Tuesday

Tuna
"Bare Deception"

Bare Deception (2000) is a made for cable erotic thriller staring Tane McClure as an afternoon matchmaking radio DJ with failing ratings. She lives with the producer, who is a ladies man, and the relationship also is not going well, with him out every night. When one of the callers the show set up on a date is murdered, the police suspect it has something to do with the show, and the ratings soar. McClure's boyfriend is the one who is calling in and making the dates.

It is a classic whodunnit with red herrings and lots of false suspects. As thin as the plot is, the ending caught me by surprise, even though the information to figure it out was there from the beginning. This is no Body Double by any means, but is not bad for a soft-core plot. The sex scenes are short and frequent, preventing boredom. Six women give up the goods, most more than once.

Angela Grant: Full frontal.
Michelle Van Flowtow: Breast and buns
Regina Russell: Breasts and buns
Tane McClure: Breasts and buns
Lisa Throw: Breasts in a lesbian then a menage
Stella Porter: Breasts in a lesbian then a menage

IMDB readers have savaged this at 2.7 of 10, which doesn't properly reflect it as a genre effort. The women were not hired for their acting ability, but the plot was coherent and managed to fool me, the sex scenes were short enough not to become tedius, and they didn't ruin the view with artsy lighting, camera work, and digital effects. This is a C, not a bad softcore watch.

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  • Angela Grant (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26)
  • Michelle Von Flowtow (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
  • Regina Russell (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14)
  • Tane McClure (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30)
  • Throw Porter (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18)

    "The Sailor Who Fell from Grace with the Sea"

    The Sailor Who Fell from Grace with the Sea (1976) is a very strange UK film based on a Japanese novel. The setting and characters have been changed from Japan and Japanese to Dartmouth, England and an English widow, her son, and an American sailor. The woman, Sarah Miles, is a normal healthy woman, and more than a little horny. Her adolescent son belongs to a secret society of classmates led by a very bright but twisted rich kid. While restricted to his room as a punishment for sneaking out at night, he finds a peep hole into his mothers room, and is treated to her applying lotion to her breasts, and even masturbating one night. A large ship enters the harbor for repairs, and Miles takes her son for a tour, as he is keen on anything nautical. Kris Kristofferson is the first mate, and leads the tour. She invites him for a thank you dinner, and the two end up in her bed.

    Spoilers Ahead

    The son watches keenly, but has determined that Kristofferson is the first adult he has known who fits in the natural order of things. His view changes when Kristofferson returns to give up the sea and marry his mother. He and his friends lure Kristofferson to a remote area, slip him a Mickey, and castrate him, thus restoring the natural order.

    End Spoilers

    This evidently made perfect sense in the oriental setting and culture, but was just odd set in England. Miles shows everything, including a full frontal. The sex scenes between her and Kristofferson are as hot and explicit as any in mainstream cinema. IMDB readers have this at 5.5 of 10. TV Guide, the only available review, also finds it strange to the Western mind. The photography is beautiful. All that being said, it seemed like it went on much longer than its 105 minutes running time, and I was glad to see it end. Miles and Jonathan Kahn as the son both received Golden Globe nominations. It is competently filmed and acted, but it unfathomable except as a tale of a group of adolescents led astray by one very strong but twisted kid. C.

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  • Sarah Miles (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37)

    • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)

    Updates

    • Several volumes in the Letter F were added or updated: 16 in all

     

    Some .wmv clips. Today's theme - great forgotten sex scenes

    • Blood Run was a blatant made-for-cable rip-off of Basic Instinct, and it has never surfaced on DVD. Sure the movie sucks canal water, but this sex scene with Anna Levine Thompson is one of the hottest I've ever seen, so the film gets a passing grade based on the Scoopy-Tuna rule on Erotic Thrillers, which is that if you can't make 'em both erotic and thrilling, at least go for one or the other. This a lot of bandwidth (8 meg between the two clips) but worth it if you want to see the adorable Anna do some pretty good fuckin'. (Part 1, Part 2)

    • OK, this one isn't really a great sex scene. It's boring as hell and more than a little pretentious, but Charlie Spradling gets my vote as the single most beautiful woman ever to do Grade-B Shit Movies. There are beautiful face shots in Part 1, and she's stark naked in Part 2, so the scene attracted my attention.  (Part 1, Part 2)

     

    VARIOUS:

    • Some captures of Julie Delpy in The Passion of Beatrice. For some reason, the first scene has never appeared in our Encyclopedia. (1, 2)

    • Some rare pictures of Queen B Julie Ege from Scandinavian magazines and newspapers in the 1970-72 period. (1, 2, 3)

    • Some random nudity on True MTV - from a show on breast enhancement surgery. (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

    • Paris Hilton's little buddy, Nicole Richie, flashing her sweater meat in a celebrity fashion show

    • A few scans and vidcaps found around the web - from an  imager called AS

     

     

    OTHER CRAP:

       

    Other Crap archives. May also include newer material than the ones above, since it's sorta in real time.

    Click here to submit a URL for inclusion in Other Crap

     

     

    MOVIE REVIEWS:

    Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.

    • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
    • If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
    • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
    • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

    Shiloh

    Words and .wmv's from Scoop.

    .avi's from Shiloh

    The L-Word update

    • The Sunday episode of The L-Word was a complete bust for nudity, but Shiloh is on top of it!

     

    Perhaps these tips will help if you have trouble with the codecs for these movies:

    Shiloh says:

    FYI when I hypercam vids to make the file size smaller I use DivX MPEG-4 Fast-Motion for the video compressor, then I use virtualdub to compress the audio. The properties for the vids says the video codec:  DivX Decoder Filter & audio codec:  Morgan Stream Switcher which I'm not familiar with. When I compress the audio with virtualdub I use MPEG Layer-3.  A friend of mine told me about compressing the audio about (6) mos. ago. Like I said previously, only been capping for a year & a half & I'm no expert. Hopefully this info will help members with the proper codecs for my vids.
     
    When I cap big brother's I use hypercam mostly & sdp & asfrecorder if the set up allows me. I stopped using camtasia cause the file sizes were always too big, could never figure out the process, over my head lol, plus it cost too much to buy in my opinion.

    A reader says:

    You mentioned that some users were having trouble with the videos on your site. There is a tool designed to determine what codec is needed for a video. http://www.headbands.com/gspot/ Hope this is useful to you or your users.

    Scoop says:

    I made the .wmv versions of each video. The codecs for these: Windows Video V8, Windows Audio 9. The upside of these is that you know the codecs, and they'll play in the Windows Media Player. The downside is that they are slightly larger, and slightly lower quality.

    Brainscan
    'Caps and comments by Brainscan:

    College jocks go on to be gym teachers, insurance salesmen, grocery store managers and sometimes professional jocks. Nerds go on to be scientists, bankers, lawyers and sometimes Hollywood screenwriters.

    That nerds go on to write screenplays accounts nicely for all the movies in which hot babes wise up, unload their jock boyfriends and take up with the lame, the halt, the socially ungraceful. Would that only such a thing ever happened in real life.

    Assault of the Party Nerds is one such movie, with Linnea Quigley, Michelle Bauer and (shudder) Tantala Ray playing the women who come to their senses. They do so when Michelle discovers that she and the other babes are part of a scavenger hunt, with prizes going to he who boffs the greatest number and most diverse collection of coeds. The jocks are presented as moronic and more than vaguely gay.

    Michelle looked fantastic in a sport-humpin scene shot from the humpee's point of view. What a gal.

    • Michelle Bauer (1, 2, 3)


    Linnea was equally luminous in her sport-humpin scene, interrupted periodically by the male partner's complaint that she is touching his hair. As I said, moronic and more than vaguely gay.

    So the Scoops have opined that Jennifer Connelly is the iconic woman of the Funhouse, and far be it for to disagree. But I think first runner-up is Linnea. After all, everyone knows Jennifer and a long list of other candidates (Charlize Theron, the Mousketeer and Heather Graham, for instance), but few outside the loyal readership of the Funhouse would be able to identify Linnea, much less read out her complete body of work from memory. Hail, Linnea, princess of the Funhouse.

    • Linnea Quigley (1, 2, 3, 4)


    Oh yeah, last up is Tantala Ray, discovered by one nerd at city hall and brought to the climactic party, where she promptly disrobes... unfortunately. Other than the title of the movie, does "coyote ugly" mean anything to y'all?

    Flautista
    Sherilyn Fenn
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)

    		Going back a few years to 1989 for these brief topless views from "True Blood". Most likely you've never heard of this one...unless of course if your a member of the Jeff Fahey fan club. I haven't seen it, but both people who commented at IMDb liked it.

    Shelagh McLeod The Canadian actress topless in scenes from the UK movie "Indian Summer" (1987).

    Chiara Lezzi

    Paola Lezzi
    (1, 2)


    		Both going topless in something called "Kamasutra"


    Crimson Ghost
    Part 1 of the Ghost's coverage of the Skinemax flick, "Virtual Encounters 2".

    • Brandy Davis bares all 3 B's (including very nice, natural breats) and gets it on of course.
      (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 1213, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25)

    • Nicole Fornier also bares all and also has some pseudo sex'. Be sure to check out link #2 for some up close and personal gyno-views! (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)

    • Nikki Fritz, sport humpin' on a motorcycle. Check out #2 and #8 for full frontal views with a hint of labia. (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13)

    Golden Globes stuff
    Jennifer Aniston
    (1, 2, 3)

    		The "Friends" star and last year's Golden Globe winner for 'Best Performance by an Actress in a Television Series - Musical or Comedy' showing off some cleavage in a very low cut dress.

    Charlize Theron Back to her usual gorgeous after a complete body transformation for her Golden Globe winning role in "Monster". She took home the Globe for 'Best Performance by an Actress in a Motion Picture – Drama'.

    Nicole Kidman Speakin of gorgeous...even without showing skin, Kidman can still make us drool.

    Jessica Simpson
    (1, 2)

    		The not so bright starlet filling out her dress very nicely in these pics from the red carpet.

    Mary-Louise Parker
    (1, 2, 3, 4)

    		Showing some cleavage. Parker was this year's winner for 'Best Supporting Actress, Series, Miniseries or Movie Made for Television', for the mini-series "Angels in America". Once again proving our theory that nudity equals awards as Parker went full frontal in that mini-series. (as seen here)

    Renée Zellweger Still sporting those Bridget Jones pounds, and thankfully those pounds mean extra cleavage. She took home a Golden Globe for Best Supporting Actress for her role in "Cold Mountain".

    Pat Reeder www.comedy-wire.com
    Pat's comments in yellow...

    JACKSON NOT HIS KIDS' FATHER?
    Blanket Indictment - Britain's News of the World tabloid claims that Michael Jackson's ex-wife Debbie Rowe filed a legal brief to obtain temporary custody of their two children, and it says he is not their natural father. Rowe claims she signed a surrogacy deal that required her to be inseminated with sperm from an anonymous donor, and she was banned from having sex for six months beforehand to insure the pregnancy was from the donated sperm. In exchange for a huge settlement, she gave up the rights to the kids and married Jackson to give him legal father status. But she's now afraid of his involvement with the Nation of Islam and fears he'll send the kids out of the US for good before his trial.

  • Legally, she doesn't want to leave them dangling.
  • She's suddenly realized it might not be healthy to sell her kids to Michael Jackson.
  • And the anonymous sperm donor is...Louis Farrakhan!
  • Of course, the sperm could have been Michael's...Naaah!
  • Those kids don't even think of her as "mommy"...They think of Michael as "mommy."
  • Michael couldn't use his own sperm: it flees at the site of a woman's genitals.
  • But those kids look just like Michael! Blue-eyed, tiny noses, white skin...


    HONOR ROLLS UNFAIR TO STUPID KIDS
    An "A" For "Chutzpah" - On advice of school lawyers, all Nashville schools have stopped posting honor rolls and hanging the best student work in hallways. They may even cancel spelling bees. Some parents complained that public rewards for getting the best grades might cause their kids to be ridiculed because they didn't make the list. The schools worry that honor rolls might violate a law against releasing any academic information without permission. So some schools are sending slips home to parents, asking for their permission to put their kids on the honor roll.

  • But the words on the slip must be spelled incorrectly, so they don't undermine the poor students' self-esteem.
  • Other schools are avoiding lawsuits by putting ALL their students on the honor roll.
  • The schools hope to teach students that in life, hard work is never rewarded.
  • This proves that in America, you don't need to be smart, you just need to hire a smart lawyer.


    ULTIMATE "GUY HOUSE" FOR SALE
    A Library?! - The Atlanta Journal-Constitution reports that a home on Lake Allatoona, Georgia, which was built as the ultimate "Guy House" for the TBS show "The Man Made Movie," is for sale. It has a batting cage, golf tees, a locker room, a library, a $14,000 aquarium, a mounted buffalo head that turns around to become a basketball hoop, and an ornate, handcarved mahogany throne toilet. There is a bathroom with no toilet but three urinals, and TVs in every room. But the kitchen has no oven because men don't bake, and the bedrooms have no closets because men don't hang up their clothes. The seller wants $785,000 for it.

  • The seller is praying that ABC renews Jimmy Kimmel's contract.
  • Let's see if any man can get his wife to let him spend that.
  • Actually, the "library" is just a shelf of Playboys in the bathroom.
  • You'd think that the ultimate guy wouldn't want a house that repels women.


    I CAN SELL MY BODY FLUIDS, CANOE?
    I'd Give My Right Arm For $20,000! - New Canoe University (www.newcanoeu.com), an online school based in Sausalito, California, is offering a course called "Body Bucks: How to Sell Your Body to Science While You're Still Alive." Instructor Bob Heyman told Reuters that by selling blood, semen, eggs, hair and bone marrow and taking part in medical experiments, you can earn $20,000 or more a year. He expects the course to appeal mostly to college students and other young people with more time on their hands than money.

  • They've got no money, but they do have two hands, so they can spare one of them.
  • If you're going to Harvard, you may have to sell a kidney.
  • If they pay males to masturbate, college students should be able to make up to $100,000 a year.
  • Top earners make thousands of children a year!
  • If you have really good sperm, you might be able to make $20,000 in one pop by selling it to Michael Jackson.