"Eaten Alive"

Eaten Alive (1977) is Tobe Hopper's follow-up to Texas Chainsaw Massacre. An evil motel owner keeps a pet gator. As the film opens, Roberta Collins is working in a cathouse run by Carolyn Jones, when Robert Englund comes looking for "something different." She is in no mood for a pain in the ass, refuses him, and gets thrown out of the cat house on the spot. She ends up at the motel, but when the owner recognizes her as one of "Hattie's girls," he kills her and feeds her to his gator. A Family of three show up, and the gator eats their little dog. The husband decides to shoot the gator, and our favorite hotel owner kills him and feeds him to the gator. He then ties the wife to the bed, and chases the little daughter under the house.

Next, the father and sister (Crystal Sinclair) of the dead hooker arrive looking for Jones. They are given the clue about the cat house, and go off to visit the sheriff. Then Englund shows up with Janus Blythe for a night of sex, but the two run afoul of the owner, and are now all targets.

This was shot on a set and the hotel seems very claustrophobic. The plot is monotonous. It is a chance to see an early appearance of Englund (long before Freddy Kruger), and we have good nudity fro Collins, Sinclair and Blythe. Collins wears a very thin nightie, and the other two are in only skimpy panties. IMDB readers have this at 4.7 of 10. The transfer is a decent job working with poor prints, It is letterboxed to the original theatrical ratio. This one is only for genre addicts and fans of the director or cast members. Low C-.

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  • Crystin Sinclaire (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25)
  • Janus Blythe (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38)
  • Roberta Collins (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15)

    "Lost in Translation"

    Lost in Translation (2003) is a very well-made indie from Sofia Coppola shot in Japan, and featuring Bill Murray as an aging actor there to shoot a whiskey commercial, and Scarlotte Johansson as the wife of a photographer who is also in Japan working. The two end up driven together despite the age difference by loneliness and the isolation of being in a very foreign country alone. To fully appreciate this film, which doesn't really have a big cinematic plot, I think you need to have lived the story. So much resonated with me from my business travels. It was also an interesting look at Japan today, which is very different from what I saw there i the mid 60's.

    Golden Globes loved this film, and especially Murray's performance. Johansson runs around the first half of the film in flimsy panties, and we have topless exposure from some strippers. IMDb readers have this at 8.2, which makes it currently the # 146 film of all time. I loved every moment of it. Murray played exactly the emotions I have often felt, and Johansson was wonderful and appealing. It was a unique concept, and was done very well. This is a B-. Even those who aren't drawn to character driven comedy/dramas will probably enjoy this one.

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  • Scarlett Johansson (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13)
  • Strippers (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)

  • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)

    The Last Hand (1995 or something)

    Again, I think you need to see both of our reviews to get the full flavor.

    This film is also known as After the Game.

    Tuna's comments in white:

    The Last Hand (1995, 1997, 2004) was completed and copyrighted in 1995, released on German TV in 1997 as After the Game, and is now in the US on DVD. IMDB scores this 2.0. Interestingly, over half the votes are perfect 10s, and 9% of the 10s are from people who gave no demographics. The median score is actually 10, but IMDb makes a mathematical adjustment for ballot-stuffing.

    A man wins big in a Monday night poker game in Elko Nevada. On the way home with the money, he is shot and killed, and the car blows up. His son comes to town to find out what happened. The police have no interest in calling it anything but a drunk driving accident.

    The people in the game all figure prominently in the plot, so let's run through them quickly. The casino owner, the brother of the murdered man, another casino owner the owner #1 is deeply in debt to, and that man's wife (Susan Traylor). Pay close attention to an ugly briefcase, because each time it is opened, the contents change among women's underwear, coke, and lots of money. The casino owner's girlfriend, Hudson Leick, also figures prominently in the story.

    Start Spoilers

    Traylor is evidently sleeping with the casino owner, her husband, the dead man, and pretty much everyone else in town. Leick, it seems, also plays around a lot, but ends up in the company of the son of the dead man. Everybody wants the coke, the money, and the deed to the casino, which is almost as elusive as the magic suitcase. One by one, everyone is killed except the son of the dead man. We see him hitchhiking out of town

    But then the son is picked up by his dead father. We then see the son dead, being put into the coroner's wagon. Then they see Hudson Leick hitchhiking as well. The son says, "Again?" The father answers, "The game is never over."

    End Spoilers

    The only comment at IMDB says:

    "A film noir murder mystery from the camp of Hitchcock, Welles, and Kubrick. ""After The Game" is a film that was influenced by the Coen brothers':"Blood Simple", Wim Wenders':"Wings Of Desire", and Shakespeare's: "Hamlet". It deals on the surface with greed, murder, deceit, lust, and revenge while on a subtler level it explores the spiritual world of Karma, and the afterlife. The world as we know it is only an illusion, much like a movie. I hope "After The Game" provokes thoughts that both tantalize and enlighten."

    Indeed, pretty high praise for writer/director Brewster MacWilliams. I would have been even more impressed had that not been written by  

    Scoop's comments in yellow:

    I love Tuna's review. Oh, Brewster, dude, you are so BUSTED!

    The DVD box says:

    "A film noir murder mystery from the camp of Orson Welles, and Stanley Kubrick. The Last Hand stars Robert Dubac, Lou Rawls, and Frank Gorshin."

    Well, at least he left Hitchcock and Shakespeare out of that one (how did he miss Tolstoy and Kurosawa?) but Frank Gorshin and Lou Rawls were not exactly "stars". The Riddler was in the opening scene and did a wild overacting gig as the murder victim, after which he was just the dead guy that the plot revolved around, marked most vividly by his total absence until the absurd ending which Tuna mentioned. Poor Lou Rawls, once an A-list singer, seems not to have managed his money when he was making it, because he now seems to have no career at all. If you watch this movie without knowing he is in it, then someone informed you of that a week later, you'd never remember who he was. Bob Dubac was the star. He had some talent, but apparently never worked in films again, so I'm not sure why one would use his name to promote the film.

    Tuna's favorite plot gimmick was the confusing suitcase, but my favorite was the ever-present knife.

    Scene One: the Evil Dude lynches Our Hero from a barn door, but does not snap his neck, and leaves a knife stuck in the barn, with which Our Hero simply cuts himself down.

    Scene Two: just a few hours later, Our Hero ties up the Evil Dude's legs and leaves him in the desert to rot. Having learned absolutely nothing from his own rope-and-knife experience just a short time earlier, Our Hero leaves a knife within reaching distance of Evil Dude. The SAME knife that he himself had just used to cut his own ropes.

    Scene Three: now this is weird. See if you can follow me. The Other Evil Dude comes out to where the Evil Dude has been left to die in the desert, and taunts the tied-up Evil Dude before shooting him, delaying just long enough so that Evil Dude, now only pretending to be tied up, uses the magic knife to slit the throat of his tormentor. Apart from the silliness of the whole thing, there are two big loopholes in that logic (1) nobody told Other Evil Dude where Evil Dude was tied up in the desert, or even that he was out there. How the hell did he find him, or even know to look for him? (2) apparently, after Evil Dude freed himself with the magic knife, rather than walking into town, he simply lay in the desert pretending to be tied up, hoping someone would find him so he could use the ol' "pretending to be tied up trick", despite the fact that there was absolutely no reason to expect anyone to come looking for him, let alone find him. Of course, his completely illogical strategy worked, and the Other Evil Dude was kind enough to do a bunch of talking and tormenting before shooting him, or the ol' "pretending to be tied up trick" would have been fatal.

    I just have to say that it really takes a dedicated mobster to wear a black suit with a black shirt and gold chains in the desert. (Movie House page has a photo of  Evil Dude himself.)

    I also have to say that I liked the movie much more than Tuna did. I agree with Tuna about the ending, and I agree with Tuna about the weakness of the confusing and illogical script, but I think ol' Brewmac did show some talent as a director. Several scenes are storyboarded very imaginatively, and he created some nice noir lighting effects. The opening scene is an uninterrupted tracking shot all the way through a casino into the back room where the big-shots are playing. He didn't maintain that quality consistently, but there were some flashes of real pizzazz for such a low budget film. It's too bad Brewmac thought he was a writer. If he had directed someone else's script, he might have made a career for himself.

    OK, I admit I only watched the movie to see The Evil Callisto's breasts

    • Susan Traylor (1, 2)
    • Hudson "Evil Callisto" Leick. I thought she was really hot in Denial, but she really didn't look good here. (1, 2, 3)












    Other Crap archives. May also include newer material than the ones above, since it's sorta in real time.

    Click here to submit a URL for inclusion in Other Crap




    Here are the latest movie reviews available at

    • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
    • If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
    • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
    • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.


    Words and .wmv's from Scoop.

    .avi's from Shiloh


    • Holly Hunter in Thirteen. This performance was nominated for an Oscar.  (.avi version, .wmv version)

    • What can ya say? Susan Sarandon and Catherine Deneuve slobbering on each other in The Hunger. Sure it's pretentious, but who the hell cares with these two making whoopee? Astoundingly, this film is not available on DVD. (.avi version, .wmv version)


    Perhaps these tips will help if you have trouble with the codecs for these movies:

    Shiloh says:

    FYI when I hypercam vids to make the file size smaller I use DivX MPEG-4 Fast-Motion for the video compressor, then I use virtualdub to compress the audio. The properties for the vids says the video codec:  DivX Decoder Filter & audio codec:  Morgan Stream Switcher which I'm not familiar with. When I compress the audio with virtualdub I use MPEG Layer-3.  A friend of mine told me about compressing the audio about (6) mos. ago. Like I said previously, only been capping for a year & a half & I'm no expert. Hopefully this info will help members with the proper codecs for my vids.
    When I cap big brother's I use hypercam mostly & sdp & asfrecorder if the set up allows me. I stopped using camtasia cause the file sizes were always too big, could never figure out the process, over my head lol, plus it cost too much to buy in my opinion.

    A reader says:

    You mentioned that some users were having trouble with the videos on your site. There is a tool designed to determine what codec is needed for a video. Hope this is useful to you or your users.

    Scoop says:

    I made the .wmv versions of each video. The codecs for these: Windows Video V8, Windows Audio 9. The upside of these is that you know the codecs, and they'll play in the Windows Media Player. The downside is that they are slightly larger, and slightly lower quality.

    'Caps and comments by Brainscan:

    Theme for the day is Pets on videotape. Not Lassie or My Friend Flicka, but the Pets who went from the Guccione publication to Hollywood. All of these are VHS caps, which usually means they are so bad it's time for a duck-and-cover drill. But this new vidcapping thingee I have is kicking some serious ass these days.

    In alphabetical order, by first name:

    Angela Davies, who as Angela Nicholas was Miss Aug '85. Here she is in Hot Club California (1999). Two sport-humpin scenes, one in the pool and the other in the hottub (everyone who does someone else in this movie does it in or near water). All three collages show Ms Davies' nicely natural upper bod, but to my eyes the second is most impressive 'cuz it shows off her bum. Woman had to have been in her thirties when she made this film, but holy moley she and her rumpus are in el primo shape.

    • Angela Davies (1, 2, 3)

    Brandy Sanders, who as Jisel was Miss May '90. Three collages from Killing for Love (1995). Scanman has a bunch of terrific caps of this same scene in the Encyclopedia. I concentrated on one small part of the best sport-humpin scene in the history of B movies. In these, Jisel who was briefly Brandy Sanders and is now Brandy Ledford, rides the love pony. I know those are robo-hooters, but if every gal in Hollywood visited her cosmetic surgeon, implants would have a much better reputation.

    • Brandy Sanders (1, 2, 3)

    Devinn Lane, Miss Oct '99, in Talk Sex (2001). Very nice hooties in the shower with her fella. I understand that Ms. Lane did the nasty for real on screen at some point in her (ahem) career.

    Mariwin Roberts was Miss April '78 and made a fairly long list of B movies. These are caps from Sun Bunnies (1979). Recall that even with the several nude scenes Ms. Roberts has in this film, I consider it the worst movie I've ever seen. And you got consider the source, here.... I've seen some real stinkers just to cap the odd naked performance or two. There are five collages worth of Mariwin... first two have her undressing, and the last three have her doing the double-backed monster.

    • Mariwin Roberts (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

    Last up is my favorite Pet of all time, Sheila Kennedy, Miss Dec '81 and Pet of the Year for 1982. The caps come from a campy treat entitled Ellie (1984). Sheila plays Ellie, and Ellie plays deadly games with the sons of her stepmom. It is a silly tale of vengeance, in which Ellie traps or confuses her prey by stripping. Works for me.

    First collage has Sheila/Ellie taking off her top.

    Second collage is an amalgam of two scenes, that together show off all three B's.

    Third collage has Sheila romping around in an attic. This is a hooters-mainly scene, but the upper right of the collage shows her panty-clad crotch as she gets to tusslin' with her stepbrother. Welcome to Alabama.

    • Sheila Kennedy (1, 2, 3)

    This is a cool series of 'caps featuring a whole bunch of toplessness from a variety of slasher pics. Some famous, some not so much. (that applies to both the movies and the actresses).

    • Elizabeth Berridge, best known as Mozart's wife from "Amadeus" (1984). Here she is topless in scenes from the 1981 movie "The Funhouse". You can see her on the big screen as Annie Oakley in the upcoming "Hidalgo".

    • Kathleen Kinmont, the busty B-babe and ex-wife of Lorenzo Lamas is caught taking off her bra in scenes from "Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers" (1988).

    Of course no slasher flick can be complete without several gratuitous nude scenes with hot unknown babes.

    • Unknowns from "Friday the 13th Part 2" (1981). (1, 2, 3)

    • Unknown toplessness from "Sleepaway Camp II: Unhappy Campers" (1988).

    • More topless unknowns, this time from "Sleepaway Camp III: Teenage Wasteland" (1989). (1, 2)

    Emily Mortimer
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)

    The UK actress many Yanks will recognize from the Sam Jackson movie "Formula 51" aka "The 51st State". Here she is topless in scenes from the recent Ewan McGregor movie, "Young Adam".

    Angelina Jolie
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

    The mega-gorgeous Jolie showing cleavage and going topless in scenes from "Original Sin" (2001). Fans of Jolie's lucsious lips will appreciate link #5.

    Jeanne Savary
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

    AS2 'caps of the French actress going topless and full frontal in scenes from "Mille désirs" aka "La Vengeance de Laura Gil" (1996).

    Paris Hilton
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

    Some Paris pokies and cleavage from the "Lost Episode" of her FOX series "The Simple Life".

    Polly Shannon
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13)

    Señor Skin 'caps of the Canadian actress topless in love scenes from the softcore series, "The Hunger", episode: "Brass".

    Pat Reeder
    Pat's comments in yellow...

    Not A Fan? - In opening statements of Martha Stewart's trial in New York, prosecutor Karen Patton Seymour told the jury that Stewart had committed "serious federal crimes" by selling off 4,000 shares of stock on an insider tip and lying to investigators because she was "afraid it would be bad for her reputation."

  • She wanted to remain "the most beloved person on Earth."
  • Martha's opening statement: "If it's a crime to try to keep up appearances, then I'm guilty!"

    No Prob: Avoiding Martha Is A Reflex - The judge warned jurors to avoid media coverage of the case, telling them that if they see a headline about it, turn the page; and if they hear a story about it, change the channel.

  • That's my game plan, too.
  • And if they see a K-Mart, keep driving!
  • And do NOT accept any festive cherry rum cakes from the defendant!

    It's Ludicrous! - If you're going to Houston this weekend for the Super Bowl, better bring your own Cristal. Area bars and restaurants say their entire stock of the high-end champagne, lionized by such rappers as Snoop Dogg and Ludacris, is reserved. And distributors have been out for weeks and don't expect more before Sunday. But you can still get some if you go to one of the Super Bowl parties thrown by someone like P. Diddy.

  • I'll have to see if I can find P. Diddy's tailgate party.
  • Everywhere that P. Diddy goes, there's a Cristal shortage.
  • If they can't get more, the Super Bowl may have to be postponed.
  • Remember the good old days, when Super Bowl fans drank beer?

    But She's Already Botoxed - Academy Award nominations were announced Tuesday. "Lord of the Rings" leads with 11. Among the surprises: 13-year-old Keisha Castle-Hughes of "Whale Rider" became the youngest person even nominated for "Best Actress"...

  • Usually, an actress has to be over 21 and ride a LOT of whales before she gets that far in Hollywood.

    ..."Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World" was nominated for Best Picture, despite so-so box office...

  • It picked up the support of confused "Far Side" fans.

    ...Nicole Kidman and "Cold Mountain" were snubbed, as were Tom Cruise and "The Last Samurai"...

  • As a samurai, he cannot live with this dishonor.
  • Hollywood looked at Tom and Nicole and said, "You know...they have enough."

    ....Sean Penn was nominated for "Mystic River," and he plans to attend, but the New York Post reports that insiders think he's already blown his chances by snubbing three previous Oscar nods and not showing up at the Golden Globes. Producers also fear he'll make a leftwing political speech that upsets TV viewers, but with Johnny Depp, Tim Robbins and Alec Baldwin also nominated, there are plenty of chances for that.

  • But think of how much we'll learn about economics and foreign policy!
  • This Oscarcast could make last year's Michael Moore rant look like the Republican Convention keynote address.
  • If they only nominated Republicans, the show would be over in 10 minutes.