Feast 3


Jean-Claude Seagal: "But the beasts bit off both my arms."

The bartender (Clu Gulager): "Man-up, sonny boy. You only need your legs to kick ass."

When the Gulager family assembled the sequel to Feast, they came up with about two and half hours worth of footage which they (I presume) considered worthwhile. Too long for a B movie. The best decision available to them seems to have been to split it into two films, ala Kill Bill, so they came up with Blood Feast 2 and 3. That presented some problems, of course.

(1) The films are very short, especially part three. This film begins with a re-cap of part two and ends with a long sequence in which a mariachi sings over the closing credits, describing what happened in all three parts. In between, the actual film runs about 67 minutes. (The actual running time including everything is 76 minutes.)

(2) Part two has no ending. In essence, it is really not a complete film, but merely the first half of a hypothetical long film which was not practical to release.

If one considers the matter solely from a financial perspective, they seem to have made the right decision by splitting the two films. They will get two rentals or sales instead of one, and those who see part two will have little choice but to part with another rental fee, assuming they want to know how the movie ends.

Setting aside the monetary angle, one would conclude that they really should have cut the film significantly, resulting in one taut 90 minute horror comedy. As it stands now, the gore scenes go on too long and many of them take place in the dark. Some of those are lit by a sort of strobe light effect, resulting in a headache-inducing experience. And that's a shame, because the combined Feast 2-3 has the elements necessary to make it an absolute classic of horror comedy. The dialogue can be hilarious, the character's names and mini-bios are a real hoot, the outrageous gore is funny in small doses, and some of the plot developments are laugh-out-loud funny.

This film develops its plot gags in two different ways.

1) Great surprises. One example: a stranger called Shitkicker rolls into town, and he's so tough that he convinces the humans that they can overcome the monsters by taking the fight to them. He's about to lead them to war, and he's teaching the bimbo how to use a revolver. Sexual tension is generating between them when she accidentally pulls the trigger and blows his head off. Hope destroyed. The film plays with genre conventions like that, constantly avoiding the presumed route and providing the unexpected twist, right up until the very end.

2) Complete illogic. The demented prophet, Short Bus Gus, who is obviously not the sharpest thorn on the rose, convinces the humans in the small town called Smalltown that they should abandon their plan to escape using vehicles, and should instead make it to "the big city" by crawling through the storm drains. We already know that Smalltown is in the middle of nowhere and, just a few minutes earlier, the late, lamented Shitkicker had told the group that he had been driving an entire day without seeing anyone. So the city would have to be - what? - five or six hundred miles away? They have to crawl on their hands and knees through the storm drains, moving at about 30 feet per minute. Even in the unlikely event that the storm drains and sewers span the entire desert to the big city, you can easily figure that such a trip would take them months, even if they could crawl non-stop. Plus nobody among them is familiar with the layout of the underground route. Oh, and by the way, the preacher has a magical ability to make the beasts go away, so if the stragglers were to stay on the street, the preacher could easily use his powers to allow them to find as many vehicles as they needed.  So, when the preacher makes the storm drain suggestion, what do they do? Why, they follow him into a manhole, of course. What else?

Feast 3 can be marvelously over-the-top, and I did laugh a lot at some of the antics in this film and the previous one, but I also caught myself yawning through long, repetitious sequences. Ya pays yer money and ya takes yer chances.

Feast 2 ended with about fifteen minutes in which Melissa Reed and Chelsea Richards were topless continuously. Since part three is just the same movie continued, Reed and Richards return for another nine minutes or so of toplessness at the start of this one. The scenes are not edited. This is the first nine minutes of the film shown continuously. The footage therefore includes several scenes not featuring "Tit Girl" and "Tat Girl."

Melissa Reed dies soon and fully clothed, but Chelsea Richards provides an additional two minutes of nudity about a half-hour later, when she dies with her boots on - and her top off.





  • * Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe).

  • * White asterisk: expanded format.

  • * Blue asterisk: not mine.

  • No asterisk: it probably sucks.


Catch the deluxe version of Other Crap in real time, with all the bells and whistles, here.








The L Word

s6, e3

 Mia Kirshner and Katherine Moennig, 720p film clip. Collages below.







American Pie


It's hard to believe that it has been 10 years (!!!) since Shannon Elizabeth bared her boobs in American Pie. Here she is revisited in these HD caps. My guess is you already have the 1920x1080 third-party clips which I used to make the caps. If not here they are, and they are a must-see - for just about any reason you can imagine.



TV Land

Salma Hayek with some cleavage visiting "Letterman".

With Salma






Zack and Miri make a porno


If you judge this comedy by the title and expect it to be stupid or unfunny, you'd be wrong. This is a clever and well-conceived romance wrapped up in an extremely funny, laugh-out-loud comedy, with great characters that you'll really relate to.

Zack and Miri (Elizabeth Banks) are best friends, and have been friends since first grade. They live together, but their friendship is totally plutonic; they freely discuss one another's sex lives but have absolutely no romantic interest in one another.

Although they equally share all expenses, both are working stiffs stuck in dead end jobs, and the bills mount to the point where their utilities are going to be cut off, and their rent is way behind. They need a plan.

Zack borrows money from a friend to start a business: they are going to produce a porn film, specifically marketed to their old high school friends. They'll star, along with others, and it will be done as a take off of major films, such as "Star Whores". They've never had sex with one another, but since they are such good friends, with no romantic entanglements, it should be a piece of cake. Yeah, you bet.

Naturally, Murphy's Law works overtime as anything that could possibly go wrong does. The garage they rent to do the filming is demolished, taking with it all the props and costumes they've made. The landlord had forgotten to tell them the building was condemned and scheduled to be torn down. They deal with one problem after another until finally, it's time for Zack and Miri's big sex scene.

During the filming, it begins to dawn on the pair that their feelings for one another aren't as platonic as they had thought. This leads to even more complications.

I thoroughly enjoyed this really good comedy. I do wish they hadn't insisted on showing the scenes from the movie as videos (perhaps they were even shot with a vidcam), because they are fuzzy and of really low quality, even on Blu-ray, but aside from that, this was just a very enjoyable flick.


Elizabeth Banks Katie Morgan
Lena Chaney various






Notes and collages


Elizabeth McGovern in Women and Men


Charlotte Lewis in The Sketch Artist









Angelique is a series of five movies made in the 1960s, although I can't read the last one due to DVD damage. It gives the life story, including the ups and downs, of Angélique Sancé de Monteloup, played by Michèle Mercier. There is not a lot of nudity and it is mainly tease. The first in the series is Angélique, aka "Angélique, marquise des anges" (1964). Michèle Mercier is naked but only shows a bit of butt.

and unknown:


Angelique - The Road To Versailles

Angelique - The Road to Versailles aka Merveilleuse Angélique (1965) is the next in the series.

No visible nudity by Michèle Mercier

and Rosalba Neri.


Angelique and the King


The third movie is Angelique and the King aka Angélique et le roy (1966).

Again, Michèle Mercier is naked but the goodies are hidden.

Estella Blain shows some side breast

and an unknown shows a bit of nipple.


Untamable Angelique


Untamable Angelique aka Indomptable Angélique (1967) is the fourth in the series and the only one where Michèle Mercier flashes a nipple, which she does during a rape scene. Again she shows her butt and we also see that she is wearing a nipple patch when she is being sold in a slave market.


The Beverly Hillbillies


No nudity in The Beverly Hillbillies (1993) but Lea Thompson looks very sexy.



Suzie Gold

Summer Phoenix shows her butt (although it could be a body double) in Suzie Gold (2004)

and Frances Barber shows a lot of cleavage.


Into the Wild


Some nice nudity in Into the Wild (2007).

Signe Egholm Olsen spends most of her screen time topless

and a couple of ladies are shown completely naked.

Kristen Stewart is in her underwear.


Hotel Erotica - Legally Yours

Today's episode from the soft-core series Hotel Erotica is called Legally Yours (2002).

The naked ladies are

Janie Rau

Lauren Hays

Mara Kelle

and Scarlet Johansing (aka Monique Parent).


Fantasy Island

There is no nudity but there was a constant stream of well-known and sexy actresses in the TV series Fantasy Island from the late 70s. Only the first season has come out on DVD and I gather that is likely to be the only season that will be released, at least for now. Most episodes consisted of two stories.


This was the pilot for the show and ran a year before the show was actually put on.

Carol Lynley

Victoria Principal

E1, E2 Return to Fantasy Island

This was the opener for the first season.

Karen Valentine

France Nguyen

Adrienne Barbeau

E3 Cinderella Girls

An unidentified bikini girl - I just love a crocheted bikini

E4 Mr Irresistible

Alana Collins

(aka Alana Stewart and Alana Hamilton - of George Hamilton and Rod Stewart fame - you can see what they liked)

Ava Lazar

Candice Rialson

Sondra Theodore - 1977 Playmate

E5 The Prince

Lisa Hartman - very nice pokies

E7 The Lady of the Evening

Carol Lynley - pokies

E8 Beauty Contest

Maureen McCormick

Debra Feuer and Constance Forslund

Some other contestants

E9 The Funny Girl - Butch and Sundance

Hope Olson - 1976 playmate

Some unidentified cleavage

E12 Poof You're a Movie Star
Barbi Benton - a former Hef squeeze

E13 Reunion - Anniversary
Carole Mallory - you can see what tickled Norman Mailer's interest.

Hilary Thompson

Lucie Arnaz

Michele Lee

Pamela Franklin

Sue Lyon

E14 Instant Family

Melinda Naud

E15 Double Your Pleasure

Caren Kaye

E16 Call Me Lucky - Torch Singer

Kathryn Holcomb

Delana Michaels

Lee Travis

Sandy J Christopher





Aria Giovanni on the cover of Mystique


Film Clips