Saturday

I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell

2009

This film was created by Gawker's first alternate Douchebag of the Decade, Tucker Max, from his eponymous and phenomenally successful book of autobiographical stories.  You can find several of his stories here, on his home page.

What is Beer in Hell about? A short summation of Tucker's character tells you want to expect from the film. The overview is provided by Tucker himself: "My name is Tucker Max, and I am an asshole. I get excessively drunk at inappropriate times, disregard social norms, indulge every whim, ignore the consequences of my actions, mock idiots and posers, sleep with more women than is safe or reasonable, and just generally act like a raging dickhead. But, I do contribute to humanity in one very important way. I share my adventures with the world."

The best seller and this film consist of those adventures. I agree completely with Max's self-description above. Tucker Max is a smart, lazy, privileged, and arrogant preppie, a smug frat boy who goes through life acting as kind of an unpaid insult comedian, gratuitously offending everyone he conceives to be beneath him, which means virtually everyone. Since this assessment of Mr. Max is not in dispute, the only item left to discuss is whether his stories are funny, since watching or reading about such anti-social and mean-spirited adventures would serve no purpose if they did not amuse. I suppose Max would disagree with that. He would probably counter that obnoxiousness has its own intrinsic value which exists independent of humor. But I don't buy that, and I've made obnoxious behavior a lifelong pursuit, so I suspect that the average person would disagree even more strongly.

The answer to the original question is that the stories can be funny, but the humor is only sporadic. Some of Max's quips and insults are absolutely brilliant, while others just seem nasty. Here's one I like: "I would fuck you so deep that any man who could pull me out of you would be declared king of England."

The film script had to attempt to pull Tucker's various picaresque anecdotes into a single story. In that tale, Tucker's goal in life is to have sex with every possible kind of legal woman: mute, blind, old, young, small, large ... whatever. At the start of the movie he's nailing a deaf girl. The next item to be ticked off on his checklist is a "midget." In order to pursue a tiny stripper of notoriously questionable virtue, he almost ruins the life of his best friend, who is about to be married. The plot follows him on a Dwarfquest road trip in which he alienates his friend, then attempts a reconciliation. Will he succeed in obtaining forgiveness? Is he even sincere about wanting to?

Who cares?

The key point is that the flick is funny once in a while, but probably not often enough to merit a couple of hours from your life unless you believe that obnoxiousness is always fun to watch, irrespective of whether it contains any wit.

The female nudity is as follows:

The guy who played Tucker Max also showed his butt, if you're scoring at home.
 

 

  • * Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe).

  • * White asterisk: expanded format.

  • * Blue asterisk: not mine.

  • No asterisk: it probably sucks.

OTHER CRAP:

Catch the deluxe version of Other Crap in real time, with all the bells and whistles, here.

 

 

 

 

 

 


Death Warrior

2009

In "Death Warriors" a gritty MMA fighter is forced into a twisted, underground gambling ring in which he must fight to the death with other MMA fighters in order to save his wife from certain death at the hands of a maniacal crime boss. In a desperate race against time, he is forced into a series of increasingly violent life and death matches while simultaneously piecing together the puzzle which leads him to uncover the identity of the promoter and the ultimate showdown, in which there can only be one Death Warrior.

This would not be everyone's cup of tea, but it did give us another "Babe in Bondage Day" with Tanya Clarke in 2 bondage scenes. No nudity, but nice. Caps and a long clip.

 

 
 

Sarain Boylan also get all tied up and sadly again with no nudity. Caps and a clip.

So let's get to the nudity and Dawne Furey (The blonde) and Sima Fisher(redhead ) come to the rescue showing off their hooters. Caps and a clip.

   

 

 

 

 

 

 

8 1/2 Women

1999

Part 3

Toni Collette film clips. Samples below.

 

Kirina Mano film clips. Samples below.

 

Scoop's notes:

I have a love/hate relationship with the movies of the eccentric auteur, Peter Greenaway.

Although his plotting is almost irrelevant and his concepts are so eccentric as to defy summarization, I have found some of his movies charming, quirky, intellectually engaging, and aesthetically brilliant.

  • I think Pillow Book is an aesthetic marvel, although I have to admit the purity of my aesthetic appreciation was rarely polluted by any comprehension of what the hell was going on.
  • I think Drowning by Numbers is a masterpiece of eccentric art and puzzle construction, smarter and artier than, but comparable to, TV's "The Prisoner."
  • I think A Zed and Two Noughts is one of the best examples of "moving pictures" as art - a true moving painting, although is stranger than strange.
  • As for Prospero's Books - well, it is unusual and quite a feast for the senses, although Elya reminded me that it was the most pretentious thing she's ever seen. And this from a woman who has seen all of Tarkovsky's movies. I mean - more pretentious than "Nostalghia"? That's pretty friggin' pretentious. Maybe she has a point, but I also thought the film was a stunner in a lot of ways.

On the other hand, Greenaway's eccentricities can be irritating and boring and uncomfortable to watch. The Draughtsman's Contract, one of the director's most respected films, could be the single most boring non-Russian movie I've ever seen.

Eight and a Half Women is not that dry, but doesn't have enough of Greenaway's strengths, to offset the fact that it  is too deeply rutted in his personal eccentricity, intellectual aloofness, film theory and artistic theory. It starts out with the death of a beloved wife, after which the sole son consoles his stiff banker dad by having sex with him. So right away you know this ain't gonna be a Touchstone Pic. Then, together, they assemble a mansion full of concubines to fill up their grieving lives. A sub-plot about the bank's foreclosing on a Japanese businessman gives Greenaway an excuse to indulge his fascination with Japanese art, aesthetic design, and flower arrangement. Not just Japanese. Italian as well. There are at least two tributes to Fellini's 8 1/2: in the title, obviously, and in the fact that the father and son watch that Fellini classic twice.

The movie has some striking visual composition, and a truly excellent performance from the older man, John Standing. It also has some interesting discussions about filmmaking, the engineering marvel of the penis, Kabuki theater and various other subjects that you won't find discussed in the next Bruce Willis movie. For example, one Japanese woman wants to become a female impersonator so she can be more feminine - because the female impersonators in Kabuki are trained in every nuance of feminity.

I try to support individualistic filmmakers like Greenaway, because I admire solitary and unique geniuses and their disregard for the copycat formulae of Hollywood. We need such people, and who else but Greenaway could even conceive of making such a movie as this? I really wanted to like this movie.

But in the last analysis, I really wanted it to end.

This is, per the IMDb ratings, is tied for the dishonor of being Greenaway's worst feature length non-documentary:

  1. (7.44) - The Falls (1980)
  2. (7.20) - The Tulse Luper Suitcases, Part 2: Vaux to the Sea (2004)
  3. (7.19) - The Cook the Thief His Wife & Her Lover (1989)
  4. (7.18) - The Draughtsman's Contract (1982)
  5. (7.17) - A Zed & Two Noughts (1985)
  6. (6.78) - Drowning by Numbers (1988)
  7. (6.74) - The Tulse Luper Suitcases, Part 3: From Sark to the Finish (2003)
  8. (6.71) - The Tulse Luper Suitcases, Part 1: The Moab Story (2003)
  9. (6.69) - A Life in Suitcases (2005)
  10. (6.64) - Nightwatching (2007)
  11. (6.58) - The Belly of an Architect (1987)
  12. (6.58) - Prospero's Books (1991)
  13. (6.49) - The Pillow Book (1996)
  14. (6.09) - The Baby of Mcon (1993)
  15. (5.60) - 8 Women (1999)
  16. (5.60) - The Death of a Composer: Rosa, a Horse Drama (1999)

 

 

Halloween II

2009

I was a big fan of Rob Zombie's 2007 "re-visioning" of the 1978 classic Halloween, so I was eager to see this 2009 sequel, which is actually a sequel to the 2007 flick and not a remake of the 1981 follow-up. I was really disappointed. This one is crap. Unlike the 2007 effort which gave more depth to the Michael Myers character than the original, this thing looks like a poorly made B-movie hacker flick, and nothing more. Even the surprise ending in the last few seconds doesn't save it.

The movie starts a few hours after the first one ended. After Michael Myers wreaks havoc while searching for his long-lost sister Laurie, and Laurie supposedly kills him during the attempt, she is in the hospital recovering from her wounds. After her release, she is deeply traumatized by what has happened, and while she struggles to maintain her sanity, people once again start to die.

The problem with this one is that there is no clarity of the story as in the 2007 version, and it really is mostly a big mess. While the 10-second surprise at the end lends a nice twist, it doesn't come close to saving it. A shame, too, because the potential was there, but this "re-visioning" is mostly just a nightmare. The caps are from the Blu-ray version.
 

Danielle Harris Sylvia Jefferies et alia

Scoop's note:

Mr Skin recently did some HD vids from this film, so this seems like a good place to put them:

  • Sylvia Jefferies. This was a nominee for the best nude scene of the year, but did not make the top twenty. (Perhaps it should have, but the movie sucked so hard that nobody saw it.)
  • Danielle Harris
 

Pics

Fergie's butt is partially uncovered

 

Controversial beauty queen Carrie Prejean falls out of her top. Like her or not, you can't fail to notice that she's hot stuff.

 

These are two promotional pics from the new movie by the guy who did Sex and Lucia. The actresses are Elena Anaya and Natasha Yarovenko.

Frederique Bel in Fais-moi Plaisir

 

Film Clips

Here is the complete Betsy Rue scene from My Bloody Valentine in spectacular quality. (1920x1080. Caps in yesterday's edition.) As you might guess from the length and quality, this is a GINORMOUS download - 442 meg - but it's so good that I had to share it.

Rachel McAdams in The Time Traveler's Wife . Nice quality. 720p (Summary of the scene to the right.)