"Kama Sutra"

Kama Sutra (2000) Episode transition to Lovemaking has a man working with surrogate Shyra DeLund to overcome his recent problems with moving from dating to sex. He meets Taimie Hannum, but has problems performing. This time, Tamara Landry gives him a lesson. When he finally gets together with Hannum, he finds she has also had lessons at the Kama Sutra retreat.

All three women give a 3 B performance. This concludes the Kama Sutra II DVD, and I can see why the series seems to have only lasted one season. The stories are not very engaging, and there is a sameness to all of the sex scenes. C-.

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  • Shyra DeLand (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)
  • Taimie Hannum (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13)
  • Tamara Landry (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

  • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)


    • Charlie's French Cinema Nudity Site is updated


    Head in the Clouds (2004)

    I suppose Charlize Theron is just about the hottest actress in Hollywood. She's extraordinarily attractive and approachable. She commands top dollar. On top of it all, she also has talent, and is fresh off a runaway Oscar victory for her incredible performance in Monster.

    So what would you say if I told you that she made a big budget movie this year, in which she did two gorgeous topless scenes plus lesbian scenes and a really hot tango with Penelope Cruz. You never heard of it? I'm not surprised by that. The movie was released on a whopping 47 screens and grossed less than $400,000. I think you'd say, "Whoa, that movie must really suck. The guys who sunk a bazillion simoleons into that puppy didn't even think they could recoup the additional cost of advertising and distributing it."

    And you'd be pretty close to right.

    To be honest, the movie doesn't totally suck. It has positives. It looks great in its own artificial way, has some magnificent location shots, is epic in scope, and contains a reasonably competent performance from Theron. It was directed by the guy who did Sirens, so he knows a thing or two about capturing beautiful, sensuous images.

    So where did it go wrong?

    This is just a terrible script, and the movie seems for all the world like it was made in 1961, complete with urban street scenes shot on back lots and sound stages. It's one of those stories about Europe in the thirties, in which the idealists fight for the Republicans in Spain and the resistance in France, complete with all the usual WW2 movie clichés It's also one of those movies where the world combat is only a backdrop for the love story.

    Charlize was maintaining simultaneous affairs with Cruz and her idealistic boyfriend, all while the three of them lived together. Charlize played the empty-headed socialite intent on ignoring the war and concentrating on her bohemian hedonism, while her friends were always ruining her day by reading those icky newspapers and fretting about those darned pesky world-conquering fascists. When the Germans finally conquered Paris, the idealistic boyfriend, working for the underground, was shocked to see that Charlize was so oblivious to politics that she had actually become a Nazi girl-toy.

    Or had she?

    I had the feeling that I had seen the entire film before, several times, many decades ago, but what's worse than its familiarity is its pace. It moves about as quickly as tectonic shifting. I thought it had been playing for at least four hours, perhaps several days, when I checked the time on my DVD player and it was only 1:44 into the movie. I still can't understand why I had three days growth of beard after watching it. Must be a time paradox.  I was thankful that it ended at 2:01, but that last 17 minutes was the most excruciating of all, filled with regretful voice-overs and syrupy music and tragic misunderstandings.

    I did learn some interesting things from this film.

    1. I learned that no matter where and when you walk in Paris, you will see several ballet dancers dressed in their leotards, doing their stretching exercises in public. They are on every street, at all times of the day and night. They have like a 24/7 ballet franchise thing goin' on there Just think of it as the French equivalent of ATM machines.

    2. I learned that when you look around in Paris, the Eiffel Tower is visible in all four directions. If you sit at a cafe, the Tower will be over your shoulder and over the shoulder of the person you are facing.

    3. I learned that staging romantic scenes with a real-life couple is no guarantee that both parties will seem comfortable, nor that the couple will exhibit any chemistry on screen. The couple in question is Theron and the late Stuart Townsend. Oh, wait, I think he might still be alive. It's hard to tell. Somebody check his pulse.


    • Charlize Theron (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

    • Penelope Cruz (no nudity) (1, 2)

    • Linda Tomassone (1, 2) ( I don't know if there is nudity or not. And I don't care.)


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    • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
    • If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
    • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
    • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.


    Words, pictures, and vids from ICMS

    "Just Married" (1998)

    Seeing Herr Haut's caps of Valeska Hanel in "Just Married" (1998) in yesterday's Fun House gave me the idea to follow them up with clips. I thought it might be interesting to see Valeska in motion.



    Since this has brought us to Germany, maybe we can stay there today and offer clips from German actresses from some time ago when German television seemed less prudish than today.

    "Kinderspiele" (1992)


    In Kinderspiele (1992; Children's Play) two boys try to find out more about the birds and the bees by engaging in activities that should satisfy their curiosity. Angelika Bartsch and Irina Lackmann, two lesser known actresses, give up the goodies.



    "Fraulein" (1986)

    Lastly Angelica Domröse doesn't shy away from a black and white full frontal performance in "Fraulein" (1986; Miss).

    Jr's Polls
    It was pretty clear who will be taking the victory lap for Best Nude Debut, the 80's. So I went ahead and closed the polling.

    Here are the final results.

    Look for our poll wrap up comments in the days ahead.

    In the mean time, let's move to the 90's!

    For our next poll we're looking for the best film as well as screen nudity debut (both in the same film) by an actress between 1990-1999. The voting will begin on Monday. But for now, here is our first batch of nominees.

    This fist half features the purest of the first film and first nudity nominees...

    • Emily Watson in "Breaking the Waves" (1996)
    • Natasha Henstridge in "Species" (1995)
    • Chloë Sevigny in "Kids" (1995)
    • Catherine McCormack in "Loaded" (1994)
    • Catherine Zeta-Jones in "1001 Nights" (1990)
    • Portia DeRossi in "Sirens" (1994)
    • Kate Fischer in "Sirens" (1994)
    • Claire Forlani in "Gypsy Eyes" (1992)

    This second half features actress who may have been TV stars or had one or two small uncredited roles before their real acting debut.

    • Melissa George in "Dark City" (1998)
    • Elle Macpherson in "Sirens" (1994_
    • Charlize Theron in "2 Days in the Valley" (1996)
    • Julia Ormond in "The Baby of Mâcon" (1993)
    • Angelina Jolie in "Cyborg 2" (1993)

    Email Scoopy Jr. with your nominees, comments or suggestions.

    Johnny Moronic
    Today Johnny Moronic takes a look at small budget film "A Piece of My Heart" aka "Perfect Opposites" (2004)

    • Nichole Hiltz looks amazing in a bikini in #1. In #2 she's wearing some lingerie. (1, 2) You may recognize her from some of her small roles in bigger movies like "Spanglish", "Something's Gotta Give", "Austin Powers in Goldmember", "Shallow Hal" and of course "Dude, Where's My Car?".

    • Jenny Leone aka topless model/actress Jesse Capelli. Here she is showing here breasts in two scenes. (1, 2)

    • Piper Perabo the "Coyote Ugly" star looking cute as always, but not showing any skin of course. (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

    Jennifer Garner Garner showing a little cleavage and wearing a skin tight latex dress in scenes from a first season episode of her hit series "Alias".

    Joëlle Coeur
    (1, 2)

    Excellent full frontal nudity from the French actress in scens from the 1973 Jean Rollin movie "Les Démoniaques" aka "Curse of the Living Dead" aka "Demoniacs".

    Elizabeth Hurley
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

    Señor Skin 'caps of the always Shagadelic Liz Hurley going topless in scenes from the amazingly bad (even by co-star C. Thomas Howell's standards) movie "Mad Dogs and Englishmen" aka "Shameless" (1995).

    Mail Bag
    Subject: Amazing Race contestant:

    The name of the girl from this season of The Amazing Race is Victoria Fuller. She is a former Heffer o' the month (January '96), and has also made several additional appearances in Bunny-related media. Here is a site that lists all of her Heff-ish appearances.

    -Mr. T.

    Pat Reeder
    Pat's comments in yellow...

    Quite A Siren - A sheriff's deputy from Franklin County, Arkansas, was fired after a computer disc surfaced in the sheriff's office that was found to contain photos of the deputy's wife posing nude next to his patrol car. A spokesman said, "The sheriff's department wants to apologize to each and every citizen for any embarrassment or loss of confidence."

  • Or for any trouble that they've had downloading it.
  • Why would they be embarrassed or lose confidence? Is her body that much better than theirs?
  • They don't want to sully their police car by having anyone naughty near it.

    Or Did You Say "Geek Magnet?" - If you have $19,999.95, you could own Jabba the Hutt's ride. Neal Ormond, a Palo Alto, California designer, built the JL421 Badonkadonk, or "The Donk," and is selling on It's a bizarre tank-like vehicle with a 400-watt sound system and a top speed of 40 mph. It looks a lot like Jabba's sail barge in "Return of the Jedi," although Lucas lawyers should note that it also looks sort of like a Dalek from "Dr. Who." Asked if the vehicle is a chick magnet, Ormond said, "Oh yeah, it's definitely proved useful in that."

  • But it only attracts chicks who look like Jabba the Hutt.
  • If you think driving this will attract girls who look like Princess Leia in a gold bikini, you really do love fantasy.
  • This attracts the chicks, but what gets them out of their clothes is his model of the Original Starship Enterprise.

    Squaring Off - Dr. James Dobson's Focus On The Family has launched a crusade against Spongebob Squarepants. They've long questioned SpongeBob's sexual orientation because he holds hands with his sidekick, Patrick, and their favorite TV show is "The Adventures of Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy." But the last straw is a new video starring kiddie icons SpongeBob, Barney the dinosaur and Jimmy Neutron that the producers plan to offer schools to promote tolerance of diversity. Dobson claims it's "pro-homosexual" propaganda aimed at kids. But creator Nile Rodgers insists that it contains no references to sexual identity.

  • And Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy have a strict "don't ask, don't tell" policy.
  • Unlike SpongeBob, their arguments don't hold water.
  • Come on, it's obviously Barney who's gay!
  • They're the only people on Earth who think SpongeBob's pants aren't square enough.