"The Cement Garden"
The Cement Garden (1993) is a French/German/English co-produced chick flick is English. After their mother dies, four siblings decide to bury her in the basement encased in cement in an old locker rather than risk being put in foster homes and losing the house and everything they own. The oldest, a girl, played by Charlotte Gainsbourg takes charge of the family including her 16 year old brother Jack, who is dealing with his new found sexuality and has virtually every bad habit a teenaged boy can have. She also finds a boyfriend, an older man. The younger sister, probably not yet in puberty, stays pretty much to herself and her diary, while the younger brother, the youngest of the family, seems to have some gender confusion, and likes the skirt his sisters dressed him in.
Jack eventually discovers the joy of cleanliness and sensitivity, partly brought on by reading a book he was given for his 16 th. birthday. Finally, he and Gainsbourg consummate an incestuous relationship.
Gainsbourg shows breasts and buns.
IMDb readers have this at 7.1 of 10, men 6.8, women 8.4. Berardinelli liked it very much at 3.5 stars, and went on at length about how the incest was done in good taste and was not at all exploitative. Ebert awarded 3 stars, and had a very odd take on the Gainsbourg character. I am not sure why I enjoyed this film, except that the performances were top notch, and I cared about the characters. This is a C+, as a character driven dram that includes a controversial subject treated rather sympathetically.
|Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)
Hi, y'all. I'm taking a mini-vacation.
I'll still be digging up some other crap every day, and will chip in
with some movies as well, but not with my usual volume of verbiage
and such! In addition to the comments below, I also did more
collages from the ICMS caps.
Employee of the Month
This is an odd movie. It stars out as if it will be a dark comedy.
Matt Dillon plays a mid-level bank employee who is unexpectedly
fired one day. That same evening, he is dumped by his girlfriend.
Even though his boss and his girlfriend both cited good reasons for
their actions (he's unfaithful and incompetent), it's obvious that
Matt has had the day from hell.
He gets drunk, buys a gun, and contemplates suicide. In the last
analysis, he decides that revenge would be more fun than suicide, so
he takes his gun to work and uses it to intimidate his boss, but not
before using the office computer to approve a few outrageously
unqualified loans and transfer some massive amounts of funds to the
accounts of random customers.
As it turns out, while Matt is in the bank with a gun, a violent
gang of masked robbers chooses to rob the place. What will he do?
Does that sound like a lot of plot?
Well, get this - that is only the set-up, although it
takes more than an hour. The final twenty minutes of the film
many plot twists at such a rapid pace that you won't even be able to
follow them all. Suffice it to say that nothing in the entire movie
has been what you thought it was, and just as soon as you think you
realize what is going on, the entire film changes again, and then
again, and again ...
While the final credits roll, the film shows us all
of the things that happened off camera during the two days in which
the film took place, the sum of which shows us how we were kept in
If you are a movie buff, you have realized that
something sounds very familiar.
The hidden scenes in the credits.
Matt Dillon as the patsy involved with two women.
An infinite series of double-crosses
The final revelation of the unexpected real
By God ... it's Wild Things!
Yup, it's pretty much of a blatant Wild Things
rip-off, with Matt Dillon as a humble bank officer instead of a
humble guidance counselor. Subtract one swamp, add one city. Stir.
My reaction is this:
Wild Things was a sleazy, fun, grade-B movie which I liked much
better than merited by its quality. Employee of the Month is a
sleazy, grade-C movie which I like much better than merited by its
quality. That doesn't mean, of course, that I like them equally.
First of all, everything in this movie is a grade lower than in Wild
Things. Secondly, Wild Things was the original and this is the copy,
and this kind of thing only works once. Having said that, let me add
that I liked this much better than Wild Things II. Matt Dillon was
on hand doing his usual thing dependably, and Steve Zahn provided
some outrageous comic relief.
In that sense, you may like the film if you liked Wild Things. Just
not as much. If you did not like Wild Things, this one is a
must-avoid, cuz it's about the same but not as good.
WWF Intercontinental champion Joanie 'Chyna' Laurer was arrested
on 1/1/05 for 'domestic battery.'" Kinda indicative
that her partner is some kind of serious wimp, since middle aged
fat slob Joey Buttafuoco kicked the livin' daylights out of Joanie
on Celebrity Boxing.
CNN sacks that tutti-frutti bowtie dude from Crossfire.
He should be OK for money. He obviously still lives with his mom.
Who is Kate Beckinsale describing: "'Also, he was boring and,
other than masturbate, he didn't do anything.'" Kate's
a Brit, so I would normally guess Hugh Grant, but I don't think
she dated him.
Electronic TALKING Gooey Louie - an upgrade of the nose-picking
game of skill
The Daily Show is finally updating again, and their focus is on
the Asian relief effort.
A comparison of five new programs that let you search your hard
drive without having a seizure.
The Tsunami, Incredible Satellite Images, BEFORE AND AFTER
STEINBRENNER'S WALLET TESTS POSITIVE FOR STEROIDS.
Yankees Boss Denies Wallet-doping Charges
Oscar-winning writer-director Oliver Stone blamed 'raging
fundamentalism in morality' for the frosty reception that his new
film 'Alexander' is getting in his native United States.
He's right. I've found that fundamentalists hate laughably bad
A FEW MINUTES WITH THE CAST OF THE MERCHANT OF VENICE
Here's the trailer for dot the i. "Carmen, a beautiful
Spanish woman with a tendency to lose her temper at the drop of a
hat, is about to married to Barnaby, a caring, wealthy, but
slightly boring Englishman. While out with friends on her 'hen
night' she encounters a stranger who suddenly sparks a passion
that has been sleeping within her. As her wedding date approaches,
she finds herself struggling to put this newcomer out of her mind,
but his effect on her keeps growing stronger. What is it that he
sees in her, and why does she feel like she's being pushed
inevitably into his arms?"
The good news: South Dakota Man Loses 457 Pounds. The Bad News: he
has 375 more to go. The really bad news: he'll still
weigh an obese 240 when he's finished losing his 832 pounds! He's
down to a svelte 615 from his high of 1072.
North Korea ordered its citizens to be ready for a protracted war
against the United States, issuing guidelines on evacuating to
underground bunkers with weapons, food and portraits of leader Kim
Jong Il. Not to mention DVD's of Team America: World
Colin Farrell says paying for sex is like ordering a pizza,
and both make good leftovers in the morning
A man was sentenced to three years in prison for passing out
"What have the Romans done for us?," voted funniest movie scene.
Mel Brooks's farting cowboys and and Meg Ryan's restaurant orgasm
- No matter how bad your life, it could have been worse in at
least two ways: (1)
You could have been a Cat Tailor, or (2) You could have
been James Taylor
The Oscar Warrior makes his predictions. Very long and
detailed two-part article. The key predictions are:
- Supporting actor: Thomas Haden Church in Sideways
- Supporting actress: Virginia Madsen in Sideways
- Actor: Jamie Foxx
- Actress: Hilary Swank (note: all awards so far have gone to
- Director: Martin Scorsese. I agree that this will probably
happen. The Aviator is a technical marvel, and Scorsese has
never won an Oscar, so this would be a logical time. Too bad for
Clint Eastwood, who many feel to be the rightful king.
- Screenplays: Hotel Rwanda (original) and Sideways (adapted).
- Best Picture Nominations: The Aviator, Million Dollar Baby,
Sideways, Finding Neverland, Hotel Rwanda (Alternate: Ray).
Probable winner: Million Dollar Baby.
Playboy news and rumors for the upcoming year. I'm
surprised to hear about Christina Applegate, but I'll definitely
look if she shows!
Final NFL Power Rankings: It's all in Steelers' hands now
Ben Roethlisberger has done what no other NFL quarterback ever did
-winning the Offensive Rookie of the Year award. Not
surprisingly given his 13-0 record, he earned all 48 available
Will Beltran end up with the Mets? And the more
important question is "how will the Mets manage their suckitude
quota with all the talent they are stockpiling?" Ya gotta believe!
The Final College Football Rankings. #1 is no surprise.
You may be a little shocked to see who snuck in the Top 25 at #24.
In case you missed the naked hiking chick, the webmaster sent this
new location for the gallery
Sony Corp. will likely launch its new PlayStation Portable
hand-held game console in North America and Europe in March
Ain't It Cool News - Round-up of Star Wars Episode 3 info.
Heidi seeks Seal? Klum seals Seal engagement. Last
summer, Heidi Klum said she didn't want to rush into another
marriage. So she waited about four months. The German-born
supermodel is engaged to English-born singer Seal, her reps
The most unlikely comeback of the century - Thomas Haden Church
David Beckham's former car sparks eBay bidding frenzy.
A 1997 BMW convertible once owned by England football captain
David Beckham (original retail $80,000) has sold for more than
$170,000 on eBay -- to the dismay of the man who sold it two
months ago for $30,000.
- I thought we weren't supposed to do this:
Reinventing the Wheel.
Blog reading explodes in America - up 58% in 2004.
Mars Rover - the hardest workin' bot in show business,
or science business, for that matter.
The Fifth Annual Weblog Awards, in which you can
nominate and vote for Other Crap, or any of the obviously inferior
sites of your choosing. All kidding aside, I nominated my personal
hero, The Filthy Critic, for best entertainment weblog.
Apparently Twelfth Night is England's answer to April Fool's Day.
Hi, I'm Richard Gere, and I'm speaking for the entire world,
although most of the other people are more interesting.
The Gallup Poll found that the average number of firearms per U.S.
household is 1.7, while among just gun owners, the number of
firearms in each household is 4.4.
NICOLLETTE SHERIDAN 'I'M THE POOREST ACTRESS ON TV!'"
The Sun Reports: actor Jude Law to marry Sienna Miller.
Britney Spears wants to direct. (This from Britney's
own personal blog)
Biggest boobs ever (???) They seem to be natural.
Priceless artifacts of TV cigarette commercials. My
favorite video was the one of Fred and Barney lighting up: "the
original network run of The Flintstones (1960-1966) was sponsored
by a cigarette maker and you could watch the main characters
Several new posters from the upcoming Sin City
Closer star Natalie Portman is in final talks to topline the
Wachowski brothers "V for Vendetta"
AmIAnnoying.com's 100 Most Annoying People of 
retroCRUSH picks the 100 most annoying things about 2004
'Who's Your Daddy' a ratings dud. The Fox special
starred a woman who picked her birth father from a group of seven
impostors for a $100,000 prize.
- The ultimate vertical integration idea:
The Urban Assault Hearse. Mow 'em down, and haul 'em
All of the appearances of Jay Maynard, the TRON Guy, on Jimmy
Letterman's Top Ten Signs You're On A Bad Diet.
- Sure it's the Atkins diet - but it's CHET Atkins.
"Beyonce has revealed she hates being called 'bootylicious'."
She would now like to be called "J-Lo", since the title is
Weekly World News: Giant pigeon terrorizes New York
Other Crap archives. May also include newer material than the
since it's sorta in real time.
to submit a URL for Other Crap
are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.
- The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the
review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
- If there is a white asterisk, it means that
there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined
there might be something else of interest.
- A blue asterisk indicates the review is written
by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
- If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too
ashamed to admit it.
Words, pictures, and vids from
As I've mentioned earlier this movie was directed by Nicolas
Roeg and stars Oliver Reed and Amanda Donohoe in one of her
first roles. The story deals with Gerald, an older man who
wants to go and live on a deserted tropical island for a year
and write a book about it. He places an ad in a newspaper to
find a young woman to keep him company and share the
experience. The woman he chooses is Lucy (Amanda Donohoe), an
attractive and intelligent young woman who is willing join the
adventure in order to escape the unbearable tedium of her job
as a public servant in a London tax office.
On their first meeting they immediately, without realizing
it, hit it off with each other, so much so that after a while
they end up in bed together. For various reasons the
Australian immigration services won't give them visas unless
they marry, something that Lucy doesn't like but is compelled
to do anyway because otherwise their plan would end right
there in London and the film would be over.
When they finally arrive on their remote island, things don't
go as they expected from the start. He forgot some vital
supplies and, since they decided to live in autarchy, they are
facing un uphill struggle. Even building a decent
shelter proves a burden, certainly for Gerald, who doesn't
carry his weight in the daily activities that are supposed to
keep them afloat. Lucy doesn't stop reminding him of this and
they have some serious quarrels with each other, but in the
end they always come to their senses, although they don't seem
to realize it.
Things go from bad to worse. A tropical island without any
decent resources proves increasingly nightmarish, but they do
hang in, primarily because every time their needs really
become desperate, there is always a sort of deus ex machina
that comes to the rescue. When they need critical supplies,
two Aussies happen to stop on the island to do some repair
work on their catamaran. When they need medical treatment, two
nuns/nurses happen to pass by in a boat with some natives.
Apparently the island isn't quite so remote as we were led
to believe at the beginning.
I think that you are sensing that this film didn't give me the
satisfaction that I had hoped for. It is well photographed and
some shots are really beautiful, but that is no counterbalance
for the all too thin plot and the illogical behavior of the
characters. Since both characters are portrayed as intelligent
people, it is not credible for the film to portray them as
unable to see the obvious fact that the audience can see
immediately. They don't realize that despite their differences
they have a soft spot for each other, a deep-rooted respect
and even love. To give just one example: even though Lucy
refuses to have sex with Gerald on the island, she doesn't do
the nasty with the Aussie boys either, despite the fact that
she and one of the guys were sexually attracted to one
another. She stayed faithful to her "husband".
Only at the end does Lucy realize that despite all their
differences she loves this husband of hers. He, too,
eventually admits that he loves this wife of his. But when
does he acknowledge that? When he is lingering in the tropics
while she is already back on a plane to England! Would
intelligent people who finally realize they really love each
other simply let their partners get away? Furthermore,
although we were initially led to believe that HE would write
a book about the adventure, it is SHE who ends up being the
writer, while Gerald settles down on a nearby island to live
with the natives. So once again it looks like they weren't
that cut off from civilization as suggested.
The movie is not without positives. There is spectacular
cinematography, a decent performance from Oliver Reed, and an
excellent acting job by Amanda Donohoe. She was completely in
touch with her role and had absolutely no problems with
the copious nudity required. It is crystal clear that she felt
totally at ease with herself in the buff, as the part asked
for. And why should she have worried about it? She simply
looked great and was certainly aware of that fact.
Unfortunately, the raw clay of those positives is shaped into
a film which is too long and which creates its substantial
running time not with dialogue, which is sparse, but by
padding out the very thin premise with repetitive situations
and beautiful nature shots. This is a well photographed movie,
but the overlong shots of the spectacular island vistas slow
down a pace which is already paralyzed by the repetitive
action and lack of meaningful dialogue between the characters.
And to top it all off there is the unsatisfying and illogical
ending. Maybe at the end someone should have said: "Logic is
overrated", like Halle Berry's character in Gothika.
Based on the aforementioned review this movie rates C- on the
Scoopy rating scale. Fans of Nicolas Roeg seem to like this
film, but it didn't make much of an impression on nor sense to
- Amanda Donohoe is topless to stark naked during her
screen time on the tropical island (after the first half hour
of the movie)
- Oliver Reed can be seen naked near the end of the film
to be continued...
- Donohoe 13 (.wmv zipped, .avi zipped)
- Donohoe 14 (.wmv zipped, .avi zipped)
- Donohoe 15 (.wmv zipped, .avi zipped)
- Donohoe 16 (.wmv zipped, .avi zipped)
- Donohoe 17 (.wmv zipped, .avi zipped)
- Donohoe 18 (.wmv zipped, .avi zipped)
- An index file of all the raw still captures
- The Donohoe still captures (1,
- An index file of all Scoop's collages
- The scoop collages (1,
|A quick site note
Hey gang, we invite you to check out our new affiliate program at Scoopycash.com.
If you have your own site or blog, sign up today and earn some extra cash in 2005 by promoting the Fun House!
'Caps and comments by Brainscan:
Here's a quickie collage featuring four pretty good versions of the recent Kirsten Dunst paparazzi pics that feature her with her suit half washed away.
'Caps and comments by Vejiita:
Here is the beautiful actress Lou Broclain from the Belgian movie "The Praying Mantis" (2003). The movie is like a longer Outer Limits episode. Lou plays a woman who is like a Praying Mantis, she devours her lovers to survive. Julien finds her in the middle of nowhere and takes her home, they live happy until one day she doesn't want to have sex with him.
Then it comes one of the best erotic scenes I've seen in a movie, the next day after Julien leaves for work, she goes out to look for Patrick, a guy who likes to do dangerous stunts, he is always climbing
or doing jumps with his motorcycle, she finds him working in a roof, he starts doing some stuff to impress her and falls, she goes to him and he tries to kiss her, so she runs away and he follows her. As she is running she lets him know where she is, like she is leading a prey to a trap, then they get to her home, she closes the door and he climbs to the roof and enters through the window in the cellar, there she pulls his hat down and there is a playful blindfolded foreplay that is like a choreographed dance, very hot and very well done, just for this scene the movie is worth watching.
Wont say anymore of the movie, but some scenes are very well done and they are very erotic.
- Thumbnail previews
- Lou Broclain
|HDTV 'caps of Brewster showing off some excellent cleavage during a guest appearance on the Charlie Sheen sit-com "Two and a Half Men".
|aka Malin Morgan nekkid in a sex scene from the Swedish film, "Syndare i sommarsol" (2001). 'Caps by Marvin.
|Señor Skin takes a look at the 1999 off-beat, romantic comedy "Mumford". All three of today's babes are topless. Laurier also adds a hint of pubes.
|Pat Reeder www.comedy-wire.com
Pat's comments in yellow...
FCC INVESTIGATING CRUE QUOTE
The F-word Is "Fine" - The FCC is investigating complaints about Motley
Crue's Vince Neal saying, "Happy f---ing New Year!" live on "The Tonight
Show" on New Year's Eve. But NBC says they got no complaints, and the FCC
admits it's probably okay because children wouldn't have been watching due
to the late hour.
And due to the fact that Motley Crue's fans are all in their 40s.
And the kids who did stay up that late had told their
parents to f--- off.
NBC doesn't mind that the FCC got complaints; they're just relieved to
learn that somebody was watching.
BRITNEY WANTS TO BE A CSI
Not A Rocket Scientist? - Britain's Daily Mirror reports that Britney
Spears is tired of media attention, and "CSI" has inspired her to consider
quitting showbiz, going to college and becoming a forensic scientist. The
paper quotes anonymous "friends" of Britney as saying that her husband
Kevin Federline told her that if she decides to do that, he'd be fine with
But he thought she meant a highly-paid TV forensic scientist.
She'll do it, as long as she doesn't have to take chemistry.
She's 23, hot-looking and a sexy dresser, so she figures she's qualified
to be a CSI.
She can perform the autopsy on her own music career.
But then Britney watched "Medium" and decided to be a crime-fighting
BEATLES TOILET PAPER FOR SALE
Norwegian Wood Pulp - A roll of toilet paper is for sale on eBay, along
with a note from ex-Beatles manager Ken Townsend, affirming it is the very
roll removed from Abbey Road studios in 1969 after the band complained that
it was "too hard and shiny." They also thought it was disgraceful that
each sheet had "EMI Ltd." stamped on it. Townsend says the T.P. was
withdrawn and "things became much smoother." The toilet paper the Beatles
wouldn't use is preserved in a glass box and has a starting bid of $75,000
Wow! Think how much it would be worth if the Beatles HAD used it!
That's what Paul pays for the toilet paper he uses now.
This toilet paper was so hard, it was rumored to have killed Paul.
It was the same paper the British Army gave to non-officers... They
called it "Sergeant Paper."
J-LO NO LONGER J-LO
More Like J-E-L-L-O - Jennifer Lopez is so desperate to lose her diva
image, she said she originally wanted her new album "Rebirth" to be named
"Call Me Jennifer" because, she said, "I'm not 'J-Lo.' She's not a real
person...I've never been anyone but Jennifer."
"Jenny From The Block" is also a crock.
So telling us what we're allowed to call her will help her LOSE her diva
You can call her Jennifer, but don't DARE make eye contact!