Lust for Freedom (1987) is a Troma WIP flick. Kaufman got all the WIP cliches into the film, but made many mistakes. First, he took nearly 20 minutes to get the hero into prison, and another 10 to show the first breast. Second, he choose a female lead who didn't do nudity, Melanie Coll. Third, the obligatory naked shower scene was way too short. Fourth, none of the cat fights produced any nudity, nor did the torture scenes. Finally, when it came time to kick ass and get even, the deaths were way to fast, and nowhere near painful enough.

Call was an undercover cop whose fiancee and partner was killed in a bust gone bad. She looses it, and just starts driving. She is eventually arrested on trumped up charges, and thrown into a woman's prison which serves as a drug peddling ring, a white slave market, a whore house, a porno snuff film production company, and a playground for a sadistic head hard, warden and sheriff. Michelle Bauer does full frontal in a lesbo scene with Crystal Breeze, who only shows breasts. Adrian Scott also does full frontal, but Pamela Gilbert only shows breasts. Several unidentified prisoners also show breasts.

IMDb readers have this at 1.9 of 10. The DVD is not very good quality, but it does have all of the required genre scenes, and is hence a low C-.

Updates:

• Charlie's French Cinema Nudity Site is updated.

In Praise of Older Women (1979):

When the hell are they going to get this out on a nice DVD? I'm afraid my master plan to convert some old VHS tapes to DVD is not working out as well as was promised by my first two efforts. Failing this project, I have ordered a bargain basement six dollar DVD from amazon.com, but I hold out no high hopes for that either. I struggled and struggled with this green-tinted VHS, and I really only got one nice image: the second one of Alberta Watson. I did manage to get a kinda good shot of Helen Shaver's famous beaver shot, and a decent look at Karen Black.

Those were just the three most famous women who showed anything capturable.

The movie contains FAR more nudity:

• Karen Black: shows her breasts in a post-sex scene.

• Helen Shaver shows the whole works including an open leg shot in a lengthy and well lit scene. She looked great. Beautiful body, and a face to match.

• Alberta Watson shows her breasts in a lengthy sexual encounter which is mostly talk.

• Monique LePage shows breasts and bum in a shower scene, and then as a young boy grabs her clumsily.

• Marilyn Lightstone shows one breast in a sex scene

• Marianne McIsaac shows her breasts and buns getting in and out of bed.

• Alexandra Stewart shows the full monty pre, during, and post sex.

• According to The Bare Facts, Susan Strasberg shows her breasts in a sex scene with Tom Berenger, and then clearly after he rolls off her. Unfortunately, the scene is very dark, and to me it appeared that her bra was still on when she got up. It was too dark and green to capture anything worth seeing, although I did one frame below just to give you the idea. Either way, there isn't much titillation in the visuals, but this is still quite a hot sex scene simply because the lovers make hungry erotic talk throughout the lovemaking, as people often do in real life, but seldom do in the movies!

• Berenger shows his bum and Mr Happy in various sex scenes.

Tough assignment for Berenger, eh? He did all the sex scenes listed above except the one with Monique LePage, which was done by a young boy playing Berenger as a youth. Berenger played the character from age 16 to 23, which was no small task, considering that he was approaching 30 when this movie was made. Believe it or not, he was reasonably credible as a schoolboy. He had the gangly body, his face looked young enough, and he faked the voice and mannerisms convincingly.

The story is epic in scope, following a man's life through wartime Hungary, then into the territory controlled by the Allies, then into Communist Hungary, and eventually to Canada in the aftermath of the ill-fated 1956 Hungarian Revolution. (It was written in Canada, and the film is also Canadian.). The movie begins with a 12 year old Hungarian boy having his first sexual encounter with a mature prostitute. The story picks up from there four years later, when the same boy (now played by Berenger) has some disappointing experiences with girls his own age, and decides that he can eliminate his sexual incompetence in the same way he originally lost his virginity - by turning to older women for instruction. He not only learns from the experienced women, but discovers jubilant sexuality, warmth, and complexity with them, and they in turn are invigorated by his enthusiasm, innocence, and lusty prowess. Finally, he concludes that he does not want use sex with older women as a training ground for younger conquests, but as the end itself..

The semi-autobiographical novel was a respected work of 20th century literature which was widely praised for its elegant prose style, humor, and candid insights into the thought processes of women. Many American critics praised the English language version, and Le Monde awarded all five stars to the French version, offering the following comments:

"... For eight years, living from hand to mouth, Vizinczey learned to become a writer in a language of exile. At the end of his apprenticeship, he published a masterpiece, In Praise of Older Women ... At the price of discouraging some readers who are fond of sexual spectacles and amorous gymnastics, it has to be said that the novel, far from being about fantasies and neuroses, seeks, like all great novels, to teach those who read it the truth about life. It is a novel of apprenticeship which would be a good thing to offer to young people of both sexes as soon as they approach the enchanted and agonizing shores of sexuality... "

In addition to the poetic language, the book seems to have developed some philosophical and literary threads that kept it worth reading.

I'm just assuming that.

 In fact, I haven't read the book, and the movie accomplishes none of that.

• The film, in fact, is clumsy. It's just several (often repetitive) episodes with different women, and not much ties the entire film together. It's the 70s equivalent of a softcore Cinemax movie.

• Although the book was praised for its eloquence, the narration of the film was straightforward, and even confusing because it was not done by Tom Berenger, but by a unseen voice which sounded nothing like Tom.

• The production values are weak. The lighting is poor, and the sound is often incomprehensible.

• The music in the film is just a disaster. It used the wah-wah mutes of slapstick comedy and the merry tinkling transition music of light comedies and sitcoms. It's just plain goofy. There are plenty of times when the music seems to be totally inappropriate and completely at odds with the onscreen action.

IMDb voters call it a wishy-washy 5.6. I found the film tedious and amateurish, and it rarely held my interest, but I have to admit that I would sit through it again if there were a newly-mastered version on DVD, only because a number of sexy women got naked fairly often.

The film was nominated for five Etrogs (the inelegant name for the hoser Oscars before they were called Genies), winning four. Helen Shaver won  for Best Leading Actress, and Marilyn Lightstone (not pictures here) for Best Supporting Actress.

• Alberta Watson zipped .wmv clips (1, 2)

• Alberta Watson stills (1, 2)

• Helen Shaver zipped .wmv clips (1, 2, 3)

• Helen Shaver still

• Karen Black zipped .wmv clip

• Karen Black still

• Just FYI, here's that scene with Susan Strasberg. Bare Facts calls it topless. I have no idea.

Other Crap:

• Here's the weekend update video from the Paul Giamatti episode.
• Condi gets grilled by Barbara Boxer again - on SNL.
• Jacko trial rulings: one for the prosecution, one for the defense. Judge Melville rejected a prosecution request to close the courtroom to protect the accuser's privacy, ruling that the boy testify in an open court during the trial. On the other hand, Melville ruled that 'erotic' material, including pictures of nude children, seized from the entertainer's Neverland Ranch, could be shown to jurors during the trial.
• Javier Bardem's is sued because he injured a woman while break-dancing. I hope the statute of limitations has passed on my own dancing days.
• A BUS driver shuttling pupils to school in northern Greece shocked their parents when he put on a porn tape. The driver said 'kids we've got porn, do you want to watch it',' one of the pupils told reporters. 'Everyone started shouting yes, yes and he just put in a tape and we watched it on the small TV screens on the bus.' The children were aged 12 to 15.
• The trailer for Downfall, a story of Hitler's final 12 days. It is the first German movie about Hitler in nearly 50 years.
• Five clips from Will Smith's new comedy, Hitch.
• CNN.com - Entertainment Video - Miami Vice to the big screen; Chris Rock hosting the Oscars.
• Psychic Sylvia Brown Predicts: Jacko Convicted, But Blake Gets Off
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• The Daily Show: "If it's in the paper, and it doesn't involve a cat eating lasagna, Bush probably hasn't read it."
• The trailer for Bigger Than the Sky.
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  • One of the stars is Patty Duke!
• Whatever happrened to ... Keri Russell?
• SURE SIGNS YOUR ROMANTIC PARTNER IS TURNING GAY!
  • I thought #6 was a pretty sure sign: "Being caught staring at, talking to, touching, kissing, or having sex with a member of the same sex."
  • Reminds me of when I was teaching high school, and the principal gave us a pamphlet on how to spot drug users from their symptoms. One of the signs of glue sniffing was "sticky fingers and upper lip." As Jack Paar used to say, "I kid you not."
• Movie Juice reviews the hilariously inept Alone in the Dark.
  • The protagonists chase down a zillion phony-looking CGI creatures who not only live in the dark but are invisible. The best question of the day is asked by this reviewer: Why would they evolve to be invisible if they live IN THE DARK? My answer: nature was preparing them for the arrival of Tara Reid with a flashlight.
  • I haven't seen this flick, but it is sad to see that such a film, which is obviously not even at the level of the best straight-to-vids, is occupying 2100 screens when some worthy films struggle to get a chance to be seen. In fact, in the past year I saw a film called Mindhunters which had the same star (Christian Slater) and a decent director (Renny Harlin). That film was essentially never released in the United States. While Mindhunters is no Schindler's List, it is reasonably entertaining in a popcorn movie way, and is rated 6.3 at IMDb. Surely that would have been a much better bet than Alone in the Dark to get some greenbacks from Christian Slater's American fans.
• Jacko Judge mulls porn mags, whether accuser will testify in public.
• Can you still get Super Bowl Tickets? Sure. But you better go back and get a shitload of dimes.
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• Serving a Nation at War. The U.S. Army 2004 Year in Photos
• CelebSafari - Celebrity Photo. Community submitted, non-professional photos of celebrities out and about.
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• WTF again, from the same guy - how to impress your date
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• You have to love Brazilian fashion shows.
• If you live in Houston, San Antonio, Memphis, or New Orleans, you can sign up here to attend a pre-screening of "Cursed" (Wes Craven's new film)
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• JoBlo.com has some new pics from Batman and Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.
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• The fabulous are up in arms as lawmakers look to tax facelifts : "Lawmakers trying to plump up the bottom line are considering a 'vanity tax' on cosmetic surgery and Botox injections in Washington, Illinois and other states."
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• Hollywood Video Will Not Carry Adult Videos After Buyout
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• Brigitte Nielsen has slammed her former mother-in-law Jackie Stallone's claim she's only 71 years old, because her son is 58.
• A devout Baptist couple who bought a Doris Day DVD from a supermarket were shocked to find a sex film instead. I love this quote from the husband: "Some topless young women appeared and started talking in Italian... it's not what you expect from a Doris Day film"
• JoBlo at Sundance, Part 6
• JoBlo at Sundance, Part 7

Other Crap archives. May also include newer material than the links above, since it's sorta in real time.

Click here to submit a URL for Other Crap

MOVIE REVIEWS:

Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.

• The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
• If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
• A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
• If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

Words, pictures, and vids from ICMS

"Angels and Insects" (1995)

Stay tuned for complete results and comments.

In the meantime, Here are the results and comments for last week's poll...

Best Nude Debut, the 80's

Email Scoopy Jr. with your comments or future poll suggestions.

"When Will I Be Loved"
This 2004 drama has 90 seconds that are worthwhile: the beginning 30 where Neve Campbell showers naked, the 30 seconds towards the end where her boyfriend realizes he's encountered a problem he can't BS his way out of, and the 30 seconds at the end where Neve is once again in the shower. The rest of the movie is pure unadulterated crap.

The plot is so convoluted, multi-threaded, confusing, and just plain garbage that it's hard to explain, but basically, a young woman who is treated like an object by her wannabe con-man boyfriend starts exploring her sexuality with others, including a woman. Then, said boyfriend gets her to agree to have sex with a rich old man for a bunch of money. He gets his just deserts in the end, one of the few good parts of this mess, but getting there is torture.

Oh, and on top of everything else, the movie quality, on the DVD at least, is abysmal. The color is Waaaay oversaturated, exposure stinks, the photography itself looks like it was done by a elementary school Video class, and in general, it's just piss-poor like the movie itself.

The only good news: Neve gets naked, and the movie's only 81 minutes long.

• Neve Campbell

Links 9-19 feature her doing the stripping thing. Links 1-8 feature her in a variety of other scenes from the movie.

• Natalie Portman (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19)

SUPER BOWL HALF-TIME SCRUBBED CLEAN
The Cialis Halftime Show - The NFL is so determined to avoid controversy at the Super Bowl Half Time show, every costume, lyric and dance move has been vetted and instead of oversexed young MTV stars, it will have Paul McCartney, John Fogarty, Earth Wind & Fire and Charlie Daniels.