comments and pics from Tuna
"Garden of Evil" (1998)
Garden of Evil (1998) is decidedly a terrible horror film. The
3.0 rating at IMDB may, in fact, be a little high. The plot involves Malcolm
McDowell as a highly intelligent man with a rapid aging disorder who has turned
to gardening to create beauty. Angie Everhart is a tough police detective whose
partner (Sarah Peterson), disappears. Everhhart becomes convinced that McDowell
had something to do with the disappearance.
McDowell is renowned for his green thumb, and will not reveal any secrets. Up to
this point, the plot is not doomed.
Everhart stakes out McDowell. First huge mistake. She hasn't
really been given much of a character to work with anyway, and minute after
minute of her talking into her tape recorder while seeing nothing useful is not
entertaining. There are no other suspects, and what McDowell was up to in his
demented but brilliant mind was never well explained.
Everhart is naked, but has flower petals covering up the
essentials. Peterson shows a breast.
I could write the entire film off easily, except that coupling the beauty of
flowers and women made for great symbolism and wonderful imagery. More
development of both the McDowell and the Everhart characters might have turned
this into an interesting yarn. McDowell is certainly capable of doing more with
a part, and there is a rumor that Everhart can act if given a real role and
direction. There really is nothing here, but, with a little effort, there might
have been. D-.
Angie Everhart (1,
2 )Sara Peterson (
Speaking of Angie
Angie didn't get naked there, but a year or two later she was getting much more
generous with her favors.
Here she is in Sexual Predator, a pretty decent STV
erotic thriller with Angie again teamed with Richard Grieco.
Angie Everhart (
Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)
Calendar Girls (2003):
As you probably know, it seems that all British
movies shown in the USA now fall into two types:
Type A - Black comedies about ultra-violent
Type B - Gentle, quirky comedies about eccentric
small-town provincials who are doing something vaguely naughty or
socially unorthodox. (Growing marijuana in their greenhouse, getting
naked in public, boys giving up football for ballet, girls giving up
baking for the trumpet, etc)
This movie is a Type B, and quite a good one in some
ways. In fact, Calendar Girls is just about the best 90 minute movie
I saw in 2003.
Unfortunately, it was 108 minutes long.
The basic story works beautifully - a simple premise
about some rural ladies' clubbers who decide to do a naked calendar
to raise some money in memory of one of their husbands, who died
during the year. They struggle against various puritanical factions,
they manage to pull it off, and instead of selling their few hundred
calendars and buying a new sofa for a hospital, they end up world
famous, and making enough money to build a whole new wing on the
hospital. It's based on a real event, and it is a sweet and stirring
story about acceptance and true love, not romantic bullshit.
Unfortunately, it has a sub-plot which is
mismanaged. Helen Mirren plays the woman who engineers the nudie
calendar, and she has a son who is a teenager. The teenager faces
all sorts of social repercussions from his mom's eccentric project,
then starts to turn to anti-social behavior. Mom's decision to go to
Hollywood with the girlies instead of staying behind after her son's
arrest places a strain on the relationship of the two stars (played
by Mirren and Julie Walters), as well as the relationship between
mom and dad. At various times, the paperboy son throws out every
local newspaper with a story about his mom, and then the dad talks
to the tabloids about how he hasn't been laid since the girls
started working on the calendar.
The husband and son either needed to be
fully-developed characters in their own separate storyline, or they
needed to exist merely as humorous props to add punch to the story
about the old naked ladies. The film just couldn't decide which
direction to go, so it ended up in limbo where it seemed to want to
develop those characters, but didn't know how. As a result, the
sub-plot created a lot of tension in the plot that was never really
resolved. Is the kind going to become a heroin addict or a serial
murderer because of his embarrassment and/or his mom's neglect. We
don't really know. Will the two friends eliminate the tension
between them. Well, they seem to, but the cause of the tension is
never erased. Is the kid's anti-social behavior important? We're led
to believe it is, but in the end the dad just blows it all off as
nothing. The whole sub-plot with the son seemed unnecessary and
half-developed. They could easily have cut 15 minutes of unfunny
material out of this film by writing the character of the son out
altogether. He was only needed for two or three laughs - walking in
while his mom and her friends were getting naked - tossing out the
newspapers. And those actions could have been done by a son of any
one of the less important naked ladies. Making that change would
have gotten rid of the bummer aspect of the sub-plot, while moving
the main plot more economically.
Brevity, after all, is the soul of wit.
Having made that argument, however, I must point out
that the strengths of this movie still make watching it a very
pleasant, witty, and life-affirming experience. The first 45 minutes
are simply terrific. I laughed out loud a few times (the ladies
belong to the world's most boring club, and their tedious meetings
are used as a device for humor), and I found the occasional tear
creeping down my cheek. Unfortunately, there was a lot of
anti-climax and repetition after they gave their first press
conference, not to mention the distracting sub-plot.
Helen Mirren. Mirren is a few months younger than
Charlotte Rampling, keeping her from the Geezer Nudity Award
for 2003r. Like Rampling, she still looks pretty good with her
clothes off. Unlike Rampling, she has quite a rack on her. (1,
Julie Walters (1,
Talk about racks, This ol' gal has some humongous ta-tas..
YOU'LL FIND THIS IN MARCH HUSTLER. PICS SHOULD HIT THE 'NET SOON.
-- AFTER THE LA TIMES EXPOSED DETAILS OF HIS
GROPING, ARNOLD SAID "I DON'T REMEMBER THINGS I DID BACK THEN" THESE
PICTURES WILL JOG HIS MEMORY -- IN ONE OF THEM, A WOMAN (WHOSE EYES
ARE BLOCKED OUT) IS SITTING ON HIS LAP, WITH A BIG SMILE ON HER FACE
-- HER LEGS ARE WIDE OPEN AND HER SKIRT IS PUSHED ABOVE HER WAIST --
IT'S IMPOSSIBLE TO TELL IF IT WAS TAKEN BEFORE OR AFTER ARNOLD'S
MARRIAGE, SINCE HIS RING FINGER HAS COMPLETELY DISAPPEARED INSIDE
-- IN ANOTHER PICTURE, A DIFFERENT WOMAN IS GIVING ORAL SEX TO ONE
OF ARNOLD'S FRIENDS -- WHILE THIS IS GOING ON, ARNOLD KNEELS BEHIND
HER, BITING HER ASS!
Tweaking around with the
controls in PhotoShop I ended up with
this version of the often
capped scene from Nell. I don’t know what’s the proper
etiquette in these cases, but you undeniably see more of Jodie
Foster this way. NB: no retouching or faking, just changing
what’s already there...
says: I approve. I found it very sexy to see her in good light with
natural flesh tones.
You might want to look at this one first (hint-hint):
Fourth Annual Weblog Awards Nominate your favorite
weblogs for the Bloggie awards to be presented at SXSW
Interactive. You could nominate, for example, Other Crap (OtherCrap.com), in
five or ten categories, and/or you could nominate sites that actually
deserve to win.
We now return to our broadcast:
URL says it all: DeadheadsForDean.org . You know
they're really Deadheads. They were so stoned, they didn't realize
.com was still available.
Swearsaurus: Swearing, Cursing, Cussing, Insulting and more Swear
Words in 133 languages! Or, as they say in Estonia, "Peksa
One member of "Ocean’s Eleven" will not return for the sequel.
Is it Dino or Sammy? I hope they get rid of Joey Bishop.
Singapore government may repeal law banning oral sex.
That law sucks .... er ... doesn't suck. I'm headed into Mudd's
Britney's Momentary Husband Speaks
Spaghetti-Os Discontinued As Franco-American Relations Break Down
The Last Action Governor starts a speech with: "I changed my mind.
I want to go back to acting." Wait a minute - that was
Dennis Kucinich uses a Pie Chart on a Radio Debate. Dan
Quayle says , "I don't 'see' any problem."
Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton apologized for joking that Mahatma
Gandhi used to run a gas station in St. Louis. "I meant
to say a 7-Eleven. And he was an excellent employee. Because he
was always on a hunger strike, he could be trusted never to steal
any food, although sometimes they came up short in their Depends
inventory, for some unknown reason."
The Smoking Gun looks at: the woman who claims to have lost the
winning lottery ticket.
- Aussies flip the bird to the politically correct world,
nominate Croc Guy as Aussie of the Year. I like their
FreakingNews.com - contest: "Photoshop what other formalities
foreigners may/will have to go through at U.S. airports from now
- Apparently, one can buy just about anything in
Japanese vending machines. I liked the lobster one, but
I have to give the nod to the one with custom porno.
- Note to self:
Helicopters are not designed to pull boats
Mary-Kate or Ashley? Decide which Olsen Twin is for
- The trailer for
Robot Stories is now online.
- The trailer is now online for
Ginger Snaps II: Unleashed The international version is
American Splendor star Paul Giamatti has joined Russell Crowe,
Renée Zellweger, and Craig Bierko in director Ron Howard's
'Friends' Star Courteney Cox Expecting First Child.
Doctors immediately consulted their science books to see if it is
possible for a baby to weigh more than its mother. Courteney is
39, and has had many miscarriages. Our best wishes to her.
Pirate Museum Planned for Key West Well, they have the
Conservatives launch TV attack ad on Dean. I don't get
it. If you believe what conservatives say, they want Dean to get
the nomination. So why are they spending money in Iowa trying to
prevent it? In the ad, a farmer says he thinks that "Howard Dean
should take his tax-hiking, government-expanding, latte-drinking,
sushi-eating, Volvo-driving, New York Times-reading,
Hollywood-loving, left-wing freak show back to Vermont, where it
Army to delay soldiers' exits: Hey, shut the window. I
feel a draft in here.
Long-Term Coffee Consumption Significantly Reduces Type 2 Diabetes
Risk press release of Monday, January 05, 2004, Harvard
School of Public Health.
Yahoo to dump Google search technology.
Man seeks to start Christian nudist colony. It features
the three things necessary to every Christian: the way, the truth,
and the gazongas! Oh, wait, that's four things. I've heard that
people want to bring organs back into the churches, but I didn't
know this is what they meant. I think I'll take a pass on kneeling
down and sticking out my tongue for Communion.
Hourly employees at Dan River started receiving part of their
severance packages this month - starting with three red-headed
Judges uphold phony-baloney redrawn Texas districts.
Our voting district is now a narrow east-west snake stretching
from North Austin to Houston. The one below ours is a narrow
north-south snake stretching from South Austin to the Rio Grande.
The judges apparently made a correct legal ruling, however. There
is nothing in the law that says one road stretching from El Paso
to Brownsville can't be a congressional district, and the various
arguments presented by opponents may have had some moral weight,
but no legal weight.
Google has chosen an underwriter for its IPO. The sale
may raise as much as $4 billion. This may be good, but going
public may also kill Google. How long before the pressure forces
them to start censoring links, eliminating naughty language and
- The fifteen finalists have been announced in the
Bush in 30 Seconds contest. I looked at all 15. Most of
them are unoriginal and/or whiny. If you want to look at three
with some imagination, try Hood Robbin', Desktop, and Leave No
- The great photographer
Francesco Scavullo is dead at 81.
Businessman jailed for selling 'low fat' doughtnuts.
Didn't this happen on Seinfeld?
- The trailer for
Michael Moore Hates America is now online.
Monty Python and the Lego Grail. A lot of work went
The best commercials of the 80s.
- Need a gift for the man who has everything? Try
an eighth century French Merovingian style toilet.
The Stupid Store: Colorforms presents the Michael Jackson Rub N'
Play. This is not a parody. This product really
existed, using this advertising.
No butt double for Scarlett Johannson "I ask Johansson
about the opening shot of Coppola’s film: a close-up of a bottom
encased in a pair of pink, slightly see-through knickers, it
elicited a huge cheer when the film premiered at the Venice film
festival. “The pink underwear?” she says, laughing. “Yep, that was
me.” She lies back on the sofa, stretches out with a yawn and
grins: “Oh, yes, I take full credit for my ass.” "
Brian's Page of Antique Weirdness Artifacts from the
past show that the human race has always been deluded, racist,
ignorant, and horny. Not necessarily in that order.
Art Crimes: The Writing on the Wall. Graffiti from
around the world.
Jury Selection Begins in Stewart Case. Typical defense
question in the voir dire search for Martha's peers: "do you make
your collard greens briskly sautéed in olive oil, or boiled with
the customary pork fat."
- A newspaper reported Tuesday, quoting from a letter Diana
allegedly wrote to her butler, that
Princess Diana believed ex-husband Prince Charles was plotting to
kill her by staging a fatal car accident. Of course,
she also believed that the Cocoa Puffs bird was real - and
Kelly dazed and confused after losing World Idol to one
of the Royal Ugly Dudes from that Bill and Ted movie.
Paul Molitor and Dennis Eckersley were elected to baseball's Hall
of Fame on Tuesday in their first year of eligibility.
Pete Rose emerged as the day's big winner by placing a large bet
Here's a picture of the label for Governator Ale. "It's
not for girly men". He'll be Bock.
NBC talking with Maria Shriver about extended leave.
Apparently everyone thinks her objectivity can't be maintained
while she's married to The Last Action Governor.
Hefner would like Britney Spears as a Playmate and as his
girlfriend. He mentioned that he's also like to be the
hero of feminism, to dance lead with the Bolshoi, and to repeal
the law of gravity.
Directors Guild of America Announces annual nominees.
Peter Jackson, Sofia Coppola, Peter Weir, Gary Ross, Clint
Eastwood. It was the third consecutive nomination for Jackson,
marking the only time that has ever happened.
Artist uses 100s of naked beach-goers to create "artistic"
Page3.com 2001 girl of the year to retire.. She left
behind a farewell pictorial.
Some more looks at the paparazzi pictures of Rebecca Gayheart
sunbathing topless on St Bart's.
Can a losing movie be called a "blockbuster"?
Uma Thurman's rumpus - caught by paparazzi
Jimmy Carter asks 'Compassion for Mordor'
archives. May also include newer material than the ones above,
since it's sorta in real time.
to submit a URL for inclusion in Other Crap
are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.
- The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the
review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
- If there is a white asterisk, it means that
there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined
there might be something else of interest.
- A blue asterisk indicates the review is written
by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
- If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too
ashamed to admit it.
comments and pics from Brainscan
Lustful Addiction (1969)
Lustful Addiction (1969) is a classic exploitation film. The message of
drugs-are-bad-m'kay is used as a socially acceptable backdrop to show three very
The first of these gals plays the protagonist, an addict who will do anyone for
a fix. Those anyones include her supplier, a hooker, and the new-found love of
her life. In the remake, Ruby Larocca plays the addict and Misty Mundae the
love of her life, which turns the scene into another Seduction Cinema special...
girl meets and greets girl. In the original, the actress playing the
protagonist-addict is uncredited. In fact everyone is uncredited. And her lover
is a guy. And the original actress is... how to say this without offending Miss
Larocca.... way better looking. Way. Better. Really wish I knew her name.
Here she is anyway. Three collages. (1,
3) First with her
supplier, second with her new boyfriend, third with a hooker, from whom she
scores another fix. Did I mention this woman was quite attractive?
As our friendly neighbohood addict goes looking for a fix... BTW, she looks
much healthier and better fed than any junkie I've seen portrayed on the big or
small screens... she stops at a strip joint. While she waits, an uncredited
stripper does a routine that lasts longer than LOR-ROTK, but much less
entertaining. Grabbed a couple of
frames and stuck them together, just so we can add her to the list of
uncredited strippers in The Gimps database (over 300 strong and growing).
S'more VHS caps of Hefmates, from tapes that may never be transferred to
DVD. I despair.
Young Doctors in Love (1983)
From Young Doctors in Love (1983), the bountiful
Kimberly McArthur, Miss Jan
'82. Kimberly plays the peace offering from the medical staff to the chief
surgeon at the hospital Xmas party. Quite the peace she is, too. Hmmm, I guess
there are reasons the pun
is considered the lowest form of humor.
A word about this scene. Dabney Coleman plays the irritable head guy. What a
stretch. Between the time that Kimberly disrobes and crawls into his lap, he
pulls out a gun and shoots the television he is watching. Must have been some
bad news. That's her reacting to the shot in
Second Hefbabe is Gig Rauch,
who as Gig Gangel was monthly person of the magazine in Jan 1980. This is the
only on-screen nekkidness I've found of her, from the terminally awful Killing
Device (1993). Not much exposure. Too bad, because Gig was a beauty by any
Centerfold Fantasies (1997)
And then Carrie Westcott (1,
2) (Miss Sept '93) and
Petra Verkaik (Miss Dec '89)
show up again in the last caps I have of Centerfold Fantasies (1997). These are
full-frontal and sometimes full-backal nude scenes from a tape that would have
won an Oscar is they gave
out statues for Hefmate nudity. Helluva category, worthy of all our support.
- Rachel Ward in Fortress (1,
Hsu Chi in The
Jezebelle Bond in Exposed (
Roxane Mesquida in Sex is Comedy|
Bettina Zimmerman in some
new caps from Jedilein
Audience babes flashing at Live Ozzfest (Pantera
The paparazzi catch Uma
Thurman with her pants down
Pat Reeder: The Comedy Wire
Pat's comments in
CAREFUL THIEF OVERLOOKS DETAILS
You Can't Spell "Idiot" Without "I.D." - Sheriff's deputies in Kern County,
California, allege that James Paul Egan robbed a 7-11 and took elaborate
precautions to hide his identity. He wore a hat, gloves and a bandanna over his
face during the robbery, then ran to a nearby backyard to ditch his disguise,
his gun and the jacket he'd been wearing. But in the pocket of the jacket, he'd
left his jail ID with his photo on it. They found him in his attic, where he'd
tried to change his appearance by shaving his head, but he'd left all his hair
in the kitchen trash can.
* On the bright side, it'll save the prison barber the
* The police were really surprised to find that there was a light on in his
* And HE'D been in jail before? What a surprise!
* You know, this is exactly what happened the last time he went to jail.
Please pass along to the people at Retrocrush that I've already seen their
release about the origin of the (worst sex scene) article and was planning to run the info on
Wednesday's Comedy Wire. Apparently, the Daily Mail in Britain stole the story,
then it was picked up and run everywhere, so I had no reason to suspect there
was anything fishy about it. I try to always credit original sources and get
the set-ups accurate (my pet peeve is when Jay Leno changes the story to make
for an easier joke), so I assumed Film was a European magazine I wasn't familiar
with. Also, unlike the NY Times, when I get something wrong, I always run a
I love Retrocrush and recommend it to people all the time, including our DJ
clients. You can imagine from reading "Hollywood Hi-Fi" why that site would be
my cup of tea. Mention that I wrote that book and have contributed articles to
"Cool & Strange Music Magazine," and that should assure them I'm a righteous