Asylum (2005)

Following the lead of Brittany Daniel, here is the second nude scene which will eventually end up as a nominee for the year's best, come December.

The film itself is dreary. It starts out as kind of a 1950s version of Lady Chatterley's Lover. A new administrator moves into a  mental health care facility in the countryside. His marriage seems loveless and virtually passionless, and his wife feels frustrated and bored by her life on the campus. She ends up starting a passionate affair with the gardener, who is a young, lusty and Russell Crowe-lookin' mofo. Of course, in this case the risk is a bit higher than in Chjatterley, because the gardener is also a patient in the asylum, and a rather dangerous one at that, one who killed his wife in a particularly gruesome fashion. The affair leads to some unfortunate consequences, a simple summary of which would read "tragedy ensues." The plot twists become more and more melodramatic until they bordering the absurd and testing the patience of even the most tolerant viewer, which I am certainly not.

Some have described Asylum as a psychological thriller, perhaps because it features several psychologists as characters, although nothing seems to explain the "thriller" portion of the equation. I believe it would best be described as a film version of a a particularly over-the-top gothic romance novel, even though that may not be a fair description of the actual source novel, which seems to be respected as an analysis of female subservience in the repressed culture of Britain in the 50s.

Natasha Richardson and Marton Csonkas provide substantial nudity in several sex scenes, and Ms Richardson adds two bathing scenes.  It seemed that Natasha had given up screen nudity, but here she is, 13 years after her last nude scene, looking absolutely great without her clothing, and showing us her body in good light, including a procto-cam! Who would have predicted that? It looks like she's had a boob job, but they look great, real or not, and she also has a flat tummy, and elegant legs to go with the boobs.

Natasha Richardson.


Lord of War (2005)

Lord of War is a black comedy in which Nic Cage plays an arms dealer and Ethan Hawke plays the Interpol agent obsessed with his capture. Let me cut to the chase with this one. This is one of the best movies I've seen in years, and is probably the second-best anti-war black comedy of all time, after Dr. Strangelove. The script is brilliant in just about any way you can imagine. The narration by Cage is hilarious, yet often very moving. The situations are imaginative and bizarrely twisted, yet almost real because ... well, because the life of an arms dealer is pretty damned surreal to begin with. The attention to small details is impressive. The ending is a truly cool way to finish the cat-and-mouse chase, although the final outcome is annoyingly inconsistent with an important plot point established either.

The film's visual imagination is a perfect match to the spirit of the script. Not only is it inventive, with several outstanding scenes, but this is just a slickly packaged and generally great-looking movie which came up with some incredible location shots. It is so damned cool that Elya came in to tell me something and ended up watching the rest of the movie. As I filled her in on what had transpired earlier, she was laughing out loud at my description, and I was giggling while recalling it. Whether the film is picturing the massive fire sale of weapons which accompanied the fall of the Soviet empire, or the corruption and tragedy of Africa, it is simultaneously funny and heartbreaking.

The only real weakness of the film is that the overall point is obvious. I mean, is there someone out there who doesn't think that arms dealers are bad dudes? I chose to ignore that point simply because I can't see any reason to create a rule that says nobody can make fun of arms dealers. Given the absence of such a rule, the film does everything it should. It is both entertaining and emotionally involving, and it even has a lot of educational value.

How did this film get forgotten at awards time?

Tanya Finch. She is a South African model. Here is her portfolio.

Bridget Moynahan in the deleted scenes. She is theoretically naked beneath her robe, but I can't really reach any definite conclusion about what we are actually looking at here.

I watched four other new releases today. Capsule summaries:

  • There is no nudity in Puppet Master vs the Demonic Toys, and the film is about what you would expect for a film with that title which stars Corey Feldman.

  • There is brief Jamie King nudity in Two for the Money, the gambling movie with Pacino and McConaughey. Unfortunately, the scene is so dark that no detail can be seen at all. Jamie may be wearing a bra, for all I know. The first half of this movie is excellent, fast-paced, well-plotted, and with a real driving energy supplied by good editing and joyful performances from the two leads, who really seemed to be relishing their roles. Unfortunately, the screenwriter didn't know what to do once he established the set-up. The second half is a mess. It's melodramatic, it lacks credibility, the characters' motivations are confusing, and some of it just doesn't seem to make sense. The two halves seem like two separate movies, one of which I liked very much, and the other of which I didn't like at all.

  • There is no nudity in Half Light, the ghost story starring Demi Moore. It is a tragedy - basically a supernatural/psychological  soap opera with slick production values. It's a mediocre movie, neither very good or bad, certainly not the right engine to power Demi's comeback.

  • There is no nudity in The Man, the mismatched buddy cop movie with Eugene Levy and Samuel L Jackson. The movie is not worth a look, in my opinion.

Other Crap:

This is the first time I had ever seen these pictures of Jolie and Jonny Lee Miller

Weekend Box Office Results (update)

  • The weekend estimates have been replaced by actuals. As it turns out, Hoodwinked did NOT win the weekend box office. Glory Road edged it out by $38,000
  • We finally see what happened to BloodRayne's attempt to bypass the standard distribution system. They originally created and distributed 1900 prints. Only half that many theaters ever played the film at all. After only a week, 600 more theaters dropped it. (Within typical distribution channels, theaters agree to a mandatory two week run when they take a film.) At this point, I don't know if the theaters dropped the film on their own, as a pure financial decision, or if they received pressure from the distribution companies.

"The Golden Globe Awards named 'Brokeback Mountain' the best picture of the year. But it still won't be showing at Larry Miller's theatres."

Odd stuff: Where's Frodo today?

  • A day by day account of "The Red Book of Westmarch" (a.k.a. "The Downfall of the Lord of the Rings and the Return of the King") as told by The Beatles

Letterman: "Top Ten Reasons Saddam Hussein's Chief Judge Resigned"

  • Wants to spend more time with his goat
  • Lost faith in everything after finding out Oprah's book club is rigged
  • Finally got clearance to open Iraq's first Jack in the Box franchise

Man Jailed For Not Killing a Woman

A Perfect Valentine's Day Gift! Make your own Romance Novel Cover!

Tell-tale parrot exposes cheating girlfriend

Daily Show: "Nuclear Schematics"

  • "Iranian expert John Hodgman downloads a nuclear bomb schematic, with the help of a young person"

"This Week in God: Limbo"

  • "In a move to making Catholicism more appealing, the church reorganized the entire netherworld."

This week's movies (expanding to 460 screens): Match Point - 77% positive reviews

  • Woody Allen's new movie - a kinda-sorta noir thriller set in England!

This week's movies (NY and LA only): The Matador - 72% positive reviews

This week's movies (expanding to 800 screens): Terrence Malick's The New World - 55% positive reviews

  • "Malick's exalted visuals and isolated metaphysical epiphanies are ill-supported by a muddled, lurching narrative, resulting in a sprawling, unfocused account of an epochal historical moment."
  • "This lavish coffee-table-book of a movie gradually reveals itself as an uninvolving, crashing bore."
  • "Thanks, Mr. Mallick, for 2 1/2 hours of pretentious wanking!"

This week's movies (165 screens): Looking for Comedy in the Muslim World - 60% positive reviews

This week's movies (1100 screens): End of the Spear - 75%

  • "A crowd-pleasing entertainment based on the true story of missionaries who ultimately persuaded an indigenous tribe in the Ecuador jungles to stop spearing one another."

This week's movies (3000 screens) Underworld: Evolution - no reviews yet

The Weekend Warrior looks at the upcoming weekend.

  • He thinks Underworld: Evolution will completely school the competition, pulling in more than the next three films added together.
  • He's expecting Malick's The New World to sneak into the Top 10

"DELAY PROPOSES SENDING ABRAMOFF TO PLUTO ... Would Become First Disgraced Lobbyist in Space"

My favorite video theme: Naked chick shopping in big city

Headline of the day: "High Court says no free speech for penis"

The Daily Show: "Nukes of Hazard"

  • It's easy to be diplomatic when we've only got two armies left to deploy: Salvation and KISS.

The Talking Head Vibrator knows how to talk to women.

  • The most popular recording: Antonio Banderas offering to help with the dishes.

"David Hasselhoff has admitted that his marriage collapsed due to his alcohol problems."

  • That, and the fact that his wife had to keep listening to his version of "Hooked on a Feeling"

New pic from V for Vendetta

New pic from Return to Superman

The British trailer from Imagine Me and You

  • "Imagine Me & You" is the story of a girl who falls in love on her wedding day...but not with the groom. Heck (Matthew Goode) and Rachel (Piper Perabo) are a happy young couple about to embark on life together. But at the church, Rachel catches the eye of an unexpected guest. In that moment, she realizes that maybe Heck isn't the one for her. Of course, they will never know for sure unless they give it a shot. What follows is the romantic, humorous and sometimes poignant journey familiar to anyone who's ever been lucky (or unlucky) enough to be under love's spell.

The trailer for Winter Passing

  • "Ed Harris toplines as a reclusive novelist who has an estranged relationship with his daughter (Zooey Deschanel). She returns home after a seven-year absence to a house full of strangers that include a wandering loner (Will Ferrell) and one of the writer's former students (Amelia Warner). The daughter's arrival is the catalyst for change in all of them."

Colbert Report: Double-Stick Tape

  • It's the magic substance that makes a spandex bathing suit stick to a ripe, young butt-cheek.

Colbert Report: Better Know a District: New Jersey's 9th

  • Stephen hits up Congressman Steve Rothman for Springsteen tickets.



Movie Reviews:

Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe). White asterisk: expanded format. Blue asterisk: not mine. No asterisk: it probably sucks.




That Man Bolt (1973)

That Man Bolt (1973) is a Fred "The Hammer" Williamson actioner. He plays a professional courier, living in Hong Kong, who is forced to carry $1M from there to Mexico. While there was a lot of discussion and several plots and counter-plots revolved around the money, I never really understood where the money was going in Mexico or why. It really doesn't matter, as this was a vehicle designed to allow The Hammer to kick ass in some exotic locales, and seduce women in the process.  There are very few moments when Williamson is not on screen.

His registration of the currency with the American Embassy displeases the folks who forced him to take the job, so he goes to Las Vegas, kicks major ass, then goes back to Hong Kong and kicks more ass.  He has sex with a club singer (Theresa Graves) in Vegas, who is evidently an old flame. She is killed. Back in Hong Kong, he seduces the mistress of the rich evil Japanese man that is behind all of the trouble.

This seems to be a forgotten film, as it well should be. Despite all the ass-kicking, the fight scenes are not particularly impressive. Of course, a strong black man as hero was a fairly new idea in 1973, so it had some appeal.

Overall, this is a C-. IMDb readers say 4.9, but with only 47 votes.

Theresa Graves shows her left breast.



Witchcraft 6: The Devil's Mistress (1994)

A serial killer is after young women wearing crosses, and two bungling cops enlist the aide of a psychic divorce attorney to catch the perp. Seems Satan's current Earth honcho needs a virgin in LA before an eclipse, and has sent Shannon McLeod and her main squeeze searching for a suitable victim. Slight problem. The main squeeze is screwing the virgins before turning them over.

It all comes down to the psychic lawyer's secretary, who is a virgin. Will Satan triumph? You will have to suffer through this just as I did to find out.

This Troma release is listed at IMDb as horror, and IMDb readers score it 2.7. No wonder it's that low, if they were expecting horror. This was clearly a comedy, although the biggest laughs were unintentional. The correct genre is "bad movie," but this one is not quite bad enough to satisfy genre fans. D.


Shannon McLeod shows breasts in three scenes.


Stephanie Champlin shows breasts and buns as the first victim.


Stephanie Sweeney shows breasts and bush as the second victim.


Debra Beatty, as the wife of the psychic divorce attorney, shows all three Bs in two bath scenes.




* Happy Endings:

   - Tamara Davies


  - Lisa Kudrow


- Maggie Gyllenhaal

* Isola:

   - Makiko Watanabe


* Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo:

   - Elisabetta Canalis


   - Katie Downes


- Chantal Janzen


   - Monika Kuczowska


- Hanna Verboom

* Kings and Queen:

   - Emmanuelle Devos

   - Marie Françoise Gonzales

   - Magali Woch




Today we do a movie that really ticks me off. It's "Cold Heart," a vehicle for Nastassja Kinski. What makes me mad is the
use of a body double for Kinski. If you have to use a body double, just leave the nudity out of the damn movie. At least that's
the way I feel. So we just skip the breasts that are not Nastassja. The only good part for me is that we do have some "Babes in Bondage". Janet Campbell kicks it off as she is all tied up.

Nastassja Kinski ends up as  a "Damsel in Distress".

Hudson Leick winds up in the same boat ...

... then shows some cleavage in a scene with Nastassja.

We wrap up today by trying to make up for the lack of nudity by giving you the always-willing Amanda Peet, showing off the boobs in "Igby Goes Down".


Rome Episode 11 - "The Spoils" - contains no nudity except for a fraction of a second by an unknown actress. Not even worth bothering you with. Let's hope that the last episode may still offer us something to look at. As for the plot, Titus Pullo falls deeper and deeper and is rightfully convicted for murder. Mark Anthony and Atia resume their affair while dictator-for-life Caesar seems to underestimate his adversaries. Meanwhile his relationship with Brutus cools off below freezing point. I wonder how that will end    ;-)
So now that you know what I haven't got, it is high time to tell what I do have for today.
First 4 clips from 1978's The Shout (1, 2, 3, 4 ), starring a fully nude Susannah York. Rated C+ by Scoop in his review in he Fun House, these moviebits only seem to confirm his findings.
We conclude with 2 clips from the Wim Wenders film "Bis ans Ende der Welt" (1991; aka. Until The End of The World) with William Hurt and Sam Neill. We point our attention however to the breasts and buns baring performance by lesser known Solveig Dommartin. (1, 2)






More of Brittany Daniel in Rampage (2006)

I was wondering how this scene from Rampage was described in the screenplay.  "Okay.  You know, like Brittany walks butt-naked across the room and down the stairs and out to the pool and then to the edge of the deck, and all the while the camera follows her with her magnificent rumpus sharply in focus."  Brilliant!  Nobel Prize in Literature is sure to follow.  I'd sure as shootin' vote for the guy, whoever he is.   Anyway, a bunch more caps of the magnificent rumpus part. 






Robyn Parsons in 13th Child