"Piranha II"

Piranha II (1981) is not a good sequel, and the original film was not all that great either. It was to be the directorial debut of James Cameron, but the film was taken away from him by the producer. Even though he was able to demand credit under his contract, he was not even allowed to see the edited film before release. The nasty fish are back, but this time they are part piranha, part flying fish, and have the appetite of a hungry teenage boy. They escaped from a sunken Navy research vessle, which was carrying the special fish developed to eat Vietnamese. Their favorite food, however, seems to be the guests of a Club Med like hotel on St. Ann island.

Tricia O'Neil teaches the resort diving class. Her estranged husband, Lance Henriksen, is the local police chief, and they have a teenaged son, Ricky G. Paull. Steve Marachuk pretends to be a guest on vacation, but is actually a biochemist who worked on the fishy project. Paull takes a job as crew on a yacht, working for a pretentious jerk with a cute daughter, Leslie Graves. From their, everything you would expect happens. O'Neil loses a student to the fish, and takes it personally. Marachuk pretends an interest in her to try and solve the fish problem, and Paull and Graves take a dingy for some heavy foreplay, and must be found and rescued.

Most of the nudity is in the first few minutes. An unidentified couple who finds bed, the beach, and a small boat to uncomfortable for sex decide the most comfortable place to do it is the sunken ship with piranha chewing on them. She shows everything in this underwater scene, all before the opening credits. Carole Davis and Connie Lynn Hadden are both seen topless sunbathing on their boat, before docking to scam a hotel worker out of some food, and Graves does a dark but great wet shirt scene in a waterfall.

IMDB readers have this at 2.8 of 10. The only reviews are at the bad movie sites. The special effects were terrible, the film was too predictable to build any suspense, and the acting was not worth much. Also, some of the characters, such as a Jewish woman who got instantly wet when she found out another guest was a singe doctor were just ludicrous. Also, they had the resort manager reprise Jaws, where he would not keep people out of the water because it would hurt business. All in all, a terrible film. D-.

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  • Carole Davis (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
  • Connie Lynn Hadden (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
  • Leslie Graves (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
  • Unknown (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12)

  • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)


    I guess you all know what Chicago is. Many people picked it as one of the Top 10 films of the year, some even picked it #1. The typical response was "just short of 4 stars". Roger Ebert and James Berardinelli each deemed 3.5 to be the correct star count, and Entertainment Weekly was on the same course, with an A-.  It was good enough to pull off the seemingly impossible task of winning Richard Gere a best actor award. It is an accurate translation of the feel of Bob Fosse's stage version to film.

    Perhaps you didn't know that it is, more or less, a true story, or at least based on a true story, which was first made into a black and white silent movie in 1927, The story was told again in 1942 with Ginger Rogers as Roxie Hart. The 1942 version has a couple of  musical numbers, but is not a musical. (The real Roxie was a performer, so Ginger performs, but only in the proper context.)

    • Renee Zellweger. Kinda, sorta nudity - she gets up from the bed after sex, wearing only a negligee - well, at least in theory) (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
    • Zeta. No nudity, The one time her butt is completely exposed (collage #1), there is motion blur. (1, 2, 3)
    • Queen Latifah. Some mammoth cleavage action. (1, 2)



    • New encyclopedia volumes: Carolyn Renee Smith, Cheryl Smith,  Stella Stevens, Carrie Stevens, Connie Stevens, Dominique Swain, Hilary Swank, Kristy Swanson.
    • Charlie's French Cinema Nudity site is updated 

    Other crap:

    Here are Mr Skin's nudity synopses of the movies that I didn't see at Sundance. (The evaluations represent his thoughts, not mine)


    Chloe Sevigny honors us with a sweet butt-shot late in this comedy featuring Macaulay Culkin and Seth Green as homosexuals on the prowl, circa the 1980's club scene. This flick is mainly a sausage party, but Sevigny's skimpy bikini bottom finds itself wedged firmly within her crack, and the result is the glorious presence of two plump cheeks of love. (Keep your eyes firmly planted on the left side of the screen, as on the right you'll find Culkin's pooper!)


    A fun, stupid pothead flick that has one short scene in a strip club. A top-heavy dancer (played by Ryan McDow) displays her rather impressive hooters (and butt) here. The guys in the room chimed in with an audible OOOHH when these babies were released, and this gal's got nips to spare.


    Again, the hot Roselyn Sanchez doesn't even show the hint of skin - instead wearing very sexy, but full-clothed policewoman outfits. She's like the Latina Sandra Bullock - very hot except not quite as charming or talented. Early in the movie, a woman is tied up and raped. She's listed as Christine Long in the credits and sometimes its a pain to see since the camera is shaking so much but she's laying face down on the bed without a shirt on and her buns are visible (she's wearing what looks to be a thong.) Later, when the body is discovered, she is face-down naked on the bed with her buns revealed.


    A low budget romantic drama shot entirely on digital video, if you're watching Milk and Honey for acting, storyline, witty dialogue or scenery, you're butt outta luck. It doesn't completely stink, but it looks every bit as cheap as any feature film of the last ten years... but it does have a good deal of nudity, which we like. In fact, female lead Kirsten Russell gets full frontal naked within the first minute of the film, showing flopsy flapjacks, a chunky butt and a big bushy bush. Her yummy mummy friend Eleanor Hutchins gets down to a skimpy blue bra not long afterwards, but it's Russell that keeps the skin ship floating by getting the puppies out again at the 75-minute mark for a full five minutes as she shags a younger guy, then she's at it again at the 85-minute mark, then she has a full frontal shower five minutes after that. A word of warning though, the dude Russell is getting off with is all floppy wang naked for a good portion of the film. A mixed bag indeed.


    Another great film from Sundance stars the lovely and talented Sabrina Lloyd. About 15 minutes in, she has sex with Bruno Campos (from Christina Applegate's TV sitcom, Jessie). As he gets up to pee right in the middle of the action, Sabrina rethinks this choice and gets up off the bed with no pants on. The film cuts just before her entire backside can be seen, but what's there is nice.




    Here are the latest movie reviews available at

    • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
    • If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
    • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Lawdog or Junior or C2000 or Realist or ICMS or Mick Locke, or somebody else besides me)
    • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

    'Caps and comments by Brainscan:

    The last couple o' babes from Exposed: TV's Lifeguard Babes.

    Tonya Poole is a reasonably active B movie babe with at least one nude scene in the second Pamela Principle movie, but there isn't a nekkid picture to be found of her that isn't bunnymag stuff. Gasp! A babe who isn't in the back issues or the Encyclopedia? We must attribute this to a rip in the time/space continuum and we just gotta do something about it. So, here are ten collages of Tonya.

    Robo-hooters in all but #3; bum in 3 and 4. Best close-up in #7 and the last three have her posing with legs open, but with bikini bottoms on... a provocative pose, nonetheless.

    And the very lastest babe of this DVD has the best exposure in both quality and quantity. Azalea Davila has done a few things nekkid and a lot of things clothed. In this DVD she is most decidedly the former... for a long time... and the cameraman got so close to her he was forced to pay her child support. Grabbed a shit-load of frames, picked out the best thirty or so and stuck them together in thirteen collages.

    Azalea shows off her natural wonders in all 13, reveals some bum in #'s 10 and 13, and pulls her bikini bottoms real narrow in 8 and 9.

    'Caps and comment by Hankster:

    Well we are back from our latest trip in the time machine and when we arrived we found that gas prices have gone sky-high, so we decided to stay home and clean out some left over junk from the hard drive

    First we have Marilu Henner ( who I loved in "Taxi" ) seen in 1994's "Chasers", looking sexy in her underwear.

    • Marilu Henner (1, 2, 3)

    Then it's Denise Richards ( in her bra ) and Neve Campbell from 1998's "Wild Things".

    Finally we have veteran B-movie babe Michelle Bauer with some boob, bun, leg & cleavage shots from 1993's "Witch Academy".

    • Michelle Bauer (1, 2, 3)

    Eva Herzigova
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

    A great find from Blackshine, the master of fashion scans. Here we see the supermodel tied up with some serious fetish ropes. As any Hankster can tell you, using ropes in this fashion is as much an art form as it is sexual. (assuming you're into that kind of thing)

    Marina Sirtis Showing off some cleavage with Picard at some Trek thing.

    Drea de Matteo "The Sopranos" babe wearing very see-thru stockings and showing off her bum.

    Pat Reeder
    Pat's comments in yellow...

    BUSH PHOTO-OP COVER-UP Must've Been A Wal-Mart Warehouse - Wednesday, President Bush touted his tax breaks for small businesses in a St. Louis warehouse, in front of a wall of boxes stamped "MADE IN USA." But the Washington Times reports that stickers had been placed over labels on the boxes that originally read "Made In China." A White House spokesman admitted the stagecraft, but blamed it on "one overzealous volunteer."

  • It was Donald Rumsfeld...By the time he's through, China WILL be part of the U.S.A., dammit!
  • It's true, the merchandise was made in China...But those boxes were made in the good ol' USA!
  • Didn't Bush know, NOTHING is made in the USA?

    WOMAN FLEES WITH HER BREASTS Double Take - A 28-year-old Norwegian woman was appearing on a Swedish reality show called "Plastic Clinic," which shows plastic surgery operations. Participants are paid for appearing, but they have to pay for their operations themselves. But this woman got breast implants, then vanished without paying, and neither the clinic nor the producers can find her. The surgeon said, "She took her breasts and left."

  • This is why most plastic surgeons make women pay for breasts up front.
  • Police are looking for a woman with 38DD breasts...But then, isn't every man?
  • The doctor should've performed liposuction on her wallet first.
  • From now on, all breast implants will contain GPS homing devices.

    MEN WANT INTIMACY JUST WHEN WOMEN DON'T Good Joke, God! - According to a Reader's Digest survey, love and sex are the most important factors in a happy marriage for men in their late 50s and early 60s. Unfortunately, that's just when intimacy becomes least important to women. The researchers said just as guys are saying, "Now I get it, I want more intimacy," women have finally gotten their kids out of the house, found outside interests and say, "Sorry, bub, I've already done that."

  • But not in the past 20 years!
  • Come on, it only takes a couple of minutes!
  • And to think, the men dumped their mistresses so they could spend more time at home!