Best Friends (1982) is a Norman Jewison romantic comedy staring Goldie Hawn and Burt Reynolds. The pair are lovers and work together as screenwriters. They have decided to move into a house, and Reynolds pressures her into marrying him. Their honeymoon trip to meet her parents in Buffalo and his in Virginia nearly finishes off the relationship.
The film plays out more like a stage play than a film, and while I found a few scenes laugh out loud funny, most of it was rather dull and predictable. I enjoyed it, of course, as I always love watching Goldie work, and Reynolds is also good in the right types of roles. Between a bath and two shower scenes, Goldie manages to expose her breasts in the full screen VHS version, but most of that is missing from this widescreen release. I have touched up my old VHS images for comparison. This explains why the film got a PG in 1982. The transfer is nicely done, but there are no special features. This is a C-, mostly of interest to Burt and/or Goldie Fans.
Goldie Hawn (DVD)
Goldie Hawn (VHS)
The Postman (1997) images needed to be redone now that software and hardware has advanced far beyond what i used 4 years ago. I have to admit that I cut right to the nude scene in this epic stinker. The first time I watched it was with very low expectations, having heard that it was awful. I found it not quite as bad as I had heard. This time, virtually every scene except the nude scene with Olivia WIlliams was sheer torture.
Williams shows breasts, and a flash of buns and a hint of bush having sex with Costner because her husband had "the bad mumps" and they wanted a child. I didn't do the research, but I am guessing that five Razzies and a nomination for a sixth is close to a single movie record. IMDb readers say 5.2 of 10. With a budget of $80M and a total box office of $17.6, it was a flop of major proportions. 177 minutes of bad script is too much to ask an audience to endure. D+
Consequence (2003) is a straight to vid thriller with Armand Assante as a disgraced oral surgeon who swaps teeth with his dead brother and has plastic surgery to look like the brother, then fakes his death in a plain crash. The idea is to collect $3M in insurance, and live happily ever after with the woman at the bank who is in on it. Couple of problems. The woman from the bank takes off with the money and his live in girlfriend (Nadia Kretchmer), and his brother turns out to be a CIA deep cover agent with half the world after him. Things finally work out in the end when the dead brother comes back from the dead to save Assante, but greed kills the women.
IMDB readers have this at 6.8 of 10. Kretchmer shows breasts briefly, but nothing in a lesbian shower scene with Lola Glaudini. I am still not sure about a lot of the plot, but don't care enough to try and figure it out. IT was evidently a German production, shot in Africa for the US Cable market. Election return reruns would make for better viewing. D.
|Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)
Consequence is an unbelievably convoluted mystery/thriller from HBO
Armand Assante plays the part of a
disgraced oral surgeon who concocts an elaborate plot to start a new
life. His long-missing brother and some dental records provide the
starting point. Armand reconfigures a corpse to have his brother's
dentition. Then he swaps his dental records and his brother's.
Bingo, he is now his own presumed-dead brother and the corpse is
him. He then causes the corpse to be fried up unrecognizably in an accident,
thus establishing his own death. His girlfriend is the beneficiary
of his substantial insurance policies. Then he gets some plastic
surgery and re-emerges as his long-missing
Sounds good in theory. These complicated movie plots
always do, don't they? Of course, our conniving dentist immediately encounters two major
1) While he was getting and
recovering from his plastic surgery, his girlfriend decided that there
was no reason to share the loot.
2) His long-missing brother was not
the altruistic Peace Corps volunteer that everyone thought he was.
He was CIA. More important that that, he was rogue CIA, and
expropriated something like a quarter of a billion dollars of the
Agency's money. Obviously, there was a damned good reason why he
went missing in the first place. When he "shows up" again, the
entire CIA wants him, everyone ranging from the honest guys to his
former partners in the money scam. Oops, I guess the dentist picked
the wrong identity to assume.
Hoo-boy is this plot complicated!
What I wrote so far may seem fairly complex, but that doesn't even
scratch the surface of this plot. In fact, that was only the set-up,
and was all revealed in the first half hour. There are so many
crosses and double-crosses, and so many competing factions that I'm
not even sure I knew who everyone was or why they did what they did.
Assante himself got into more perils than Pauline, always to be
rescued from his personal gallows at the last minute by one
improbable deus ex machina or another, yet unable even to
trust the people who just rescued him from the prior group.
At last, all of the various plot
twists led up to one enormous final plot twist which was supposed to
be a real shocker. Unfortunately, I had concluded after about ten
minutes that the big surprise was the only possible inevitable
Whether you see it all coming or not,
this twisty grade-B thriller is kind of fun in an operatic way,
and director Paul Hickox showed true genius at getting a lot of
mileage out of a low budget. There is a, entertaining and highly
original car chase, and there are several moments filled with
appreciable (if synthetic) tension.
On the other hand, the film could have benefited from fewer plot twists, less
grisly violence, and more characterization. It's really a genre film for
genre buffs only, just for the people who can never get enough
complications, and love lurid, over-the-top material.
- A senior Clark staffer says
Wesley Clark will officially quit the Democratic presidential race
tomorrow, after poor showings in Virginia and
Tennessee. This leaves Madonna and Michael Moore scrambling for a
Zeta-Jones joins the cast of Ocean's 12.
- Casting info about the
Assault on Precinct 13 remake - Ethan Hawke and
Mickey Rourke shall rise again: The Interview
- Bankrupcy court records show:
Mike Tyson's income for November, 2003 was $5.68.
That's not in millions. That's five dollars and sixty eight cents.
Tyson's total assets are now around $5,000 and his total debts are
approximately $10,000,000. He made between 200 and 300
million dollars in boxing.
Liechtenstein invades and conquers USA. Americans
unable to fight back because too obsessed with Janet Jackson's
The SWIPE Toolkit decodes 2D barcodes. If anyone tries
this, let me know how well it works.
Kerry easily takes Tennessee and Virginia.
- No wonder Dean changed his mind about winning the Wisconsin
The Milwaukee Journal Sentinel poll shows it is currently running:
Kerry 45, Clark 13, Dean 12
- Four more free videos from
Playboy's Twins & Sisters!
- Oh, this is cool. High-tech guide to Amsterdam.
Click any spot on the map, and you are standing on that spot,
with a 360 degree view around you.
Forever Vintage - The Most Comprehensive Retro Living Guide on the
Here, in .pdf format, are all the documents released by the White
House regarding George Bush's military service. I'm
embarrassed to say that I have no idea what this all means. I
think either (a) he was a greater warrior than General Patton,
Audie Murphy, and Robert E, Lee combined, or (b) he spent his
entire military service using his uniform to pick up chicks at the
local Malt Shop, and hiding under a table whenever the real
soldiers came looking for him.
Your Parasite Pals for Kidz. There's Tickles the
tapeworm, Dig Dig the head louse, and so many more new parasitic
friends, like Uncle Louis, who drinks all your booze and empties
the refrigerator while he camps out on your couch.
- In a last-ditch attempt to salvage his campaign,
DEAN BEGS GORE TO ENDORSE KERRY INSTEAD.
Bush's Vietnam records released. I'm am linking to this
because one of our eagle-eyed regulars spotted a classic logical
fallacy. The White House spokesman said: "When you serve, you are
paid for that service ... He was paid ... That means he served".
In fact, when a statement is true, one may not automatically
assume the converse. "If p then q" does not automatically imply
"if q then p". In essence, the spokesman said. "If it is a
triangle, it must be a polygon. It is a polygon . Therefore it
must be a triangle".
Sports Illustrated - 2004 Swimsuit Issue - Athletes Photo Gallery
(Including Anna K in a fairly small bikini)
The latest internet phony windfall scam. Interestingly,
everyone has a relative who died in Brussels and left behind a
treasure-trove of gold he hid from the Nazis. Or some other source
of instant riches.
Jon Stewart weighs in on the President's appearance on Meet the
Call him Timberweasel: "'That was fun,' Timberlake said
in a television interview immediately after the performance. 'We
love giving you something to talk about.'" ... A FEW DAYS LATER
... In an interview with a CBS television station in Los Angeles,
Timberlake claimed he was "completely shocked and appalled" by her
Which is the most corrupt of the 50 states?
Surprisingly, Louisiana only finished third. The LEAST corrupt is
Nebraska, presumably because it has nothing worth stealing.
What To Rent analyzes your personality, asks you about
your current mood, then recommends movies based on them. They may
be on to something. I got five recommendations, and they are all
films I really do like. (Clerks, Talk to Her, The Big Lebowski,
Kubrick's Lolita, Monty Python's Holy Grail)
Justin Timberlake Signs On For First Big-Screen Acting Role.
Surprisingly after his Grammy performance, he'll be playing a male
role in a species with a backbone.
Donkey Kong Barrel Maze - damnably addictive (noisy, if you are at
10 cultural turning points in TV history. From Lucy's
baby to Janet's booby.
Nielsen says The Passion of the Christ will open with a $15-$30
million weekend. Pretty impressive considering it has
an advertising budget of zero, and that the film is entirely in
Latin and Aramaic, and that a year ago the film couldn't get a
distributor. When Gibson announced this project, I had many a
cynical laugh at his expense, since I believed nobody would ever
see the film. Boy, was I wrong. Gibson proved himself to be a
greater promotional genius than Madonna and David Ogilvy put
together. My cap is off to him.
- More tittygate fallout:
ABC might edit 'NYPD Blue' sex scene. I'll tell you
what I would do. Pull a Richard Branson. He used to keep Virgin
Records open on Sunday in Paris in violation of city ordinances,
and after the first weekend he personally showed up to pay the
fine on Monday morning, as his "donation to the beautiful city of
Paris". If I were Stephen Bochco, I'd arrange for something like
full-frontal nudity from Jessica Alba or Katie Holmes or Britney
Spears, advertise the hell out of it, and send the $27,500 fine to
the FCC in advance. Be the best money he ever spent.
Foreman wants to return to ring. The 55 year old ex
champ is in training for a one fight comeback. He hopes to take on
that guy who played Les Nessman on WKRP.
Police in Finland have issued a $150,000+ fine to a speeder.
Speeders in Finland are fined based upon their income. Which means
I can drive as fast as I want for free in Finland. If only I could
afford a car. And a ticket to Finland.
Woman drops her lawsuit over the Jackson peep show.
President Bush has crippled China by buying the world's entire
supply of chopsticks! "China may have the world's
largest standing army, but without food their troops wouldn't have
the strength to march or fight," explains a senior administration
official who spoke on the condition of anonymity.
Thailand bans big flabby buttocks. In other news, the
Kathy Bates Bangkok Film Festival was postponed indefinitely.
Dr. Atkins died at 258 pounds, with heart disease.
Anna K in new SI Swimsuit Edition
- Worms, viruses, and more ...
mydoom mutants mount new attacks on microsoft.com
- Satan now organizing a game of pond hockey.
O'Reilly says he was wrong, apologizes.: "Conservative
television news anchor Bill O'Reilly said on Tuesday he was now
skeptical about the Bush administration and apologized to viewers
for supporting prewar claims that Iraq had weapons of mass
- Arena Football cheerleaders:
The San Jose SaberKittens.
- The excellent five minute trailer for
The Machinist (2004). The people who have downloaded
this clip have rated it 9.44/10. Christian Bale lost 65 pounds to
play this role, and he wasn't that big to begin with. He looks
"Simpsons" - the Movie!
X-MEN director Bryan Singer to write X-Men comics.
Prank calls made with celebrity impersonations.
- A new gallery of pictures from Carrey and Winslet in
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.
- New screen shots from
- New pics and trailer from
The Day After Tomorrow.
- Still looking for a job? Willing to relocate to Brazil?
Fat samba dancers wanted
The Daily Show looks at Tittygate. Again, and again,
"Put down that light saber and pick up a credit card: The 'Star
Wars' trilogy is finally coming to DVD Sept. 21."
Special editions will be made available, but the original
theatrical releases will not be in the package.
If you have $249 and a good picture of yourself, imatoy will turn
you into a superhero action figure, complete with back
story and blister pack.
I gave him the choice: The monkey or me. He chose the monkey.
... and he's still spanking it to this day.
William Hung: A Real American Idol!
Men arrested for selling tank online: "German police
have arrested two men who bought a tank in Greece and tried to
sell it on the internet"
If Sean Combs had known Janet was going to upstage him, he would
have "whipped out something on this world that you would have
The Charlton Heston Online Shrine
The Church of England concedes that the three wise men might have
been women. ... and they could have been stupid, and
there could have been 11 of them. But the "eleven dumb broads"
didn't seem to have the right Christmassy feel to it. Except, of
course, at Sinatra's house.
Here is the "Urban Legends" page which
debunked the traditional assumption that there were three. (Some
religious scholars theorize that there may have been a dozen.)
Bush Gains, Kerry-Bush Horse Race a Dead Heat
archives. May also include newer material than the ones above,
since it's sorta in real time.
to submit a URL for inclusion in Other Crap
are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.
- The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the
review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
- If there is a white asterisk, it means that
there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined
there might be something else of interest.
- A blue asterisk indicates the review is written
by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
- If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too
ashamed to admit it.
Words from Scoop.
.avi's from Shiloh.
.wmv files made by Scoop from Shiloh's .avi's.
1. It's Emily Mortimer day in the Shiloh corner.
She's thin, but she has some gorgeous breasts. Here she is in The
Sleeping Dictionary (.avi version, .wmv version)
2. And here is Mortimer showing a lot more than just
her breasts, as she strips for inspection in Lovely and Amazing. (.avi
version, .wmv version)
Perhaps these tips will help if you have trouble
with the codecs for these movies:
FYI when I hypercam vids to make the file size smaller I use
DivX MPEG-4 Fast-Motion for the video compressor, then I use
virtualdub to compress the audio. The properties for the
vids says the video codec: DivX Decoder Filter & audio
codec: Morgan Stream Switcher which I'm not familiar with.
When I compress the audio with virtualdub I use MPEG
Layer-3. A friend of mine told me about compressing the
audio about (6) mos. ago. Like I said previously, only been
capping for a year & a half & I'm no expert. Hopefully this
info will help members with the proper codecs for my vids.
When I cap big brother's I use hypercam mostly & sdp &
asfrecorder if the set up allows me. I stopped using
camtasia cause the file sizes were always too big, could
never figure out the process, over my head lol, plus it cost
too much to buy in my opinion.
A reader says:
You mentioned that some users were
having trouble with the videos on your site. There is a tool
designed to determine what codec is needed for a video.
http://www.headbands.com/gspot/ Hope this is useful to you
or your users.
I made the .wmv versions of each video. The codecs for these: Windows Video V8, Windows Audio 9.
The upside of these is that you know the codecs, and they'll play in
the Windows Media Player. The downside is that they are slightly
larger, and slightly lower quality.
|Shameless Plug O' the Day
Regular readers probably recognize the name Pat Reeder as the guy from The Comedy Wire section of the Fun House. In real life...he's also the guy who writes the jokes that your DJ tells every morning during your drive to work.
As we've mentioned in the past, back in the day Pat partnered up with another radio man, George Gimarc, and wrote a very funny book called "Hollywood Hi-Fi". For those who have forgotten our previous praise and ramblings..."Hollywood Hi-Fi" a tribute to all the worst albums every recorded by so-called celebrity singers like Bill Shatner and Crispin Glover. The book has been out of print for several years and is hard to find, but for fans of actors trying to be singers, we have good news....
George Gimarc has as come into a stash of "Hollywood Hi-Fi", direct from the publisher's warehouse! These are NEW, autographed copies that you can pick up for online for $10 (over 30% off the the original price of $14.95!).
Click here to check out excerpts from the book, as well as all the info you need to pick up your own copy!
|A new Vejiita comic featuring one of my long time favorites baring breasts and bum in scenes from her first movie "Gypsy Eyes" (1992).
|Next up, 'caps from the straight-to-vid movie, "Shark Attack 3: Megalodon" (2002). Both ladies look great topless, and Chernogorova also shows off her bum.
|Johnny Moronic 'caps of the UK babe starring as Helen in the 2003 mini-series "Helen of Troy". Guillory had an extended rear nude scene (as seen in links 4,5 and 6), plus another bare bum scene (link #11), plus near toplessness (link #3) and showed assorted pokies and see-thrus throughout the movie.
|Excellent collages by DeadLamb of Reid showing off abs and undies in two scenes from the Ashton Kutcher movie "My Boss's Daughter" (2003).
|Assorted breasts, bums and bush on display as Marvin continues his coverage of the 1992 Tinto Brass movie "Cosė fan tutte" aka "All Women Do It".
|Señor Skin takes another look at the 1992 David Lynch movie "Twin Peaks: Fire Walk with Me". Today we have a bunch of 'caps of Sheryl Lee topless.
|Pat Reeder www.comedy-wire.com
Pat's comments in yellow...
THERE MUST BE 91 WAYS TO FOOL YOUR LOVER
But They ALWAYS Find Out - Psychologists at Florida University have
identified 91 ways that people keep an affair secret from their partner. The most
effective ways for a cheating man to fool his wife are to pretend to have greater
interest in her, and to talk about spending more "quality time" with her and
about their future together as a family. Women most commonly fool their
partners by not changing their daily routine, clothes or beauty regimen; becoming
unusually attentive; wearing their wedding rings more often; and suddenly giving
their partners more sex.
Wow! Having an affair must be GREAT for a marriage!
As long as husbands start getting a lot more sex, they probably won't even
care if their wives are having an affair.
The 91st and worst way to keep an affair secret: "Ask Linda Tripp not to
But if a husband starts dieting, his wife will immediately know he's
PENIS-ENLARGING PRODUCT LAWSUIT
He Knew It Wouldn't Be Long - Californian Jeffery Horton got an e-mail
advertising VigRx, an herbal penis-enlarging product. He paid $160 for it and says
it had "no effect whatsoever," so he's launched a lawsuit against 35 companies
that sell and distribute the product. Horton's lawyer said, "I was wondering
for a long time why no one has gotten around to suing these penis-enlargement
guys, because it seems like a pretty blatant...fraud."
They're afraid to: they don't have big balls, either.
You'd think they'd be tired of feeling shortchanged.
Hey, would somebody send me 20,000 e-mails a day about something that
MTV MOVES RACY VIDEOS TO DEEP NIGHTS
Now They're Encouraging Kids To Stay Up All Night! - In the latest fallout
from Janet Jackson's Super Bowl flash, MTV announced that it will move six racy
videos, including Britney Spears' "Toxic," to late-night rotation only. A
spokeswoman said it's not censorship, but that MTV continually monitors the
cultural environment and they're just reacting to the "particular sensitivity" in
the culture right now.
So it'll only be for a week or two.
Nobody is more sensitive to the moral concerns of parents than MTV.
But America has come to rely on MTV to show our kids toxic videos day and