Friday

Tuna
"Sweeney!"

Sweeney! (1977) is based on a popular cop series in the UK called The Sweeny. I frankly had a lot of trouble following this film, partly due to the sometimes thick accents, and partly due to my lack of knowledge about British politics and the police system. It is vaguely about a pimp/personal manager blackmailing a cabinet member to sway his vote on an oil price issue, and about Detective Inspector John Albert 'Jack' Regan (John Thaw), who has a good idea what's up, and gets suspended and nearly killed for his efforts.

Diane Keen shows her right breast, and Lynda Bellingham shows both breasts while she is being murdered by overdose. IMDB readers have it at 6.2 of 10, but with very few votes. For me, it was a very long watch. D+

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  • Diane Keen (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

    "Sweeney 2"

    Sweeney 2 (1978) is easier to follow than the first film. This time, John Thaw is out to catch a gang of bank robbers. The gang has some odd traits. They steal exactly $100,000.00 each time, and leave anything extra in one of their getaway cars. They also kill any of their own injured during the robbery. Seems they are a group who gave up on England as permanently unfit for a decent life, moved to Malta to develop a better place, and return to London to rob banks for the financing.

    There are a lot of breasts in this one. Anna Gal, as the wife of the bandit leader, shows breasts in a long shot. Anna Nygh shows breasts in a lengthy commercial for recycling rubber, shown via projector to the Sweeney squad. Three unknowns also show breasts. IMDB readers have this at 4.7 of 10. The biggest problem with it is that there is no suspense at all. You know The Sweeney's have to win in the end, and you know the identity of the bad guys early on. Although I could at least follow this one, I can't say that it was worth the effort. D.

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  • Anna Gael (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
  • Anna Nygh (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
  • Lynda Bellingham (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
  • Unknown (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)

  • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)

    Movies, Theater, and TV:

    The acting is terrific in Camilla, although the movie is kind of an artificial three-hanky chick-flick, and plays out like a TV movie of the week. As an example, Jessica Tandy finds the long-lost love of her life before the end of the film, and does so by accident. And at her age, long-lost is very long indeed. It's the story of the friendship between an eccentric elderly violinist and a young girl who aspires to write music. Tandy looks back upon her ancient clippings and draws upon her ancient memories as part of the process of imparting her wisdom to the young 'un, so it plays out sort of like Titanic Light. 

    Jessica Tandy did a nude scene in "Camilla". She was 84 or 85 when she did the scene, and she had died by the time the film was released. 

     "Hey, that isn't beautiful or sexy, Scoop"

    No, of course it isn't sexy, but beautiful is another matter.

    She was one of the great stage actresses of the 20th century, a great and gutsy woman who continued to perform as long as she could stand, and continued to do so very well. She and her husband of 52 years, Hume Cronyn, appeared together in this movie, for the last of thousands of times they shared the spotlight, a time made more poignant by the fact that they knew her time was near.  During the film, Tandy and Cronyn speak this line aloud to each other (It's a quote from Sea Fever by John Masefield): 

    "And quiet sleep and a sweet dream when the long trick's over".

    If that isn't beautiful, then what is? 

    • Jessica Tandy (all caps from Camilla by Seor Piel) (1, 2, 3)
    • Bridget Fonda (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

    I guess you all know what Monster's Ball is. The sex scene is quite different in the region 2 DVD. Graphic Response has made a massive and very interesting split screen divx file which he was kind enough to share with me. It shows both the Region 1 and Region 2 sex scenes in the same box, running simultaneously, so you can see exactly where the cuts are. Here are some of the highlights of the Region 2 version of the sex scene,  which is one minute longer

    • Halle Berry (1, 2, 3, 4)

     


    Normally, hit movies produce porn spin-offs. You know, the "Sperms of Endearment" Syndrome. But The Godson was produced a year BEFORE the Godfather. Do you think Coppola copied it? (Actually, there is a non-conspiratorial explanation. Puzo's best-selling 1969 novel was the inspiration for the title of both movies.)

    Back in the pre-VCR days when there were still drive-ins and soft-core theatrical releases, producers like Harry Novak and Dave Friedman churned out film after film which delivered the goods to the target audience: clear photography, vivid colors, lots of naked women, and something as close to actual sex as possible without showing any penetrated orifices. This Novak film is at or near the top of the exploitation food chain. It has lots of naked women, including an exploitation queen, the mammoth-breasted Uschi Digard. Uschi comes as close to real sex as was possible in these films. She sits on a guy in female-dominant position, and her genitals are seen next to his testicles. Penetration is not seen, but it isn't possible to get any closer without actually showing it.

    There's even a sorta interesting plot with some over-the-top Tarantinoesque violence - shocking stuff for 1971! Of course, the acting and special effects are awful, but let's face it, these performers weren't hired for their grasp of Iambic Pentamenter. (Uschi never speaks at all, even though people ask her questions. She just nods or shakes her head. I guess they wanted to hide her accent.)

    The DVD is an outstanding value, as is typical of products from Something Weird Video:

    1. The Godson has been lovingly remastered. It looks brand-new. The remaster is perfect.

    2. It also includes full-length reminiscences with Harry Novak.

    3. There is a second Novak film on the disk, Below the Belt, which also features Uschi Digard.

    4. There are also two shorts on the disk, also featuring Uschi. I, Uschi is a masturbation video with genital close-ups.

    5. There are galleries of arts, photos and songs from various Novak films.

    I'll have some of the other material in upcoming days. Here's The Godson for now.

    Thumbnails:

    • Uschi Digard (1, 2)
    • other named actresses (1, 2, 3)
    • unknowns (1, 2, 3)

    Individual Images:

     

     

    Updates:

    • Encyclopedia new volumes: Darian Caine, Tia Carrere, Belinda Carroll, Chiara Caselli, Patricia Charbonneau, Joan Chen, Juklie Cialini, Jennifer Ciesar, Sara Cosmi, Alison Eastwood, Audie England, Carmen Electra, Flower Edwards, Julie Ege, Nicole Eggert, Erika Eleniak

     

    Other crap


     

    Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.

    • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
    • If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
    • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Lawdog or Junior or C2000 or Realist or ICMS or Mick Locke, or somebody else besides me)
    • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

    Hankster
    'Caps and comments by Hankster:

    Still at it with the sexploitation western from 1969 "The Ramrodder.

    We pick it up from last time as Kathy Williams and Julia Blackburn are still tied together at the wrists and fighting with knives while bare chested. We see boobs rubbing together (boobs on the left are Kathy's), who gets the best of Julia but thankfully doesn't finish her off.

    Then it's on to another unknown "Babe in Bondage" as an attractive blonde is kidnapped by the Indians and tied up in only her white panties.

    • Kathy Williams and Julia Blackburn (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)

    • Unknown, blonde Babe in Bondage (1, 2, 3, 4)

    Marsie
    What's the best kind of supermodel? A nekkid supermodel!
    • Carla Bruni topless B&W pose.

    • Heather Stewart, two topless poses. #1 in B&W, #2 in color. (1, 2)

    • Kate Moss, posing fully nude with her breasts in plain view, plus a hint of pubes.

    • Kristen McMenamy, topless, with a cigarette.

    • Lynne Koester, full frontal nudity.

    • Selena, fully nude. Arms over boobs with a slight hint of nipple and pubes.

    Variety
    Amber Smith
    (1, 2)

    Excellent topless scans of the supermodel posing topless.

    Amanda Peet
    (1, 2)

    Full screen 'caps of Peet's topless scene from "Igby Goes Down". All the 'caps we've seen so far have been wide screen, so these show just a little more of her upper body.

    Milla Jovovich
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)

    Pokies, toplessness and full frontal B&W poses of the model/actress, by Finn.

    Christy Turlington
    (1, 2)

    The famous supermodel posing topless.

    Kristin Bauer
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

    Quick, what movie stars Ben Affleck, Sam Rockwell, Alyssa Milano, Matthew McConaughey, Brendan Fraser and Matt Damon, but you probably have never seen or heard of it? It's a small movie from 1996 called "Glory Daze". Written and directed by the guy who penned "xXx", Rich Wilkes. I haven't seen it since it first came out on video, but I think Kristin Bauer provided the only nudity. Here she wearing only stocking and a garter belt. Topless 'caps by Señor Skin.

    Imogen Bailey
    (1, 2, 3, 4)

    Yummy scans of the Aussie model from the March '03 issue of Front magazine. Cleavage in #1, nipple exposure in links 2-3, and a spectacular thong view in #4.

    Kim Cattrall The paparazzi caught theis nip slip from the "Sex and the City Star". Thanks to Squiddy.

    Amelia Curtis Vidcaps by C2000 of Curtis showing breasts and pubes in scenes from the UK movie "South West 9" (2001). Some folks may have seen her recently in the movie "FearDotCom".

    Courtney Love Up to her usual skanky tricks in London. Here she is wearing a very see-thru top and showing off her undies.