The Last Woman (1976)

I have not seen this film. You can get additional information about it from the ICMS section below. It's certainly one of a kind. Not much in the world of film surprises me, but I was surprised at my first look at the uncensored version of this film (ICMS, clip 10), in which Depardieu is running around sportin' wood on camera.

Well, we can all do without that, but Ornella Muti did her share of nudity as well. These are caps made from the ICMS film clips.


Ornella Muti


Other Crap:

Postal Service Marks Rate Hike with R. Kelly Stamp

Reality show update

  • "By dating 25 women at one time, Dr. Travis Stork probably won't win many fans among feminists. Perhaps, though, he'll help dispel the reality-TV stereotype that all Southerners are ignorant, dim-witted, beer-swilling buffoons."
  • Obviously not true. Many of us are ignorant, dim-witted MOONSHINE-swilling buffoons. We call them "aristocrats."


  • “Vice President Cheney is dedicated to defeating the evildoers in Iraq, and that angered the evilest doer of all, Satan”

The Daily Show: Pierce Brosnan looks like a Civil War gent and talks about walking around in a bikini.

The Daily Show's "Jason Jones spends some time with of a group of spearchuckers who just want to kill things."

The 2006 predictions of The Amazing Kreskin

  • "There will be a fad of practical jokes in which ice cubes will play a role whether they are dropped down people's backs, placed in packets, or what have you."

Ten architectural wonders of the new China

The Chocolate Clone-A-Willy lets you make an exact milk chocolate copy of your penis

  • The perfect Valentine's Day gift - well, I mean as a gift for people already familiar with your real penis, and within that group probably not for your mom or your gym teacher.

"Broadway has a new long-run champion: 'The Phantom of the Opera.'"

  • I can see why it passed "Cats." Although I struggled with wakefulness, I did stay awake throughout Phantom of the Opera. I was sawing logs during Cats

Hilary Swank and Husband Chad Lowe Split

  • The reason for the dissolution is that, while Lowe is 7 years older than Swank, he looks 7 years younger - ample grounds under Hollywood laws

A Brit-Tv classic: Blackadder meets William Shakespeare (Colin Firth plays Shakespeare)

Matthew Broderick, Nathan Lane Get Their Stars

The film awards that REALLY matter - the ones for "adult" films

  • My favorite winner: Best Specialty Release, Big Bust Genre - "Faster Pussycat! Fuck! Fuck!" (Russ Meyer would so proud.)

U.S. Olympic women's hockey team loses a squeaker - to a high school team

"Vengeful mouse sets house ablaze"

Some interesting ideas: Google Hacks

'Lost' star Naveen Andrews admits fathering child while separated briefly from his longtime girlfriend.

  • I know it doesn't sound like our kind of story. The twist which makes the story interesting is that his longtime girlfriend is actress Barbara Hershey, who is 57. He's 35.
  • If memory serves, they worked together on her last nude scenes in Drowning on Dry Land

WTF?? Brooke Burke Hanging With The Burger King

Detroit Auto Show 2006 Coverage

Some stills from Guillermo del Toro's new film, Pan's Labyrinth.

  • Del Toro (Hellboy, Blade II) wrote and directed.
  • Pan´s Labyrinth is the story of a young girl that travels with her mother and adoptive father to a rural area up North in Spain, 1944. After Franco´s victory. The girl lives in an imaginary world of her own creation and faces the real world with much chagrin. Post-war Fascist repression is at its height in rural Spain and the girl must come to terms with that through a fable of her own.

Howard pays it back."The day before Stern's Sirius debut ... subscription telephone activation was delayed nine hours due to caller volume."

Illustration from withdrawn Yellow Pages ad reveals risque image when a portion of it is viewed upside-down.

  • It would have been tragic if this had gone unnoticed. Thank God the guardians of our morality have time to read the Yellow Pages upside down.

Sunday's New York Film Critics Circle kicked off movie awards season

  • Best picture and director: Brokeback Mountain
  • Actor and actress: Ledger and Witherspoon

Macaulay Culkin writes a scary family saga centering on a troubled child star

  • I don't know how close it is to his real life, but it sounds depressing if it is true.
  • I think Mac gave possibly the best performance I have ever seen from a child when he was just a tiny tyke - in Jacob's Ladder

The trailer from Clerks 2

There are some dumb legislators out there, but I think we may have found the dumbest ever! "A state senator wants to force Missouri stores to sell warm beer"

  • "He said the idea came from a fifth-grade student in Jefferson County who was participating in a program to teach elementary students about state government."
  • That's what we need - more policies written by fifth graders! (Well, at least President Bush could understand them!)
  • Case after case has shown that such a proposal would not reduce alcohol sales and in fact, would probably increase the DWI incidents! I suppose that's the kind of results you can expect when fifth graders write the laws. Facts here.

Teddi Bruschi wins comeback player of the year. And how did Bruschi do it you may ask? Here's a funny audio file with an explanation

MovieJuice! takes a jaundiced look at Hostel

  • "wherever you find genocide and human misery, a throng of American college students looking to get laid can't be far behind."
  • "The women in Hostel come in three flavors. Variety A: Is putting her clothes on. Variety B: Is taking her clothes off. Variety C: Revels in the absence of clothes and wouldn't think of interrupting her busy day to bother with them."
  • "This movie is said to be inspired by a true story, specifically the story of how writer/director Eli Roth needs to eat and how Lions Gate needs to solidify its reputation as the premier provider of genre films that are best enjoyed after a big-ass blunt."

Notes on the word "faire" (the link is irrelevant)

  • As you may know, there was no standardized English spelling during the English Renaissance.
  • The OED lists four instances in the 15th through 17th centuries of "fair" being used as a noun meaning "a gathering for trade and entertainment."
  • The four citations used four different spellings: faire, fayre, faier, fare. The only use of "faire" was in a biblical translation.
  • The three pre-Renaissance citations are spelled: feyre, feire, and faire
  • Dr Johnson published his dictionary in 1755. All of the post-Johnson references are spelled "fair."
  • In other words, "faire" is not "the way it was spelled then." There was no "way it was spelled then," and virtually every conceivable spelling variation was used at one time or another during and before the English Renaissance. It is, rather, a contrived marketing term used to stamp a place or event with a cachet of quaint old-world charm, ala "ye olde shoppe."

Tom Green wanders into Weird Al territory with an obscene rap parody.

Bloodrayne, as reviewed by that master of subtlety, The Filthy Critic

  • Bloodrayne sucks goat tits. It sucks shit and smelly ass. It sucks the husks off corn, the foreskin off dicks, the shit off the submissive in a Dirty Sanchez. It sucks harder and more sloppily than a Bennigan's waitress on her lunch break, but costs slightly less. It is, however, better than Alone in the Dark (the director's previous movie - ed.). That's not to say it's good, it's just that it's like getting a staph infection below the knee instead of the entire leg.
  • For the actors, appearing in a Uwe Boll is a declaration that they act for money and have costly addictions that must be fed.
  • Costumes have a vague sense of old timeyness, as though the costume designer pillaged the rennaissance faire at the "special" school. The girls wear midriff-baring bustiers and hotpants similar to those Randy "Macho Man" Savage wore in the 80s and also, I guess, waifs of ancient time liked on a cold wintery night.
  • There are more fights in Bloodrayne than at nickel beer night in Comiskey Park.
  • We get to see Lokken's tits a bunch, and they are very nice. In the middle of the movie there is some sort of vampire orgy with fake blood and lots of writhing. Watch in the background of this scene to see actors who are clearly as uncomfortable with this horrid attempt at eroticism as I was. Meatloaf rubs blood on one lady's nipple, and others lounge around half-naked dripping endlessly like snot from a hooker on an endless coke bender.

Frvade - The hardest enigma on the internet

  • 393298 people have tried to solve this puzzle, 0 have succeeded.

I've always felt the British to be a sensible people, and now I'm sure of it: British laws allow eviction for playing Britney Spears music.

10 Questions for Dave Barry


  • "Executives at some other studios complained that “Bloodrayne” shouldn’t get credit for its $8.25, as it was paid by a 19 year-old college student in San Diego who bought the ticket in order to get into a sold out showing of Hostel."

The first six minutes from Running Scared

  • Paul Walker ("The Fast and the Furious") stars in the fast-paced crime drama "Running Scared" from critically acclaimed director Wayne Kramer ("The Cooler"). Walker plays a low-level mobster who, in order to save his family, must recover a gun used in a mob hit before it's found by his bosses or the cops.

Howard Stern Makes Debut on Satellite

  • "Howard Stern began his new satellite radio show on Monday by putting to rest rumors that he got married to his longtime girlfriend, model Beth Ostrosky in a comment complete with a federally banned expletive."



Movie Reviews:

Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe). White asterisk: expanded format. Blue asterisk: not mine. No asterisk: it probably sucks.




American Pie 4: Band Camp (2005)

Band Camp (2005) is a straight-to-video teen comedy adapted to the American Pie franchise. It obviously began life as a summer camp film, with the usual script pitting rich kids vs poor kids in a milieu of sexy counselors. Then it occurred to them to make it band camp, use Stifler's little brother as one of the "poor kids," and they even got Eugene Levy into the cast as the camp disciplinarian, and a cameo from the Sherminator as the school's guidance counselor.

Plot element one. The Stifler character pulls of a joke on the band, and is sentenced to band camp as punishment. He hits on the idea of filming the "bandies" getting naked and crazy, and selling the results.

Plot element two. There is a contest between the rich and poor kids. The winner of the camp competition gets a scholarship to a music academy. (One of the qualifying events is soap suds volleyball, an event closely correlated to musical genius.) From there, the film dissolves into a romantic comedy and a pecker contest between Stifler and the head snob of the rich school.

Band Camp was the American Pie episode I have been waiting for, but it should have been a prequel, should have included the original cast, and should have been much sexier. The flute line from the original made a far bigger impression on me than the much touted pie scene. The pie scene took too long to set up, robbing some of the humor, but the "One time at band camp, I shoved my flute in my pussy" line came out of nowhere. This film should have been bandies getting off. Further, they should have researched what a band camp is really like, rather than do a quickie paint job on a summer camp drawing. I can't even imagine soap suds volleyball and paddle boat racing at a normal summer camp, much less a band camp. Other than the reliable blow to the testicles, and an amorous adventure with an oboe, the humor is built on bodily secretions and excretions.

The did manage a few boobs, including Ginger Lynn Allen as the camp nurse, Angela Little, Rachel Veltri (who also has brief frontal), and some unknowns.

IMDb readers have this at 4.9. Honestly, it is watchable once, and produced a few laughs for me, but does not deserve to have the American Pie pedigree. This is a C-, as a marginally acceptable teen comedy.


Angela Little
Rachel Veltri
Ginger Lynn Allen





Ava Molina & Olivia Saint in "Best Sex Ever."

Beautiful Ava Molina without Saint in "Best Sex Ever."

Olivia Saint without Molina in "Best Sex Ever."


Today we've got ten clips from a movie that isn't available on DVD.

 La dernière femme (L'Ultima donna; The Last Woman; 1976) was directed by Marco Ferreri (La grande bouffe) and stars Gérard Depardieu and Ornella Muti. There is an excellent and lengthy review by "debblyst" in the IMDb.  which leaves nothing for me to add.

Ornella Muti is often completely naked in these ten clips, but unfortunately so is Depardieu. Clips 1 to 9 come from Italian TV which aired a somewhat censored version. Clip 10 comes from a less censored or uncensored version on French TV and shows more of Ornella and every inch of Gérard. Yes, men, as you'll see, every inch.

(1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)





Some great looking gals today. Angela Lindvall is a fashion model and Victoria Beckham used to sing, or so I have heard. Nell McAndrew is famous for getting and staying nekkid and apparently for nothing else. Same sorta deal with Orlaith McAllister, only she first got her kit off while on Big Brother 5, UK version. Last up is Evangelina Paterno who I gather is a television showgirl somewhere in the world.

Scoop's note: I have seen Luck Clarkson and Nell McAndrew naked more times than I have seen the women I have had sex with, yet I still have no idea who they are or why they are famous, except for an extreme level of willingness to get naked and body parts which look excellent when said nakedness occurs.


Angela Lindvall Posh Nell McAndrew Orlaith McAllister Evangelina Paterno





Dann reports on Her Name is Carla

Strange and different, but also plodding, this psychological thriller from 2005 offers a constantly changing plot where things are never quite what they seem.

Married couple Carla and Bill are staying at their waterfront home located in a beautiful seaside resort town. In what appears to be an accidental meeting, Carla runs into Molly and Jack, who claim to be a married couple in town for the day to attend a meeting. When the meeting is postponed and Molly in unable to find a room for the night, Carla invites the pair to stay with them overnight.

As the four interact, things become strained as sexual tension flares between Carla and Jack, and Molly and Bill. Even stranger, Bill finds he keeps getting different answers from the pair about the same questions. Also mysterious is a daughter the couple keep mentioning, named Carla. Eventually, Bill asks the pair to leave. They agree, but keep finding excuses not to. As the movie progresses, it eventually becomes obvious that neither Molly nor Jack are what they seem, and they have no intention of leaving.

This movie takes a long time getting to the point. Depending on your tastes, that is either a good thing or a bad thing. Once it does, the ending is twisty and interesting. I confess to being bored through most of the film, but the ending saved it somewhat. I'd say if you like intricate and detailed thrillers with slow pacing, you might enjoy it. If not, you'll definitely be mostly bored.

Mina Badie Julianne Nicholson




Today the old Time Machine Travels back to 1994 for an erotic thriller called "Night Fire." We have Rochelle Swanson flashing her tits in an outdoor moving car scene, then more topless scenes including some outdoor love making.

Tomorrow we will cover (really uncover) the star of this flick, Shannon Tweed, and she will also be a "Babe in Bondage".




Italian, French and German stuff from me this time.


She Beast (a.k.a. La Sorella di Satana),1966, is an old-looking horror film, more funny than scary for a viewer today. The plot involves Dracula, Van Helsing, an ancient Witch reincarnated, and also Communists(!). It was drected by Michael Reeves, of "Witchfinder General." The quality of the picture is abysmal. However Barbara Steele is in there, recommendation enough for me. Her face conveys untold morbid desires (so they say...and I agree) and has been used to that effect in various films. Here she's very close to but not actually nude.

"2 or 3 things I know about her" (2 ou 3 choses que je sais d'elle), 1967, is a French film from Godard, so don't expect traditional Hollywood storytelling. I found it very engaging, but there are others who can't stand Godard and find that kind of filmmaking pretentious. In the film, people talk a lot, about prostitution, sex relations, advertisements. The Vietnam war is very prominent too. Having recently watched De Palma's "Greetings", it's easy to see why that film has been called "Godardian". Marina Vlady is good-looking ...

... and, according to imdb, the girl in the bath is Helena Bielicic  ...

... plus an unknown.

"Keoma" (1976) is a late entry in the spaghetti western genre, starring Franco Nero and Olga Karlatos.

Just for the curiosity value, this is Leni Riefenstahl from the 1926 b&w german silent film "Die Weisse Holle vom Piz Palu."







I had forgotten that Lori Heuring was in Mulholland Drive, although she never got nekkid.  
Sexy pro golfer Sophie Sandolo

Here's her home page

Pam Anderson - what can ya say?  

Alexandra Landon in Les Freres Soeur.