"Road House"

Road House (1989) is one of those films that everyone points to as a perfect example of a terrible film. There are grounds for this position. First, the premise is that Patrick Swayze is a famous bouncer. I would think that a bouncer with a national reputation would be a target for every macho drunk in the area, and would not be an asset to a club. Then, there is the fact that Swazye didn't (or couldn't) act in this film, nor did the female lead, Kelly Lynch. As a matter of fact, Road House was nominated for 5 Razzies. Ben Gazzara, as the sick rich man who runs the town, rips off all the inhabitants, and becomes Swayze's nemesis, is just entirely too evil to be believable. Swayze is brought in by the owner of the Double Douce to clean up the establishment. The owner wanted the best, which is pretty smart, but was too stupid to realize how hard the fight would be. The plot is 100% predictable.

On the other hand, there are positives. The fights, of which there are many, were well choreographed, and the good guys didn't win every single one. Then there is the presence of Sam Elliott, who is so cool that any film he is in gets an automatic star from me just for his appearance. Then, of course, there is a lot of nudity. The best known, of course, is the post sex scene with Kelly Lynch, where she shows her breasts getting out of bed, drapes a sheet over her front, then walks to a balcony with her buns exposed to sit beside a naked Swayze. Julie Michaels does a strip, and shows breasts, and buns in white panties. Cheryl Baker shows her bra, when her husband offers anyone with $20.00 the opportunity to kiss her tits. Either Julie Royer or Dawn Ciccone shows breasts in the storeroom having sex with Steve the bouncer. Several women show breasts at a party given by Gazzara, and several strippers are seen in G-strings in a club where Sam Elliott is working.

IMDB readers have this at 5.3 of 10. Ebert had mixed feelings about it, and awarded 2 1/2 stars. There are not enough reviews for Rotten Tomatoes to give an official score, but the range is 2 to 3 stars. So, despite its bad reputation, the film is actually marginally entertaining, if you accept its premise and don't think too hard. C-.

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  • Cheryl Baker (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
  • Julie Michaels (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13)
  • Kelly Lynch (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26)
  • Strippers (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
  • Unknown (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

  • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)

    Needless to say, I couldn't agree with Tuna's pronouncement that Road House, the greatest movie ever made, was "marginally entertaining". Here's my take on it


    Island of Death is, without any question, the Citizen Kane of goat-fucking movies.

    • Jane Ryall, in what is unquestionably the finest naked acting performance ever given by the daughter of a local Black and Decker representative. It is said of many actresses that they have "all the tools". Jane not only had the tools, but could get them to you at affordable prices, with an excellent warranty. (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15)
    • Others (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)




    • Charlie's French Cinema Nudity site is updated




    Other crap


    Here are the latest movie reviews available at

    • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
    • If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
    • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Lawdog or Junior or C2000 or Realist or ICMS or Mick Locke, or somebody else besides me)
    • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

    Graphic Response
    • Barbara Bach, the sexy Bond babe shows full frontal nudity in scenes from "Ecco noi per esempio" (1977).

    Be sure to pay Graphic Response a visit at his website.

    'Caps and comments by Brainscan:

    The Mummy's Kiss (2003) is a Seduction Cinema production (Misty Mundae's place of business) which always means lots of girls doing girls and usually means lots of exposure south of the belly button. Not this time. And the reason I got this mama in the first place was for today's subject, former Hefmate Katie Lohmann. I figured the exposure from her would be, well interesting. And Katie does appear topless in all her scenes and in a long set of outtakes. Something like 20 minutes total, but she is topless only and the only person near her is an old guy who stays at least ten feet away. Sigh.

    Katie, ice blonde, plays Isis, Egyptian goddess. A blonde Egyptian goddess. Repeat that to yourself until it slides right off the tongue. Not to worry, though, I hear that when the Norse legends are made into a movie, our man Sam Jackson is gonna play Thor.

    We see Katie topless in the outtakes first (first 14 collages), then we see her topless as she dances around for three collages during the opening credits (mofo-ing letters kept getting in the way but I caught some frames free of the annoying buggers) and then for two collages when she glows as Isis, the role for which she was born.

    Camille Cousin A subtle, but very sexy nip slip in scenes from her one and only IMDb credit...from "Bricol' Girls" (1999)

    Suzanne Stokes The former Heffer teasing us with near-toplessness. Also from "Bricol' Girls".

    Dominique Sanda
    (1, 2, 3)

    The French actress goes topless in scenes from "L'Eredità Ferramonti" (1976).

    Elizabeth McGovern
    (1, 2, 3, 4)

    Topless, rear nudity and a possible hint of pubes in scenes from the multi-Oscar nominated Milos Foreman movie "Ragtime" (1981).

    Mr. Grundy
    'Caps and comments by Mr. Grundy:

    First up today...

    REBECCA CRUZ appears in HYPER SPACE -- not the 1984 "Star Wars" parody, spelled as one word, but the science-fiction film made five years later...which appears to have been Ms. Cruz's swan song, after a short-lived screen career. There's a great fight scene in the beginning between the film's hero and the towering Big John Studd.

    KIMBERLY ROWE is one half of a paranormal pair in 1997's ghost story, KNOCKING ON DEATH'S DOOR. Beginning her career in a few EMANUELLE efforts and moving on to JUSTINE, she might have got a little shier about exposing her wares, if the peek-a-boo scene in this film was any indication.

    From the movie "TORNADO RUN":

    SHARON BRUNEAU is the tough, muscular hero of the 1995 military aviation film making use of stock footage for almost all the action scenes. Ms. Bruneau does not let it all hang out, and contrary to what I wrote on her collage, she has shown up in what appears to be a small, recurring role in two entries of the equally cheap-o sounding NEMESIS series. 1995 was her big boom year for apparently all the films she has appeared in as an actress (and not as a stuntwoman.)

    ELIZABETH OCHSNER is the other skin-shy actress from TORNADO RUN, in apparently her only film role, playing a lead.

    PATRICIA SANCHEZ appears as a killer who gives a turn as a biker chick, as well (although the motorcycle scenes are all stock footage, but we do get to see her under-helmet eyes in an intercut close shot during the action sequence.) The Latina lass has been concentrating on Spanish productions, in recent years.

    SHELLEY MICHELLE is the professional body double who perhaps most notably filled in for Julia Roberts in PRETTY WOMAN. She has had the most extensive exposure on screen than any of her TORNADO RUN co-actresses, both in terms of the quantity of films, and in terms of the term better preferred. In this one, she probably has had the better chance among all her film credits to display her acting chops. It takes a good actress to convince us she actually sees something in her exceptional dullard of a film husband.

    As always, Mr. Grundy invites you to visit his Yahoo group...Sick Sexy Sinema Shots

    'Caps and comments by Hankster:

    As we promised today we return to the 1974 classic "Big Bad Mama", for a look at "Eight is Enough" star Joan Prather as she is captured by mama Angie and her daughters becoming a "Babe in Bondage" and having Tom Skerrit feel her up while bound to the bed.

    Tom frees her from her bonds as she agrees to have sex with him. Not! She gives him a knee to the groin and William Shatner watches her escape.

    But alas she is re-captured and her hands tied behind her back as Angie Dickinson leads her outdoors in the final shoot out scene (links 8-9). Daddy manages to rescue the lovely Joan.

    PK Orion
    Claudia Black One of my favorite sci-fi babes showing a bit of partial breast exposure on "Farscape".

    Milla Jovovich Brief breast and pube views from "Resident Evil".

    Leslie Folduary

    a couple of topless babes from the Ah-nuld classic, "Conan the Barbarian" (1982).

    Monica Bellucci
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

    The Italian mega-babe topless and showing bush in scenes from "Malèna" (2000). Look for her to become a huge star in America after this year's releases of "The Matrix Reloaded" on May 15, and "The Matrix Revolutions" on November 7.

    Miller Cat Fight Girls Kitana Baker and Tanya Ballinger...cleavage and mud rasslin!

    Rebecca Mosselmann Topless on German TV in scenes from "Krieger und Liebhaber" (2000). Vidcaps by ILB.

    Jo Guest
    (1, 2)

    Great vidcaps by Watty of the UK babe topless, getting spanked and having her nipples tweaked.

    NEW Baywatch Gossip!
    Hasselhoff: Miracle Recovery After His Head Explodes

    by Wayne Davis

    *How bad is the new "Baywatch" reunion? Here's a clue: it was supposed to air during the February ratings sweeps (which end on February 27th). The "Baywatch" reunion has just been scheduled for February 28th. Obviously, network execs didn't like what they saw.

    The years have not been kind to the stars: David Hasselhoff became a falling-down drunk. He's been in and out of Betty Ford more often than Gerald Ford. Pam Anderson contracted Hepatitis C. Yasmine Bleeth developed a cocaine habit that reportedly ate away the inside of her nose.

    -- The title of the two-hour special is "Baywatch Hawaiian Wedding" -- "Mitch" (Hasselhoff) comes back to Hawaii to get married (which wasn't easy, since he was in a boating accident during his 10th and final season, and his head exploded! As it turns out, he didn't really die: he's actually been living in Los Angeles, recovering from amnesia! (His wife on the show is now his ex). Producers obviously hope to make their money overseas, where "Baywatch" WAS always a bigger hit (in Germany, David Hasselhoff is a recording star!


    THE CAST (from IMDB) Pamela Anderson, Alexandra Paul, Gena Lee Nolin, Yasmine Bleeth, Carmen Electra, Angelica Bridges, Nicole Eggert, Brande Roderick

    CONSPICUOUSLY ABSENT: Traci Bingham, the first African-American Baywatch babe, who was on the cover of Playboy when they did a "Baywatch" layout a few years ago (and who may need the money: tabloid reports say she had her car repossessed and is currently shooting an instructional video for strippers, although she was never one herself)

    MORE TABLOID REPORTS: Fox wouldn't air a "Baywatch" reunion unless Pam Anderson was In it. Suddenly, all the leverage went to her. First thing she did: demand WAY more money than everyone else. When Hasselhoff told her there wasn't enough in the budget, she told him "I'm sure you'll find a way". Bottom line: everybody had to take a pay cut (as much as $25,000, all of which went to Pam. Hasselhoff explained: "It's either this or there's no movie"…Also: Pam hated Donna D'Errico for some reason, I think Donna ripped her in an interview. So that's why she's not in the reunion (it's not as if she's too busy).