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To see and use all the Funhouse features, you need Netscape 6.+ or MSIE 5.+. Netscape 6..2.1 is available free for download or on CD. MSIE 6.0 is available free. For those of you who think Netscape is totally clueless, I have to report that they have actually created a fairly competitive browser for the first time since 2.0! It's probably too late to salvage their rapid market share decline, but at least it's there.

Johnny Web

Baise-Moi is one seriously bad movie that gained some notoriety by being banned in France. Think about that. Think of the stuff they allow in France, and imagine what you'd have to do to get banned. Unfortunately, the daring of the project wasn't matched by any competence. 99% of the frames are out of focus. Of the remaining frames, 99% are grainy or dark or both. My pics below are raw screen caps. It is new to Region 1 DVD, but ICMS did this film on Region 2 DVD, way back in June! You'll find his pics in the back issues, June 29th

The following are the latest movie reviews available at

  • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
  • If there is a white asterisk, it means that I inexplicably determined there might be something of interest.
  • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Lawdog or Junior or C2000 or ICMS or somebody else besides me)
  • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.


"The Anniversary Party" (2001)

On the surface, it should have been an ideal project, with a cast that includes Jennifer Jason Leigh, Gwyneth Paltrow, Phoebe Cates, Jane Adams (topless), and Parker Posey (topless). The scenario is neither good nor bad. It is an Anniversary party for an aging actress and her writer husband, who are in the sixth year of a rocky marriage. The film starts with the guests arriving, and moves quietly into boring chitchat, then charades, then everyone takes ecstasy, two women swim topless, one husband nearly drowns watching them under water, the dog runs off, the end.

And now you see the problem. Not much happens, it is very talky, the lit scenes are mostly back-lit, and all of the exposure is in dark scenes.

Berardinelli awards 3 stars, although I couldn't tell why based on his review. Maltin also says three stars. Both feel that gritty realism, and the fact that stars play characters very much like themselves, make it a good film. IMDB readers say 6.8 of 10. US gross was just over $4m, which probably did not even meet the payroll for this stellar cast.

I found the film incredibly boring, nearly as much as I would have been bored at the actual party. I had a good deal of trouble staying awake. I was also unimpressed with the cinematography. The genre is "all night party where awful truths come out," and I suppose this is a fair example of this genre, but  I will take the Australian film Don's Party over this in a Heartbeat.

This film is a C at best.


Hello dear Uncle Scoopy !
Here I am with 5 collages of Monica Bellucci (1, 2, 3, 4, 5) from the French film "Le Pacte des Loups" which will open in American theaters on Friday under the name of "Brotherhood of the Wolf". It's currently rated 7.0/10 in the IMDb with women rating it higher than men. I think I am with the women on this one.
The story takes place in the 18th century and is based on true facts, namely the story of the beast of the Gévaudan. This beast terrorized this region from 1764 to1767, killing more than 100 women and children, and was ultimately shot dead. What the beast exactly was and who was behind it still remains unclear. So far the historical background of the movie. The film however is not a historical drama about the beast, it is an action movie with a pinch of mystery in it. The action comes from the special envoy of king Louis XV, Grégoire de Fronsac (Samuel Le Bihan) and his Mohawk helper (Mark Dacascos). They end up with the most important family of the region, the de Morangias. Jean-François de Morangias (Vincent Cassel or Mr. Bellucci) is in love with his sister Marianne, who doesn't know about her brother's sick affection. Marianne is played by Belgian newcomer Émilie Dequenne, winner of the Golden Palm for best actress at the Cannes Film Festival in the film Rosetta.
THE place however where all the important men of the region come together is a brothel, with the beautiful and expensive prostitute Sylvia being the main attraction. Sylvia of course is played by Monica Bellucci, who else. But she is not simply a prostitute, she too is a special envoy as is revealed later on in the movie. In fact, although her part isn't that big, it is she who steers the course of events through her lover de Fronsac who becomes deeply in love with Marianne. An explanation as why women liked this film more than men may reside in the fact that the three main male characters are in part eclipsed by the two female leads, who both put in very strong performances.
The film's strong point certainly isn't the script or the mushy ending on a boat, as it's often unclear why some fights take place and in the second half of the movie everything becomes less coherent when director Christophe Gans (Crying Freeman) lets his imagination run wild. But this guy does have a strong imagination resulting in some beautiful scenes and settings. And that's exactly one of the strong points of this film. You don't watch this movie for the story, you watch it for the beautiful scenery and lighting, the multiple camera angles in practically every scene, the beautiful and historical acccurate costumes and the sheer beauty of Monica Bellucci. Look for the superb and remarkable scene transition between Monica's naked body and the snow-covered woods in collages 3 (15) and 4 (16). That's something Lawrence of Arabia didn't have ! But Lawrence was partly filmed in the region where the story is supposed to take place. In this film not one single shot was filmed in the region where the events happened. They mostly filmed in the Pyrenees at more than 200 miles from the Gévaudan which is situated along the A75 motorway about halfway between Clermont-Ferrand and the Mediterranean. This region looks magnificent, even from the highway, so why not film a few scenes there ?
Let me still add some quick snaps of partially unclad prostitutes in the brothel before I conclude. (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
It took me almost 11 hours to work my way through the French Collector's edition DVD. It's a boxset that looks like a book and consists of 3 DVD's. It was practically immediately sold out but you can still see all its features at
That's it for now. At least I caught on my own 5 collages of Monica Bellucci, in the 18th century they organized a round-up of 40,000 men (the biggest in the history of France) to catch the beast. They caught nothing.
Yours faithfully, ICMS


Scoop, The "Babe in Bondage" (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6) is unknown from 1971's "Ginger",  she is cuffed naked to the bed. Whoever she was she looked pretty good. Now this was such a big blockbuster hit that it had no ending credits. There were four actresses that it could have been.T hey were all such big stars that only one of them ever did another movie. For the "Lite" we have Gina Gershon (1, 2) showing us her boobs in "Showgirls" and Jennifer Esposito (1, 2) looking sexy in "Summer of Sam". Sorry, no nudity from her  


So whatta ya do when your stuck in some leaky cabin for eight days with no scanner and only a laptop to play with?  Well, if you plan things right you work on a boat load or, in this case, a hard drive full of vidcaps, mainly of the Tuna variety.  Stand by to be boarded.

  • First up is a collage put together from raw caps sent in by an old classmate who does banking stuff in Madrid.  This is a righteous dude who even left it up to me what his nom de cap should be.  Silly bastard.  Named him after a small town in Florida.  So the caps are of a terminally cute redhead named Carolina Bona, from the movie Torrente 2.
  • And then there was this second redhead, Adrianna Sulti with all B's a-showin' in Tender Hearts.  Ahna Capri is a cult fave in the shop.  These are El Kabong caps from Enter the Dragon.
  • Allison Lange (1, 2) is a beauty who Tuna caught in the bathtub from the movie Christina's House.
  • The lovely, the yummy Angelina Molina (1, 2) in That Obscure Object of Desire. Two things to consider about this movie: 1) I generally hate the French movies that make their way to the U. S..  There are a few exceptions and 2) Obscure Object is one of them.  What can you say about a movie that has two mega-babes (Angela and Carole Bouquet) playing the same role?  Saw this puppy maybe twenty years ago and I still think about it from time to time, which ain't faint praise as dementia overtakes me
  • Ann Wolf in Abyss.  Ann's a bit of chubster, but she has sure-enough nice god-given hooters.  Doesn't mind showing them off either.
  • Antonia Ellis in Percy.  Plays one of man's favorite characters: a nurse who get nekkid on duty.
  • Arielle Dombasle playing one of boy's favorite roles: your dad's younger girlfriend, who is willing to hump you, too.  This is from the Red Shoe Diaries episode, aptly named Like Father Like Son (alternatively, Like Father, Screw Son).
  • Aurore Clement from one of the added scenes in Apocalypse Now Redux. 
  • Ava Cadell in the Ahhhnold movie, Commando.  This shoulda been a much better action flic and could have been if: 1) Arnold's character had taken an inventive tack in wreaking revenge, rather than shoot up and blow up everything in sight; 2) More Rae Dawn Chong.  She almost saved it with a  portrayal that Sandra Bullock perfected in Speed.  Less clothing on Rae Dawn would have been a plus; 3) Wait three years until Alyssa Milano was 18 and  then get her seriously nekkid as well as held against her will.  But then Hankster would have already capped every frame of that one.  Anyway, Ava's scene and Tuna's caps are another example of why the digital revolution just kicks ass: she is shown either briefly from very very far away or very very briefly close up.  In Tuna's caps you can actually recognize her.
  • Barbara Sukowa (1, 2) in the Sicilian.  For you scifi fans, she was the tv miniseries Space.  Here she shows the full range of B's.
  • Brandy Herred in Umpire's caps of Some Call It Loving.  Cannot for the life of me remember anything about this flic except the Brandy scene.  She auditions or something for the main character, first topless in a cheerleader's skirt (complete with pompoms) and then full frontally nekkid. He just walks out in the middle of the performance.  Why?  F...cked if I can remember.  But I like the camera angle of this scene and think Ms Herred has a bodacious set of tatas.  'Course that's why I remember it.
  • Britt Ekland with a brief view of her mini-hooters in Percy.
  • Carmen Maura with some see-through action in Woman on the Verge of a Nervous  Breakdown.  Right.  That covers half the women in the western world, 90% of the women in this fair city of New York.
  • CC Costigan (1,2 ) in Wildflower.  You get some implied les be friends action in the second collage, and even though CC is thoroughly nekkid you see only the upper B's in these caps.
  • Christina Marsillach in Opera (otherwise known as Terror in the Opera); Christina is the sister of Bianca Marsillach, who has revealed more of the goodies in her career.
  • Erika Nann as the least undressed babe in Die Watching.
  • Gina Jourard getting all soaped up in Novel Desires.
  • And finally, someone we all recognize: Holly Hunter in JohnnyWeb's caps of Harlan County War.  You know for a scrawny serious actress, Holly has an  impressive list of scenes topless and otherwise.
  • Hammer Productions babe Ingrid Pitt in The Wicker Man.
  • Isabelle Huppert in Cactus.  The lighting is so muted you can't see any of her freckles.  What a waste.
  • Jenni Hetrick in the terminally stupid, criminally lame Squeeze Play. Just thinking about this movie gets me pissed off.
  • Jessica Alba in Paranoid.  No, she is not nekkid and no, that is not a nip slip.  But that is the side of one breast there and this is, after all, the divine Ms Alba.
  • Karen Field in The Butcher, also starring King Tut himself, Victor Buono, as The Butcher.
  • Karen Glave (1, 2) as a subtly sexy object of someone's desire in Last Night.
  • Kate Rodger in Last Stand.  I like Kate; seems to always play an action  character who strips down at some point in the course of things.
  • Okay, then a couple of Gen Z, A-list babes:  Kate Hudson in her 500 milliseconds of toplessness in About Adam, and
  • Keri Russell in Eight Days a Week.  Pulled these caps off usenet and was really confused for a while. Didn't recall seeing them or anything like them  in the Funhouse.  Of course, I was wrong: The Funhouse would NEVER miss  something like Keri Russell in some stage of undress.  But this very brief  scene deserved more attention... or so I thought. (Scoop's note. I really like Keri, and 8 Days a Week, and the work of director Mike Davis. Not only is he talented and interesting, but he has been a supporter of the Funhouse, even writing a portion of the article for 100 Girls. We have run lots of caps from 8 Days a Week, and would LOVE to have more, but the damned thing isn't on DVD yet!)
  • Okay, this isn't the end of things but I gotta go pretend to work.  We end with Leigh Betchley busting out the robohooters in Novel Desires.  A word to the producers: when it comes to desires, nothing is novel.


Freakie is still working on the endless project, namely Kerry Fox in "Intimacy" (1, 2, 3, 4)


Ellen ten Damme in Conamara

Julia Brendler in Moondance

Heike Makatsch in "Die Affare Semmeling"

Eva Herman on her talk show


Tiffany-Amber Thiessen (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

Liv Tyler in Lord of the Rings - beautiful non-nude collage from Hi-Tek

Feedback from a visitor

I'm not entirely convinced on this Jagger story one: look who's denying it, Jagger's people. Plus check this story from WENN (it'll be on IMDB tomorrow)


Singer MICK JAGGER's libido has got him into trouble again - a Las Vegas stripper is trying to sell a video of the pair reportedly having sex.

The ROLLING STONES frontman is said to be fuming after learning of an 18-year-old blonde lapdancer, known only as IRIS, plans to
make $60,000 (£42,000) from the video she claims was recorded when she spent the night in Jagger's hotel suite last October (01).

Iris, operating through Las Vegan agents HARRY LIME MANAGEMENT, says she met the 58-year-old in a shopping mall when Jagger was in town for the RADIO MUSIC AWARDS. Mick gave her his room number at THE ALADDIN HOTEL, and Iris claims she joined him in his luxurious penthouse - and went straight to the bedroom. However, Iris claims that their steamy sex session was recorded by mistake - when she accidentally dropped it on the floor.

Jagger has not commented on the allegations, but sources close to the singer are reported in Britain's DAILY MIRROR newspaper, who
report they have viewed stills from the video, confirm he was staying at the hotel on October 28 (01).  One is quoted as saying, "Mick is free and single and can do whatever he wants. He well not be very happy about what these people are trying to do.

"It's a rotten trick." (CPT/WNTMI)

If they've viewed stills they had to come from somewhere. The book is not shut on this. It would be poetic justice for him to be used by an
18-year-old  chick, after all the 18-year-old's HE's used.

Scoop's note - what language is this story written in? "However, Iris claims that their steamy sex session was recorded by mistake - when she accidentally dropped it on the floor". What does "it" refer to in that sentence, and why does dropping it have anything to do with recording?

Pat Reeder. The Comedy Wire

Pat's words in yellow. Legitimate news stories from other sources are in white


Is That AFTER Taxes? - Two professors at Britain's University of Warwick have proven that money can buy happiness.  Their study of 9,000 families found that a sudden windfall of 1 million pounds ($1.44 million US) can make people "euphoric," while just 1,000 pounds ($1,440) can improve people's outlook on life, although for a shorter time.  One professor said money is not the main factor in happiness, but they did calculate that to turn an average person into a very happy one with money alone takes a million.

*  So Democrats proposed a HUGE increase in the minimum wage.

*  My question is, "How do you volunteer for a study like this?"

*  They did the study by ringing doorbells and pretending to be from Publisher's Clearing House.

*  They also discovered that when you tell test subjects you weren't serious about them winning a million pounds, they become angry, violent and depressed.


Tuesday, snotty designer Mr. Blackwell released his list of the Worst Dressed Women of 2001.  Counting down from #10, they are:

  • Gillian Anderson
  • Cameron Diaz ("chaos in heels, period!")
  • Camilla ParkerBowles
  • Kate Hudson
  • Princess Stephanie
  • Bjork
  • Destiny's Child ("a trilogy of taste-free terror)
  • Juliette Binoche
  • Britney Spears (the "re-hashed Madonna" fell from #1 to #2)
  • Anne Robinson of "The Weakest Link."  With her glasses and all-black cloaks, Mr. Blackwell sneered that she was "Harry Potter in drag."

*  I agree with him on Cameron Diaz: she needs to get out of those clothes IMMEDIATELY!


Here are a couple of things from the IMDB News.

Beckinsale's Flasher Nightmare

Hollywood fame has it's downside for Pearl Harbor star Kate Beckinsale - men keep exposing themselves to her. The stunning British actress hit the Hollywood big-time thanks to her role alongside Ben Affleck in last year's movie blockbuster. And Kate, has found that with the benefits of being an A-list celebrity, come the pitfalls. She says she has been flashed at three times while using London's underground system, and she claims a naked man jumped out at her as she sat outside a pub. But her biggest shock, she says, was when a motorist stopped her for help reading a map. She explains, "I need glasses to read and there seemed to be an obstruction on the map -
then I realized it was his manhood lying on the book."

Russell Crowe's Diet Demand

Hollywood hunk Russell Crowe has been ordered to lose weight by worried studio bosses. Russell, has piled on the pounds since his 2000
Oscar-winning performance in Gladiator. And now movie executives have told Crowe he must shed at least 42 pounds if he wants to compete with other slimmer Hollywood leading men like Tom Cruise and Brad Pitt. A studio source told Britain's Daily Star newspaper, "Russell needs to lose that belly if he wants romantic leading man roles. Hollywood bosses have told him to slim down soon or forget winning awards in the future." Friends say the actor has turned to comfort eating to ease his loneliness after splitting from Meg Ryan.

From E! Online, the short version of this sorry tale...

COURTWATCH: Ex-Baywatcher Yasmine Bleeth sentenced today in Michigan to two years' probation on a cocaine-possession charge. As part of a plea deal, she must also undergo regular drug tests, serve 100 hours of community service and pay court costs.

In non-celebrity stuff of interest, from Ananova, here's a story about a movie that you need to review, but don't eat dinner first:

Man stretchered out of 'disgusting' horror film

Three people collapsed and the rest of the audience walked out in protest at the Swiss premiere of a Japanese horror film. It is reported they found the scenes of sex and violence in the film Audition too disgusting. One man had to be carried out on a stretcher and was taken by ambulance to hospital. He was later released. Frank Braun, manager of the Riffraff cinema, said they were thinking of stopping the run but they had been flooded with requests about tickets. He said: "The man who went to hospital was only one among many that
couldn't cope with the brutality and violence portrayed in the film."

Silly Stuff

Personal Information:

Name___________ Nickname______________ CB Handle___________

Yore Mama Name______________ Yore Daddy Name(if known)________________

Spouse's Name_________________

Relationship to spouse:

___Sister ____Brother ____Mother ____Father ___Pet ___Aunt ___Uncle


___Unemployed Mechanic ___Gun Show Dealer ___Skinhead

Number of Children in Household___ Number that are yours___

Circle Highest Level of Education: 1 2 3 4

How Far is Your Mobile Home From a Paved Road: ___1mi. __5 mi. ___?

Number of Times You Have Survived a Tornado: ___

Number of Vehicles Owned___ Number on Cement Blocks___

Truck Equipment: ___Gun Rack ___Pit Bull ___Spit Cup ___Fuzzy Dice  ___Rebel Flag ___Naked Woman Mud flaps ___NWO and/or NRA sticker

Weapons Owned: ___Tire Iron ___Pick Handle ___Beer Bottle ___Shotgun

Number of Dogs Owned: ___

Number of Homemade Tattoos: ___

Which of the Following Appliances are in your Front Yard: ___Friggerator ___Heatin Stove ___Warsher ___TV___Freezer

How Many of the Above Appliances Work: ___ 

Fav-o-rite Recreation: ___Drinkin ___Cow Chip Throwin ___Possum Huntin ___Crawdad Huntin ___Spittin Backy ___Scratchin ___Watchin Wrasslin

If You Can Read, Which Magazines Do You Prefer: ___Soap Opera Digest ___Rifle and Shotgun ___NWA  ___TV Guide ___National Enquirer ___True Confessions

Which Stinks Worse: ___Hogpen ___Outhouse ___Spouse

Can You Spell Your Last Name: ___Yup ___Nope

Can You Remember Your Last Name: ___Yup ___Nope

Have You Ever Stayed Sober for More Than One Day: ___Yup ___Nope

Do You Know Any Words with More Than 4 Letters:  __Yup ___Nope

Which is Correct?: ___"I Seed Him" or ___"I Seen Him"

How Many Cartons of Cigarettes Do You Smoke a day? ___

Math Test: How Many Food Stamps Do the Following Cost? ___Six Pack ___Ciggies ___Shotgun Shells ___Backy ___Prostitute

Number of Times You've Seen: ___a UFO ___ Elvis ___Elvis in a UFO

Health Questionnaire: Which of the Following Do You Have? ___Head Lice ___B.O. ___Crabs ___Runny Nose ___Boils

Can You Remember the Last Time You Bathed? ___Yup ___Nope

Color of Teeth: ___Yellow ___Brown ___Black ___N/A

I hereby swear this is the trooth and sign my "X" on  _______________________________20__