"Leaving Las Vegas"
Leaving Las Vegas was universally loved by the critics, and for once, I agree with them. Reviews focus on the performances of Cage and Shue, the direction, the cinematography and the writing, all of which are great. This is a very hard film for me to watch. Throughout the film, I rooted for Shue and Cage to be each other's salvation. But, true to life, they couldn't save each other. The one positive theme in this film is the way they accepted each other unconditionally for what they were. No matter how tragic the ending, the relationship was very affirming.
Shue shows breasts, and there is the obligatory anonymous stripper who also shows breasts. IMDB readers have this at 7.5. It won a Best Actor Oscar for Cage, and was nominated Best Director, Best Writer and Best Actress. The film grossed $32M against an $8M budget. The DVD is anamorphic widescreen, giving me large, bright images to work with. This is a B-. It is not the kind of film I usually like, being very much akin to drugs suck movies, yet I appreciated this one.
30 Second Reviews
30 Second Reviews
"Blue Crush" (2002) is a fairly ordinary sports film about woman surfers competing at Pipeline in Hawaii. The only pleasant surprise was that the main character did not win the tournament, but did well enough to win sponsorship. No exposure. Nice surf images. C
"The Substance Of Fire" (1996) is a weepy two dying men with dread illnesses holocaust survivor dysfunctional family gay relationship film, with no nudity from female lead Sarah Jessica Parker. If that is your thing, go for it. I would rather have a root canal than watch it again. Ebert liked it at 3 stars, if you want to read a positive review.
I have been waiting since 1972 for someone to give me an excuse to write about dirty songs. The link to the Rugby song page yesterday gave me that excuse. While the site had a fair collection, it was missing some important traditional dirty songs, and had less than brilliant variants of others. The appeal of dirty songs is simple -- they are fun. Young children start with simple rhymes, such as "I saw England, I saw France, I saw (fill in a name)'s underpants." Virtually any same sex group will have their own collection, such as sororities, fraternities, fan groups, military personnel, or professional societies.
Many are parodies to popular songs, such as "Carolina in the Morning,"
Nothing could be finer than to be in her vagina in the morning
and "Walking your baby back home"
Gee but it's great after eating your date,
Brushing your teeth will a comb.
In other cases, the dirty version came first. Think about the classic, "What Shall We Do with a Drunken Sailor." The line "way hey up she rises ..." means nothing to me, but the original, "way, hey, up it rises, early in the morning" refers, of course, to a morning or "piss" erection. The song contained lyrics like:
Shave his balls with a rusty razor ...
Throw him in the rack with the captains daughter ...
Another example is "Frankie and Johnny." It was originally Frankie and Albert, and told a true story of a prostitute (Frankie) who shot her pimp (Albert) for cheating on her. It became a favorite of working girls in New Orleans. Someone from Tin Pan Alley realized the commercial potential, cleaned up the lyrics and changed the name, and you have the bowdlerized (censored) version that we all know. The original version was more like this:
Frankie stood up in the courtroom
Said I ain't tellin' no sass.
I didn't shoot Albert in the first degree
I shot him in his big black ass
He was my man ... God damn his soul
Another source of erotic ditties was early blues. Many big bands, and many blues performers, recorded at least one comedy or smutty song, usually under a pseudonym. Some of the blues classics are wonderful, such as "If I Can't Sell It, I'm Just Gonna Keep on Sitting On It, Before I Give It Away." The song was 100% double entendre, supposedly about a used furniture dealer and a rocking chair. Others were far more explicit:
I got nipples on my titties big as the end of your thumb
And I got something 'tween my legs will make a dead man cum.
Shave em dry.
Marching and dirty lyrics go hand in hand. I learned "Roll Me Over, in the Clover" in boot camp, and anyone who has been in the Army knows "Jody Calls" like:
I don't know but I've been told
Eskimo pussy is mighty cold
The day is hot, your pants are tight
Your Balls are swinging from left to right
Perhaps my favorite erotic song comes originally from "The Merry Muses of Caledonia" by Robert Burns, and is know as "The Ball," "The Ball of Ballynoor," The Ball of Kirrimure," or "The Gathering of the Clans." It tells the story of a wedding party, and there are literally hundreds of verses and variants in oral tradition. I have been told that it is the equivalent of "Jody Calls" for the Scottish military. Here is a small sample of lyrics:
The village magician he was there
Doing his vanishing trick
He pulled his foreskin over his head
And vanished into his prick.
The mathematician he was there
Goin' at it some
Figuring out by Algebra
The time when he would come
The bride was in the corner
Explaining to the groom
The vagina, not the rectum
Is the entrance to the womb
There was doin' in the parlor
And doin' on the stair
You couldna' see the carpet
For the cum and curly hair
And when the ball was over
The opinion was expressed
The music it was wonderful
But the doin' was the best.
And no discussion of these classic songs would be complete without mentioning "Christopher Columbo," another song with thousands of verses.
Columbo said to the Queen of Spain
Give me ships and cargo
I'll be a dirty son of a bitch
If I don't bring back Chicago
They say the world is round-o
They say it can be found-o
That masturbating fornicating
Son of a Bitch Columbo
Columbo had three lofty ships
Each one a double decker
The queen, she waived her handkerchief
Columbo waived his pecker.
Columbo had a cabin boy
The dirty little nipper
Lined his ass with broken glass
And circumcised the skipper
For 40 days and forty nights
They sailed the broad Atlantic
Columbo and his lousy crew
For want of a piece were frantic
They spied a whore upon the shore
And off came shirts and collars
In twenty minutes by the clock
She made $10,000.00
For 40 days and 40 nights
They practiced fornication
And when they sailed they left behind
Ten times the population
The song ends with Columbo giving the pox (Syphilis) to the Queen, and infecting all of Europe. Indeed, many of these songs include just punishment for the deeds recounted.
For those really interested in the subject, there are books, but mostly our of print. I highly recommend "The Erotic Muse" by Ed Cray, "Dirty Song Book" by Jerry Silverman, and "Roll Me Over" edited by Harry Babad. I was amazed to discover that this out of print song book is selling used for $85.00. The original cover price is $3.95. Another great source for this material is records, especially from folk singer Oscar Brand, who seems to have become respectable in recent years, based on what is available on CD.
Anyone who has lyric sheets they would like to share of this sort of material, I would love to see them.
|Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)
- new volumes for: Sabrina Salerno, Stefania Sandrelli, Holly
Sampson, Shari Shattuck, Emmanuelle Seigner
- updated volumes for Carol Laure, Diane Lane
Other naked crap:
The good news:
Aniston's breasts on display at People's Choice. The bad
news: covered with sticky tape. Tape or no tape, I still liked
the pictures just fine. When you get there, click to enlarge.
Miller Lite catfight commercial. The brunette is Kitana
Baker (see my caps from Auto-Focus, and the next link). If that
site is bust, you can find it at
(click on tv ads)
if you got interested in Kitana Baker from Auto Focus (the girl
who lifted her sweater) or the Catfight commercial, here
is a page of pics of her, including some topless and nude.
Kournikova Says She Doesn't Have a Tattoo!
- Winslet says GQ
went too far with the airbrushing and distortion of her figure.
In case the link is gone when you check in, she says, "The
re-touching is excessive. I don't look like that and I don't
desire to look like that. I haven't suddenly lost 30 pounds. I'm
exactly the same as when I went to the Oscars last March"
A tribute to soccer streakers from uglyfootballers.com. Good
site. Oh, what the hell. Here's their tribute to
mullets as well, and here's their section on
ugly players with gorgeous wives.
Nell McAndrew nekkid (but covering the goodies)
the deleted nudity from the original Star Wars
naked anti-war protests
naked anti-war protests. Gosh, how can you hate war when it
brings so much nudity.
Latvia plays host to the first
Mobile Phone Throwing Championship
- do you remember Baby Jessica, the little girl in the well?
Here she is today.
The site is both uplifting and sad. Her life has never stopped
being a struggle.
Insta-online-registration for all Arab males at the Department of
Homeland Security. Be the first Arab on your block to turn in
some friends and be trained in the Christian faith of your choice.
scientists to conquer cancer with beer. Before you make any
plans for your upcoming immortality, I probably ought to mention
that this wisdom is offered by Weekly World News.
Guy Ritchie has admitted
wife Madonna have not watched TV in three years -to avoid seeing
any unpleasant news stories about themselves. Or, to be more
specific, unpoleasantr news stories about her, since
Guy used to see pleasant stories before Madge came along and
talked him into Swept Away.
I learned working at Victoria's secret"
In search of the playmate of the millennium "Getting
Paid to Scrutinize Naked Women Was the Last Resort of a Desperate
are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.
- The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the
review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
- If there is a white asterisk, it means that
there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined
there might be something else of interest.
- A blue asterisk indicates the review is written
by Tuna (or Lawdog or Junior or C2000 or Realist or ICMS or Mick
Locke, or somebody else besides me)
- If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too
ashamed to admit it.
'Caps and comments by Brainscan:
The DVD of "Striptease" said it was an unrated version with extra scenes. I saw it so long ago I can't be sure but it seems the extras include longer performances from some none-Demi clothing-removal engineers, two whole new scenes and maybe even some greater length to Demi's takin-it-off. Which is sorta my way of preparing all y'all for 36 collages of Demi alone. Sending in some cheesy thumbs so very little description is necessary. One thing is that other than the scene where Demi strips in front of Burt Reynolds (collages 24-36) my favorite of the bunch is 17. And if there is any place in this movie where Demi gives us a peak at the lower goodies it is 19.
- Demi Moore Thumbnails
- Demi Moore Thumbnails
- Demi Moore Thumbnails
- Demi Moore Thumbnails
- Demi Moore
'Caps and comments by Hankster:
Today we take the old time machine on another trip back in time to 1972 and a visit to an obscure flick called "Pleasures of a Woman" which starred Uschi Digard and Rene Bond, two of the better known soft core porn stars of that era. Now IMDB lists this little gem as being a 1974 release, but the DVD box says 1972 which I went with and actually I think it might have been even earlier than that because Rene is pre-boob job in these pics and other movies I have show her with bigger tits in 1972.
IMDB lists Uschi Digard aka Uschi Digart among other names she used as the only actress in the movie, but it's Rene Bond who plays her niece.
Our visit begins with Uschi pleasuring herself with a shoe as Rene spies on her. Then Rene has a romantic encounter with a man, but then it's back to Aunt Uschi and the rest of the movie is a lesbian romp with these two porn stars as they show us every inch of their beautiful bodies.
More of Rene coming soon with bigger boobs.That's it for today.Were outta here.
- Uschi Digard
- Rene Bond
- Digard and Bond
|Audrey Marie Anderson
||Topless while lying on a slab in the morgue in scenes from Billy Bob Thornton and Patricia Arquette indie film "The Badge".
||Also from "The Badge", Arquette shows off a great thong view.
||Soaking wet t-shirt and brief toplessness from her very first nude scene in the 1982 movie "Summer Lovers".
||Liz in a bra. Scenes from the indie flick "Double Whammy".
|Mira shows some very nice cleavage in "Wisegirls" (2002).
|The petite, exotic looking actress best known from the syndicated series "Andromeda", in scenes from "The Tracker". Topless in links 1 and 2, an upskirt in #3.
|One of the best known nude scenes in cinema history, Phoebe getting out of the pool and baring her breasts in scenes from "Fast Times at Ridgemont High"
|Long time B-movie babe, and former Pet of the Month (July 1981) in scenes from one of her first movies "Café Flesh" (1982). By the way...she began her film career under the name Pia Snow and her ealry films (like this one) were hardcore.
First up, a few from the 2003 Pirelli Calendar
Next, some assorted unknown babes,
||Brief breast exposure in scenes from and episode of "In aller Freundschaft".
||A nipple sighting as she's lying in bed. More scenes from the German TV series "In aller Freundschaft".
||Yup, you guessed it, even more breasts from "In aller Freundschaft".
||Excellent breast exposure as she gets out of a shower. Also from "In aller Freundschaft".
||Topless, and maybe a slight hint of pubes in love scenes from "St. Pauli Nacht" (1999).
||From the German TV series "Unser Lehrer Dr. Specht". An all nude appearance with clear breast and bum views.
|Pat Reeder www.comedy-wire.com
Pat's comments in yellow...
ANTI-SUV CAMPAIGNERS ACCUSED OF HYPOCRISY
Don't Forget The Lear Jet - The New York Post reports that many of the
celebrities backing those ads that accuse SUV owners of helping terrorism
waste lots of fuel themselves. Gwyneth Paltrow's neighbors complain that
not only does she drive a Mercedes SUV, she parks it on the sidewalk while
shopping. Chevy Chase also drives an SUV. And producer Norman Lear, one
of the people spearheading the campaign, violated city height restriction
laws by building a 45-foot-tall garage to hold his 21 cars.
Air-conditioned, of course...
Yes, but he has 21 cars so he won't have to drive his SUV all the time!
Chevy Chase denied driving an SUV, although he IS living in a van down
by the river.
Gwyneth claims she's saving on gas: her SUV runs on French perfume.
TOWNSHEND ADMITS ACCESSING CHILD PORN
See Me, Feel Me, Don't Touch Me - Pete Townshend of The Who may be in legal
trouble after admitting he once used his credit card to access a child porn
website. But he insisted he's not a pedophile and that it was for
"research purposes": he's a longtime campaigner against child abuse and
wanted to see what he was fighting. Also, he said he thinks he might have
been abused as a child, and he's writing a book about it and wanted to jog
his memory. Jerry Hall rushed to his defense, saying Townshend had advised
her on how to keep her kids from accessing Internet porn.
Lesson 1: Keep them away from Pete Townshend's computer.
Her kids don't need to access porn: they spend weekends at Mick's house.
It was also research for the next Who album, entitled "Who Are You
He did a search on the lyric "Tommy, Can You Feel Me?" and that site
just popped up.
If he is charged, his lawyer will attempt to get a jury that's deaf,
dumb and blind.
JULIA WINS "PEOPLE'S CHOICE" FOR NO REASON
Pretty Predictable - At last night's "People's Choice Awards," voted on by
"the people," Julia Roberts was named Favorite Movie Actress for the fourth
straight year, even though she made only one movie, "Full Frontal," a bomb
that almost nobody saw.
Yes, but it was your average moviegoer's favorite title of 2002.
If they HAD seen it, the favorite actress would've been Sandra Bullock.
If the Academy Awards worked like this, Julia would be collecting her
13th consecutive Oscar for "Pretty Woman."