Junior is out of town on business. I'm holding the fort for a couple of days or so.

MOVIES:

I guess I shouldn't be running these pictures from Frida on the same day as the best nude scenes poll. It might be prejudicial. But how can you sit on it when you have DVD captures of Salma Hayek naked?

The screener DVD is a somewhat longer version of the film than the VHS screener and the two "cammed" versions I had seen, including some additional frontal nudity, but not from Salma. I actually had two different version of the DVD screener, so I've now watched this movie five times altogether. I may have watched this more than "Sirens". Like Sirens, it is a pretty darned good movie in addition to a nudefest.

Kudos to Salma. This isn't the great movie she hoped for, but it's a good one. I'll tell ya one thing. If I were an investor, I'd be happy to work with Salma just because of her commitment to a project. She did everything necessary to promote this film. She uglied herself up, did nudity and lesbian scenes, worked the talk shows, made personal appearances across North America in both languages - anything to make the project work. I'd say that one thing she did wrong was to be dating an actor instead of a writer. Her boyfriend, Edward Norton, re-wrote the screenplay for free. The price was right, but he just tried to cover too much of a very full life which might make several good movies. He turned so many important characters into celebrity cameos with a couple of lines for Ashley Judd, Banderas, himself, and Saffron Burrows. Geoffrey Rush did a little better as Trotsky, but Frida's relationship with the once-powerful exiled revolutionary was turned into a quickie which they regretted.

Here's the lowdown:

• Here are some fairly good frontal looks at Salma (1, 2, 3)
• Here is a nipple that was not visible on sub-DVD media. I wasn't even aware that it was there until today.
• Here is a dark Salma sex scene which is she, despite the missing head. I had seen this, but without DVD, captures were a waste.
• Miscellaneous Salma upgrades: (1, 2, 3, 4).
• Here is a full frontal scene that was completely new to me. The "actress" is Ivana Sejenovich. Her face is hidden, she has no lines, and she never moves.
• The scene with Mia Maestro came out pretty nice. She sure has a mighty nice butt.
• The scene with Lucia Bravo also looked very nice on DVD (1, 2, 3, 4)

I asked Charlie, the French cinema guru, what happened to Elodie Bouchez. She was once a sure bet to take the all-time record for nude scenes in real movies (excluding b-movie goddesses like Tweed and Strain, who are in movies whose explicit purpose is nudity). She had done nude scenes in 14 movies by the age of 27, but has now been quiet for two years. Charlie responded that she's been having a baby, but still took time to show a breast in La Guerre a Paris, thus raising the total to 15.

It's time to vote for the best nude scene of 2002.

Some controversy:

Scoop - This 2.3 meg sound film clip  is supposedly Kylie Bax in a movie called "Jill Rips". According to IMDB (http://us.imdb.com/Title?0199650) she is in it. The movie is not on the nude celeb databases,  so it seems people have missed it. It does look like her.  Think you could ask to see if anyone has the DVD and can make some caps? She's been in 7 movies I wonder if there is any nudity in the others?

Scoop's answer: Dann captured that film, aka Jill the Ripper, and he identified that actress as Roberta Angelica. I agree with you that Kylie is in that movie, and I agree that looks quite a bit like her, but I think we have to go with Dann's ID unless somebody can argue otherwise.

The cool thing about the film clip - it has subtitles in Romanian (Well, I think that's what it is, but frankly, my Romanian is a little weak). How often will you get to see Dolph Lundgren speak with Romanian subtitles? I believe this was the only movie ever shown in Romania without vampires or naked gymnasts.

Here are some pictures of Kylie, for reference (1, 2, 3, 4)

If you know for sure whether this is Kylie, one way or the other, please let us know.

 

Other crap:

• Mainstream English language film with actual sex scenes? Maybe. Sorta. Not really.
• Here's a first, at least to my memory, the NFL and the referees' association apologize to the New York Giants for blowing that interference call. Yeah, that'll make 'em feel much better. Instead of thinking they got screwed, now they know for sure.
• Cartoonist Doug Marlette generated tremendous controversy recently by drawing a political cartoon "What Would Mohammed Drive", a spin off on the "What Would Jesus Drive?" campaign against SUV's. Mohammed was driving a Ryder truck carrying a nuclear weapon. Marlette's job, of course, it to make fun of people. He makes fun of Israel and fundamentalist Christians regularly. Did he apologize? Hell, no. He wrote an eloquent, impassioned defense. "Free speech is the linchpin of our republic. All other freedoms flow from it. I realize this may be a repugnant concept for many of those who wrote, but let me be clear. I do not apologize for my drawing."
• Naked ambition:  Even with Clint Eastwood as her dad, Alison Eastwood has to give her all to get attention in Hollywood. The actress, who appeared in Clint's  "Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil," poses in the February issue  of Playboy.  Meanwhile, we hear that we'll be seeing more of Carnie Wilson now  that there's less of her to see. The formerly full-figured Wilson Phillips chanteuse has made good on her promise to pose nude for the magazine in the April issue,  after shedding 150 pounds.
• Man breaks record for smashing concrete with his groin. Talk about bad jobs. How'dja like to be a concrete-smashing groin judge. His next target is to break the record for breaking the most baseball bats with his knee. (I didn't make that up). I think Kirk Gibson holds that record, doesn't he? Either Kirk or Bo Jackson.
• The good news: Disgraced female politician plans nude photo book. The better news: it's not Hilary Clinton.
• Remember that alert about the five guys sought by the FBI on Christmas eve? A hoax. An informer crafted the whole story to make his own bed softer.
• The online film critics society picks The Two Towers as their picture of the year. There are some good reviewers there, including Berardinelli, and probably some good picks, but I'm not sure to what degree they represent the internet. There are some people in the group who write websites in Croatian, for example, that probably get about 3 hits a day. I'm guessing that our movie site probably gets more hits than all of them put together (even without counting the Fun House and the non-members Fun House), so I suppose it would be more accurate to call me and Tuna the online critic's association. But, anyway, here are their choices.
• Ultra-condensed books. Read an entire novel in 4-5 lines! Sometimes in one word.
• Mariah Carey wants to go out with some one who will "like me for my mind". I think Tom Green is single again.
• This is a real story. Sir Ian McKellan publicly announces that he is not dead ... and not moving to Canada. In that order. He did mention that if and when he is dead, Canada will be an option.

Mailbox:

• Scoop - another thought on what you said about Ebert's Top 10 movies of 2002. His movies are the "best" films of 2002, but not necessarily his personal favorites. For example, I love the movie "Office Space" and will watch it whenever it's on, but I would never put it in the Top 10 movies of all time, or even of 1999. Contrariwise, "Citizen Kane" deserves to be in the Top 10 movies of all time (forget it, Top 3 with "Godfather" and "Casablanca"), but I've only seen the movie once and have no real desire to see it again any
  time soon.
• Scoop, concerning the broadcast of "The Women" on PBS, I have to say  yes about the skimpy lingerie, but no to the nude scene, at least in the version that PBS broadcast last year. The camera cuts away from  Jennifer Tilly when she gets out of the tub (totally negating Kristen Johnston's funny punch line about the event). PBS has not shied away  from nudity in the past in its quality productions, so this was a bit of a disappointment. I knew we were in trouble when the show had a  TV-PG rating at the outset.
• Scoop, I suspect that the volleyball player in the red bikini nearly falling out of her top in MB3 may be Caroline Rhea. I say that because the breast size seems right, as does the facial structure. It would help to get a better image, but I doubt  that "Meatballs III" has gotten the Criterion DVD treatment yet.  :)
  
   

Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.

• The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
• If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
• A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Lawdog or Junior or C2000 or Realist or ICMS or Mick Locke, or somebody else besides me)
• If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

Euro Angels (2002) is the second Japanese DVD of the naked Romanian Gymnasts, and this time they are all three truly naked. The DVD contains outtakes from Gold Bird (see yesterday's page), more interviews, outtakes from the feature on Euro Angels, and a feature that includes nude shower, nude bath, and some other presentation from each of the three women, and arguably the best act three ever devised.

A magic pearl necklace brings three clothing mannequins to life, and they become Naked Romanian Gymnists, who do rhythmic dancing for several minutes completely nude. There are no gyno shots, but it is clear that all three women have the same public hair stylists. These are the images labeled group, as most of the frames have more than one of the women in them. As a reminder, the women are Lavinia Milosovici, Claudia Presacan and Corina Ungureanu.

Again, this is a new genre to me, but this is a perfect companion to the other Naked Romanian Gymnasts DVD in my collection, filling in the missing body parts as it were. Again, the DVD is a little overly bright, and the dialogue is a total loss unless you understand Romanian or read Japanese, but it is the bodies that are the point, and it delivers. C+.
 

• Thumbnails (1, 2, 3, 4)
• Group pictures ( 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41)
• Lavinia Milosovici ( 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)
• Corina Ungureanu ( 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16)
• Claudia Presecan ( 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)

Kate Moss (outside link)

Natalie Appleton (1, 2)

Tweed (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12)

PAM ANDERSON TEACHING SUNDAY SCHOOL

Read "Song Of Solomon" Again!  Please?!  - Pamela Anderson says she's retired from acting, but she's keeping busy.  She's doing the voice for a planned animated series called "Striperella," and she's teaching Sunday school at her church.  She said, "It's wonderful to make a difference in children's lives;" although one of her students said, "Pam reads from the Bible, but we have more fun looking at her."

*  Who wants to hear about God's wonders when you can gaze upon the wonders created by Beverly Hills' top plastic surgeons?

*  Their favorite miracle story is the one about the breasts that kept growing bigger and bigger.

*  Pam is so filled with the spirit, her cups runneth over!

*  The kids didn't believe the story of Jonah, but Pam assured them that swallowing a man was entirely plausible.

*  She might singlehandedly get middle-aged men from Malibu back into Sunday School!

PEE WEE PORN CASE EVIDENCE LOOKS FLIMSY

I Know You Are, But What Am I?! - The Los Angeles DA's child porn case against Paul Reubens is looking shaky.  It was revealed that their lead piece of evidence seized from his house was an old copy of that infamous video of Rob Lowe having sex with an underage girl, of which virtually everyone in Hollywood has a copy.

*  Rob Lowe's got a dozen copies.

*  Now, even the DA has one.

*  Why, using that standard, nearly everyone in Hollywood is a pervert!...Wait, I forgot: they are.

*  That girl didn't even look underaged!  Which, of course, is exactly what Rob Lowe said.