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"The Bikini Carwash Company"

The Bikini Carwash Company (1992) has to be the best tittie flick ever made based on the only criteria that matters - tit time. There are bare breasts in nearly every minute of this gem. Jack, from the midwest, comes to Southern California to manage his uncle's carwash for the summer. Some beach hotties, led by Kristi Ducati, are in need of funds, and the carwash is less than a thriving business, so they offer to help Jack in return for half the extra profits. The gimmick? Beach hotties in bikinis washing the cars. It doesn't hurt any that the bikinis have a habit of coming off. Add a narrow minded DA, a dumb cop, an attorney friend of Ducati and lots of horny customers, and you have the excuse for a plot. It is so bad, that by the end, someone says "lets take some pictures," and we have 15 minutes of dancing and posing. IMDB readers say 3.5 of 10, but a full 20% of those voting gave it a 10.

The following women, at least, show breasts and buns: Kristi Ducati, Rikki Brando, Suzanne Brown, Neriah Napaul, Kimberly Bee and Missy Warner. All except Kimberly Bee have made similar films, and Neriah Napaul is a former rabbit person, and lingerie model. If you want Citizen Cane or Gone with the Wind, freaking rent them, and not this (that message to all of the low voters at IMDB). If you want a brainless movie with lots of breasts and enough humor to keep you awake, this is a good genre effort. C.

Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)


Pretty Maids All in a Row was a 1971 black comedy with a wild collaborative team: Gene Roddenberry, Roger Vadim, Rock Hudson. Try to figure out what those people would do together. It isn't on DVD, and I decided to order a better tape before attempting caps, but here's a Mr Skin cap to tide you over. Most people have seen Angie Dickinson in Big Bad Mama, but it's rare to see caps of her nude scene in this film.

Quiet days in Hollywood is an abysmal movie from the mid 90's that sort of got a bit of a retro boost when one of its stars, Hilary Swank, won her Oscar. Swank only did one of those non-nude nude scenes, but Natasha Gregson Wagner gave up all the goods, and looked eerily like her famous mother, the late Natalie Wood.

In case you missed it in yesterday's update (it was on Charlie's page), here's a rare look at Summer Phoenix doing a full-frontal nude scene,  in the obscure Esther Kahn. This 2000 film has never been released in the USA, and I haven't seen it.

Golden Globes Review of the "fansites" photos

I looked at the fashion police commentary at People and AOL, and incorporated their reviews into the comments. I admit that I know nothing at all about fashion. There is no real nudity, although Watson is wearing a partially transparent blouse. For the best laugh, skip right to Portia de Rossi.

  • The only real flesh of any kind, by our usual nudity standards, came from Emily Watson, who wore a see-through top. That woman is getting odder by the minute.
  • Here's Carrie-Anne Moss coming very close to spilling out of her dress.
  • Answering a question I asked some time ago, here is the newly trimmed-down Kate Winslet. She lost something like 65 pounds. The last picture on the right is actually Reese Witherspoon and her supremely odd husband, who now wears sunglasses indoors and has decided to be James Dean with curly hair.
  • Halle Berry in a form-fitting chocolate colored gown. Fashion experts praised her look.
  • Thora Birch in a teal prom gown. Her body looks great, her skin looks to be in the pale Elizabethan mode, but flawless. Fashion experts didn't like her gown, which seemed to bunch up and wrinkle. I don't know fashion, but I think she is becoming a distinctive woman.
  • The fashion police really savaged Kim Cattrall for dressing up as a pumpkin.  I thought she looked pretty, but the gown made her breasts look miniscule, and made her look bottom-heavy.
  • Jennifer Connelly.  Quite a bit of cleavage, but I didn't think it was a very good look for her. Here's Connelly with her award.
  • Portia deRossi.  The absolute unanimous consensus as the fashion disaster of the night.
  • Cameron Diaz.  What can you say? The fashion police declared her a crime scene zone and put up the yellow tape, but Cam has always been an individual, for better or worse. When I see her smile I feel cheerier, so nothing else really matters.
  • Rachel Griffiths looked completely doofy, and should fire her consultants.
  • Laura Harring wore pants, and a low-cut blouse.
  • Kate Hudson wore a dress cut to her navel. You go, girl. Why couldn't Jennifer Connelly wear this?
  • Nicole Kidman Poor decision. This will probably be the biggest night of her life. How often do you get nominated for best actress twice in the same year? But she looked odd.
  • Heather Locklear showed up weighing about 85 pounds, and still wearing her clothes from Dynasty. On the other hand, one must admire the fact that she never ages. In terms of both fashion and her looks, this picture could have been taken in 1985.
  • Julianna Margulies looked perfect, but didn't show anything.
  • Andie McDowell brought out some healthy cleavage in a country girl look.
  • Speaking of country, here's either Helen Hunt or, Leelee Sobieski. A little cleavage. What's the deal on the fringe? Looks like she's auditioning for a revival of Oklahoma!
  • S.J. Parker is just too weird.
  • Our hero brought his fellow Wild Thing, Denise Richards. She kept everything covered. Did you ever think you'd see this?  Sheen holding an acting award. That surely must be a sign of the Apocalypse.


The following are the latest movie reviews available at

  • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
  • If there is a white asterisk, it means that I inexplicably determined there might be something of interest.
  • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Lawdog or Junior or C2000 or Realist or ICMS or somebody else besides me)
  • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

Graphic Response
From the indie flick "The Anniversary Party", written and Directed by Alan Cumming and Jennifer Jason Leigh, and starring a whole mess of celebs. The movie shows a "slice of real life" among industry people in Hollyweird. Scoop and Tuna both reviewed this one, and their opinions are quite different. Click here for their reviews.

Be sure to pay Graphic Response a visit at his website.

The mother lode of good-looking women with very little clothing is, in my humble opinion, Bikini Carwash Company. You got your Neriah Davis in the days before she visited a plastic surgeon and appeared in the bunnymag, you got your Sara Suzanne Brown and her recreational body, you got three other babes in states of undress and, most of all, you got the goddess, herself, Kristi Ducati. You know, in Japan serious photographers grab B-movie actresses and porn queens, take them out to exotic locales and shoot an entire magazine or book of the babes all nekkid and everything. I would have done that with Kristi, had I any pretense of photocompetence. Next best thing is this movie. On DVD, no less. So I thought, what could be better?

Tuna capped this target-rich environment and sent me over 400 frames. Good news that. Bad news? Well, as Tuna made clear the DVD transfer sucked. Really sucked. As in air. As in ass. So Tuna worked with them a while, and I worked with a few a while longer. What you are seeing, then, is the improved product, dramatically so in some cases. But here's the deal: each frame is going to take time to get up to speed, so I will be posting collages of this movie one or two at a time, probably until the next visit of Haley's Comet.

Other things in today's grab bag include:

  • Antigone Amantis in Blind Date (she was the less well-known victim of the killer).
  • Appolonia Kotero in Purple Rain. This is the only serious contender to Phoebe Cates' scene in Fast Times for most frames capped per millisecond of exposure.
Asia Argento in Scarlett Diva, collages of Tuna's caps. A labor of love, this one, since Ms. Argento is the only person sporting a tattoo who gets my attention. Collages 4 and 5 were a bit of an amusement for me. They come from a scene in which you see both Asia and her reflection in a bathroom mirror, but there was all this dead space between her and the reflection. So I divided them and reassembled them separately. Oh well, it amused me at least.
  • Asia Argento (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

From the 80's...

A little "Hankster Lite" with Lee Anne Baker nude in "Breeders".

  • Lee Anne Baker (1, 2)

Also from the 80's...Brenda Knox having her blouse ripped open to reveal a great chest in scenes from "Escape". I guess we should call this a "Damsel in Distress".

  • Brenda Knox (1, 2, 3, 4)

Then it's back to the 70's for another old House of Milan bondage flick. Today we look at "Outdoor Bondage Doublecross". Sadly I do not know who this attractive blonde was but she is...or more specifically, her breasts are subjected to all kinds of harsh treatment.

Phillipa Peak Nude, playing a hooker during the Gold Rush in "The Claim" (2000). Topless, rear and frontal nudity.

Marjanka McComb Doing the streak in Leslie Nielsen's "Camouflage" (1999).

Sandrine Cavelier The Euro-actress goes full frontal in the short movie, "Big Bang!" (1998).

Andrea Roth Bra-less in paper-thin camisole in "Hidden Agenda" (1998), recently re-released on DVD.

Unknowns Various topless strippers in the movie "Strip Search" (1997).

Fawnia Mondey Topless and working the brass pole in "My Father's Angel" (1999).

Kathleen Laskey Has a dark nude scene but manages to show nothing in "Fish Tale Soup" (1996). She also dances around in her underwear.

Michelle Clunie

Thea Gill

From "Queer as Folk": Clunie and Gill are still going at it in the second season which kicked off recently.

Thea Gill is seen topless in bed. Michelle Clunie is bottomless out of bed.

Jeannie Millar A camouflage topless scene from the extremely odd Eric Roberts movie "Facade".

Amanda Peet One of the best nude scenes of 2000, and Amanda's breakthrough role in "The Whole Nine Yards".

ChloŽ Sevigny
(1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

Great breast exposure in her love scene with Hilary Swank in "Boys Don't Cry".

Laila Robins Topless in "The Blood Oranges"

Aida Lopez
(1, 2)

Topless and frontal nudity, also from "The Blood Oranges".

Shannon Elizabeth In her best, and most famous role as the nekkid foreign exchange student Nadia in "American Pie".

Corinne Clery
(1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)

New topless, rear, and full frontal images from "The Story of O". These images are all from the DVD's deleted scenes.