The Farmhouse



The Farmhouse is a straight-to-vid horror/thriller with a lot going on. It is one part domestic melodrama, one part torture porn, one part crime thriller and one part supernatural horror film. Yup, a lot going on. Probably too much.

Oddly enough, I've already spoiled the movie for you. "That doesn't make sense," you think? But it does. I spoiled things when I told you that there are supernatural components. That seemingly innocent statement is a spoiler because the supernatural elements don't enter the film until the last couple of minutes, when all the plot loopholes are explained by supernatural mumbo-jumbo. The supernatural is the hole card which changes everything at the end, kind of like the improbable straight flush which flummoxes the Cincinnati Kid. Before the supernatural enters the picture, the Farmhouse establishes a variety of red herrings to get the audience to seek a rational explanation for some outlandish and surreal goings-on.

That's not as bad as it sounds. One of the most famous short stories in American literature, Ambrose Bierce's "An Occurrence at Owl Creek Bridge," which was also one of the most acclaimed episodes of "The Twilight Zone," follows that same structure. In addition, the same sort of last minute "Guess what? Not real!" switcheroo has driven some pretty good movies as well. An Adrian Lyne film called Jacob's Ladder comes immediately to mind.

Of course, those two works were not really supernatural, except to the extent that they took place in a first person point of view, and most people's thoughts and beliefs include some sort of supernatural elements. In those two cases I cited, the authors simply misdirected us into believing that certain confusing events on screen were actually happening, when in fact they were just pictorializations of the stream of consciousness. The authors created a dramatic and effective tone shift by waiting until the last moment to pull the rug from under us and tell us the truth.

Unlike those efforts, Farmhouse takes the supernatural elements way over the top. Prior events don't just seem confusing because they reflected somebody's confused dreamscapes, but because they were really happening to the characters - just not on our plane of existence. That moves the device too far in the direction of cornball pulp, all the way to the point where we want to groan at the ending and call it a cop-out rather than to take pleasure in its cleverness. Indeed, most people would probably call this film's big revelations silly rather than poignant, especially when the clarifications are delivered by people in grade-B Halloween costumes.

Bottom line: a good enough film to get me to watch all the way to the end to get the explanation, but not good enough to leave me satisfied by it.

Kelly Hu did a dimly lit topless scene.


The Proposal

June 2009

This Sandra Bullock film will not come out until mid-summer, but it's fun to look at some Hollywood shenanigans once in a while. The standard sized trailer (DVD size, 480 lines) has a PG-13 nude scene from Sandra Bullock, in which her breasts are only covered by her arm and hand, and her pubic area is only covered by a washcloth, thus revealing her to be almost naked.

Film clip here, capture to the right.   

That's actually pretty sexy.

However, the HD trailer (1080p, same as Blu-Ray) has a watered-down PG version of the same exact scene, in which Sandra has a towel wrapped around her as she leaves the bathroom. I can't speculate why the HD trailer would be tamer, other than to guess that Sandra's naked, wet, glistening body is just too spectacular for any mortal to view in HD without being blinded, or perhaps turned into a pillar of salt, or at least something salty-tasting, like Cheetos or semen.

Film clip here, capture to the right.   



  • * Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe).

  • * White asterisk: expanded format.

  • * Blue asterisk: not mine.

  • No asterisk: it probably sucks.


Catch the deluxe version of Other Crap in real time, with all the bells and whistles, here.









The Door in the Floor


Scoop's typically verbose comments

Both Mimi Rogers and Kim Basinger got nekkid in this film. Although they were both 50ish, they both looked quite good.

High quality (1920x1080) film of Mimi Rogers. Collages below.






Heaven's Prisoners


Classic screen nudity today with our favorite Desperate Housewife Teri Hatcher in "Heaven's Prisoners", delicious boobs and even a hint of the fuzz box.

Caps and a 1920x1080 clip.









Shannon Tweed

Part 2

An assortment of film clips, mostly third party web finds.

Today's clip: Cold Sweat




Arrested Development

Arrested Development lasted three seasons. Hee Haw lasted more than twenty. There is no justice. I will not wax rhapsodic about Michael Bluth and his family except to say they were the only group of people I have ever gone out of my way to be with every week. What I am sending along are caps from Season 1.

Close does not count in celebrity nudity, but we have Portia De Rossi in an almost downblouse (ep: Pier Pressure)

and an almost upskirt (ep: Storming the Castle)

There is Leonor Varela looking luminous in showing what cleavage she owns.

And Alia Shawkat with a most delightful set of freckles.

Perhaps the only exposure is by Jill Ritchie, the sister of Kid Rock. She has maybe three frames of a braless downblouse. I think.









Home Sick


(2008)By their nature, you expect horror films to be weird, but this effort is strange even by horror standards. What makes it strange (and also quite funny) is the characters. No one is normal in this film. In fact, the bad guys are probably the most normal.

A few friends get together to for a welcome home party. Not one of these people would meet your standard definition of "normal", but the party is crashed by someone even stranger, a man in a tuxedo with a suitcase full of razors. He insists everyone name the person they hate most, slashing his own arm each time someone is named. As promised, after everyone names a person, suitcase guy leaves.

Shortly after the party, the people on the hate list start to die at the hands of a beastly stranger, and believe me, the murders are very graphic and gory.

For horror fans and gorehounds, this flick is funny, quirky, and in some ways unique. It is also really, really gory.

Melissa George and X-Zanthia Tiffany Shepis






Mein Fuehrer - Die wirklich wahrste Wahrheit ueber Adolf Hitler


Hitler spoof from Germany.

 The title roughly translates to "My leader: The Truly Truest Truth About Adolf Hitler".

Adriana Altaras: bare butt.

Katja Riemann: fully clothed sex as the evil Eva Braun.



Moose TV

Speaking of German stereotypes, here's Felicia Shuman playing a German tourist in Canada having wanton German sex (efficient and fully clothed) during a nature hike - despite everyone else watching.


Finn's Girl


Lesbian drama that fell off the radar after finishing the festival circuit.

The highlight is Nathalie Toriel showing her torpedo tits for the first time. Toriel has topless lesbian sex with the much older and butch Brooke Johnson.



"Being Erica"

pilot episode.

New series starting on the CBC which means one thing. PG-rated network nudity!

Erin Karpluk: she may have showed her ta-ta's in Godiva's, but it's hands-over-boobs this time.


"Wild Roses"

pilot episode

Another new series starting on the CBC. More PG-rated network nudity!

Michelle Harrison: goth mother from Good Luck Chuck down to her skivvies.

Amy Lalonde: Sophie star down to her panties.

Sarah Power: Beta House star still keeping her clothes on.

Clare Stone: very slutty dress.




season 3

episode Eva Has a Dot Dot

Episode about transsexual lady wrestlers and guys with "manginas".

Traci Brooks: female wrestler showing buns while having sex.

Sarain Boylan: some dry humping on the wrestling mat.

Mayko Nguyen: very nice legs.


"Flash Gordon"

episode Random Access

This is the extent of the sex portrayed on this cable series. Elisa King: fully clothed motel sex.


"Blue Murder"

episode Collateral Damage

Every cop show should have at least one episode that ends going to a strip club.

Angela Vint: buns as stripper

Lori Alter: very sexy but dead

obligatory strippers


"The Art of Nude Modelling"

Documentary about nude art models.

Iliana Antonova: almost showing her coochie.








Electric Blue

In order to get any copies of this series, you have to pray to the Tikki gods and sacrifice a few goats. Germany sells a DVD set, but the episodes are heavily cut. I managed to acquire several of the very earliest, uncut episodes and will present them here.

Today: Susanna Britton, part 1 of 2. Sample below.

Susanna was one of my favorites back in the day, although she only did three adult movies, a few more without any sex, and also several regular movies before killing herself.








I notice that some caps were left out from yesterday's contribution. I think it is because I didn't mention Sandra Gibson.

I have attached the relevant caps and repeated the correct comments.


Scoop's note: the caps below for the unidentified woman and Ava Vincent are the same as the ones in yesterday's page. Only the Gibson pics are new. I repeated the others so that today's page would include everything together in one place.


Hotel Erotica - Lisa Comes Out

Today's episode from the soft-core series Hotel Erotica is called Secret Admirer (2003).

The naked ladies are Ava Vincent

Sandra Gibson


and an unidentified actress who played the part of Jill.







Notes and collages


"Las Vegas"

More of Nikki Cox. Season Two continues.

s2, e17

(Deliberately out of sequence. Will get back to it.)








Aussie series about real-life crimes. It was banned in parts of Australia because the trials were ongoing and the justices were concerned that the series might influence the verdicts.








Kate Moss falling out of her beach clothes. Upgrade.

Belinda Carlyle topless back in the day. Let's hope we get to see the original pic from the exhibit, not just a weak photo of the photo.

Jane Seymour, lookin' mighty good for an old bag!


Film Clips

The women of Wicked Lake (2008). The zip file includes: Carlee Baker, Eryn Joslyn, Eve Mauro and Robyn Sydney.     (Scoop's comments)

The women of Brain Dead: Michelle Tomlinson and Sarah Grant Brendecke; Cristina Tiberia; Tess McVicar

Melissa Repka in Spliced

Nicole Kidman in Eyes Wide Shut, in 1920x1080 resolution!

Vahina Giocante in Secret Defense (2008). Quality is not good, but we haven't seen it before.