Raven (1997) is an espionage action thriller staring Burt Reynolds as "Raven," a CIA operative who leads Raven Team, which includes Matt Battaglia. As the film opens, they are in Bosnia, whipping out a military installation and stealing a two piece Russian made decoder so their CIA bosses can sell it to a rich Iranian. All but Reynolds and Battaglia are killed, and Reynolds shoots Battaglia on the way home after they argue about whether or not to turn the two part decoder over to their CIA bosses, or sell it on the black market. Battaglia falls out of the helicopter, and Reynolds crashes into a lake.
Cut to a year in the future. Battaglia is living in San Diego, working as a boat mechanic in a marina, and living with Krista Allen, whom he plans on marrying. Reynolds is still trying to get Battaglia's half of the decoder, and the CIA and several crooked senators are trying to obtain it and turn it over to the Iranian. Lots of fighting and demolition follow, four breasts (two from Krista Allen, two from Lauren Hays), and there is exactly one great line, "Hey, they are CIA. They have a black belt in bullshit."
IMDb readers have this at 4.0 of 10. That is about all it is worth. The story is rater predictable and cliche ridden. I am a fan of Reynolds, but he showed me nothing here. D+, not quite genre minimum standard.
|Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)
Pretty Maids All in a Row
Pretty Maids is an all-but-forgotten
1971 black comedy which was written by Star Trek's creator, Gene
Roddenberry, directed by Eurotrash legend Roger Vadim, with a theme
song by the Osmond Brothers.
It sort of hinges on the premise that
all of our high school fantasies were true. All the chicks had perfect
bodies, ran around in mini-skirts, and had sexual habits that made
minks look like the Sisters of St Joseph. Remember that sexy teacher
whose dress you looked up every day? Well, she really wanted to sleep
with you, but you just never asked. Remember that wise coach who was
also your guidance counselor and who taught you so much? You should
have told him you needed some poontang. He'd have been there for you,
dude. He would have told the hot teacher (who wanted his bod) that you
were impotent and needed the cure, and that only she could help. And
then she would have cleaned your pipes.
Rock Hudson plays the coach, “Tiger”
McDrew, a former professional sporting great who has a wholesome recipe
to turn youths into happy adults. For the boys - plenty of sports to
keep them away from disruptive influence like girls and drugs and did I
mention girls. For the girls - well, there's only one way that they can
ever learn to be women, if you catch my drift. Ol' Dr Hudson has the
prescription of love. Yes, that's right, Rock was sleeping with the
females and pimping females for the males. He was really into that whole
heterosexual thing. Unfortunately, more and more of the high school chickadees
start to feel possessive about Rock, and their desire to hook him seems
to coincide quite closely to their commitment to an eternal Dirt Nap.
Why, whoever could be killing them
all? Well, Rock is happily married, and he just can't have his wife
find out about his special proclivities, can he?
It is a completely irresponsible movie, filled with amoral characters,
other characters who know about the amorality but don't care, and other
characters who simply don't care - period. It features plenty of camera
angles up the skirts of high school girls, except of course for the ones
who are already naked. I suppose a film like this could be made today,
but only as a no-budget independent film, almost an underground film, by
someone like Larry Clark. Clark's film Ken Park is similar in some ways,
but Ken Park was virtually unreleased. In the early 70s, however, this
script was able to attract the wholesome Rock Hudson to star, backed up
by Telly Savalas, Scotty from Star Trek, Roddy McDowell, Angie
Dickinson, and Keenan Wynn.
I guess the film is sort of fun in a shallow, superficial Roger Vadim
kind of way, although Vadim's slimy European softcore attitude didn't
exactly mesh very well with the wholesome "palm trees and
cheerleaders" setting, and the humor really didn't work for me,
neither in 1971 nor now. The film's smirking condescension toward the
dead women was coldly funny, and still is, as a satire of how little
people really care for one another. But this film will absolutely make
you squirm when you experience it with today's eyes and ears. Women
found naked and brutalized? The perfect setup for plenty of cavalier
remarks (“Cool! We never practice on the day of a murder”) and visual
jokes. Roddy McDowell, the principal, offers a fitting funeral
oration, that so-and-so was a great girl and a "terrific little
I'm embarrassed to admit that when I first saw this film with my
friends, back when it was in the theaters, some of us were wont to
repeat the line about "a terrific little cheerleader" when we
discussed people who died tragically.
"Yeah, remember Bobby Kennedy? Geez, he was a great man ... and a
terrific little cheerleader."
We did this for years, so I guess the film made some kind of an
impression on us.
I didn't have as much success with this VHS tape as some of the others
I've tried to convert, but here's the goodies anyway.
- Angie Dickinson showed her
butt. There is a brief flash of her breasts, and even a frame
or two of pubes as she rolls over. (1,
- Joy Bang showed her breasts
during and after a sex scene with Hudson
- Gretchen Burrell showed her
breasts and a brief, dark flash of her crotch. She never
appeared in any other movie before or after this one.
- Aimee Eccles showed the top
half of her butt while sitting naked on a desk
- June Fairchild showed her
breasts and pubes as she was taking a Polaroid of herself. The
gorgeous Ms Fairchild disappeared from the movies around 1978.
She turned up homeless and presumed alcoholic around 2001.
- an anonymous pretty maid
took off her dress in Hudson's office
Jessica Alba is dating producer Cash Warren, the son of actor
(Hill Street Blues) and former basketball star Michael Warren.
Johnny Carson Writes Jokes for Letterman. Can I say
something from the heart instead of the wise-ass remarks? I miss
Mrs Charles Foster Kane is dead. How old was Ruth
Warrick? I'll give you a hint. Citizen Kane premiered 64 years
Closer rules the box office in the UK. #2 is Team
America - World Police.
A featurette for The Chronicles of Narnia
Peter Jackson will direct The Lovely Bones. Jackson
optioned the feature film rights to Alice Sebold's debut novel.
Globes Ratings Not Golden - down 40% from last year.
The Daily Show looks at the Abu Ghraib trials
The trailer for Fantastic Four. My hopes are up! This
Martin Scorsese becomes honorary president of Vienna Film Museum
Weekly World News: "THE EIFFEL TOWER IS A PORTAL TO HELL".
How to use Japanese style toilet. It isn't easy to do
this while having sex with an octopus.
- Clean out some space in your cupboard:
"a leap back from financial ruin with an innovative product:
The trailer for Dear Wendy, from director Thomas Vinterberg and
writer Lars van Trier.
- "'Dear Wendy' is a story about the young loner Dick who
lives in the poor mining town of Estherslope. When he happens
upon a small handgun one day, he finds himself strangely drawn
to it, despite his fervent pacifist views. Together with his
newfound partner he soon convinces the other young outcasts in
the town to join him in a secret club he calls The Dandies. A
club based on the principals of pacifism and guns. Despite their
firm belief in the most important Dandy rule of all - never draw
your weapons - they soon find themselves in a predicament where
they realize that rules are made to be broken."
- I'm as tired as you are of reading about Bradifer, but this
story is poignant.
Brad Pitt reportedly rejected an attempt from Jennifer Aniston to
save their marriage.
- Be still my beating heart!
Sylvester Stallone says he will make another Rambo film.
Nicole Kidman is afraid of butterflies. Who isn't?
Those are some scary-ass motherfuckers.
- Did you know "FCC" is pronounced "Fuck"?
FCC fears force Fox to pixelate cartoon nudity in Family Guy
The Yeti and penguin are back in the Sam Peckinpah version of
Full Body Floss
- Fronm the "quixotic, but amusing" department:
The Online Petition to Stop Ashlee Simpson.
- Two great tastes that taste great together.
Your got porn in my reality show. No, you got reality in my porn.
Stars and Stripes does an excellent job with their photo of the
Warning: Don't brush teeth with toilet brush!: "Awards
handed out for wackiest consumer warnings"
The trailer for Bendito Infierno. Trailer??? You can
watch the whole film on DVD. This "new release" is actually a four
year old film with Penelope Cruz , Victoria Abril and Gabriel
Garcia Bernal. It has been available on Region 1 DVD for a long
time, under its English distribution title "Don't Tempt Me". (It
was called "Sin noticias de Dios" in Spain in 2001.)
Chanel gets director Baz Luhrmann and superstar Nicole Kidman
together again for a sexy advert that's more like a short film.
Beautiful visuals, but it is so pretentious it makes
Phantom of the Opera look like a Farrelly Brothers film.
Dirty Harry dumps Warner Bros after 30 years!! He told
DreamWorks, "Go ahead, make my movie." Eastwood will be working
with Spielberg, so I guess he's not that big. (Old joke: "You
think you have a big dick? My dick is so big it won't return
Tobey Maguire was supposed to introduce the clip of 'The Aviator'
at the Golden Globes but he dropped out at the last minute,
supposedly because he's overweight and his handlers want to keep
him out of sight until he loses the lard.
- Oh, noooooooooooooooo, Mr Hand ....
The Golden Globe for worst concept in a comedy or musical goes to
: 'The Apprentice: The Musical.'.
- "It's a love story," Burnett said of the project. "It's very
- And they can turn the tryouts into another reality show.
Talk about vertical integration! A scene from Springtime for
Trump. "People. People. Only the dancing Trumps are over here!
The singing Trumps are on stage five."
- If you want to by-pass the open auditions, I have five key
words for casting directors looking for the singing Donald
Trump: Golden Globe winner Bill Shatner.
- There has to be a role for my man, William Hung, in this
The Daily Show continues to gloat over the failure to find WMDs in
The theater counts for the new releases in the upcoming weeks.
The Weekend Warrior looks at this weekend's box office.
The Warrior thinks Coach Carter will hold on to the #1 spot,
Fockers and Good Company will continue to do well, and the two
wide new releases will finish an uninspiring #2 and #6. He expects
Elektra to fall to #8, despite the fact that it is in 3200
- This week's movies:
Are We There Yet? - 25% positive reviews, but based
upon only four reviews. A lack of pre-screenings for critics is
generally a bad sign.
- This week's movies:
Assault on Precinct 13 - 71% positive reviews. I
haven't seen this remake, but the reviews are surprisingly
impressive. General consensus: mindless action movie, but very
exciting and suspenseful.
Other Crap archives. May also include newer material than the
since it's sorta in real time.
to submit a URL for Other Crap
In your Monday review of "Who's Your Daddy?"... the "don't
know who she is but she certainly has awesome gonzagas" girl is heffer
Carrie Stevens. Keep up your super work. My daily visits to your site
make my day.
Scoop's reply: I knew one of you guys would
know her! Thanks.
are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.
- The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the
review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
- If there is a white asterisk, it means that
there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined
there might be something else of interest.
- A blue asterisk indicates the review is written
by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
- If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too
ashamed to admit it.
Words, pictures, and vids from
"Last Tango in Paris" (1972)
This film doesn't need much introduction.
Here are the most revealing parts from "Last Tango in
Paris" featuring Maria Schneider and Marlon Brando. Today
we've got the first four out of ten clips. The other six
will be featured on Thursday's and Friday's Fun House.
|Cast Your Vote!
Let the voting begin!
We're looking for the best film as well as screen nudity debut (both in the same film) by an actress between 1980-1989.
Email Scoopy Jr. if you have any comments or suggestions.
NOTE: We currently have to do all of our movie files in zip format. Instead of viewing them online, save the zip files to your hard drive in the directory of your choice, un-zip and play from there.
Today the Ghost takes a look at the 1983 movie "Breathless", starring Richard Gere and Valérie Kaprisky.
Kaprisky is topless in almost all of these 'caps. We see some rear nudity in links 6, 19 and 20. in #17 there is also a full frontal view.
In the vids we have plenty of toplessness again, plus rear nudity in #2 and #5. In clip #3 we see brief pubes in #3 and a full frontal view in #4.
- Valérie Kaprisky
- Valérie Kaprisky zipped .wmvs
|More Golden Globes highlights
'Caps and comments by Brainscan:
- Evangeline Lilly, the "Lost" star showing a little red carpet cleavage.
- Mariska Hargitay the "Law & Order: Special Victims Unit" star looking very lovely backstage. Hargitay took home the Golden Globe for the 'Best Performance by an Actress in a Television Series - Drama' category.
|Some excellent HDTV 'caps from Sunday night's episode of "Desperate Housewives". Hatcher is wearing a soaking wet t-shirt while Longoria shows a little cleavage in two different scenes.
|The co-star of the surprisingly huge hit "Meet the Fockers" showing a lot of leg on Monday night's Letterman.
|Señor Skin 'caps of Cattrall doing her thing as "Samantha" on "Sex and the City". Im #1 we see a bit of nipple. In links 2 and 3 she's fully nude while riding a dude.
|Pat Reeder www.comedy-wire.com
Pat's comments in yellow...
CARTOON CHICKS GET MAKEOVERS
But Can Homer Get It Back Up? - Dove is launching a series of unusual
celebrity hair care product ads in magazines. They feature famous cartoon
women with bad hair, made over to show how they'd look with "beautiful
styles that move naturally." The ads will feature Marge Simpson letting
down her blue beehive, as well as Wilma Flintstone, Jane Jetson and Velma
Velma's new 'do makes her look just like Rosie O'Donnell.
They will never able to cure Little Orphan Annie of the frizzies.
Their hairdos aren't bad...they're just drawn that way.
Call me when Betty Rubble appears in Playboy.
FOX CENSORS CARTOON BUTT
Cracking Up - To show how paranoid broadcasters have become over the FCC,
the Fox Network recently blurred the naked butt of a cartoon character to
avoid an indecency fine. Even more ridiculous, it was an episode of "The
Family Guy" that had already aired without blurring five years ago. A
spokesman said, "We have to be checking and second-guessing ourselves now,"
and it's difficult knowing how far they have to go.
"Simpsons" reruns are going to be one big blur.
The FCC may shut them down for still airing "Family Guy" at all.
It's not even real, it's just a cartoonish caricature of a body part!
But then, so was Janet Jackson's breast...
CO-ED EATS SIX-POUND HAMBURGER
Why Freshmen Girls Gain Weight - Kate Stelnick, 19, a 100-pound student at
the College of New Jersey, won the first Denny's Beer Barrel Pub challenge
in Clearfield, Pennsylvania, by eating Ye Old 96er, the pub's six-pound
hamburger. It also comes with five pounds of fixin's. It took her two
hours, 54 minutes to finish it. She said, "I just saw it on TV, and I
really thought I could do it."
But then, her dorm room TV has a 9-inch screen.
If she's that influenced by TV, don't ever let her watch "Desperate
She didn't have to eat five pounds of fixin's, but hey, who wants a
Because she finished it, the burger was free, but the heart attack cost