Caroline Catz in "The Vice" Amanda Holden in "The Grimleys"

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I fdon't know if there is any more to say about Excalibur that I haven't said. I love the movie beyond all reason, like a great love we can never let go, despite the injuries she may do us. I think it is the richest adaptation of the King Arthur legend, sourced from The Once and Future King and other Arthurian fol-de-rol. Of course it's all bullshit, we all know that, but tell me it isn't the most beautiful bullshit ever written. Before the onset of modern democratic times, men dreamed of a king who would actually care about them. King Arthur is how he might have been, and this story is how he might have fallen, and the regrets he may have had. Director John Boorman did a beautiful job on the visuals. Tuna did 159 images. Helen Mirren (and others) provided some tits. Any further questions?

Cherie Lunghi as Guinevere (#1, #2, #3, #4, #5, #6, #7, #8, #9, #10) Helen Mirren as Morgana (#1, #2, #3, #4, #5, #6, #7, #8, #9, #10, #11) Katrine Boorman (John's daughter) as Arthur's mom (#1, #2, #3, #4, #5, #6, #7, #8, #9)

Tuna also does, for his own collecting value, some "thumbnail guides" so he can find his raw caps, and files away the original caps he uses to make the collages. Since this is an extraordinary movie, I thought you mught want these, for your collection, or because you like single frames, or perhaps you want to make your own collages, I don't know, but they have no value just sitting on my hard disk, so here they are. The thumbnail indices. (#1, #2, #3, #4, #5, #6, #7, #8, #9, #10, #11, #12, #13, #14, #15, #16, #17, #18, #19) The actual captures. Here they are, all 110 of them. If there are any you want, they are residing in this directory. Take what you want, but they will not go to the archives. I will delete them tomorrow.

"Dangerous Touch", from Johnny Web

I feel a little silly with my contribution of seven collages from a low budget erotic thriller after Tuna's 159 pictures from Excalibur. It reminds me of a Peanuts cartoon. The kids are looking at the clouds. Lucy says, "what do you see in the shapes of the clouds?". Schroeder says he sees Beethoven, anguishing at the keyboard to imagine the great 9th Symphony into existence, although he was then completely deaf. Linus, says that he sees the martyrdom of St. Paul. Charlie Brown goes last, and he says "I was gonna say a ducky and a doggie, but I changed my mind".

Well, anyway, I still have to say a ducky and a doggie, whether I want to or not. Dangerous Touch can be summed up as follows. Dean Wormer's kid has grown up into a radio psychologist. Richie Valens seduces her for only one reason - to blackmail her into giving up some priveleged patient information that will enable him to eliminate WoJo, who plays a powerful crime boss that cost Richie Valens three years in the hoosegow. She won't play along, so all the gangsters start fucking each other over and fucking her over, and Richie Valens even has to kill the Wishmaster at one point. Guess what - that Wishmaster voice is not Divoff's real voice. I never realized it was artifically enhanced for those flicks. I just thought he was a nice Russian-American boy who could talk like Darth Vader. Anyway, it has enough twists and turns that I watched it at regular speed. Richie Valens actually directed and wrote it as well! A real Orson Welles, that boy. Well, it isn't half bad. He did a lot better than Ponyboy did in the same three roles with "Hourglass". Unfortunately, I had to bump it down to no stars because Richie never sang "La Bamba", WoJo never had coffee with Fish, Wishmaster never granted one twisted wish, and the Deltas are still on double top secret probation.

Dean Wormer's Kid looks good, and Monique Parent showed up as the obligatory anonymous stripper or hooker or something.

Kate Vernon (#1, #2, #3, #4, #5, #6) Monique Parent