Rebecca's Secret (1998) is a made for cable soft core staring Amy Rochelle as Rebecca, heiress to a company long john business that her jerk of a husband turned into a massive mail order lingerie business. He clearly loathes her, and she is not mentally stable, given to nightmares and fainting spells. The editor of their catalogue, Lauren Hays, pretends to be her friend, but is doing the husband. But then, the husband has sex with everyone, including his newest model, Avalon Anders.
Then Rochelle and Hays apparently kill him, and dispose of the body, but he refuses to stay dead. I think this is where the script ended, and they ad libbed the rest of the story, as this is where it stopped making any sense at all. A police woman seems intent on investigating something when they find the husband's car at the bottom of a cliff. Then some guy that we have seen Hays having sex with shows up with a gun to kill Rochelle, but she overpowers him with her boobs, fucks his brains out, then locks him in a supposed wine cellar which looks exactly like the receiving area of a supermarket, down to being full of banana boxes. She either dreams she is fucking him after that, or really does.
Hays is still fucking the dead husband, and had something to do with the assassin, but it was never really clear who was plotting with whom to do what to whom or exactly why. The film ends with all of the expected characters, including the dead ones, trying to drown each other in a swimming pool, and the surprise hero doing in the husband so all of the women can become best friends. Hey, don't blame me. I didn't write it.
Rochelle shows all three Bs about every 5 minutes, starting with the opening credits. Anders shows breasts and buns having sex in a thong. Hays has as much, if not more sex as Rochelle, but only shows breasts and buns. A special Tuna award to Al Carbon the DP for giving us the best photographs ever filmed of a crotch patch. The patch evidently didn't work out well, so a second Tuna award to makeup artist Eden Svendahl for inventing the peeling Merkin.
IMDb has this at 3.0, about 4 points too high in my estimation. The story makes no sense, the acting was abysmal, the sex scene shad little or no eroticism, the ending came out of nowhere and the sound was mushy. It was impossibly bad even by genre standards. E+
|Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)
Hi, y'all. I'm taking a mini-vacation.
I'll still be digging up some other crap every day, and will chip in
with some movies as well, but not with my usual volume of verbiage
A new "behind-the-scenes" featurette for the Fantastic Four movie.
Torture Lobby blasts Gonzales. In the days following
the testimony of Attorney General nominee Alberto Gonzales, in
which he vehemently disavowed the use of torture, a spokesman for
the international torture community says that leading torturers
around the world regard his testimony as "a cruel betrayal."
Nine clips from Constantine
- Born with a gift he didn't want, the ability to recognize
the half-breed angels and demons that walk the earth in human
camouflage, Constantine (Keanu Reeves) was driven to take his
own life to escape the tormenting clarity of his vision. But he
failed. Resuscitated against his will, he found himself cast
back into the land of the living. Now, marked as an attempted
suicide with a temporary lease on life, he patrols the earthly
border between heaven and hell, hoping in vain to earn his way
to salvation by waging war on the earthbound minions of evil.
But Constantine is no saint. Increasingly disillusioned by the
world around him and at odds with the one beyond, he's a
hard-drinking, hard-living bitter hero who scorns the very idea
of heroism. Constantine will fight to save your soul but he
doesn't want your admiration or your thanks – and certainly not
your sympathy. All he wants is a way out. When a desperate but
skeptical police detective (Rachel Weisz as Angela Dodson)
enlists his help in solving the mysterious death of her beloved
twin sister, their investigation takes them through the world of
demons and angels that exists just beneath the landscape of
contemporary Los Angeles. Caught in a catastrophic series of
otherworldy events, the two become inextricably involved and
seek to find their own peace at whatever cost. "Constantine" is
based on characters from the DC Comics/Vertigo Hellblazer
The Top 50 DVDs of All Time
- As goes pornography, so goes technology.
The porn industry may end up deciding the winning format in the
hi-definition DVD war.
Technology predictions for 2005
- Weekly World News:
Kim Bailey's North Beach diet system encourages people to eat
whatever they want, especially if it has something to do with
fried foods and snack cakes.
Kathie Lee Gifford, playwright. Who says theater is a
dying art? The previous down cycle was all just part of the
continuum, which now resumes. Shakespeare, Moliere, Ibsen,
Teri Hatcher gets down to her undies for FHM magazine.
Jennifer Garner and boyfriend Ben Affleck were seen walking into a
medical complex together on the morning of New Year's Eve.
Is there a mystery?
The Straight Dope: Why did "Bijou" used to be a common name for
CBS fires four employees following Rathergate investigation.
A new two minute clip from The Assassination of Richard Nixon -
with director's commentary.
- Break out the hard drugs, cuz
Lou Reed and Vaclav Havel are together at last.
Monkee Micky Dolenz has a new day job - as the morning-drive radio
host at WCBS-FM
Saturn's moon Iapetus.
Lots more of Kournikova in the yellow bikini
Beltran, Mets agree on $119 million seven year contract.
100 Greatest TV Theme Songs.
The full-length version of the Team America puppet sex scene
American Pie 4: Band Camp. None of the regulars will
return, except for a cameo by Finch. The star will be Stifler's
Pedro's bike from Napoleon Dynamite is selling on e-Bay.
(Current bid over $3.000.)
Gallagher discusses why he is one of the greatest comedians of all
time - better than Leno, Letterman, Robin Williams, Tom
Hanks, or Jim Carrey. He just can't understand why they are big
stars and he couldn't fill a decent-sized Subway restaurant even
if concert admission included free subs.
The Observer discusses the debate over Wikipedia.
- Blogs and message forums buzzed this week with the discovery
a pair of simple Google searches permits access to well over 1,000
unprotected surveillance cameras around the world - apparently
without their owners' knowledge.
Tabs and glossies start the presses for Aniston and Pitt split.
"The news is so big that celebrity bible People magazine is
rushing a full issue on newsstands today, four days ahead of
schedule, with Pitt, 41, and Aniston, 35, on the cover. Not to be
outdone, Us Weekly is publishing a day early, with the new issue
hitting New York and Los Angeles newsstands on Tuesday and
everywhere else on Thursday. "
Dogs can be trained to recognize and flag cancer.
Other Crap archives. May also include newer material than the
since it's sorta in real time.
to submit a URL for Other Crap
are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.
- The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the
review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
- If there is a white asterisk, it means that
there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined
there might be something else of interest.
- A blue asterisk indicates the review is written
by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
- If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too
ashamed to admit it.
Words, pictures, and vids from
Married to the Mob (1988)
I don't think this clip needs an introduction. But it is
always nice to see Nancy Travis perform with her clothes off
in "Married to the Mob" (1988), isn't it?
"Stern der Liebe" (2001).
Italian actress Elena Sofia Ricci goes topless in a love
scene in the German made for TV movie "Stern der Liebe"
(2001; Star of Love).
Finally we come to "Doomsdayer" (2000). The DVD cost the
huge amount of ONE euro in a promotion action by a
supermarket chain. And what do you do although you
actually don't need that film? You do buy it of course at
that price. The only names that rang a bell were Brigitte
Nielsen and Udo Kier. Furthermore the back cover mentioned
Alexa Jago from Waterworld. I never heard of her but when
I checked her in the IMDb she indeed played the role of
'atoll woman' there. Quite an achievement, I presume. When
I entered her name in the search field of the Fun House I
even found out that Tuna reviewed and made caps from this
flick on November 26, 2001 and the review is even in the
Movie House. Tuna's review is spot on, the only thing
worth adding since three years ago is that the IMDb
to have gotten the credits right for January Isaac, the lead
actress in this movie.
January shows a bit of her breasts and bum in a love scene with
Joe Lara, the leading man in this festival of explosions.
Alexa Jago even has a website of her own at
www.alexajago.com, where she
states a lot of credits to her name, the most remarkable
being to have been discovered by none other than Sam Spiegel. She
also executive produced "The Hillside Strangler" (confirmed by
the end credits), for which the IMDb also lists her as an actress
playing the role of "Amber Wilken". Only one problem here: after I
read this I went several times through this movie again and could
not find an Amber Wilken character in the movie nor in the end
credits. Does anyone have any idea on where exactly Alexa can
be seen in this movie? Coz' I don't know this Sarah Ferguson
look-alike contest winner well enough to recognize her with
different hair and make-up. Alexa is naked under her bath robe, so we might get a brief
flash of her nether region here, for the rest she shows 90% of her
bum and some rear side view of a breast.
To sum up this flick: too many
explosions, too little skin and a story that was always silly,
sometimes intentionally, but it isn't clear when.
|A quick site note
Hey gang, we invite you to check out our new affiliate program at Scoopycash.com.
If you have your own site or blog, sign up today and earn some extra cash in 2005 by promoting the Fun House!
'Caps and comments by Oz:
"One Fine Day"
One Fine Day is a chick flick and Michelle Pfeiffer is down to her bra.
Some pokies in the horror flick Watchers by an actress who just goes by the name Lala in the credits but her full name is Lala Sloatman.
The nudity in Compromising Positions comes from some Polaroids of Deborah Rush. Glamour by Susan Sarandon and Judith Ivey.
"Sherlock - Case of Evil"
Some very sexy caps of Cristina Teodorescu in Sherlock - Case of Evil. The film was shot in Romania and Cristina is a Romanian playmate. Do a Google search on her name and you'll find some pictures of her very naked.
- Cristina Teodorescu
The nudity in Bachelorman, the story of a testosterone-filled bachelor, comes from Helen Woo and Bridget Ellen. The rest of the ladies show pokies or are down to their underwear: Missi Pyle, Kira Reed, Deena Dill, Melissa Jones, Laurie Shiers, Jackie Debatin and some unknown.
Waterland is reminiscing about coming of age during Holland during World War II. Lena Headey is topless and there's pokies by Camilla Hebditch.
"Eddie and the Cruisers II - Eddie Lives!"
Hated the movie but didn't mind the music in Eddie and the Cruisers II - Eddie Lives! No nudity, just glamour by Marina Orsini.
|DeadLamb catches the "Dude, Where's My Car?" co-star making a busty guest appearance on Sunday night's episode of "Desparate Housewives". Link #2 features the next cover of "Holding Your Own Boobs" magazine.
||The French actress looking great in this topless scene from the 1998 direct-to-vid movie "Shattered Image", starring one of the lesser Baldwins.
|Bomscan 'caps of Heather Peace baring breasts and bum in scenes from the UK TV series "Ultimate Force".
|Señor Skin 'caps of the cute blonde playing a topless dancer in scenes from the indie flick "Employee of the Month" (2004), starring Matt Dillon, Christina Applegate and Steve Zahn.
|Pat Reeder www.comedy-wire.com
Pat's comments in yellow...
ANISTON AND PITT SPLIT
The Ass Is Always Greener - Hollywood golden couple Jennifer Aniston and Brad
Pitt stunned fans by announcing their separation. Their statement read, "We
happily remain committed and caring friends with great love and admiration for
one another." Tabloids are speculating that the cause is Brad's desire to
start a family while Jennifer wants to pursue her career. One claimed Brad
pointed out that his recent co-star, Angelina Jolie, is six years younger than
Jennifer and handles both her career and adopted son just fine. But another
claimed the last straw came when Jen picked up the phone and caught Brad and Jolie
having phone sex.
When you look like Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, phone sex seems like such
Jennifer also noticed the teeth marks and the little vials of blood...
No, it was actually because Brad reminded Jen that Jolie is six years
younger than her.
If Brad wants to start a family, phone sex won't do the job.
Angelina claims she loves Brad like a brother...and that's the problem.
Just as well: their child would be so attractive, the world would stop
revolving around the sun and start revolving around it.
MICHAEL MOORE WINS PEOPLE'S CHOICE AWARD
And You Thought Florida's Vote Was Hinky! - The People's Choice Awards are
usually a predictable popularity contest, but there was a surprise Sunday when
"Fahrenheit 9/11" was named America's favorite movie over "The Incredibles,"
"Shrek 2" and "Spider-Man 2," all of which grossed two-to-three times as much.
Insiders say the award producers were upset: they just switched from a Gallup
Poll to an online vote, and Moore partisans are suspected of using software
developed to skew online political polls so that one person could cast hundreds
or thousands of votes.
Just think: one day, we'll all be able to vote for president online.
Spider-Man is demanding a recount.
KILMER SCREWS UP ON PURPOSE
It's Brad Pitt's Trick - Val Kilmer admitted he repeatedly messed up his
lines on purpose during his sex scene with Angelina Jolie in "Alexander" so he
could do it over and over. He told Sky News, "My role consisted mostly of
sharing a bed with Angelina Jolie and throwing her around in it, which is about as
much fun as it is possible for a man to have...I spent four months doing that
all day, and someone paid me millions of dollars for the pleasure."
Well, at least someone got hours of pleasure from that movie.
His sex scene with Colin Farrell, he nailed in one take.
Thank God for Oliver Stone, the only director who'll spend four months on