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"Varsity Blues"

Varsity Blues (1999) is a High School Coming of age story about football players in a small Texas town. For most of the people in town, their High School football careers were the highlight of their life. The coach, Jon Voight, has been a fixture for 26 years, and won the division nearly every one of them. Somewhere, he lost the whole idea, and it has become about him, not the game, or the players. He is abusive the team, and not above injecting injured players with steroids so they can play. This year, the quarterback is the best in years, and might take them to a state title.

The film is the story of the back-up quarterback, James Van Der Beek (Mox), who is suddenly thrust into the limelight when the starting quarterback is injured. Mox is far from dumb -- he receives an academic scholarship to Brown -- and knows just how bad the coach is. When Mox takes over as quarterback, cheerleader Ali Larter dumps the injured quarterback and makes a play for Mox, wearing a whipped cream bikini. One of the wilder players steals a police car, and shows up with three girls, all of them naked, and tries to get Mox to join them. One of the girls, Bristi Havins, shows her breasts. At one point, the team spends the night at a strip club. There is an unknown stripper, then their family planning/health teacher comes on-stage as the featured act.

IMDB rates the film 6.2 of 10, Apollo says 71, and their readers say 85. Ebert says 2 stars, and Berardinelli says 2 1/2. Made for $16m, the US gross was $52.9m. I found it watchable, with a few very good moments. The anamorphic transfer is top notch. High C+.

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  • Ali Larter (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
  • Bristi Havins (1, 2)
  • Stripper (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
  • Tonie Perensky (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16)

  • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)

    American Pie 2 - many, many hours of extra material on the DVD. Plenty of deleted scenes and outtakes, but no additional nudity. As far as I can see, the only difference between the r-rated and the unrated version is some really gross dialogue, most of it from the Stifmeister. (He explains in graphic detail to OZ what Heather is probably doing in Spain with the locals, for example)

    • Lisa Arturo (1, 2, 3)
    • Denise Faye (1, 2)

    M*A*S*H - two more. The nude scene in the final credits was a little better quality that the scene in the movie proper, so I snapped a couple frames. The other one is "his will be done", when Hot Lips opens her blouse.

    • Sally Kellerman (1, 2)

    I got your message on those Angie Everhart DVD caps. Here are some fresher, larger ones. Angie promised her granny that she'd never show her naughty bits. I want to hear what her grandmother said about this scene! All of a sudden, she's gone from "miss no nudity" to the rabbit mag, and now she's the new Shannon Tweed.

    • The new Angie (1, 2, 3)


    My thoughts on the whole Steve Bing thing about Liz Hurley's baby:

    Personally, I think Steve Bing should join forces with OJ. They can cover twice as much ground if OJ helps look for the real father, while Steve helps look for the real killer.

    Not to mention, if they work together, they should get a better rate on the greens fees.

    Here's a practical example of how it might work in real life:

    OJ slices one into the woods. While he is in there looking for his ball, he asks the other guys in there if they are the real killer AND/OR the real father of Hurley's baby.

    I said "and/or" deliberately, for who's to say OJ and Bing are looking for two different guys - perhaps it is the same man. Sort of a Moriarty for the New Millennium.


    The following are the latest movie reviews available at

    • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
    • If there is a white asterisk, it means that I inexplicably determined there might be something of interest.
    • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Lawdog or Junior or C2000 or Realist or ICMS or somebody else besides me)
    • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

    No question about it, Jennifer Connelly is our official date to the Fun House Prom. She won the poll in a landslide.

    I couldn't agree more. Connelly is just about the perfect woman, isn't she? Beautiful face. Great all-natural body. Jumbo Jacks. Educated at Yale and Stanford. Ivy league education. And she has become a helluva good actress in the past two years. Old enough to have something interesting to say, but young enough so that she is still ravishing while saying it. Elegant, soft-spoken. Yup. Good choice.

    Today we are taking nominees for her date to the prom. What male public figure most nearly personifies the spirit of the fun house? Enter your nominees on the form below by clicking on "start a new topic", and enter your nominee in the subject line. Type something in the body - you need at least one character or the message won't post. If they are already mentioned, don't repeat the nomination. I started you off with some obvious selections.


    Charlie's site is updated!


    All "Babes in Bondage" today straight from bondage flicks.

    First we have a girl known only as Karima taking a fully nude whipping in "The Kagan Collection".

    • Karima (1, 2, 3)

    Then it's Cat Lips (not her real name I'm sure) in "Sanctuary of Sin", being menaced by two creeps and showing plenty of breasts, bum and gyno views.

    First up....DVD 'caps from "The Key", directed by Euro-nudity legend Tinto Brass. Excellent toplessness and gyno views!

    Next, a mini-gallery of Euro-celeb, Edwige Fenech.

    Blackshine completes his coverage of Sylvie Blum. She's a model and professional photographer, and these images are from her 1st book "Venus selbst". As a reminder, all the images are self portraits taken with a Polaroid camera. There is plenty of nudity, including her breasts, a few pics of her bum, and several close-up gyno-shots.

    Part one of this series can be seen in the 12/18/01 edition of the Fun House, with part 2 appearing in the 01/09/02 update.

    From "Too Much Flesh" (2000). First of all, can there really be too much? Second, there is plenty in this movie and that's all that matters to me!

    Anja Franke All 3 B's are in plain view in these scenes from "RobbyKallePaul" (1989).

    Deborah Kaufmann The German actress doing full frontal and full dorsal nudity in scenes from "König der letzten Tage" (1993).

    Heike Makatsch Topless in a love scene from "Die Affäre Semmeling"

    Maria Schrader Some breasts and some mega bush from "RobbyKallePaul"

    Minh-Khai Phan-Thi Breast exposure in scenes from "Viergeteilt im Morgengrauen" (1999)

    Xenia Seeberg I think Hankster would approve of these...Xenia all tied up and only wearing undies in "Knockin' On Heaven's Door" (1997).

    Pat Reeder The Comedy Wire
    from the NY Post


    January 11, 2002 -- Two European models sued the publishers of Maxim magazine yesterday, saying their photos were used without permission on a raunchy book called "Maximum Sex."

    German stunner Katja Hilgendorff, who has appeared in Cosmo, Vogue and on European runways, popped up unexpectedly on the cover of the book, according to a lawsuit filed yesterday in Manhattan federal court. The model says she never gave permission to become the cover girl. The suit said she posed for the pictures in December 2000, but never agreed for them to be used in the 2001 book, which features her name and pictures "juxtaposed with explicit sexual text, much of which is pornographic in nature."

    Another model, Nataskja Vermeer of Holland, sued with similar claims, saying photos taken of her were also put into the book without her permission.

    A lawyer for the models couldn't be reached for comment. The company released a statement saying it had gotten complete legal permission from the models' then-business managers, and called the accusations outrageous.

    January 11, 2002 -- BRITNEY Spears has all the right stuff for Stuff magazine, which put her No. 1 on its 102 Sexiest Women in the World list. (Who knew they were counting?)

    Following hard on her shapely rear (glimpsed in The Post in a bikini recently, in some paparazzi pictures from Hawaii) are, respectively, Jennifer Lopez, Cameron Diaz, Heather Graham and Alyssa Milano.

    Of the five, Diaz ranks first in the unofficial Fewest Clothes Between Her and the Camera category. In Stuff, she's shown wearing little more than an open robe and a pink gingham thong.

    Elsewhere on the Stuff list are Angelina Jolie (No. 6), Halle Berry (15), Courteney Cox (18) and Penelope Cruz (23). Finishing dead last (102) is a 27-year-old model/singer/actress named Caprice.

    - Barbara Hoffman

    And from Entertainment Weekly Online, an interview with Monica Bellucci in which she discusses screen nudity

    Click here for the article and a few pics.