|Jennifer O'neill nude must
be one of the best submissions of the week! I don't think
there are any pictures of beautiful Jennifer O'Neill in
the encyclopedia, but Schmutzfink came up with nudes from
two different movies! Unfortunately, I mishandled one of
them (the bathtub scene in "Committed"), but
here's the other - it's for real, and a whole bunch more
that you've probably not seen before. I'll run the other
as soon as Schmutzfink gets me another copy.
|Yesterday: Here's Marie, 26,
from Guildford. (#1,
Gold is Kathy Lloyd, from 23 May, 1991.
Requested is Michele Conlon
|+||Ever wonder what the
Playboy, Page Three, and other softcore models do when
not modeling for Playboy or the British tabs? Fred does.
Fred, or as he is known in the ancient Elventongue,
"Frodo", specializes in "outing" the
harder action from these ostensibly wholesome girls.
"Here's former Playmate Elke Jeinsen, showing off a bit"
|FrenchPics, like PAL,
Schmutzfink, and others, is always on the lookout for
material rarely or never seen. He comes up with some
|Cougar did Leslie Bibb in
the new USA edition FHM. Other imagers pics of Rachel
Leigh Cook (same source, but no nudity) are included
below Cougar's Work
|The King of the Ring is also
the Master of the Lost World. The two duties are
complementary. Parts Unknown is on the West Coast of the
Lost World, and Crow stops in there now and then to
recruit Masked Wrestlers. It's just cleavage, but Blakely
and the last Gibb come pretty close to showing some dark
|The Swimsuit issue of
||FR||Tina Plate in a bikini in "Traumschiff". Yes, the German Love Boat, where the fun is mandatory and highly regimented. (#1, #2, #3, #4)|
by Johnny Web
What a wonderful treat it was to watch this movie. As you know, I love bad movies and this one is truly bad. Not mind-deadeningly bad like Last Days of Disco or 200 Cigarettes, but fun bad, so bad it can't be believed, like Plan 9 From Outer Space. I loved every minute of this thing, and I couldn't take my eyes off it. The acting can't be believed, the art direction is atrocious, the plot makes no sense, every character is a cliche, there is no continuity, they made up their own science when they needed it for the plot, the music sucks, and the dialogue is about as bad as can be. Even the credits are bad, because they are bright green against a bright orange desert landscape. This thing is great!
It's the future, after the ecological disaster, and people can't go out into the sun. Balthazar "I'm Not Charlie Sheen" Getty is the star, and he plays a kid who is having some trouble fitting into his new community. Oh, he has some problems at home with his parents, too. Not like your problems. Maybe your father berated you or your mom was an alkie, but Balty's got bigger problems than that. His mom is a hippie space cadet with a Ph.D. in microbiology, and his father is a house. I'm not making this up. His dad is a genius scientist who has determined a way to accelerate evolution a billion years, and now exists as disembodied atoms. He has become one with nature, and has joined with the atoms in the house to create a living habitat for his family, safe from the ecological disaster outside.
Balty is a mutant, which seems like it should be expected when you are the offspring of an eternally stoned woman and a house. Alone among all the people of earth, he can go outside in the sunlight. He's also a potato. We know this because Laura Harris says to him "remember when our science teacher told us that the Irish potato famine could have been avoided if there was just one external strain of potato that could have been introduced to strengthen the native crop. Well, the human race is the same way, and you're that potato, aren't you?"
Back to Balty's troubles in the community. The local phys ed teacher is a bully and a fundamentalist Christian fanatic who finds it difficult to relate to a kid whose mom is a half-naked stoned hippie and whose dad is a house. So he and the local youth bullies kick the crap out of Balty and tie him out in the sun, unaware of his mutant powers. He simply returns with a nice tan, and the phys ed teacher then assumes he is some kind of satanic avatar. Oh, yeah, the girlfriend of the head local bully falls in love with Balty and, by the way, the phys ed teacher is her dad. Small world.
Finally Balty defeats the bullies, aided by his once-pacifist friend who bops the head bully with a log. Balty's dad defeats and kills a bunch of people who are trying to destroy him, including the coach. Dad then figures out a way to give the magical sun-immune powers to the girlfriend and she decides that she and Balty will "wander the earth" together. She doesn't seem too upset about her dad's death. Then Balty's dad figures out a way to turn Balty's mom into pure energy as well, and together they float off into the ionosphere. Balty and his girl look up to the heavens and wave, and the girlfriend says "bye". This really cracked me up more than anything else in the movie. "Bye, disembodied atoms, I'm really gonna miss you, even though we've never actually met, and you don't actually have any ears to hear me."
Great, great movie. I don't know if any of you like to toke it up once in a while, and I certainly would not advise you to engage in any illegal activities. But if you do like an occasional doobie, I strongly suggest you rent this before firing up your next one. You can't go wrong, except you might die from giggling.
here's Alice Krige (Balty's mom, shown here with dad in the days when the ol' man still had human form) (#1, #2, #3, #4) here's Laura Harris (Balty's girl) (#1, #2, #3) Here's Lynne Adams, a minor character
"The Big Brass Ring", by Johnny Web
I did the pictures from this flick yesterday, but remember I was too tired to write any comments, so here they are. I really liked this film about a presidential aspirant who is an intelligent and honorable man with a dark secret. Very dark. Career destroying. The secret is a mystery, and there are some good twists and turns getting there, and after you know what the secret is, the new mystery is whether it will get revealed or not. But the mystery is not why I really liked the movie. I guess it was primarily because it was so damned literate. How many movies are made today where the lead characters quote Twain and Proust and Abe Lincoln, not in prepared speeches, but in pillow talk!
If you are a fan of action movies and realistic action and dialogue, this movie isn't really for you. This is basically a turn-of-the-previous-century symbolist work updated to the year 2000. Nobody really talks like the characters in this movie, just as nobody talks like the characters in Hamlet or Murder in the Cathedral. Normal people don't have secrets this dark and convoluted. The story is filled with visual symbolism. A carousel with an actual brass ring. (Pictured in the collages somewhere). A guy with a monkey on his back who actually has a monkey on his back. (A little heavy-handed, that one). And people with secrets wearing masks.
One of the reviewers linked below said it wasn't really in the style of Welles, but I disagree. It isn't a pure Welles movie, but it has so many Wellesian elements. The filming of one of Hurt's speeches, in front of his own poster, was practically lifted from Citizen Kane. The carousel music was right out of "Touch of Evil", and the use of the St Louis arch in one scene reminded me so much of the camera set-ups used by Welles in the final scene of Touch of Evil (in the oil field), with the arch substituting for the derricks. I have to admit that Welles' style seems awfully gothic in today's context.
By the way, I guess it's relevant that Orson Welles wrote the first draft of this screenplay for his buddy Lawrence Harvey, but they both passed away before anything came of it.
Oh, yeah, and I've decided that Irene Jacob is going to be my next wife. Boy, does she look good naked. There were times when I had no idea what language she was supposed to be speaking, but I just didn't care. She is essentially playing Christianne Amanpour, except with a different name and no grasp of the English language.
As is normal with this kind of talky and baroque fare, reviewers were sharply divided on its merits. Here is an outstanding review of the movie and the background of the original Welles script, from a reviewer who really liked it. And here is an equally intelligent review from a guy who just detested it.
"Sorceress"", from Tuna
Here are Tuna's comments: "Colder than a witch's tit in a brass bra" describes this grade b film as well as anything. There are lots of witches, and they show the aforementioned witches' tits in nearly every frame. The acting was nearly, but not quite, as competent as the plot. If you enjoy seeing massive mammaries defying gravity, this might be worth renting.
"The General's Daughter", from Tuna
I reviewed this film in the back issues somewhere, when it first came to DVD. If you missed it, it's worth catching, because I discussed the deleted material in some depth, and it turns out that the cuts resulted in a massive shift of focus. The nudity is Leslie Stefanson in the title role.