"The Girl from Rio"

The Girl from Rio (1968) is a Jess Franco film shot in Brazil with UK money. IMDB has it somewhat confused with another film. A man, Richard Wyler, arrives in Rio, supposedly with $10 million. I never quite figured out who he was and why he pulled this ruse, but he became the target of the local gang leader, George Sanders, and the citizens of Femina, a female city out to conquer the word led by Shirley Eaton. The costuming of the inhabitants of Femina is very modernistic and interesting, contrasting with the portions filmed in Rio.

Franco shot this so quickly he had to stay an extra week and a half after shooting for carnival to start for needed footage. So as to not waste the crew, they shot about a third of another film while they were waiting. This has less nudity than the usual Franco effort. Maria Rohm shows breasts and buns as one of the women of Femina. Several unidentified women show various body parts including one full frontal.

Franco says this was purely a comic book film. Some of the characters were clearly speaking English. I think others were dubbed. The print is not bad for a film this old. While the film doesn't have much point, it does have lovely imagery. C-.

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  • Maria Rohm (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)
  • Unknown (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13)

    "My Boss's Daughter"

    My Boss's Daughter (2003) concerns a loser (Ashton Kutcher) stuck in a menial department at a magazine. The publisher (Terence Stamp) is a gigantic asshole, firing people on the slightest whim. The boss's daughter (Tara Reid) is the girl he dreams of. She invites him the their house, he assumes for a date. Only to find that he is to house sit and take care of a neurotic owl while Reid is at a party. What follows is Murphy's law personified. Tara's psychotic drug dealing brother, a secretary that the boss fired, her psycho boyfriend, a gangster, Carmen Electra and a black friend all show up and make free with the house. The owl drinks some coke and goes on the rampage, escaping outside. Things are broken, weird neighbors cause trouble, but Reid comes home and is friendly to him. Then he discovers she thought he was gay.

    Most of the humor is physical and in rather poor taste. Even the scene I found funniest made a joke of breast cancer. Carmen Electra shows breasts through a very wet shirt, which is the highlight of the film. IMDB readers have this at 3.6 of 10. Berardinelli counts it the worst film of 2003 with 1/2 star. I agree. There was talent in the cast, and maybe humor to be found in the plot outline, but most of the film was just a lowbrow farce in very poor taste. D-.

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  • Carmen Electra (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)

  • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)



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    • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
    • If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
    • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
    • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

    'Caps and comments by Brainscan:

    Every blue moon or two I feel the urge to cap something that's been done up often and well, just for shits and grins. That would be today.

    Kelly Preston in Secret Admirer (1985). Nothing to add and only one thing to accent. This woman was as natural a beauty as I've ever seen. I capped both hootie exposing scenes.

    • Kelly Preston (1, 2, 3)

    Mia Sara in Timecop (1994). Mia never looked better, and because the exposure was subtler than in her other movies (a series of quick shots), the robotic nature of her upper body is downplayed.

    • Mia Sara (1, 2)

    I agree with Scoopy Sr. about Ms. Sara, that to look at her after Ferris Bueller is to see Slone Peterson at work. In fact, that is the source of her appeal. Rather than Mia Sara who fell into doing nude scenes in B movies, it is Slone who grew up, had some ill-advised surgery and moved to Hollywood, where the only roles she could land were less than Oscar caliber. Wonder what happened to Ferris? Cameron, we know visited Los Angeles and nearly got blown up in a bus, but was saved by Neo and some chick.

    Also in Timecop is Laura Murdoch as the virtual reality, full-frontal gal. When that invention comes on line, it will be the end of civilization as we know it. Most guys will stay home 24-7, virtually boffing the gals of their dreams. Sadly, most of us will be too old to fully enjoy it.

    'Caps and comments by Dann:

    "Once Upon a Time in Mexico"
    Ass-kicking action/adventure movies don't get much better than this 2003 final chapter in the triology of the traveling vigilante known as El Mariachi. I've seen and liked all three, and this one is a fitting ending, if in fact it is the ending.

    El Mariachi is recruited by a CIA agent to kill a corrupt general who is teaming up with a drug lord to kill the president of Mexico. Since the general killed his wife and daughter, El Mariachi is more than willing to help.

    As the groups all struggle against one another, there's tons of violence, fighting, shooting, and general ass-kicking along the way, and it's only at the end that you get a clear picture of who is a good guy and who is a bad guy, which makes the movie that much more interesting. Top-notch excitement, and I highly recommend the flick. No skin in this one, but Salma Hayek provides plenty of beauty even without the skin.

    Crimson Ghost
    The second hald of the Ghost's coverage of the Skinemax flick, "Virtual Encounters 2" (1998).

    • Nikki Fritz and Chrissey Styler bare all and get it on lesbo and 3-way style.
      (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14)

    • Chrissey Styler and Jill Thompkins bare breasts and bush while undressing each other.
      (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14)

    • Chirssey Styler shows us her breasts and the kind of gyno-views that are usually reserved for her lovers and/or OBGYN. (links #2,3,4,7,11 and especially #12).
      (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12)

    More Golden Globes stuff
    Jennnifer Lopez
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

    J-Lo showing some cleavage and pokies...all while looking kinda like a pumpkin.

    Leelee Sobieski
    (1, 2)

    Also showing a little cleavage.

    Nicole Kidman
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

    Nuff said.

    Scarlett Johansson
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

    The young Globe Nominee barely keeping her goodies contained. She may not have won, but "Lost in Translation" sure did! It took home Globes for 'Best Motion Picture - Musical or Comedy', 'Best Performance by an Actor in a Motion Picture - Musical or Comedy' (Bill Murray) and 'Best Screenplay - Motion Picture'. The small indie flick also picked up 4 Oscar nods, including Best Director (Sofia Coppola), Best Motion Picture of the Year, Best Performance by an Actor in a Leading Role (Bill Murray) and Best Writing, Screenplay Written Directly for the Screen (Sofia Coppola). Not too shabby.

    Charlize Theron
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)

    This year's winner of the Globe for 'Best Performance by an Actress in a Motion Picture - Drama' for "Monster". She also just picked up a Best Actress Oscar nomination for the same role.

    Meg Ryan
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)

    LC 'caps of one of America's sweethearts going topless and full frontal (link #7) in scenes from "In the Cut" (2003).

    Mia Kirshner
    (1, 2, 3)

    Since you can pretty much never have enough lesbian lovin' from hot A-list's more of Mia topless in scenes from the first episode of "The L Word".

    Debra Messing
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)

    Looks like the Skin-man's hours of wathcing reruns on Court TV paid off. Here is the "Will and Grace" star in what I think is her very first TV appearance, a guest spot on "NYPD Blue", episode: "Double Abandando" (episode # 2.7) which originally aired on November, 29 1994. In link #6 she's showing a little pokiosity, in the rest we see her in a black bra and undies.

    Pat Reeder
    Pat's comments in yellow...

    And Castro Was There, Too! - U.S. Army Sgt. Maj. Cesar Castro brought a lifesize cardboard cut-out of Elvis to the hole that Saddam Hussein was found in, and posed for a photo with it. Castro got the idea because they investigated so many bogus Saddam sightings that they came to be known as "Elvis hunts." Castro said so many people had come to the hole, it seemed like a good idea to show that even Elvis was there. He added, "I thought the hole was going to be bigger."

  • For Elvis to fit into it, it would have to be.
  • Elvis looked right at home, since Saddam had lined his hole with shag carpet.
  • It looked like a really low budget remake of "Harem Scarum."

    Whatever Floats Your Boat - Jim and Julie Gilham of South Carolina unveiled a new amphibious recreational vehicle at a Washington, DC, RV show. The Terra Wind looks like a typical big, square RV except it has propellers on the back, and you can drive into a lake and cruise around in it like a yacht. It can do 80 mph on land and six knots in water, and it has every luxury from a Jacuzzi to a big screen TV. The price is also yacht-like: $850,000.

  • They're hoping to sell them to lots of redneck lottery winners.
  • If they can make an RV that can survive a flood, why can't they make a mobile home that can survive a tornado?

    Bird Brain - BBC Wildlife Magazine reports that a New York artist has an African grey parrot that's stumped scientists with its skills. N'kisi has a 950-word vocabulary, he uses words in context with the correct verb tenses, and he makes up sentences that often show a sense of humor. For instance, he once saw another bird hanging upside down and said, "You got to put this bird on the camera." He even appears to have ESP: when his owner looked at picture cards in a separate room, he said things that matched the cards three times more often than chance. Scientists say N'kisi is one of the most advanced users of language in the animal world.

  • Reminded that people are animals, too, the scientists said, "Yes, we know."
  • Winston Churchill's parrot is one of the most advanced users of curse words in the world.
  • I think it's more likely that the parrot and its owner worked out an elaborate system of cheating.
  • This parrot could have its own daytime talk show, except it's far too intelligent.

    (NOTE! We have two African greys, a Timneh and a Congo. We're skeptical of the telepathy, but the rest of this story doesn't surprise us at all. Our Congo, Dorian Gray, is smarter than anyone running for president on the Democratic side, and he gives far more articulate speeches than George W. Bush.)

    Justin's Only Award - Monday, the Golden Raspberry Award nominations for the year's worst movies were announced. Leading the pack is "Gigli," with nine, from worst picture to worst screen couple for Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez. "The Cat in the Hat" and "From Justin To Kelly" each got eight, including worst actor and actress nods for Justin Guarini and Kelly Clarkson. Sylvester Stallone got his record 30th nod for his supporting role in "Spy Kids 3-D," for playing five different characters, "none of them well." Stallone has already been named "Worst Actor of the 20th Century."

  • Yes, but it's a whole new century of sucking!
  • William Shatner demanded a recount.
  • Stallone can only play two characters: Rocky and Rambo.
  • Ben and J-Lo's romance has ended, but at least they'll always have our ridicule to remember it by.