It was a wild night. Digg linked to Other Crap. You might think that to be a good thing, but I wasn't prepared for the sheer magnitude of volume that came through - 5000 hits in the first half hour! I spent the night on the phone with my IP trying to do everything possible to allow the server to run smoother at that volume level, which involved temporarily re-writing and deleting a lot of scripts. As I write this, it's still going a bit slow, even though the Digg effect has calmed down a bit. The moral of the story: people love some Jennifer Aniston titties. I am not going to host those pics myself. I just linked to sites sent in by the Other Crap contributors. There are several appropriate links, so check it out at

Anyway, I saved a lot of submissions for tomorrow, but I got all the daily contributors finished. Sorry for the crazy delay.

The Naked Ape

Playboy Magazine really got involved in the film industry back in the late sixties and seventies. In some situations, the film would feature a Playmate, and the magazine would run a lengthy pictorial (e.g. Can Hieronymus Merkin ...) In other situations the magazine would take additional photos on the set - perhaps persuading the principals to do a more graphic version of their onscreen sex scene (e.g. The Sailor Who Fell ...). At some point Hef and the gang decided that it might be worthwhile to get involved in producing their own films, and their first effort was excellent - the acclaimed, innovative Roman Polanski version of MacBeth (1971). Buoyed by the success of that project, Hef kept at it and the second effort was a sophomore slump -The Naked Ape (1973). It fell more than a bit in quality from the Polanski film. Macbeth is rated 7.5 at IMDb while The Naked Ape is rated 3.5.

This is fundamentally an ambitious attempt to film an unfilmable book: The Naked Ape by Dr. Desmond Morris. The zoologist stunned the 1967 universe by writing a pop anthropology book, first serialized in London's Daily Mirror tabloid, in which he described humans in the same objective, analytical way that zoologists describe animals. Dr. Morris was the curator of mammals at the London Zoo, a specialist in primates, and his particular slant on the nature of man was that our species is a very high and complicated primate. The title of the book is derived from the fact that there are 193 species of monkeys and apes on the planet, but only man is not entirely covered in fur and is, therefore, the only naked ape.

Morris would, for example, compare popular human mating rituals to those of higher primates, and he filled the book with provocative observations like his oft-cited contention that Homo Sapiens not only has the biggest brain of all primates but also the largest penis. Scientific critics of the book pointed out that  Dr. Morris was a zoologist, not an anthopologist, and as such was making unformed and unscientific speculations by defining man in purely zoological terms, because while man is an animal, he also stands apart from the animals in many ways. Religious groups had, as you can imagine, much harsher criticisms.

It is very difficult indeed to make something like this into a movie. The film version of The Naked Ape is somewhere between a documentary and a series of anecdotes, which is to say that it's an odd film and very hard to watch. The scientific arguments are presented in a heavy-handed way. At times, people walk around with Dr. Morris's book in hand, quoting from it liberally. At other times, university professors recite passages from the book while addressing their classes. The director sometimes uses stock footage to show connections between human rituals and animal behavior. Some of the book's points are illustrated with anecdotes about a mating couple in various stages of their relationship, while other points are illustrated with animations, Terry Gilliam style, and the film wanders haphazardly back and forth between the live and animated segments. There are also scenes which seem to drag on and on for no reason at all, like a section in which male gymnasts do a long routine. The individual anecdotes and illustrations don't connect very well, and the film doesn't make much of an attempt to let the recurring human characters have any dimension. It's all presented in a remarkably tame PG format, which is surprising when one considers that it's a book about primitive sexual urges which was made into a movie by Hugh Hefner.

Woody Allen had a very similar film project derived from a similar book (Everything You Always Wanted To Know About Sex ...), but Allen managed to get his points across through humor and parody, while this film gets sucked into the trap of self-importance and does altogether too much pontificating. It's harmless enough, and it's points are not unsound, but mostly it's just plain boring, like your college professor who really knew his material but had no idea how to make it as interesting to you as it was to him.

As viewed through the prism of three decades, the most interesting element of the film is that the co-stars of the "story" segments are Victoria Principal of Dallas fame and Johnny Crawford, the former Mouseketeer who also played the little kid on The Rifleman.

If you look closely at the sex scene, you may get a fleeting glimpse of Victoria's natural resources. Below are some caps which Mr. Skin made from a different print (obviously also sub-DVD quality.)

Victoria Principal




* Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe).

* White asterisk: expanded format.

* Blue asterisk: not mine.

No asterisk: it probably sucks.


Catch the deluxe version of Other Crap in real time, with all the bells and whistles, here.







A Murder of Crows

A Murder of Crows (1999) is a made-for-cable Crime Drama.

Cuba Gooding Jr, plays a highly successful criminal lawyer who is defending a rich psycho on a murder charge where he raped, beat and sodomized a lap dancer, then strangled her with her own panties. Gooding finds a conscience, and decides to recuse himself from the case, which costs him his license, and results in a mistrial. Gooding elects to go to the Florida Keys, where his lawyer father left him a house, and to work on a new career as a novelist. The first novel isn't going well, and he is running a fishing guide service to kill time, when he meets an odd old man who doesn't like lawyers. The next day, the man hands him a manuscript that he says nobody knows about, and asks him to read it. It is a brilliant novel about a serial killer who revenges five miscarriages of justice, not by going after the guilty rich creeps, but by doing in their lawyers. Only the first of the five cases was investigated as a homicide, and the others were made to look like accidents.

Gooding loves the novel, but when he tries to return it, is told that the old man has died of a heart attack. Since the old man had told him that he had no heirs, Gooding decides to submit the novel as his own. It is accepted for publication, and is a runaway best seller. Gooding thinks he is home free until he is suddenly arrested for murder. Seems the novel wasn't fiction at all, and contained details of the murders that nobody but the killer could have known, and that the police purposely withheld. Gooding escapes, and madly tries to figure out what is happening to him while he is being chased by all the cops in the world.

The film boasts a wonderful cast, including Cuba, Tom Berenger, Eric Stoltz and Marianne Jean-Baptiste.  The basic premise is also wonderful, and could have made for a fantastic film, especially given this cast. Unfortunately, it fell short of wonderful in the hands of Rowdy Herrington, who wrote and directed. You may remember that Rowdy also brought us the immortal classic Roadhouse, for which he received his only award nomination, a Razzie. The problem that Herrington failed to solve was how to show the story rather than tell it. We have nearly constant exposition in the way of narration from Cuba Gooding Jr. The script could have avoided that, and created a lot more suspense, by enacting the five murders in flashbacks as Cuba was reading the novel. They could then have shown actual police records describing the same thing, and thus shown us the noose tightening around his neck.

IMDb readers say 6.2, but critical response was not favorable. In fact, it scored a zero at Rotten Tomatoes. I will call it a C. The final product is a pleasant enough diversion with a good cast, but is a major missed opportunity. It could have been so much more.



An unknown woman "shows her tits" during a Mardi Gras scene.



 Ashley Lawrence shows her left breast with pierced nipple and buns in a t-back, then we see her character screwing Gooding's character standing up and reflected in a mirror. While we never see the nice body parts and a face in the same frame, the buns and the right breast are definitely her, as they are both revealed in long takes which do show her face.











Malas temporadas


Continuando con los premios Goya: La educación de las hadas:

Nicolás (Ricardo Darín) encuentra a la mujer de su vida y al hijo que él no ha tenido, pero que de repente ansía tener, de un solo golpe, una mañana, en el avión que los lleva de Alicante a Barcelona. Él es inventor de juguetes. Ella, Ingrid (Irène Jacob), viuda reciente de un capitán de aviación muerto en Iraq, es una ornitóloga que estudia en Cataluña el paso de las palomas torcaces. Raúl (Víctor Valdivia) tiene ocho años y es un fantaseador de primer orden. A partir de este encuentro, la historia de amor a tres será perfecta hasta que repentinamente Ingrid decide que todo se ha acabado. ¿Por qué? No hay quien entienda sus razones: nunca serán más felices de lo que lo han sido hasta ese momento, todo irá a peor... Nicolás se desespera: ya tomarán una decisión cuando todo vaya mal, pero no ahora, que todo va bien. Ingrid se muestra inflexible, lo destierra del dormitorio. ¿Tiene un amante? En el colmo de su depresión, Nicolás está dispuesto a compartirla. Ingrid considera que semejante propuesta es un disparate. Y aparece Sezar (Bebe), una joven argelina de origen iraquí, que trabaja como cajera en el supermercado. Nicolás se fija en ella. Raúl, el niño, se ve envuelto en el cruce de sentimientos que se produce en tales circunstancias y Luisa (Glòria Roig), la mujer que ha servido durante tres generaciones a la familia de Nicolás, actuará como confidente de éste y como un apoyo de raíces tan vivas y tan sentidas como poco claras.

Ha ganado:

Mejor Canción Original: "Tiempo pequeño " de Bebe & Lucio Godoy

y nominada a:

Mejor Actriz Revelación: Bebe

Mejor Guión Adaptado


English (from Variety's review)

"Jose Luis Cuerda returns to his favorite theme -- the transformational power of a child-like imagination -- in the engagingly idiosyncratic "The Education of Fairies," based on a bestselling French novel best seen as a study in how to confront loss.

Toy inventor Nicolas (Darin) meets widowed ornithologist Ingrid (Irene Jacob) and her son Raul (Victor Valdivia) on a plane. Nicolas turns on the charm, and, soon, Nicolas and Ingrid are married and living an idyllic existence in a beautiful old house in the Catalan countryside. Nicolas and Raul develop a sensitive relationship through conversations about the boy's father, a soldier who died in Iraq. The imaginative Nicolas tells the boy stories about fairies who make the world a better place and takes him to an old hut in the woods where he hung out as a child. After a couple of years, however, Ingrid surprises Nicolas -- and the audience -- by asking for a separation.

Meanwhile, Algerian checkout girl Sezar (singer Bebe, here making an effective debut) is being sexually harassed by her boss Matarredona (Jordi Bosch). One night, when Sezar is in a car with her boss, the car is attacked and Sezar is beaten up. Nicolas picks her up and takes her back to his hut in the woods, where Raul mistakes her for a fairy.

All the characters are concealing past issues, and it takes the innocence of a child to confront these issues and bring them into the open."

 It won for:

Best original song: "Tiempo pequeño"

and was also nominated for

Best new actress

Best adapted screenplay

Irene Jacob



Bebe Rebolledo










Little Children

A double-feature today. Kate Winslet in "Little Children" - she's naked but really all we see are her breasts.


... then more boobs from the always sexy Kari Wuhrer in Phoenix






Notes and collages

The Ladies of Sci-fi/Fantasy

Total Recall

....Ms. Sharon Stone in her prime in this fast-paced sci-fi adventure....two thumbs up...







"The Hunger"


An experienced older vampire (Isabelle Cyr) initiates a young male protege. She teaches him the ways of becoming a seducer and killer of young women. But she will have a lot of problems in doing so, since the guy is a virgin. This episode was a comedy. It was entertaining and the girls in it looked great.


Marie-Josee Croze

Janine Theriault


Isabele Cyr


Claudia Besso








The Amber Heard swimming pool classic series:

First, Amber Heard in Alpha Dog

Then, Amber Heard in an episode of "Criminal Minds"
Elena, one of those faux-lesbian chicks from Tatu, who are now in their 16th minute of fame.
The most talked-about butt in showbiz? No longer J-Lo, but Jessica Biel


Today's collection-builder is Bo Derek. Her films have so much nudity that we'll spread them out over two days.  Here's part 1.
  • Bolero
  • Tarzan the Ape Man
  • Tommy Boy (no nudity, and the clip is in the wrong a/r, but, hey, it's short and funny and and it's Bo in a bikini.)
  • Shattered Image. We have never seen DVD caps from this film. Tuna told me that he will soon remedy the situation because he found a used DVD of obscure 1994 made-for-TV film which I have never seen. I also ordered a copy of the film to make some new clips. (Although these are not so bad.)


Carrie Fleming in Masters of Horror. We enter The Spaz Zone here, with our second set of clips from this Canadian beauty. A couple of days ago we featured her in The Tooth Fairy.