"How to Murder Your Wife"
How to Murder Your Wife (1965) is a very dated Jack Lemon comedy in both style and content. Jack plays a popular and wealthy cartoonist and confirmed bachelor. All that changes when he attends a bachelor party for a friend, and wakes up hung over and married to the girl that jumped out of the cake. To top it off, she is Italian, and doesn't speak a word of English. All of his friends wives consider it a victory for their gender, and he wants out -- at least mostly. We will get to the mostly part in a second.
His comic strip changes from the secret agent strip he had been doing to a husband and wife trials and tribulations of marriage thing, and then he has a brainstorm. He will kill his wife in the strip to vent his frustration at being married. She sees the strip and vanishes, and he is on trial for murder.
Now for the mostly part. The Italian wife is Virna Lisi. For those younger readers who are saying who, look at the images. I did this at reader request, He basically said she was really hot, a personal favorite, and there wasn't much on the net of her. I agree with the hot part completely. Here we have only leg and a little cleavage, but it is enough to raise my blood pressure.
IMDB readers have this at 6.4 of 10. Lemon won a BAFTA for best foreign actor. This early 60's version of the battle of the sexes plays now as quaint, but had henpecked husbands rolling in the aisles in 1965. IT is well made, and has a talented cast, so, as an early 60's romantic comedy, it is a C.
Sylvia (2003) is a biopic of Sylvia Plath. If that name means nothing to you, than you will more than likely not find anything of interest here. Sylvia became a feminist hero and major poet with the posthumous publication of her last book of poems. Her life was short, and depressing as hell. This film is long, and depressing as hell. It starts with her attending Cambridge on a Fullbright scholarship, where she met and wed poet Ted Hughes. During their trip to America, we learn that she has been depressed since the death of her father when she was ten, made a serious suicide attempt, and had electroshock and lots of therapy. Despite all that, she was clinically depressed and very jealous of her husband and any woman near him. She eventually drove him to another woman. She through him out, and started writing seriously and raising her two small children, but eventually the depression won and she committed suicide.
The ending was telegraphed in the opening scene. The meeting and courtship at Cambridge was charmingly portrayed, and the dissolution of the marriage was also well recounted, but I am as much in the dark about what motivated her, what her dreams were, and what her body of work was like as I was before I watched it. Nor was their any insight as to why she would abandon her two children. Ebert likes this one, calling it a wonderful glimpse into the literary world. Not all critics were as positive.
IMDB readers score this at 6.0 of 10. It was supposed to be the rebirth of lead Gwenyth Platrow's career as a serious actress. Although she did a fine job, as did costar Daniel Craig, the material just did not make for an engaging or enjoyable story. Paltrow is naked in two scenes. The first is so dark as to make any images nearly impossible. In the second, the lighting was a little better. This film was less fun than a root canal to sit through, and taught me nothing useful, therefor failing both my entertainment criteria. This is a low C_. Fans of Plath may learn something about her from this. It is one I won't rewatch, and will purge it from my memory by morning.
|Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)
La Ley de Herodes (2000)
I sure am getting a lesson on Mexican filmmaking in
the past two years. I had no idea that there were so many good ones,
with such a rich tapestry of talent woven into them. Y tu Mama
Tambien is rated 7.8 at IMDb, Amores Perros is rated 8.1 (#149
of all time), and this film schools them both, at rated 8.4!! La Ley
de Herodes won the Best Picture award from the Mexican Academy in
2000 (Amores Perros won in 2001)
This is one of the most enjoyable comedies I've
seen. It mixes the laughter with serious political and sociological
points, warmth, multi-dimensional characterization, brilliant
concepts, sharp cinematography. Since my Spanish is mediocre, I
can't remember any other time when I was laughing out loud at the
dialogue in a Spanish language film, without reading the sub-titles.
The ruling PRI party is looking for a man to head up
the tiny but troublesome town of San Pedro de los Saguaros. (Correct
me if I'm wrong, but I'm pretty sure there is no St Peter of the
Cacti). They need a man who is ambitious, honest, loyal to the
party, and - most important - not too bright, because
this town really sucks, consisting of fewer than 100 people, about
four of whom speak Spanish. Enter our hero, Juan Vargas, who has
been supervising a local urban dump and jumps at the honor of being
a mayor, and relishes the opportunity to bring modernity and social
justice to his new subjects. He and his wife pack their best
wardrobe into their Packard, and head off proudly to the new
assignment, filled with dreams of glory and respect. They stop to
ask for directions in the middle of nowhere, and are crestfallen to
learn that the very same middle of nowhere happens to be their new
As time goes on, all of Juan's foolish ideals fall
by the wayside, and he learns to exploit the local populace like
every mayor before him. In an interesting ending, Juan meets a dual
fate - either he is beheaded by the local villagers and replaced by
another Juan - a clone of the idealistic, eager fool Juan used to be
- or he goes on to climb through the ranks and ends up President of
Mexico. Because, after all, either THIS Juan rises to the top, or
another one - they're all interchangeable in a corrupt system.
The best feature of the film is the casting of Juan,
who is so lovable and meek that we could never believe him capable
of the horrible acts he eventually commits. He's so sweet and naive
that we still sympathize with him no matter how bad his misdeeds.
The real power of that casting is that the blame for corruption
falls squarely where it belongs, not on evil men, but in a system
which corrupts all men, even the sweetest, forcing them to become
cruel or fail.
Although Herod's Law is a comedy, and is really an
entertainment film at heart, this movie was so influential in Mexico
that many people said it contributed significantly to the electoral
defeat of the PRI party in the 200 elections, after 70 consecutive
years in power.
- Leticia Huijara (1,
- Evangelina Sosa (1,
- Sosa and two other actresses (1,
Gwyneth Paltrow hoped that this film would put her back on the
A-list after some slumming in junk films. She did fine, but the
picture really sucks, so Gwyn will have to wait for that return to
It's a biopic of the poet Sylvia Plath, who was emotionally
disturbed, and committed suicide while very young.
There are two interesting things about Plath
1. many consider her a major poet. Why?
2. she committed suicide despite being young, healthy, brilliant,
and beautiful. She was raised in a middle-class home and was never
beaten, raped, or severely traumatized. So what led her to be such a
This film offers no insight into either question. They didn't get
permission to use Plath's poetry, the script came up with no insight
into her madness, and the director came up with no techniques to
picture her mental state.
Sylvia Plath without her madness and her poems is like Oklahoma
without the songs. She's just another fucked-up woman talking about
literature and death a lot, like a depressing member of your wife's
book club. As I wrote in
my long review, Plath's conversations were so morbid that she
made Jim Morrison seem as life-affirming as Zorba the Greek.
Snowboarder hurt during stunt for Letterman
Lapdance club boots out drunken John Hurt.
The Berlin film festival kicks off - will feature 400 films
screened over 11 days.
Sharpen your pissing skills. If you're someplace where the
sound matters, set phasers on "mute". This sucker has a loud bass
- OK, I've heard of the Dirty
Sanchez and the Cleveland Steamer, but
the Pink Sock is a new one to me.
COMEDY CENTRAL measures the Vegas reaction to the Mouseketeer
The Daily Show: everyone declares victory, even Kucinich.
One of Beretta's lawyers takes a hike.
- The trailers are now online for
Soul Plane. "A black man humiliated by the crew on an airplane
gets a huge financial settlement and founds his own
airline--flying out of the new Terminal X in L.A. On this airship,
the flight attendants are sexpots, Snoop Dogg provides the tunes
and the passengers are gittin' jiggy."
- The first trailers are up for
Around the World in 80 Days, the Disney remake starring Jackie
Chan and Steve Coogan - also featuring The Governator.
- There is now a clip online from
The United States of Leland : "15-year-old Leland murders an
autistic child and claims that he committed the act out of
sadness. The boy is sent to a juvenile facility, where a male
teacher named Pearl must unravel the mystery behind Leland's
murderous act and sadness while dealing with how the tragic
killing affects the families of both the victim and the
Check out The Rock with a fro in scenes from Be Cool. (Sequel
to Get Shorty)
Nathaniel Hawthorne swiped a lot of material. Can you imagine
how lame that guy was? He stole other guys' ideas and the best
thing he could come up with was The Scarlet Letter. Talk about
petty theft. He was like his generation's version of a convenience
Tom Green says he's not dating Farrah Fawcett. Of course not.
For one thing, she's not a horse, and for another, she doesn't
have a penis.
PortaViewer HotLists Lists From Pool.com These guys keep track
of expired domains, if you are looking for something.
THE ASTOUNDING B MONSTER "The internet's coolest cult-movie
OxymoronList.com - claims to be the longest list of oxymorons.
The Slip-Up Archive: Movie and TV Bloopers and Mistakes and More
Judge rules Clarett eligible for NFL draft. Ohio State running
back Maurice Clarett was ruled eligible for the NFL draft Thursday
by a federal judge who concluded that the league's rule violates
Frank Darabont's script for INDIANA JONES 4 has been discarded by
producer and scriptwriting genius George Lucas. Needs more
cowbell. I gotta have more cowbell. And some Jar-Jar.
Texas woman strikes oil in her house. Her toilet is acting as
the oil well.
Charisma Carpenter would like to be Wonder Woman.
The inventor of 'CtrlAltDelete' - retires. "I may have
invented it, but Bill Gates made it famous"
- Arena Football Cheerleaders -
The Carolina Cobras - Snake Charmers
Scalia Was Cheney's Guest; Ethics Concern Grows "If the vice
president is the source of generosity, it means Scalia is
accepting a gift of some value from a litigant in a case before
him," said New York University law professor Stephen Gillers.
"These are not the droids you are looking for", said Darth Cheney.
Minghella rejected U.S. criticism for making the film about a
sacred piece of American history in Romania. . What they don't
understand is that this film is actually about the little-known
Romanian civil war, in which the Southern Vampires and
Gymnasts fought to maintain their independent way of life. Of
course, the Southern Romanian Vampires were pretty much like the
Northern Dark Ones except that instead of tuxedos they wore those
Colonel Sanders suits. Slavery wasn't an issue. Vampires have to
- Here's the trailer for
Bon Voyage. Warnings: (1) contains Gerard Depardieu with
slicked-down hair (2) contains Peter Coyote speaking French (3) is
entirely in French without sub-titles. The official summary: "In
June 1940, as politicians, journalists, society figures, demi-mondaines
and spies from all sides all meet up at the Hotel Splendide in
Bordeaux, a young man has to choose between a famous actress and
an impassioned student, between politicians and hoodlums, between
insouciance and adulthood." It appears to be a slapstick farce
with some serious underlying points. The Pianist meets Police
Squad. Hey, it's French, what can I say? If they had made
Gilligan's Island, the show would have had just as much tripping
and head-bopping, but also would have had horrifying dream
sequences probing deep into Gilligan's psyche.
- Here's the trailer for
Beauty Shop, which is basically Barbershop 3, spinning
Barbershop 2's Queen Latifah character off into a separate
business. Get your tickets now. Lines are already forming for this
sucker. The offshore bookies are already taking bets on how many
times the characters will use "girl" or "girlfriend" as forms of
- Here's the first look at the
Raising Helen, the latest lame Kate Hudson movie. This one is
about a swinging career woman who ends up with custody of three
small kids. Contain your excitement. It features an appearance by
Paris Hilton. Fully dressed, presumably (PG-13).
William Safire calls the underworld, asks Tricky Dick about the
Leonardo Da Vinci's family had only one word for him at his
graduation party: "Plastics"
'Rings' Rules Over Empire Film Awards. "Pirates of the
Caribbean" star and Oscar nominee Johnny Depp was named best
actor, while "Kill Bill" actress Uma Thurman picked up the best
Remember that story about how Spalding Gray was missing? No,
you don't. And you didn't care at the time. Well, neither did
A record $81.2 million was wagered on Super Bowl XXXVIII, and
the state's 152 sports books won a record $12.4 million, according
to numbers released Wednesday by the Nevada Gaming Control Board.
Nicole Kidman has made a pay-or-play deal to star with Will
Ferrell in Bewitched for Columbia Pictures. Nora Ephron will
direct from her own script based on the classic TV series about a
mortal man married to a fetching witch."
Kurt Warner sucks now because he reads the bible. "Coach. I'm
Goliath. I'm not supposed to win against David."
- I swear I didn't make up one
word of this:
Ohio livestock exhibitors accused of putting toupees on their
Sam Rockwell cast as Zaphod Beeblebrox. Great choice. The
talented Rockwell is the star of CONFESSIONS OF A DANGEROUS MIND
and played Guy the security guy in GALAXY QUEST
- Forget Bennifer and Pittiston
and Demiton. HERE is the true celebrity power couple
57 year old ditz Farrah Fawcett, and 32 year old goofball Tom
Green. As you might imagine, Farrah's children are not
thrilled with having Tom Green as a stepdad.
Spaz Out New York finds "the kookiest Christian websites"
Urban Legends Reference Pages: Hubble photographs The Eye of God.
Dean says he will exit race if he does not win Wisconsin
Oh, brother, here we go! NBC Excises 'ER' Breast Scene. Days
after Janet Jackson (news) shocked the nation by baring her breast
during the Super Bowl, NBC has agreed to edit out a brief shot of
an 80-year-old woman's breast from Thursday night's episode of
medical drama "ER"
- The trailer is now online for
The Return, a serious Russian drama.
- Cory Doctorow makes his novel,
Eastern Standard Tribe, available for free.
Thousands of Bulgarian boys skipped school this week to audition
for a part in the next Harry Potter film.
Former Sex Pistol walks out of reality show, brings anarchy to
British television. It seems that he quit when the producers
told him to watch his language after he said "fucking cunts" on
live TV. He will work next as a speechwriter for John Kerry.
archives. May also include newer material than the ones above,
since it's sorta in real time.
to submit a URL for inclusion in Other Crap
are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.
- The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the
review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
- If there is a white asterisk, it means that
there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined
there might be something else of interest.
- A blue asterisk indicates the review is written
by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
- If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too
ashamed to admit it.
Words from Scoop.
.avi's from Shiloh.
.wmv files made by Scoop from Shiloh's .avi's.
1. Eureka ain't much of a movie, but Theresa Russell
is all kinds of naked in it. Geez, sometimes I miss the 80s.
2. And one more look at the Teri Hatcher scene in
Heaven's Prisoners. (.avi version, .wmv
Perhaps these tips will help if you have trouble
with the codecs for these movies:
FYI when I hypercam vids to make the file size smaller I use
DivX MPEG-4 Fast-Motion for the video compressor, then I use
virtualdub to compress the audio. The properties for the
vids says the video codec: DivX Decoder Filter & audio
codec: Morgan Stream Switcher which I'm not familiar with.
When I compress the audio with virtualdub I use MPEG
Layer-3. A friend of mine told me about compressing the
audio about (6) mos. ago. Like I said previously, only been
capping for a year & a half & I'm no expert. Hopefully this
info will help members with the proper codecs for my vids.
When I cap big brother's I use hypercam mostly & sdp &
asfrecorder if the set up allows me. I stopped using
camtasia cause the file sizes were always too big, could
never figure out the process, over my head lol, plus it cost
too much to buy in my opinion.
A reader says:
You mentioned that some users were
having trouble with the videos on your site. There is a tool
designed to determine what codec is needed for a video.
http://www.headbands.com/gspot/ Hope this is useful to you
or your users.
I made the .wmv versions of each video. The codecs for these: Windows Video V8, Windows Audio 9.
The upside of these is that you know the codecs, and they'll play in
the Windows Media Player. The downside is that they are slightly
larger, and slightly lower quality.
Congrats to Brainscan for passing the 5000 images mark!
'Caps and comments by Brainscan:
Just as I was predicting the end of Western
civilization, or at least the end of Hefmates as eye
candy in Hollywood, along come Boat Trip and American
Wedding. Both were high profile, one a notable
success, the other a miserable failure.
Boat Trip had one nekkid Hefmate, Jami Ferrell, in the
movie itself. But Jami was joined by four other
Heffers in the added features, specifically the How to
Tan feature. Two of those others, Deanna Brooks and
Natalia Sokolova gave up natural hooties and
robo-hooties, respectively. Here are Jami, Deanna,
Natalia and two others, Shauna Sand and Teri Harrison
(both of whom kept their bikinis intact and in place)
in the bonus area.
Nikki Schieler-Ziering, Hefmate for Sept 1997, gave up
serious robo-hooters in the unrated version of
American Wedding (2003), with the extended bachelor
party scene. Nikki plays the disciplinarian
cop-stripper in a scene that couldn't be more low-brow
or much funnier. The movie is made by Seann William
Scott's performance as Stifler, who in this last part
of the trilogy comes across as a live-action Eric
Cartman. Bad guys and folk without shame or remorse
for their evil deads make such interesting movie
characters. That's Stifler.
I capped the living beejeebers out of Nikki's long
scene. Thirteen collages worth. This is what happens
when a hobby turns into an obsession. Nikki hooties
wherever you look (my favorite is #11) and Nikki bum
in #'s 2 and 3.
- Nikki Schieler-Ziering
And an added bonus for today: the late, lamented
Dorothy Stratten in her only on-screen exposure. The
movie is Autumn Born (1979). You get to see a bit of
Dorothy's upper bod and a lot of her wonderous
||Looking fantastic wearing only a bra and panties (great thong views!) in scenes from an episode of the ABC series "Line of Fire". 'Caps by The Rock.
|All 3 B's (especially plenty of bush) in more Marvin 'caps from the Tinto Brass movie "Cosė fan tutte" aka "All Women Do It" (1992).
|Señor Skin 'caps of the co-star, co-producer and co-writer of the screenplay baring all in scenes from "Ivansxtc" (2000).
|Pat Reeder www.comedy-wire.com
Pat's comments in yellow...
NIPPLEGATE: THE CONTINUING CRISIS
Great Google-e-moogly! - Lycos.com announced that "Janet Jackson's breast" is
now the most searched-for term in Internet history, breaking the record held
by the September 11 attacks. In the 24 hours after the Super Bowl, "Janet
Jackson's breast" was searched for 60 times more often than "Paris Hilton tape"
and 80 times more than "Britney Spears."
Britney's kicking herself! All the times Justin Timberlake ripped off her
bra, and NONE of them were in public!
Well, there's a lot more to see here than there was in the Paris Hilton
What has happened to our culture?! We need to nip this! Nip it in the
PARIS HILTON GETS A GIG AND A GOAT
Besides, He's Had Her - Donald Trump told US Weekly that he's considering
hiring Paris Hilton to host the Miss USA Pageant. He said the sex tape doesn't
bother him, that he's known her since she was little, and "she's a fine
girl"...who "will give the pageant its highest TV ratings."
Particularly during a new segment he's creating called "Boink The Judges!"
And if she can't do it, Janet Jackson is available.
But she'll make all the contestants look fat!
The Simpleton Life - The UK's Sun tabloid reports that Paris Hilton was
thrown off a plane in Las Vegas when she tried to get on with a monkey, a ferret
and a goat she'd bought as pets. She had to drive the beasts home to L.A. in a
six-hour limo ride.
And after that trip, she had to buy the limo.
She bought them for their pelts.
Her new boyfriend wanted to videotape a five-way with animals.
BRITNEY DENIES BUYING PORN
She Already Knows How To Suck - Britney Spears' reps are threatening to sue
the British tabloid News Of The World for claiming -- they say falsely -- that
while in a London hotel, Britney paid for two X-rated movies, "Sex Truck" and
"Double-D Housewives," which she and her girlfriends giggled through.
She was probably just watching porn as research for her future movie
The way Britney's career is going, she may soon BE a "Double-D Housewife."
Now that Britney knows what housewives' sex lives are like, she's sorry
she got an annulment.
Britney would never pay for sex!...Well, except for the $500,000 she gave
her husband to go away.
FUN FACTS ABOUT CONTRACT KILLINGS
Go With A Pro - The Australian Institute of Criminology studied 163 attempted
and successful contract killings between 1989 and 2002. Among their
findings: professional criminals are more likely to order a successful hit, but most
"contracts" are taken out by angry spouses and jealous ex-lovers over the
break-up of a relationship. The average price paid to a hit man was $12,700, but
the prices ranged from $380 to $76,000.
So the moral is: It pays to shop around.
You'd really have to love someone a lot to pay $76,000 to have them killed.