In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.

On Sears hairdryer: "Do not use while sleeping." This is, of course, how Hemingway died. They made up that other story because it was more macho. On a bag of Fritos: "You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside." On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (it's only a suggestion) On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of box): "Do not turn upside down." It should add ..... "oops" On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." Strangely enough, that is actually a rarity in the UK. Most things remain room temperature despite their best efforts to refrigerate or cook them. On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." On Boot's Children's Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication". I always have told my kids: Children's Cough Medicine and Lathes don't mix. And I won't even talk about the time when Katya was three. She went on a Cough Medicine Binge and totaled the Buick. On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." MAY? MAY? I shelled out eleven bucks for this stuff at 7-Eleven, and they're not even sure? On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." Yeah, now that you bring it up, I've always wondered what the other choices are. On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." Don't ask. Let's just say that Bangkok is the only place where the other use is legal. On Sainsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." Actually, this one isn't stupid! If you weren't aware, a peanut is not a nut, despite its name. So if you advertise that a can contains peanuts and you pad it out with cheap nuts of some kind, you have to tell people. The label is still funny, though. On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." Interestingly, these are the same instructions I used to post to my zipper when I was dating Carmen. On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals." I believe this clearly establishes my case about the relationship between mental disorder and ABBA music.

One Fish, Two Fish
Tuna's project is "Blazing Saddles". No nudity, but I'll bet he had fun watching the movie. Every frame brought back a delicious memory. Hey, somebody go back and get a shitpile of dimes.

Madeline Kahn (#1, #2, #3, #4, #5, #6)

Robyn Hilton (#1, #2, #3, #4, #5, #6)

Lida Egorova is on Blinky's runway today for the first of three days.

(#1, #2, #3, #4, #5, #6, #7, #8)

pictures and commentary byMongoose
Natsuki Ozawa from the 1995 Japanese movie Zero Woman. In other markets, this was actually Zero Woman 2 but since the first Zero Woman movie was not released in the US, this one was titled for release here as just Zero Woman. This movie's about a young policewoman who belongs in the Tokyo Police Department's elite anti-organized crime Zero Unit. She's a bit of a freak and blood and violence makes her very horny. First collage is mostly non-nude but a little boob peek as she's driving home wiping the blood off of her.

Natsuki's in the shower washing the blood off.

Her partner drops by and a naked Natsuki pulls a gun on him. She tried to boff him but he didn't want to. Japan, being a female undercover officer can sometimes lead to being raped. Even though Natsuki killed this muthafreakin' ugly rapist, she didn't really seem all that bothered by the assault. Just part of the job, I guess.

Not only did it not bother her, it made her hook up with her old partner and nasty. I wonder if he knows what just happened and if so, why's he putting his face there?

Zero Woman having sex. Still topless.

For the voyeurs among you, peep through the window at Natsuki getting dressed after sex.

My website is and if you go to the New Stuff page you can vote on what movie I cap next (this is a possibly short-lived experiment for me).

No girl yesterday (Sunday). The replacement is Jo. 7-10-99. (#1 #2 #3 #4)

Gold is Beoley Ashley from 16 March 1984

Request girl is Sue Simmonds (#1, #2)

+ Ever wonder what the Playboy, Page Three, and other softcore models do when not modeling for Playboy or the British tabs? Fred does. Fred, or as he is known in the ancient Elventongue, "Frodo", specializes in "outing" the harder action from these ostensibly wholesome girls. Today's feature:

"Playboy BOL model Shelly Goodair also did a tour as the Fax Girl on the Playboy TV UK version of "Night Calls". Usually her hair is a bit darker in Playboy."

(#1, #2, #3, #4, #5, #6, #7, #8, #9)

Publisher Hi, Scoop. Another contribution for the daily Fun House. These are from the February issue of the Spanish magazine "MAN", in which we see Yvonne Reyes naked and pregnant. Ms Reyes is a native Venezuelan, but now works as a host/presenter on Spanish TV.

Scoop's comments, I'm not really into pregnant women, but I looked at the first two and I was hooked. This woman is drop-dead gorgeous. What a face! Look at number two and tell me it ain't so!

(#1, #2, #3, #4, #5, #6, #7, #8, #9, #10, #11, #12, #13, #14, #15, #16, #17, #18, #19, #20)

DonBun two of Caroline Key Johnson in "Intimate Sessions"

(#1, #2)

Unique 1 New vidcaps:

Lidia Olizzi in "The Bloodsucker Leads the Dance" Krista Nell in "The Bloodsucker Leads the Dance" Krista Nell in "The Bloodsucker Leads the Dance" Krista Nell in "The Bloodsucker Leads the Dance" Christina Cox, "Better than Chocolate" Christina Cox, "Better than Chocolate" Christina Cox, "Better than Chocolate" Christina Cox, "Better than Chocolate" Karyn Dwyer, "Better than Chocolate" Karyn Dwyer, "Better than Chocolate" Katherine Heigl in "The Tempest" Karen Russell in an adult CD-ROM game called "Wander Lust" Karen Russell Karen Russell Karen Russell Karen Russell Karen Russell Karen Russell Karen Russell

RoSSoL This exactly isn't a quality post, but at least the Finns may be interested in it anyway. I'm not aware of any prior nudity done by Laura Malmivaara. This is a scan from the magazine promoting her new film "Levottomat" that premieres next Friday. There should be a lot of sex scenes in that movie and the female cast includes very interesting names: Irina Björklund, Nina Kurkinen (one of our top-models), Matleena Kuusniemi (great body!) and Vilma Melasniemi. They all will have nude scenes (but of Melasniemi I don't know for sure).

Now what is extremely interesting in this film is that the director (Aku Louhimies - man behind "Isänmaan toivot" for example) has said in numerous occasions that the sex scenes are for real and not just acting! Of course this may have been done just to market the film - but I don't think so. He has discussed about the different approach he wants to take to sex displayed in film already earlier, also in movie magazines etc. None of the actors/actresses have denied his words, they have been keeping "no detailed comments" line. So I'm awaiting the video, or even better yet, the DVD with deleted scenes

ReCaps Recap has the rasslin' babes from "The Royal Rumble" swimsuit contest. They never got naked, but Mae Young did (EEEEEEEWWWWWW!). (The Mae cap is not from ReCap)

Ivory Miss Jacqueline BB Miss Kitty Marlena or Terri, or whatever she is now Here's Mae Young


Blackshine Mixed bag from Blackshine. Some caps from German TV, and scans of Debi Mazar in the Italian Vogue. I think Blackshine possibly does the best TV caps I've ever seen, but he has no nudity for us today.

Nana Visitor Heidi Klum Catherine Flemming Verona Feldbusch Anna Galvin Tracy Lynn Cruz Barbara Schoeneberger Laetitia Casta Debi Mazar Debi Mazar Debi Mazar

Blackshine and several colleagues can be tracked down at

Members Bonuses- Assorted

a Jaded

"Jaded" was just released on DVD. We saw. Carla Gugino yesterday. Today's images aren't as good, since they were all in really dark night lighting, and the women aren't as famous. (Kihlstedt is best known, if she's known at all, for being married to Gil Bellows). They were so dark I had to choose between distortion and darkness. I sometimes chose distortion as the lesser of the two evils, sometimes darkness.

Rya Kihlstedt Rya Kihlstedt Rya Kihlstedt Rya Kihlstedt Rya Kihlstedt Anna Thompson (aka Anna Levine)

Eye of the Needle

"Eye of the Needle" is a stylish WW2 espionage thriller. Donald Sutherland is a Nazi spy who has accurately determined the location of the planned d-day invasion and must inform Germany. Kate Nelligan is a British housewife who must prevent this from happening. The complication that distinguishes it from all others of its genre is that Nelligan fell in love with him before she figured out he was a bad guy. It's a good genre film, with some attention to period detail and atmosphere.

Nelligan is a Canadian actress who is still active (Now 48, she's in "Cider House Rules"). As far as I know, this was the only nudity of her distinguished quarter century on film. If anybody knows otherwise, please advise! Nelligan Nelligan Nelligan


My daughter loved this movie. She's thirteen. Three stoners have to raise enough money to bail out their roommate, who has been unfairly imprisoned. They do it by stealing medicinal marijuana and selling it.


I thought there was exactly one funny line, and it was in the previews. (The star is pretenting to be a Jamaican drug lord. A suspicious fellow dealer asks him what part of Jamaica he's from, and he says "by dee beach".) The one little bit of nudity was a damned good turn-on, but I don't know who she is. Drug lord Clarence Williams III is surrounded by scantily-clad female bodyguards, and one of them falls out of her top in a fight scene. If you can identify her, please advise.

the babe the babe the babe

Members Bonus

... and
  • Liz Hurley is topless, but I'd prefer that she got a haircut
  • Martine McCutcheon paparazzi. These are for real!
  • Martine McCutcheon paparazzi.
  • Four from Don Juan. Claudia Christian in "Never on Tuesday"
  • Claudia Christian in "Never on Tuesday"
  • Mimi Rogers in "Killers"
  • Stella Stevens in "Slaughter"
  • Julie Strain in "Blonde Heaven"
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