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Tuna
"Sexual Predator"

Sexual Predator (2001), a direct to vid (named "Last Cry" at IMDB), is probably the most important of next weeks releases. It is an erotic thriller featuring Angie Everhart as a probation officer, who is in charge of probation for Richard Grieco, famous photographer, who accidently strangled Angie's best friend having kinky sex. He plea bargained to 5 years probation. As soft core, this film was disappointing. Most of the sex scenes looked like people posing for a still photographer. There was very little heat or passion, except for a scene in a sex club, where we see a woman masturbating, then a couple doing it on stage. While Angie watches, Grieco caresses her, in what is the hottest scene of the film. The film was lit to emphasize Angie's red hair and freckles, with a lot of orange light. It looks like Angie is poised to be the next star of soft core thrillers. She has the looks for it, and is not totally without acting ability, but she seems to me like she is more likely to give you frostbite or a knife in the back that great passion. So, as soft core, it is disappointing.

On the other hand, it is a far better than average thriller. Not only was I not able to guess the ending, but I actually cared what the outcome was, and they played no mis-direction games to keep you from guessing what ended up being a completely logical outcome. Angie shows breasts and buns, but wears an obvious crotch patch (image 11). Someone credited as McKayla plays her girlfriend who is murdered before the film starts. She shows everything in some flashbacks. There are four un-identified actresses in the sex club that show pretty much everything, and another young woman who also shows everything as Grieco's model. Because of the nudity and sexuality, this can get no better than a C+ based on crossover appeal, but I strongly recommend it as a mystery thriller. C+

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  • Angie Everhart (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18)
  • McKayla (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
  • Assorted Unknowns (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19)

    "Pervirella"

    Pervirella (1997) is a 16mm home movie made in the UK, trying to be a high camp sex farce. The production values are so bad as to make it nearly unwatchable. Things are moved on obvious strings, bad toy houses are used as miniatures, lighting, focus, exposure, etc. were totally beyond them, and the acting is absent. Emily Booth as Emily Bouffante plays Pervirella, who turns into a sex crazed woman when her choker is removed. While she is topless for much of the film, in most cases the image quality is so bad you can't really tell. Her father, and several other people travel in search of an elixir of youth for the queen, and have one misadventure after another. The film was mostly shot in the director's home. Were the image quality even marginally acceptable, this might have bad movie appeal and a cult following, but, as it is, it is an F.

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  • Emily Bouffante (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)

  • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)

    MOVIES:

    The Prime Gig is a surprisingly good movie with a surprisingly good cast (Vince Vaughn, Ed Harris, Julia Ormond) for a film that never made it into the theaters. More important, it marked Julia Ormond's return to nudity. She's been out of the limelight for a while, and her features have changed significantly. If I hadn't read it on the box, I wouldn't have recognized Sabrina. Welcome back, Julia.

    • Julia Ormond (1, 2, 3)

    Intersection is a 12-hankie weepy-ass dyin' man movie with Richard Gere, who makes a watchable movie about as often as Freddie Prinze, Jr. In fact, I think Prinze might consider changing his name to Richard Gere, Jr. This was a strange one. Written by a comedy writer who wanted to try his hand at drama, it features a grade-z script, and acting to match, but top notch cinematography from Vilmos Zsigmond.

    • Sharon Stone (1, 2)
    • Lolita Davidovich (1, 2)

     

    The following are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.

    • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
    • If there is a white asterisk, it means that I inexplicably determined there might be something of interest.
    • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Lawdog or Junior or C2000 or Realist or ICMS or somebody else besides me)
    • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

    Babe of the Day!
    PenÚlope Cruz is in the spolight today!

    Variety
    Elizabeth Berkley
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

    Working the brass pole like a pro in scenes from the immortal cinema classic "Showgirls". Full frontal in links #1, #3 and #4.

    Kirsten Dunst A beautiful scan of the young actress almost revealing a breast in public.

    Yuliya Mayarchuk
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17)

    A whole mess of 'caps from the movie "Trasgredire" (2000). It's directed by Tinto Brass, so you know what that means....yup, lots of nudity.

    Here's a breakdown:

  • Topless only...Links #3, 6, 9
  • Rear nudity...Links #1, 4, 7
  • Frontal...Link #8
  • Full Frontal nudity...Links #15, 17
  • Gyno-Cam....Links #5, 10, 13, 16
  • Anal-cam...Link #11
  • Sex scene...Link #2
  • Lesbo lovin'...Links #12, 14

  • Pat Reeder The Comedy Wire
    Another movie awards story. They should have awards for "Best Movie To See While Stoned" ("Lord of the Rings" anyone?), "Movie That Might Be Tolerable Only If You Were Stoned" ("Freddy Got Fingered") and "Movie That Must've Been Greenlighted by Someone Who Was Stoned" (Too many to list)...


    High Times magazine announces movie award nominees

    NEW YORK (Reuters) - While movie fans wait with bated breath for the Academy Award nominations, potheads can exhale a sigh a relief -- the Stony Award nominations for countercultural and marijuana-friendly films are out.

    High Times magazine Thursday unveiled nominees for the third annual awards. The top contenders for Best Picture are "Blow," "How High," "The Anniversary Party," "Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back," "Brooklyn Babylon" and "The Wash" with four nominations each. The winners will be announced on March 3 at B.B. King's Blues Club & Grill in New York.

    The magazine also introduced the new categories of Best Foreign Movie, Best Original Song from a Movie and Best Psychedelic Scene. They join Best Movie, Best Stoner Movie, Pot Scene of the Year, Best Actor, Best Actress, Best Documentary and Best Soundtrack.

    The Stoner of the Year pits previous winner Jason Mewes in "Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back," against rapper Snoop Dogg in "The Wash," Marlon Wayans in "Scary Movie 2" and Owen Wilson in "Zoolander."

    The Funnies
  • Florida prepares for the next election with this new voting machine.


    You Know You're A Redneck When...

    REDNECK WINNERS

    1. You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree.
    2. You can entertain yourself for more than an hour with a fly swatter.
    3. Your property has been mistaken for a recycling center.
    4. Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.
    5. You burn your yard rather than mow it.
    6. You think the Nutcracker is something you did off the high dive.
    7. The Salvation Army declines your mattress.
    8. Your entire family sat around waiting for a call from the governor to spare a loved one.
    9. You offer to give someone the shirt off your back and they don't want it.
    10. You have the local taxidermist on speed dial.
    11. You come back from the dump with more than you took.
    12. You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.
    13. Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.
    14. Your grandmother has "Ammo" on her Christmas list.
    15. You've been kicked out of the zoo for heckling the monkeys.
    16. You think a subdivision is part of a math problem.
    17. You've bathed with flea and tick soap.
    18. You've been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.
    19. Your kids take a siphon hose to show and tell.
    20. You think a hot tub is a stolen indoor plumbing fixture.
    21. You took a fishing pole to Sea World.
    22. You go to the stock car races and don't need a program.
    23. You know how many bales of hay your car will hold.
    24. You have a rag for a gas cap.
    25. Your father executes the "Pull my finger" trick during Christmas dinner.
    26. Your house doesn't have curtains but your truck does.
    27. You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.
    28. You can spit without opening your mouth.
    29. You consider your license plate personalized because your father made it.
    30. Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
    31. You sit on your roof at Christmas time hoping to fill your deer quota.
    32. You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say Cool Whip on them.
    33. The biggest city you've ever been to is Walmart.
    34. Your working TV sits on top of your non-working TV.
    35. You thought the Unibomber was a wrestler.
    36. You've used your ironing board as a buffet table.
    37. You think a quarter horse is that ride in front of K-Mart.
    38. Your neighbors think you're a detective because a cop always brings you home.
    39. A tornado hits your neighborhood and does $10,000 worth of improvement.
    40. You've used a toilet brush as a back scratcher.
    41. You've asked the preacher "How's it hangin'?"
    42. You missed 5th grade graduation because you had jury duty.
    43. You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65 mph.
    44. Somebody tells you that you've got something in your teeth - so you pull your choppers out to see what it is.