"Esther Kahn"

Esther Kahn (2000) was covered by Scoopy when it was released, and his review made it sound so unappealing that I passed on it. Just to refresh your memories, Summer Phoenix plays a young Jewish girl in turn of the century London, poor, overworked, and drawn within herself. Then she discovers the theater. As hard as it is for her parents to believe, she not only gets a small role, but gets increasingly better parts. First, an older actor coaches her, then a drama critic, who also takes her virginity. She has not yet begun to "feel" yet, and doesn't feel like she is really an actress. She lands a lead in Hedda Gabbler, the critic screws around on her, and the pain of discovering him with another woman is enough to make her feel, turning her into a great actress, after a mere 163 minutes.

And therein lies the problem in what could have been a boring, artsy and very slow examination of the process of becoming an actor, but of potential interest. Scoopy blamed Phoenix for the total failure of the film, and thought that a more capable performer might have made the film of value to a narrow audience. While I agree that her one note performance is exactly what is wrong with the film, I am not as sure it is her fault.

Comparing her Khan character to the real Phoenix in an interview, her Esther Kahn was different in every way from her normal persona. If the problem is not one of acting ability, then the only possible explanation for the one note performance is bad direction. That seems even more plausible considering that Arnaud Desplechin had never directed in English before. At any rate, despite full frontal nudity from Summer Phoenix and also a deleted scene with full frontal from Francis Barber as her mother, it is entirely unwatchable. This is a D. It could never have been more than an art house flick, but didn't even manage that.

  • Thumbnails
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  • Frances Barber (1, 2, 3, 4)
  • Summer Phoenix (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13)

  • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)

    Drowning by Numbers (1988):

    I finally found a DVD of this movie, so here we go again! I'm sick of the movie, but I never get sick of looking at Joely (Nip/Tuck) naked. It's not a great DVD, but it does permit us to upgrade some images, although its not as much of an upgrade as we hoped.

    Although this Peter Greenaway film, which represents the summit of Joely Richardson's film nudity, is not available in Region 1 or 2 DVDs, it is available in Australia on a legally licensed region-free PAL DVD (no features, 4:3 aspect ratio), which you can order here from an American importer.

    CAUTION: It is not Region 4, but region-free, which means that your DVD player can handle it,  BUT it is in PAL format, which means that your North American TV will not handle it. There is no problem if you are in the U.K. or Europe, where you can play it on a stand-alone player and your TV, but if you are in North America you will have to play it on your computer's DVD drive and watch it on your computer screen, not on a stand-alone player attached to your TV (unless you know for a fact that your TV can handle PAL, of course.)

    Other stuff:

    • If you actually live Down Under, the guys you need to get acquainted with are found here.
    • If you haven't already read the Movie House comments on this film, they are here if you care to see them


    Naked chicks:



    The Presidio (1988):

    Well, I finally looked at the uncut Region 2 DVD of this movie as well, so here is that famous Meg Ryan nude scene which was cut from the American release (heaven knows why, because it is very subtle and Meg looks really good).

    The Region 2 DVD, with the extra 15 seconds or so of nudity, can be purchased from an American importer here. Don't do so unless you know how to play Region 2 DVDs. If you're not a technical type, you can't just pop 'em blithely into your DVD player or even into your computer's DVD drive.

    Comments about the so-so movie can be found here.

    • Meg Ryan collages (1, 2)
    • Meg Ryan movie clip (.wmv zipped, .avi zipped). Short clip, and kinda dark, but virtually DVD quality.



    Other Crap:

    • MTV has more new pictures from The Dukes of Hazzard.
    • Bruce Willis talks sequel #4: "Die Hard with a Cane".
    • This is great stuff from! From the SNL Files: the skit that Jim Downey wrote for Paris Hilton, which she refused to do.
    • Rob Schneider writes a third rate unfunny letter protesting that a columnist called him a third rate comic. Touche, Robbo! You showed him! Actually, I found several errors in this article:
      • It states that Ron Schneider is a third-rate comic. Obviously not true. Even a third-rate comic would have to be funny in order to be called a comic at all.
      • It also states that Rob Schneider is human, a contention which may be true, but for which there is no known evidence.
    • Five clips from Downfall (Der Untergang).
      • When writer-producer Bernd Eichinger read the galleys of historian Joachim Fest's book "Der Untergang" ("The Downfall: Inside Hitler's Bunker, The Last Days of the Third Reich"), he knew he had found the dramatic key to a film he had wanted to make for decades, but never thought possible due to its scope. Fess' book focuses on the final days of the Reich, and Eichinger saw that the horrifying epic of Hitler and his people during his twelve years in power was reflected in those last twelve days in the bunker. "The final days tell us a lot about how the mass fanaticism functioned in the regime's earlier years and how it continued to reign until the bitter end," says Eichinger.

        Eichinger read another very important book around the same time he read Fest's; the memoirs of Traudl Junge, Hitler's private secretary ("Until the Final Hour: Hitler's Last Secretary".); which was later made into the documentary "Blind Spot: Hitler's Secretary." "Fest gave me the time frame, Traudl Junge gave me the character who could hold it all together."

        "Downfall" is the first German film to broach the subject of Hitler straight-on since G.W. Pabst's 1956 "Der Letste Akt" ("The Last Act") which was told from the point of view of an ordinary German soldier, played by Oskar Werner. Says director Oliver Hirschbiegel, "In terms of German film history, we are breaking new ground here, since there is no cinematic frame of reference. After reading the book, it was clear to me that if I committed myself, then it would have to be a total and complete commitment, meaning that I was going to spend two years of my life in the Third Reich, with all of those characters and that primitive ideology… My hair stood on end. My wife advised me against it. Yet I noticed that it just wouldn't leave me in peace, and in my heart, before accepting the project, I knew that I had already opened myself up to it."

    • Here's the trailer for Walk on Water
      • 'Walk on Water' follows Eyal, a fierce Mossad agent (Lior Ashkenazi of 'Late Marriage') and second-generation Holocaust survivor on assignment to track down an aging Nazi war criminal, Alfred Himmelman. Posing as a tour guide, Eyal befriends Himmelman's German grandchildren in Tel Aviv: Pia and her openly gay brother, Axel. What begins as a deceptive mission evolves into a deeply personal and political journey of conflicting ideologies, changing Eyal's view of the world forever."
    • Here's the trailer from a new indie flick called Mail Order Wife.
    • Here's a new clip from Constantine.
    • MTV's trailer for A Lot Like Love, which seems to be a lot like a movie, except without the entertainment.
      • It takes some people years to fall in love at first sight... "A Lot Like Love" is a romantic comedy about destiny, connection and the frequently fuzzy line between chance friendships and happily ever after. "A Lot Like Love" traces the relationship of Oliver (Ashton Kutcher) and Emily (Amanda Peet) who meet on a flight from Los Angeles to New York seven years ago - each of them declaring that they couldn't be more wrong for each other. Life keeps bringing them back together over the next seven years, but the timing never seems right. As they struggle with their different partners, careers and breakups, they turn from casual acquaintances into trusted friends who can say anything to one another. As they each search for love and a relationship that's not fated for disaster, it takes seven years for Oliver and Emily to figure out that maybe what they really have is something...a lot like love.
    • Famke Janssen has confirmed that she will appear in X-Men 3. She said: "Dark Phoenix is part of that script... she's a BIG part of it."
    • Beyonce and Minnie Driver will perform at the Oscars.
    • Mike Leigh drama 'Vera Drake' scoops more pre-Oscar awards. No offense to Mike, but I don't think he'll need much extra room on his mantel for this year's Oscars.
    • You have the power car. You have the orange paint. Now get the DECAL KIT for the General Lee (Dukes of Hazzard)
    • Panoramas of the surface of the moon. This is incredible. The Danish guy who does all those great panormas of the summit of Everest and city squares in Europe and such has come up with his best yet - he stitched together the photos from Apollo 11- 17 to form panoramic 360s of the surface of the moon. It really gives the illusion of being there, even on a flat screen!
    • Beavis and Butthead department. 195-pound man thinks stage diving is cool - until he causes serious injuries to two women. Soon to be a movie of the week. Have they contacted Michael Rapaport yet?
    • Kylie Minogue Tops World's Sexiest "Over 30" Chart.
      • She needs to enjoy it while she can. Eva Longoria is 29.
      • The sexiest women in her seventies was actress Honor "Pussy Galore" Blackman, who has just been signed up as a model for Marks and Spencer.
    • Corey Feldman is in the news again, with his 'sickening realization' about his childhood friendship with Jacko.
    • Keira Knightley will use a stunt butt.Roberta Lorince, a 28-year-old Romanian dancer, was paid $1300 a day to double for Knightley in the nude scenes in "Domino."
    • NBA Power Rankings at the break.
      • I didn't know that Shaq called Don Nelson "the Jack Haley of his own era." That's actually a funny line.
      • Funny, but not fair. Nellie was not usually a starter, but was a very valuable player, not one of those guys who comes in when the game is a blow-out. Although he played only half the game in an era when Wilt once averaged 48.5 minutes per game, Nelson scored 15 points per game in 1969-70, playing only 28 minutes per game, shooting 50% from the field. Haley never reached 17 minutes per game or six points per game.
    • Hemingway story, victim of global warming, to be renamed "The Rocks of Kilimanjaro"? Well, now at least we know what the leopard was seeking at that altitude. He needed to chill out from the heat, dudes.
    • Rumor: Fox is looking to restart the Predator franchise.
    • Lt. Gen. James Mattis, Marine Corps. Humanitarian, takes your questions . ( Mattis is the guy who said "It's fun to shoot people"
    • Attractive female teacher charged with having sex with student. (CNN's report)
    • Here is The Smoking Gun's police report on the teacher nabbed for student sex. She is a pretty girl. She even looks good in her mug shot.
    • WWN: The "no nookie" gals. "Attention all you wives who regularly 'just say no' to your husbands' requests for sex: Look for your names and photos to appear on a popular new Internet Web site --!" (NOTE: there is a, but at this moment it contains links about dog breeding.)
    • Letterman's "Top Ten Slogans For The New Gay Beer"
    • The full trailer for Monster-in-Law: "Unlucky in love, beautiful Charlotte 'Charlie' Cantilini (Jennifer Lopez) has finally met the man of her dreams, Dr. Kevin Fields (Michael Vartan). There's just one problem - his mother! Overbearing and controlling, not to mention volatile, Viola Fields (Jane Fonda) has recently been canned from her job as a star news anchor. Fearing she will lose her son's affections as she has her career, Viola decides to break up the happy couple by becoming the world's worst mother-in-law. Helping her with her crazy schemes is Viola's long-time assistant, Ruby (Wanda Sykes). The gloves come off when Charlie finally decides to fight back and it looks like Viola has finally met her match."
    • First Tinky-Winky, then Spongebob, now ... THE FLINTSTONES ARE 'WAY TOO GAY'. A conservative group seeks ban on cartoon, cereal, vitamins.
      • "concerns centered on the relationship between the two main characters, Fred Flintstone and Barney Rubble. Fred and Barney are virtually inseparable, are never seen wearing pants, and ... the show’s theme song exhorts viewers to have “a gay old time.'"
      • “We are also very uncomfortable with Fruity Pebbles.”
    • Astronomy Pic o' the Day: A Mysterious Streak Above Hawaii. "Not everything seen on the night sky is understood."

    Other Crap archives. May also include newer material than the links above, since it's sorta in real time.

    Click here to submit a URL for Other Crap




    Here are the latest movie reviews available at


    • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
    • If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
    • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
    • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

    Jr's Polls
    Here are the final results and comments for last week's poll Which actress has been the most convincing playing a stripper.

    This week's poll...
    Who has the best Bum in Hollywood?

    For each nominee I've included a movie or two that features a great, rear nude performance.

    Here are the results of our most recent other polls...
    The Top 20 Nude Scenes of 2004

    The Best Nude Film Debuts of the 80s

    The Best Nude Film Debuts of the 90s

    Please Email Scoopy Jr. with more nominees, comments or suggestions.

    Crimson Ghost
    NOTE: We currently have to do all of our movie files in zip format. Instead of viewing them online, save the zip files to your hard drive in the directory of your choice, un-zip and play from there.

    Today the Ghost has a few video clips from the amazingly bad made for cable film by Larry Clark, "Teenage Caveman". A must avoid movie in my opinion. For those interested, here is Scoop's detailed review.

    If there is any reason to watch this movie at all it's because there are a few young 'actresses' who frequently get nekkid and have sex scenes. However, if that's all you are looking for, you're much better off catching some Skinemax. The acting, plot, direction and bodies will all be better.

    • Crystal Grant running around topless and panicing. In #4 we also see Limos topless and masturbating. (1, 2, 3, 4)

    • Hayley Keenan topless in two scenes. (1, 2, 3)

    • Tara Subkoff toplessness in vids 1 and 2, having sex in vids 2 and 3. (1, 2, 3)

    • Tiffany Limos baring breasts and bum in clips 1 and 2, having sex in #2 and topless again in #3. (1, 2, 3)

    Agnes Bruckner
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

    Johnny Moronic 'caps of the young actress in a bikini top an shorts in scenes from Season 3 of "24". Links 3 and 4 feature scenes that were never shown on TV...probably because of the partial breast exposure we see while she's in bed with her character's boy friend.

    Maribel Guardia
    (1, 2)

    Here is the former Miss Costa Rica (1978) and popular Mexican movie/TV star going topless in scenes from "Terror y encajes negros" aka "Terror and Black Lace" (1985). 'Caps by Kitt.

    Rachel Sterling
    (1, 2)

    DeadLamb 'caps of the former "Man Show" Juggy being joined by a few other unknown babes for guest bikini appearances on the NBC series "Las Vegas".

    Kristi Somers
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

    Cynthia Thompson
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

    Señor Skin 'caps of both blonde babes going topless in scenes from the 1985 flick "Tomboy"

    Subject: Linnea Quigley X-rated
    A DVD magazine recently listed some films of Linnea Quigley and also mentioned that she had done an X-rated film, with a solo masturbation scene called "Curse of the Lesbian Love Goddess".

    A quick net search of the title found it does exist, but has anybody actually seen it? Is Linnea's scene any good?

    Here are a few pics of the front and back covers of the VHS version (1, 2).


    Subject: Reader's question
    Dear Scoops
    Wondering if any Fun House readers could help me with an obscure one. Well-known Brit comedienne Doon Mackichan (from channel 4's "Smack The Pony") got nude in a D.H Lawrence parody sketch running into the sea in Peter Richardson's short-lived 1995 BBC TV sketch show, "The Glam Metal Detectives". Does anyone have any caps, clips, or even just some more info on which episode of the series this occurred in (there were 7, I think, and each one was individually named)?


    Also, here is some more info about the Anne Hathaway movie "Havoc" from Ain't It Cool News

    Pat Reeder
    Pat's comments in yellow...

    He Cursed My Career! - ABC reports that former child actor Corey Feldman has been a friend and defender of Michael Jackson for years, but now appears to be turning against him. In an excerpt from an interview airing Friday on "20/20," Feldman said that as he looked at all the new information coming out, he had a "sickening realization that there have been many occurrences in my life and in my relationship to Michael that have created a question of doubt."

  • In retrospect, some of those Diet Cokes tasted an awful lot like Merlot.
  • For instance, when Michael invited him to an Easter egg hunt, and all the eggs were hidden in his pants.
  • It took him 20 years, but he finally noticed there's something odd about Michael Jackson.
  • On the other hand, spending his childhood around Michael did prepare him for appearing on "The Surreal Life."

    I Give You My Heart, Complete With Clogged Arteries - If you're looking for a romantic dinner spot to take your girl on Valentines Day in Cincinnati or Northern Kentucky, try White Castle. For the special night, many of the local outlets of the burger joint chain will take reservations, have a wait staff to provide table service, and serve your sliders by candlelight.

  • That's nice, then your bruises and contusions won't show as badly.
  • If you promise her a ring at the end of the meal, then give her an onion ring, you're a dead man.
  • This is what you get when Valentine's Day falls on a Monday.
  • A man's home is his castle...And if you take your wife there for Valentine's Day, your new home will be White Castle.

    So He Can't Parallel Park! Who CAN?! - A police sergeant in Sand Lake, Michigan, saw a car rolling down the road at 1:30 a.m. with its lights off and thought it was driverless. But there was a four-year-old boy at the wheel. He had gotten out of bed and decided to go to the video store. His mom had shown him how to drive by holding him on her lap, but he couldn't reach the pedals, so he put it in gear and let the engine idle. The store was closed, so he drove the quarter-mile home. The cop followed him until he pulled into his apartment, struck two parked cars, backed up and hit the police car. No charges were filed because his mom didn't know he was up, and the kid didn't realize what he'd done.

  • He was so drunk, he didn't even remember it the next day.
  • Also, he was not the worst driver the cop had seen that night.
  • He didn't know the store would be closed: he can't tell time yet.
  • If only he'd known that Blockbuster no longer charges a late fee.