Kama Sutra (2000) Episode transition to Lovemaking has a man working with surrogate Shyra DeLund to overcome his recent problems with moving from dating to sex. He meets Taimie Hannum, but has problems performing. This time, Tamara Landry gives him a lesson. When he finally gets together with Hannum, he finds she has also had lessons at the Kama Sutra retreat.
All three women give a 3 B performance. This concludes the Kama Sutra II DVD, and I can see why the series seems to have only lasted one season. The stories are not very engaging, and there is a sameness to all of the sex scenes. C-.
|Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)
Head in the Clouds (2004)
I suppose Charlize Theron is just about the hottest actress in
Hollywood. She's extraordinarily attractive and approachable. She
commands top dollar. On top of it all, she also has talent, and is
fresh off a runaway Oscar victory for her incredible performance in
So what would you say if I told you that she made a big budget movie
this year, in which she did two gorgeous topless scenes plus lesbian
scenes and a really hot tango with Penelope Cruz. You never heard of
it? I'm not surprised by that. The movie was released on a whopping
47 screens and grossed less than $400,000. I think you'd say, "Whoa,
that movie must really suck. The guys who sunk a bazillion simoleons
into that puppy didn't even think they could recoup the additional
cost of advertising and distributing it."
And you'd be pretty close to right.
To be honest, the movie doesn't totally suck. It has positives. It
looks great in its own artificial way, has some magnificent location
shots, is epic in scope, and contains a reasonably competent
performance from Theron. It was directed by the guy who did Sirens,
so he knows a thing or two about capturing beautiful, sensuous
So where did it go wrong?
This is just a terrible script, and the movie seems for all the
world like it was made in 1961, complete with urban street scenes
shot on back lots and sound stages. It's one of those stories about
Europe in the thirties, in which the idealists fight for the
Republicans in Spain and the resistance in France, complete with all
the usual WW2 movie clichés It's also one of those movies where the
world combat is only a backdrop for the love story.
Charlize was maintaining simultaneous affairs with Cruz and her
idealistic boyfriend, all while the three of them lived together.
Charlize played the empty-headed socialite intent on ignoring the
war and concentrating on her bohemian hedonism, while her friends
were always ruining her day by reading those icky newspapers and
fretting about those darned pesky world-conquering fascists. When
the Germans finally conquered Paris, the idealistic boyfriend,
working for the underground, was shocked to see that Charlize was so
oblivious to politics that she had actually become a Nazi girl-toy.
Or had she?
I had the feeling that I had seen the entire film before, several
times, many decades ago, but what's worse than its familiarity is
its pace. It moves about as quickly as tectonic shifting. I thought
it had been playing for at least four hours, perhaps several days,
when I checked the time on my DVD player and it was only 1:44 into
the movie. I still can't understand why I had three days growth of
beard after watching it. Must be a time paradox. I was
thankful that it ended at 2:01, but that last 17 minutes was the
most excruciating of all, filled with regretful voice-overs and
syrupy music and tragic misunderstandings.
I did learn some interesting things from this film.
I learned that no matter where and when you walk in Paris, you will
see several ballet dancers dressed in their leotards, doing their
stretching exercises in public. They are on every street, at all
times of the day and night. They have like a 24/7 ballet franchise
thing goin' on there Just think of it as the French equivalent of
I learned that when you look around in Paris, the Eiffel Tower is
visible in all four directions. If you sit at a cafe, the Tower will
be over your shoulder and over the shoulder of the person you are
I learned that staging romantic scenes with a real-life couple is no
guarantee that both parties will seem comfortable, nor that the
couple will exhibit any chemistry on screen. The couple in question
is Theron and the late Stuart Townsend. Oh, wait, I think he might
still be alive. It's hard to tell. Somebody check his pulse.
Charlize Theron (1,
Penelope Cruz (no nudity) (1,
Linda Tomassone (1,
2) ( I don't know if there is nudity or not. And I
Grand Moff Powell, FCC chief, joins his dad in the exodus from the
A scientific formula proves that January 24th will be the worst
day of the year.
JoBlo.com makes fun of some movie posters (Rebound, and Miss
- Dude, this is too fucked-up for me.
All-mom bands rock more than the cradle.
The latest Star Wars round-up.
2005 Inauguration Address: President Bush's Inaugural Speech
Promising Greater Freedom for Freeified Freefolk to Freely Enjoy
Freetastic Freegasms of Freedomosity (WHITEHOUSE.ORG)
A Sacred Place for you to find the Spells for your needful things
Captain Ozone's Offical Home Page
- This is a real story, not Weekly World News ...
Korean fish has human face.
Joe Lieberman talks about his secret to getting along with the
Norwegians surprised to see Bush salute Satan! Silly
Vikings! If they didn't think Bush was in league with Satan, why
did they think he named him Vice-President?
Hey. Hey. Hey!!!: Police are investigating "An
allegation made against Bill Cosby by a female acquaintance who
claims she was drugged and groped by the entertainer"
The Daily Show asks us to have pride in a government that allows
for such a peaceful non-transfer of power.
The Daily Show's Steven Colbert analyzes the inauguration
Jon Stewart reviews the inaugural address.
Two clips from The Upside of Anger, an old geezer
romantic comedy with Kevin Costner and Joan Allen
A video of a young Denise Richards strip-dancing in her lingerie!
- Scoop's note: I didn't know if this was real - I brought the
poster's comment up here to the main page, so you don't miss it.
"This is a clip from the movie TAMMY AND THE T-REX with the
original audio replaced by the Tom Petty song.
Here is a link for a review of
the movie with the original video clip."
The trailer for Tim Burton's Corpse Bride
- "In a 19th-century European village, Victor (Johnny Depp)
travels to the underworld for a quickie wedding to a mysterious
corpse bride (Helena Bonham Carter) while his living wife (Emily
Watson) pines for his return. A stop-motion animated film like
the Burton-produced 'The Nightmare Before Christmas'."
- Awesome cast for a "voice" project. It also features the
majestic voice of Christopher Lee and back-up work from Joanna
Lumley, Albert Finney, and Richard Grant.
Brigitte Bardot slams planned polar bear hunting permits in
Greenland. There is a picture, and it's interesting to
see what Bardot looks like today.
Summer camp for gun nuts
BullshitJob.com - Home of the Bullshit Job Title Generator
31 year old 'Moesha' actor killed in auto accident.
NHL mini-talks break off with no deal, The NHL is in
danger of being the first professional North American sport to
lose an entire season to a labor dispute.
Several pages of screen caps from the PlayStation game, Playboy:
The Mansion. (A Sims clone based upon Hef's life)
- Two Roger Clemens stories:
Clemens files for arbitration, asking $22.5 million.
(The 'Stros offered $13.5 in the arbitration action.)
Astros close to a deal on one more year of Rocketry.
The 'Stros have offered to make Clemens the highest-paid pitcher
in the game if he agrees to a one year deal.
- URL says it all:
"Occult symbols are fast replacing Christian symbols in our
culture. Therefore, we encourage you to use this list to warn
others, especially Christian children who intentionally
wear and display them because they are popular."
France will allow U.S. film director Ron Howard to shoot scenes in
the famed Louvre museum for a film adaptation of the worldwide
bestseller 'The Da Vinci Code,'
The president of Harvard University sparked an uproar at an
academic conference when he said that innate differences between
men and women might be one reason fewer women succeed in science
and math careers. Actually, I'm not sure that the point
is accurate to begin with. The concept of "success" is based on
the relationship between effort and accomplishment. Do fewer women
succeed, or is it simply that fewer women try?
Fox News gets a little surprise in an interview that was supposed
to be a puff piece. "It's a universal rule - the worse a war is
going, the more lavish the inauguration to cover it up".
You can debate whether the USA is currently at war, but even if
you accept that, I don't think her point is true. In the past half
century, there have been two wars that were going poorly for the
USA, and the President responsible simply didn't get another
inauguration, plain or fancy. Truman had already served seven
years, and LBJ basically resigned in disgrace by voluntarily
forgoing another term. The interviewee's point is based entirely
on FDR's inauguration in 1944. FDR chose to have a modest
inauguration so as not to seem frivolous in what was a very
frightening time for a devastated world. I agree with what FDR
did, but I'm not sure it has any application to GWB. If the
American people felt the war was going THAT badly, they would have
sent him back to Texas with his tail between his legs, as they did
to LBJ. Right or wrong, they did not.
Bruce Willis signs for Solace, scripted by Ted Griffin, writer of
Ocean's 11. The much-delayed film is about a psychic
hired to find a serial killer.
- Jennifer Lopez says:
... or you can call her J-Lo, or you can call her Lo-J, or you can
call her Ray-J. But ya doesn't hasta call her Mrs Johnson.
A look at the best biopics of 2004.
JoBlo reports from Sundance.
The trailer for Lost Embrace: "'Lost Embrace' stars
Daniel Hendler (Winner 2004 Berlin Film Festival/Best Actor) as
Ariel, a recent college dropout with hopes of escaping a career
behind the counter of his mother's lingerie store in a Buenos
Aires shopping mall."
The trailers for Gunner Palace: "'Gunner Palace'
reveals the complex realities of the situation in Iraq not seen on
the nightly news. Told first-hand by our troops, 'Gunner Palace'
presents a thought provoking portrait of a dangerous and chaotic
war that is personal, highly emotional, sometimes disturbing,
surprisingly amusing ... and thoroughly fascinating. Filmmaker
Michael Tucker, who lived with 2/3 Field Artillery, a.k.a. 'The
Gunners' for two months, captures the lives and humanity of these
soldiers whose barracks are the bombed-out pleasure palace of Uday
Hussein (nicknamed Gunner Palace), situated in the heart of the
most volatile section of Baghdad. With total access to all
operations and activities, Tucker's insider footage provides a
rare look at the day-to-day lives of these soldiers on the ground
-- whether swimming in Uday's pool and playing golf on his putting
green or executing raids on suspected terrorists, enduring
roadside bombs, mortar attacks, RPGs and snipers."
Other Crap archives. May also include newer material than the
since it's sorta in real time.
to submit a URL for Other Crap
are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.
- The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the
review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
- If there is a white asterisk, it means that
there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined
there might be something else of interest.
- A blue asterisk indicates the review is written
by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
- If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too
ashamed to admit it.
Words, pictures, and vids from
Seeing Herr Haut's caps of
Valeska Hanel in "Just Married" (1998) in yesterday's Fun
House gave me the idea to follow them up with clips. I
thought it might be interesting to see Valeska in motion.
Since this has brought us to Germany,
maybe we can stay there today and offer clips from German
actresses from some time ago when German television seemed less
prudish than today.
In Kinderspiele (1992; Children's
Play) two boys try to find out more about the birds and the
bees by engaging in activities that should satisfy their
curiosity. Angelika Bartsch and Irina Lackmann, two lesser known
actresses, give up the goodies.
Lastly Angelica Domröse doesn't shy
away from a black and white full frontal performance in "Fraulein"
It was pretty clear who will be taking the victory lap for Best Nude Debut, the 80's. So I went ahead and closed the polling.
Here are the final results.
Look for our poll wrap up comments in the days ahead.
In the mean time, let's move to the 90's!
For our next poll we're looking for the best film as well as screen nudity debut (both in the same film) by an actress between 1990-1999. The voting will begin on Monday. But for now, here is our first batch of nominees.
This fist half features the purest of the first film and first nudity nominees...
- Emily Watson in "Breaking the Waves" (1996)
- Natasha Henstridge in "Species" (1995)
- Chloë Sevigny in "Kids" (1995)
- Catherine McCormack in "Loaded" (1994)
- Catherine Zeta-Jones in "1001 Nights" (1990)
- Portia DeRossi in "Sirens" (1994)
- Kate Fischer in "Sirens" (1994)
- Claire Forlani in "Gypsy Eyes" (1992)
This second half features actress who may have been TV stars or had one or two small uncredited roles before their real acting debut.
- Melissa George in "Dark City" (1998)
- Elle Macpherson in "Sirens" (1994_
- Charlize Theron in "2 Days in the Valley" (1996)
- Julia Ormond in "The Baby of Mâcon" (1993)
- Angelina Jolie in "Cyborg 2" (1993)
Email Scoopy Jr. with your nominees, comments or suggestions.
Today Johnny Moronic takes a look at small budget film "A Piece of My Heart" aka "Perfect Opposites" (2004)
- Nichole Hiltz looks amazing in a bikini in #1. In #2 she's wearing some lingerie. (1,
2) You may recognize her from some of her small roles in bigger movies like "Spanglish", "Something's Gotta Give", "Austin Powers in Goldmember", "Shallow Hal" and of course "Dude, Where's My Car?".
- Jenny Leone aka topless model/actress Jesse Capelli. Here she is showing here breasts in two scenes.
- Piper Perabo the "Coyote Ugly" star looking cute as always, but not showing any skin of course.
||Garner showing a little cleavage and wearing a skin tight latex dress in scenes from a first season episode of her hit series "Alias".
|Excellent full frontal nudity from the French actress in scens from the 1973 Jean Rollin movie "Les Démoniaques" aka "Curse of the Living Dead" aka "Demoniacs".
|Señor Skin 'caps of the always Shagadelic Liz Hurley going topless in scenes from the amazingly bad (even by co-star C. Thomas Howell's standards) movie "Mad Dogs and Englishmen" aka "Shameless" (1995).
Subject: Amazing Race contestant:
The name of the girl from this season of The Amazing Race is Victoria Fuller. She is a former Heffer o' the month (January '96), and has also made several additional appearances in Bunny-related media. Here is a site that lists all of her Heff-ish appearances.
|Pat Reeder www.comedy-wire.com
Pat's comments in yellow...
DEPUTY FIRED OVER WIFE'S NUDE PHOTOS
Quite A Siren - A sheriff's deputy from Franklin County, Arkansas, was fired
after a computer disc surfaced in the sheriff's office that was found to
contain photos of the deputy's wife posing nude next to his patrol car. A
spokesman said, "The sheriff's department wants to apologize to each and every citizen
for any embarrassment or loss of confidence."
Or for any trouble that they've had downloading it.
Why would they be embarrassed or lose confidence? Is her body that much
better than theirs?
They don't want to sully their police car by having anyone naughty near it.
OWN JABBA THE HUTT'S RIDE
Or Did You Say "Geek Magnet?" - If you have $19,999.95, you could own Jabba
the Hutt's ride. Neal Ormond, a Palo Alto, California designer, built the
JL421 Badonkadonk, or "The Donk," and is selling on Amazon.com. It's a bizarre
tank-like vehicle with a 400-watt sound system and a top speed of 40 mph. It
looks a lot like Jabba's sail barge in "Return of the Jedi," although Lucas
lawyers should note that it also looks sort of like a Dalek from "Dr. Who." Asked
if the vehicle is a chick magnet, Ormond said, "Oh yeah, it's definitely
proved useful in that."
But it only attracts chicks who look like Jabba the Hutt.
If you think driving this will attract girls who look like Princess Leia
in a gold bikini, you really do love fantasy.
This attracts the chicks, but what gets them out of their clothes is his
model of the Original Starship Enterprise.
CHRISTIAN CONSERVATIVES TARGET SPONGEBOB
Squaring Off - Dr. James Dobson's Focus On The Family has launched a crusade
against Spongebob Squarepants. They've long questioned SpongeBob's sexual
orientation because he holds hands with his sidekick, Patrick, and their favorite
TV show is "The Adventures of Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy." But the last
straw is a new video starring kiddie icons SpongeBob, Barney the dinosaur and
Jimmy Neutron that the producers plan to offer schools to promote tolerance of
diversity. Dobson claims it's "pro-homosexual" propaganda aimed at kids. But
creator Nile Rodgers insists that it contains no references to sexual identity.
And Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy have a strict "don't ask, don't tell"
Unlike SpongeBob, their arguments don't hold water.
Come on, it's obviously Barney who's gay!
They're the only people on Earth who think SpongeBob's pants aren't square