Jet Lag (2002) has Juliette Binoche and Jean Reno stranded in Paris due to adverse weather and transportation strikes. They meet when she borrows his cell phone after accidently flushing hers down the toilet. She is a make-up expert fleeing an abusive relationship. He once was a famous chef, but now does frozen foods and is merely. He also just ended a long term relationship. By now, you can guess that they end up together at the end of the film, but let me remove any doubts you may have had. They dislike each other at first. Binoche eventually shows the top of her breasts and about half the nipple, and her character is seen nude from the rear leaving a swimming pool.
They spend most of the film talking about cooking, relationships, feelings and emotions. The difference at IMDB between male and female votes is 1.2, a sure chick flick indicator, but I submit that the mere existence of both Relationship and feelings in a plot summary assures chick flick. Overall, the film scores 5.9 of 10, but with 7.0 from US voters, and 5.5 from the rest of the world. Ebert, two stars, Berardinelli, 2.5 stars. US box office was around $0.5M. Talky films in a foreign language are never good for me, even with subtitles and a dubbed English version. The subtlety that makes or breaks a dialogue heavy film is lost in even a very good translation. This is a C-. I hated it, and thought it a waste of two talented performers, others enjoyed it.
|Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)
Take a guess which actor plays this part: an
idealistic soul who pines for the true love of a woman who must
ultimately belong to another.
Is your guess locked in?
Joseph "Shakespeare" Fiennes is the answer.
He plays that role even more than Djimon Hounsou
plays the forbidding, buff black man who glares imposingly, and who
seems to present the threat of violence and intense sexuality, but
is actually the possessor of great mystical wisdom, resigned
martyrdom, the gentle forgotten secrets of older cultures, and an
inner nobility and compassion that guides white people on their path
to spiritual enlightenment.
As for the movie, well, nobody can accuse director Milcho Manchevski of lacking ambition. I
don't know if I have ever seen a film where a director tried to do
more things, and each of the things he tried to do was pretty damned daring as well.
How to describe it? Imagine if the
old lady from Titanic had told, as her flashback, a version of Sam
Peckinpaugh's The Wild Bunch, except with Bliiy Zane recklessly
killing passengers with today's levels
of ultra-graphic, ultra-realistic violence. Now throw in a secret
chest of gold instead of the Titanic necklace, ala The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly, and you've got
the idea. Now imagine that her flashback also
included its own flashbacks. And then imagine in her modern
incarnation that she's involved in more shenanigans and crime
action, and that she's telling her story not to friendly
researchers, but to a guy who broke into her house. Oh, yeah, one
more thing. Imagine that she keeps changing her story for several
reasons, perhaps faulty memory, or perhaps just because she likes the
embellished version better.
Well, there you have Dust, more or less. It
is confusing at times, but it all makes sense if you pay attention.
An old lady prevents a guy from
robbing her home. She forces the robber to listen to her story at
gunpoint. Her story is about a Cain and Abel pair of brothers who
end up fighting on opposite sides in a struggle in Macedonia at the
turn of the century. The Macedonian part of the adventure alone is
complicated enough or perhaps too complicated for a movie, because there are
about four separate warring factions (Greeks, Serbians, Albanians,
and Macedonians? Maybe. I lost track.) There are scenes where group
A ambushes and massacres Group B, celebrating until they are in turn
ambushed and massacred by group C. The brothers are aligned with
various factions for various reasons - one is a bible-totin'
idealist, the other is a ruthless mercenary.
In flashback, we find that the
American brothers were both in love with the same woman back in the
Wild West, although strangely enough, they all spoke with crazy
non-American accents back then, and David Wenham (the bad brother)
even put a few shrimp on the barbie, mate. The good one
(Shakespeare) married her and wrote her some sonnets and shit, but she then had an affair with the
bad one. And so forth.
And then there is the chest full of
Meanwhile, back in the present day,
the old woman loses control of her hostage because she turns gravely
ill, but he comes back anyway, making a pilgrimage to hear the rest
of the story. He's interested in what happened to the gold, of
course, but he's also just plain interested in the old lady and her
relationship to the story she is recounting, and he wonders if
anything she said is true, since she freely admits to making up
whatever she cares to.
Alternating between many time frames
and sub-plots, alternating between fantasy and realism, shifting genres from spaghetti western to modern-day
gangster film to historical war epic to sentimental romance, this
film dares to go anywhere and everywhere. If it doesn't really work
perfectly, you have to admire the sheer reckless bravado of a
director who would try such a thing. Like PTA in Magnolia, this
director is too crazy to know the quixotic nature of the project or
the precise odds he's facing in making such a ludicrous and
complicated premise work. Frankly, I like when these ambitious
directors throw common sense and caution to the wind and just make
films filled with passion and craziness. After all, isn't that a big
part of what we like about films to begin with?
Based on this description, this is a C+.
Crazy-ass film that just wanders all over the place. Sensitive and insensitive and insane all at once.
Sometimes confusing, and not very well acted (lots of non-Americans
with outrageous American accents), but ultimately, quite appealing.
If not a masterpiece, at least an ambitious, original attempt.
- Anne Brochet - breasts and buns (1,
- Anonymous hooker - breasts and buns in a bathtub scene. Her
crotch is also on camera briefly, but it's obvious that she's
wearing a patch.
- Rosemary Murphy - she shows her breasts, but I don't think
you'll find it very arousing. She's 76 years old, and she was
getting medical treatment at the time.
Jet Lag (2002):
original French title:
which means "Lame French version of every J-Lo movie ever made".
I agree with Tuna
completely on this piece of merde.
I'll bet you think
that the French only make deep, honorable, arty, talky movies about
weighty philosophical matters and lost loves and roads not taken.
Think again, dudes. This is your basic
Matthew McConaughey movie, what one reviewer at IMDb called "second-rate
romantic comedy drivel", except with a few modifications:
1. The part of Kate Hudson, slash
Doris Day, is played by Juliette Binoche.
2. The part of
Matthew McConaughey, slash Rock Hudson, is played by Jean Reno.
It's in French.
Apparently this is an attempt to break the "French movie"
stereotypes and prove that France can "do" Hollywood, and that
French actresses can have just as many face lifts and wear just as
much make-up as Cher.
You may be tempted
to see it because you like Reno or Binoche or both. Don't. Film
Threat wrote: "This film will probably appeal to some North
Americans because of the talent involved (that and the fact it’s
French). Don’t be fooled – this film is a sticky piece of cinematic
Actually, the easiest thing in the world to do is to review Jean
he wears sunglasses: cool movie.
sunglasses: movie sucks in unlimited quantities, even draining the
secret strategic Vatican Holy Water reserve,
This is a C-. If you
actually like romantic comedy drivel, it's a barely acceptable one in
French with major stars. If not, it's manure. I don't much like
Matthew McConaughey -
Kate Hudson - J-Lo movies, and I found this excruciating. It almost
broke my heart to see the iconic Reno, the coolest Frenchman since
Belmondo, playing a complete douchebag in this merde.
The Simple Life (2003):
This is the TV series with Paris Hilton and her
foul-mouthed sidekick trying to survive 30 days on a farm.
I looked at it only because it advertised
"outrageous bonus footage never seen on TV". Rip-off. There is
nothing at all outrageous about it.
The show isn't really that amusing, either. Paris,
for all her jet-setting party girl reputation, seems like just a
sweet girl, and not really that spoiled, just totally clueless about
how real people live. When things don't go her way on the farm, she
never really seems mean or whiny, just world-weary, feckless, and
confused. Richie provides the only real energy to the show with her
uncensored, often condescending behavior.
I'll say this for Paris. Perhaps money can't buy
happiness, but it apparently can buy beauty if you have the right
bones to begin with. She truly has an exquisite, beautiful, unique
Since I watched this crap, I did do a few face and
bikini shots, just for reference purposes.
Movies from Shiloh:
Perhaps these tips will help if you have trouble
with the codecs:
A reader says:
FYI when I hypercam vids to make the file size smaller I use
DivX MPEG-4 Fast-Motion for the video compressor, then I use
virtualdub to compress the audio. The properties for the
vids says the video codec: DivX Decoder Filter & audio
codec: Morgan Stream Switcher which I'm not familiar with.
When I compress the audio with virtualdub I use MPEG
Layer-3. A friend of mine told me about compressing the
audio about (6) mos. ago. Like I said previously, only been
capping for a year & a half & I'm no expert. Hopefully this
info will help members with the proper codecs for my vids.
When I cap big brother's I use hypercam mostly & sdp &
asfrecorder if the set up allows me. I stopped using
camtasia cause the file sizes were always too big, could
never figure out the process, over my head lol, plus it cost
too much to buy in my opinion.
You mentioned that some users were
having trouble with the videos on your site. There is a tool
designed to determine what codec is needed for a video.
http://www.headbands.com/gspot/ Hope this is useful to you
or your users.
I made .wmv versions of each video - I
do know the codecs for these - Windows Video V8, Windows Audio 9.
The upside of these is that you know the codecs, and they'll play in
the Windows Media Player. The downside is that they are slightly
larger, and slightly lower quality.
Today's roster of classics:
Today's roster of new stuff:
I’ve noticed something about MTV. Back in my day (wow, I must be
getting old) MTV was where “underground” acts could come out and
gain national exposure. Nowadays, anyone who willingly appears on
MTV is a sellout (save for award shows or either of the videos they
play). I thought I was making this up when Snoop Dogg got his own
show on MTV. I mean, gosh darn it, there is no way Snoop Dogg could
be a sellout! Alas, when I saw him in an AOL ad (with Jerry Stiller
nonetheless!), my fears were confirmed.
Of course, you might ask “What about Ozzy? Is he a sellout?” No,
he’s not. He’s no longer capable of extended thought and “willful”
decisions. If he led the life he did without being a rock star, he
would have been institutionalized by now. He is absolved of any
public actions and personal disgraces. Sharon is the sellout. Don’t
believe me? She has her own friggin’ talk show!
Does this phenomenon include MTV2? Not yet.
So when did all this happen? When did MTV go from “rebel against the
world” to corporate shill? The obvious answer was when there were
more videos in one episode of “Beavis and Butthead” than on the rest
of MTV’s programming schedule. About the same time when “Yo, MTV
Raps!”, “120 Minutes” and “Headbangers Ball” were replaced by “Real
World” and “Road Rules”. But why did MTV go that way?
About 10 years ago, MTV decided to follow all the young people to
Spring Break and broadcast live from there. They would have stupid
contests so “ordinary” people could be on MTV. But the full allure
wasn’t quite there. Everyone knows “Real World” didn’t take off
until Puck started to fudge things up. So, who was the original Puck
of MTV? Who was that person who was so irritating and annoying that
you could not possibly turn the channel? MTV Spring Break
correspondent Pauly Shore.
Yes, Pauly Shore was the harbinger of doom for the “rebel against
the world” MTV and ushered in “Real World” MTV. Before he gave us
masterpieces like “Encino Man”, “Son In Law”, “Jury Duty” and
“Bio-Dome” he brought down MTV like Samson in a Philistine palace.
Thanks a lot, fuckface.
Barton, the hot young star of The O.C., won't be 18 for another
week. Here she is topless and getting it on with Senor Iglesias. in
his new video. Can we get someone to cap this?
(Click on the "Addicted" video)
Can the Charlotte Ross and Meg Ryan
movie clips from Shiloh on Jan 14 be shown in .wmv versions like
his clips on Jan 15? It would be greatly appreciated.
- What if Chris Walken had a
SPECIAL TV- "Uncle Chris's Funhouse"
The top 10 movie sing-a-longs. Hilariously missing the
scene that is not only the best sing-along, but probably the
single most stirring movie scene of any kind, ever, a scene
which reduces tough guys to tears. Here's a good tip for you
youngsters. Don't try to write a "best of" movie list if you
have never seen any good movies. (In this case, Casablanca.)
Academy Award winner Jane Fonda will return to the screen
after a 14-year hiatus to star opposite Jennifer Lopez in
New Line Cinema's comedy Monster-in-Law. Fonda and J-Lo?
Warning: Pete Rose is betting heavily that this movie won't
Gallup Poll Analyses - Bush Averages 60% Job Approval in
Year Three: "For that third year, Bush averaged a 59.7%
job approval rating, which is average by historical
standards, but considerably lower than Bush's first two
yearly averages. "
If you are in Boinita Beach, Florida, don't miss a chance to
visit - Master Bait and Tackle. "Jeez, Jim, how do ya
catch so fuckin' many fish." "A simple tip, Manny - Master
Bait. I recommend Master Bait in the morning on your way to
the ol' fishin' hole, and then Master Bait again after
lunch, to keep your tackle fresh."
Quizno's defends "vulgar" billboard It doesn't seem that
vulgar to me, but then again I think The Diceman could be a
member of the European Royal Families.
Jessica Simpson's nipple creeping out
Celebrity Justice' has learned that one of the allegations
is that Michael Jackson ejaculated in the presence of his
accuser. Black singers are always changing their names.
Puff Daddy to P. Diddy, etc. So Jacko is now E. Jacko. Oh,
wait, that only applies to black guys. Never mind.
Local Weather Page - Mt Washington, New Hampshire At the
time I wrote this link, the temperature was -41 degrees, the
humidity 100%, the winds were 76 miles an hour (gusting to
86), resulting in a wind chill of -91 degrees Farenheit. Did
I mention the fog? The good news: no ultraviolet rays, so
sun bathing is perfectly safe.
The 10 LEAST powerful people in sports
- Great new commercial from
Priceline.com -- . Starring our hero, Captain Kirk, and
a surprise visitor.
Captain Kirk, 72 and overweight, tries to go surfing.
The waves proved tougher than the Klingons.
Photograph shows Marines in Iraq spelling out the phrase
"9-11 We Remember."
Jon Stewart. Daily Show. Paul O'Neill. Donald Rumsfeld. 'nuff
CBS says Super Bowl ads are for fun stuff only. The
Network nukes PETA and MoveOn.
Innocent Kids Use Jar Jar Dolls As Pleasure Tools!:
"Life Sized Satanic Doll Serves As Masturbation Toy For
America's Youth "
- The trailer for
Starsky & Hutch is online. I did laugh a couple of
times, especially at the very last scene.
The Brooklyn Nets? Sale reportedly imminent
Surreal moments serving a mythological president: Great
"meeting anecdote" from O'Neill. Ashcroft on the piano,
Condi singin' , Dubya nappin'. Hey, Reagan really is his
The Entire Bible in 50 Words
JoePornstar.com. "Welcome to JoePornstar.com where you
will have the chance to win your way onto the most
controversial reality site on the net and become a real life
Pornstar! Not only will the winner get to bang 25 hot chicks
on cam, they will even get paid to do it!"
Silicon Or Real? Can you tell?
The new video for the cover of the Airplane's Somebody to
Love comes quite close to nudity and obscenity. It is
kinda cute, though. This chick can sing, but I hate the
Star Wars - Chewbacca actor Peter Mayhew said that when he
signed his contract to work in EPISODE III, there was a
clause that he would be 'required' to work in EPISODES VII,
XIII and IX.
Paris Hilton out on the town without
her underwear, yet again.
Chris P Carrot for President -Carrot2004.com. Chris
would be the only President to be a vegetable while in
office. Possibly excepting Gerald Ford.
U.K. DVD seizures quintuple: "Authorities in the U.K.
seized 1.75 million pirate DVDs in 2003, five times more
than the previous year. "
First Film Review: "Carandiru" (Premiere at Sundance)
AP Poll: Fame Not a Factor in Trials: "Most Americans
believe Michael Jackson, Kobe Bryant and Martha Stewart will
get fair trials." Of course, most Americans probably believe
pro wrestling is real.
- What could be better than
"The Best of William Shatner"?
Spaced Out: The Best of Leonard Nimoy AND William Shatner
. Mr Tambourine Man? MR TAMBOURINE MAN!!!!!
Handy NFL QB Rating Calculator. Calculate any rating for
a day, season, or lifetime, with or without the theoretical
floors and ceilings. With the limits, it ranges from 0 to
158.3. If unrestricted, it would range from -415
(interception every attempt) to +835 (100 yard touchdown
Dennis Miller to host talk show on CNBC
Al Gore is schedulaed to give a speech on 'global warming'
at the Beacon Theater today. Unfortunately, the speech
may be called off because of the record cold temperatures,
snow, and high winds.
The top lingerie models
Tiger Woods's income was $83.7 million last year. The
second highest income among athletes belonged to
long-retired Arnold Palmer.
Sexy British TV star Abi Titmuss has a mountain or two of
Britney believes in the sanctity of marriage. The
sanctity part she's OK with. That was two of the most sacred
fuckin' days of her life. It's the longevity part she needs
DJ Portia Surreal - the fetish DJ.
Fetish DJ's are in now? Wow. I still go through the channels
looking for Wolfman Jack and Cousin Brucie. Of course,
Cousin Brucie rarely got naked on his gigs.
Screen Actor's Guild announces annual nominations. The
biggest surprise was a number of nominations for The Station
Agent (which it deserved, by the way). Patricia Clarkson was
nominated for both best actress (Station Agent) and best
supporting actress (Pieces of April).
- Do you have $1300 lying
around? Want to get into some DVDA with a porn star? I think
we've found your girl ...
adult jobs i want & my rates - porn star Selena Silver.
The T.W.I.N.K.I.E.S. Project Scientific experiments with
Entrance to vulvology
Super Quiz! Learn about Dutch Renaissance Art the fun way -
with Sandy Duncan!
Coming Soon! has some exclusive clips from The Cooler
- The trailer for
Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen is now online. Skip
this one unless you are less than 14 years old and possess a
minimum of one vagina.
Canucks hate icy twats and merry snow-dicks. This story
breathes new life to the old expression "colder than a
Review to consider reusing graves in England. The United
Kingdom is running out of burial space.
The Anti-Hippie Action League
Scientists create female attractiveness formula. Take
her breast size and multiply, no divide, no wait ... just
take her breast size.
Say What? Take a pic (or upload one) and make it talk.
Mail it to friends and/or store it. Awesome time-waster from
Here's an example of some of the time I wasted with that
- According to the defense,
Kobe Bryant's alleged victim may have had sex with another
man after she left the Los Angeles Laker star's hotel room
but before a rape exam 18 hours later. In fact, she may
have had unprotected sex with Ron Jeremy and the entire
defensive unit of the Denver Broncos, then sparred a few
rounds with Mike Tyson before going to the doctor. The
prosecution argues that has no bearing on the case.
Why is the 3-disk deluxe edition of Blade Runner, complete
with scenes never seen before, on hold? (And what can
you do about it?)
Daily Mouseketeer update - the Toxic
Democrats see shot at Sundance money: "Democratic
National Committee, Howard Dean supporters and organizers of
MoveOn.org have scheduled screenings and fund-raisers in
Park City next week."
inSCRIPTions Screenplay Review: "I, Robot"
Cameron Diaz has booked her own travel series with MTV
archives. May also include newer material than the ones above,
since it's sorta in real time.
to submit a URL for inclusion in Other Crap
are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.
- The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the
review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
- If there is a white asterisk, it means that
there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined
there might be something else of interest.
- A blue asterisk indicates the review is written
by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
- If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too
ashamed to admit it.
Be sure to pay Graphic Response a visit at his website. www.graphic-barry.com.
'Caps and comments by Spaz:
Exotic Dance Lessons...
Former stripper Fawnia Mondey has produced, directed, written and starred in a six part Exotic Dance Lessons series of videos which she is distributing from www.exoticdancelessons.com in both DVD and VHS formats. The hottest titles are "Lap Dancing and Entertaining Your Man" and "Fawnia Live on Stage".
Lapdancing: Fawnia nude demonstrating how to take off brassiere, panties, and of course on how to perform a lapdance.
- Fawnia Mondey
"Fawnia Live on Stage": Fawnia nude in a dark striptease and then doing a pole dance in skimpy bikini.
"Fawnia Live on Stage": Denisa Ronzani in skimpy bikini demonstrating some dance moves.
'Caps and comments by Dann:
From the "so bad it's good" division of the "they don't make 'em like they used to" department comes 1972's The Abductors, a totally fascinating (and really bad) action sexplotation film.
In 1972 they were not yet able to grind out this type of movie on video tape in two weeks with a crew of 10, so this movie used real film, a real production crew, and real boobs (mostly :-). Comparing the production to what gets churned out nowadays is the most interesting part of watching this movie, but make no mistake, it's pretty lame.
Even so, there is a plot a female superspy goes on the trail of cheerleaders and models being kidnapped and sold by a white slavery ring. Plenty of opportunity for tons of nudity and some great campy bondage scenes. In it's own way, this is really kind of a classic. DVD quality is not great, as you'd expect from a '72 flick, but there's still plenty to see.
'Caps and comments by LC:
Scoops, I didn't see any caps from the last "Sex and the City" episode so here ya go! Once again, Kim bares her breasts.
Also...here's a link to software that helps identify what codecs are required to play video files. It will even tell you if those codecs are installed on your machine. It's called Gspot.
A note from Junior, download at your own risk. Not that I don't trust the dude, but as a general rule if I can't get software from download.com or directly from the software company's website, I wont bother.
|The Queen of the Fun House, showing of her always spectacular breasts in scenes from "Waking the Dead". 'Caps by Vejiita.
||The absolutely gorgeous Ayanna topless in scenes from "Dancing at the Blue Iguana" (2000).
|Doing the cleavage thing on her hit FOX series, "The Simple Life".
|The Italian actress bares everything, including gyno views while starring in the 1983 Tino Brass movie, "La Chiave" aka "The Key". Thanks to Marvin for the very thorough coverage.
|Toplessness and a hint of pubes in scenes from the Anglo/French movie "Mauvaise passe" aka "The Wrong Blonde" (1999). 'Caps by the Skin-meister.
|Pat Reeder www.comedy-wire.com
Pat's comments in yellow...
A JUICY STORY: TOMATO SAUCE SHUTS DOWN FREEWAY
Was It A V-8 Truck? - Traffic had to be rerouted off of U.S. 40 near
Zanesville, Ohio, Tuesday after a tractor trailer truck overturned,
spilling 40,000 pounds of Del Monte tomato juice, ketchup and spaghetti
sauce all over the road. Most of it had to be flushed away with fire
hoses, but about 1,500 pounds was salvaged and given to a food bank.
But the people they gave it to said, "Sure doesn't TASTE like tomato
Nobody was injured, but it looked like the biggest highway bloodbath in
On the bright side, there was a roadkill skunk on the highway, and this
completely removed the smell.
Not Endorsed By Jay Leno - First there was low-carb beer, then low-carb
Whoppers, and now Frito-Lay is jumping on the Atkins Diet craze. The
company announced that it will introduce Doritos Edge and Tostitos Edge,
low-carb versions of their popular tortilla corn chip snacks. They've
found a way to get a serving of chips down to six net carbohydrates by
using soy proteins and fiber as substitute ingredients.
Mmm! Sounds delicious!
Serving size: two chips.
Their slogan: "Betcha can't swallow just one!"
For dip, you'll have to use raw hamburger.
So now, we can have a meal of a low-carb Whopper, low-carb Doritos and
low-carb beer. Thank God we're eating healthier!
SENIOR SHOPLIFTERS BUSTED
Damn Punks! - Police in San Francisco busted 14 elderly men and women who
were allegedly taking stolen goods from shoplifters and returning them to
stores for refunds for a cut of the money. Police said they didn't take
their guns out because the culprits were so scared, they just kept
apologizing over and over, and one man had to turn up his oxygen. They
took their fingerprints and mug shots and warned them that if they did it
again, they could go to jail for the rest of their lives.
Or 30 days, whichever comes first.
So they did it again, to get the free medical care.
They're not hardened criminals...Just their arteries.
The stores got suspicious when an 85-year-old man named Sid tried to
return a Wonderbra to Frederick's of Hollywood.
SITCOM STAR FIGHTS JURY DUTY
"The Simpsons" Is Still ON! - Christina Applegate, star of the defunct
sitcoms "Married With Children" and "Jessie," is having trouble getting out
of the Robert Blake jury pool. She's claiming professional obligations
prevent her from serving on a four to five month trial, but so far, the
judge has yet to release her, as he did "Simpsons" voice Harry Shearer, who
used the same excuse.
Yes, but he actually HAS professional obligations.
Hey, who would you rather look at for five months: Harry Shearer or
Jury duty is a public service...And so is keeping her from doing any
Her agent is now trying to get her a gig doing voices on "The Simpsons."