, THEN she'll drink and do a lot of drugs.
"DESPERATE HOUSEWIFE" NOT A LESBIAN
She's Just A Spinster! - Marcia Cross, who plays repressed Bree on
"Desperate Housewives," denied an Internet rumor that she's a lesbian.
Cross said, "I just assumed this is what comes of being 42 and single. I
don't know if they just needed to find a reason why I wasn't married."
Maybe she's just not that desperate.
Bree keeps house more like a gay man.
Now the Star headline reads, "Marcia Cross Is A Repressed Lesbian!"
MAN LIVES IN PLASTIC BUBBLE TO ATTRACT WOMEN
It Worked For John Travolta - A 29-year-old Sydney, Australia, lifeguard
identified only as Luke is tired of single life and can't find the right
person. So he made a deal with an Internet dating agency to spend five
days living in a clear plastic bubble in a shopping mall to draw attention
from potential mates. The bubble has a chair, a table with a bowl of
fruit, and a laptop. He said he's gotten about 100 e-mails, "some really
nice" and "some really weird." On Valentine's Day, he plans to emerge from
the bubble and take the one he's chosen to dinner.
...At the Food Court.
Then she'll find out the reason he's still alone is his terrible B.O.
He's looking for a woman with a bubble butt.
He's not answering the weird ones because when you live in a plastic
bubble at the mall, you don't want to date any weirdoes.