"The Cement Garden"

The Cement Garden (1993) is a French/German/English co-produced chick flick is English. After their mother dies, four siblings decide to bury her in the basement encased in cement in an old locker rather than risk being put in foster homes and losing the house and everything they own. The oldest, a girl, played by Charlotte Gainsbourg takes charge of the family including her 16 year old brother Jack, who is dealing with his new found sexuality and has virtually every bad habit a teenaged boy can have. She also finds a boyfriend, an older man. The younger sister, probably not yet in puberty, stays pretty much to herself and her diary, while the younger brother, the youngest of the family, seems to have some gender confusion, and likes the skirt his sisters dressed him in.

Jack eventually discovers the joy of cleanliness and sensitivity, partly brought on by reading a book he was given for his 16 th. birthday. Finally, he and Gainsbourg consummate an incestuous relationship.

Gainsbourg shows breasts and buns.

IMDb readers have this at 7.1 of 10, men 6.8, women 8.4. Berardinelli liked it very much at 3.5 stars, and went on at length about how the incest was done in good taste and was not at all exploitative. Ebert awarded 3 stars, and had a very odd take on the Gainsbourg character. I am not sure why I enjoyed this film, except that the performances were top notch, and I cared about the characters. This is a C+, as a character driven dram that includes a controversial subject treated rather sympathetically.

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  • Charlotte Gainsbourg (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25)

  • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)

    Hi, y'all. I'm taking a mini-vacation. I'll still be digging up some other crap every day, and will chip in with some movies as well, but not with my usual volume of verbiage and such! In addition to the comments below, I also did more collages from the ICMS caps.

    Employee of the Month (2004)

    This is an odd movie. It stars out as if it will be a dark comedy. Matt Dillon plays a mid-level bank employee who is unexpectedly fired one day. That same evening, he is dumped by his girlfriend. Even though his boss and his girlfriend both cited good reasons for their actions (he's unfaithful and incompetent), it's obvious that Matt has had the day from hell.

    He gets drunk, buys a gun, and contemplates suicide. In the last analysis, he decides that revenge would be more fun than suicide, so he takes his gun to work and uses it to intimidate his boss, but not before using the office computer to approve a few outrageously unqualified loans and transfer some massive amounts of funds to the accounts of random customers.

    As it turns out, while Matt is in the bank with a gun, a violent gang of masked robbers chooses to rob the place. What will he do?


    Does that sound like a lot of plot?

    Well, get this - that is only the set-up, although it takes more than an hour. The final twenty minutes of the film include so many plot twists at such a rapid pace that you won't even be able to follow them all. Suffice it to say that nothing in the entire movie has been what you thought it was, and just as soon as you think you realize what is going on, the entire film changes again, and then again, and again ...

    While the final credits roll, the film shows us all of the things that happened off camera during the two days in which the film took place, the sum of which shows us how we were kept in the dark.

    If you are a movie buff, you have realized that something sounds very familiar.

    • The hidden scenes in the credits.

    • Matt Dillon as the patsy involved with two women.

    • Topless bimbos.

    • An infinite series of double-crosses

    • The final revelation of the unexpected real mastermind.

    By God ... it's Wild Things!

    Yup, it's pretty much of a blatant Wild Things rip-off, with Matt Dillon as a humble bank officer instead of a humble guidance counselor. Subtract one swamp, add one city. Stir.

    My reaction is this:

    Wild Things was a sleazy, fun, grade-B movie which I liked much better than merited by its quality. Employee of the Month is a sleazy, grade-C movie which I like much better than merited by its quality. That doesn't mean, of course, that I like them equally. First of all, everything in this movie is a grade lower than in Wild Things. Secondly, Wild Things was the original and this is the copy, and this kind of thing only works once. Having said that, let me add that I liked this much better than Wild Things II. Matt Dillon was on hand doing his usual thing dependably, and Steve Zahn provided some outrageous comic relief.

    In that sense, you may like the film if you liked Wild Things. Just not as much. If you did not like Wild Things, this one is a must-avoid, cuz it's about the same but not as good.

    • Fiona Gubelmann (1, 2, 3)


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    • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
    • If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
    • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
    • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.


    Words, pictures, and vids from ICMS

    Castaway (1986) - Day 3

    As I've mentioned earlier this movie was directed by Nicolas Roeg and stars Oliver Reed and Amanda Donohoe in one of her first roles. The story deals with Gerald, an older man who wants to go and live on a deserted tropical island for a year and write a book about it. He places an ad in a newspaper to find a young woman to keep him company and share the experience. The woman he chooses is Lucy (Amanda Donohoe), an attractive and intelligent young woman who is willing join the adventure in order to escape the unbearable tedium of her job as a public servant in a London tax office.
    On their first meeting they immediately, without realizing it, hit it off with each other, so much so that after a while they end up in bed together. For various reasons the Australian immigration services won't give them visas unless they marry, something that Lucy doesn't like but is compelled to do anyway because otherwise their plan would end right there in London and the film would be over.
    When they finally arrive on their remote island, things don't go as they expected from the start. He forgot some vital supplies and, since they decided to live in autarchy, they are facing un uphill struggle. Even building a decent shelter proves a burden, certainly for Gerald, who doesn't carry his weight in the daily activities that are supposed to keep them afloat. Lucy doesn't stop reminding him of this and they have some serious quarrels with each other, but in the end they always come to their senses, although they don't seem to realize it.
    Things go from bad to worse. A tropical island without any decent resources proves increasingly nightmarish, but they do hang in, primarily because every time their needs really become desperate, there is always a sort of deus ex machina that comes to the rescue. When they need critical supplies, two Aussies happen to stop on the island to do some repair work on their catamaran. When they need medical treatment, two nuns/nurses happen to pass by in a boat with some natives.

    Apparently the island isn't quite so remote as we were led to believe at the beginning.

    I think that you are sensing that this film didn't give me the satisfaction that I had hoped for. It is well photographed and some shots are really beautiful, but that is no counterbalance for the all too thin plot and the illogical behavior of the characters. Since both characters are portrayed as intelligent people, it is not credible for the film to portray them as unable to see the obvious fact that the audience can see immediately. They don't realize that despite their differences they have a soft spot for each other, a deep-rooted respect and even love. To give just one example: even though Lucy refuses to have sex with Gerald on the island, she doesn't do the nasty with the Aussie boys either, despite the fact that she and one of the guys were sexually attracted to one another. She stayed faithful to her "husband".
    Only at the end does Lucy realize that despite all their differences she loves this husband of hers. He, too, eventually admits that he loves this wife of his. But when does he acknowledge that? When he is lingering in the tropics while she is already back on a plane to England! Would intelligent people who finally realize they really love each other simply let their partners get away? Furthermore, although we were initially led to believe that HE would write a book about the adventure, it is SHE who ends up being the writer, while Gerald settles down on a nearby island to live with the natives. So once again it looks like they weren't that cut off from civilization as suggested.
    The movie is not without positives. There is spectacular cinematography, a decent performance from Oliver Reed, and an excellent acting job by Amanda Donohoe. She was completely in touch with her role and had absolutely no problems with the copious nudity required. It is crystal clear that she felt totally at ease with herself in the buff, as the part asked for. And why should she have worried about it? She simply looked great and was certainly aware of that fact.

    Unfortunately, the raw clay of those positives is shaped into a film which is too long and which creates its substantial running time not with dialogue, which is sparse, but by padding out the very thin premise with repetitive situations and beautiful nature shots. This is a well photographed movie, but the overlong shots of the spectacular island vistas slow down a pace which is already paralyzed by the repetitive action and lack of meaningful dialogue between the characters. And to top it all off there is the unsatisfying and illogical ending. Maybe at the end someone should have said: "Logic is overrated", like Halle Berry's character in Gothika.

    Based on the aforementioned review this movie rates C- on the Scoopy rating scale. Fans of Nicolas Roeg seem to like this film, but it didn't make much of an impression on nor sense to me.
    Nudity report:
        - Amanda Donohoe is topless to stark naked during her screen time on the tropical island (after the first half hour of the movie)
        - Oliver Reed can be seen naked near the end of the film

     to be continued...

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    'Caps and comments by Brainscan:

    Here's a quickie collage featuring four pretty good versions of the recent Kirsten Dunst paparazzi pics that feature her with her suit half washed away.

    'Caps and comments by Vejiita:

    Here is the beautiful actress Lou Broclain from the Belgian movie "The Praying Mantis" (2003). The movie is like a longer Outer Limits episode. Lou plays a woman who is like a Praying Mantis, she devours her lovers to survive. Julien finds her in the middle of nowhere and takes her home, they live happy until one day she doesn't want to have sex with him.

    Then it comes one of the best erotic scenes I've seen in a movie, the next day after Julien leaves for work, she goes out to look for Patrick, a guy who likes to do dangerous stunts, he is always climbing or doing jumps with his motorcycle, she finds him working in a roof, he starts doing some stuff to impress her and falls, she goes to him and he tries to kiss her, so she runs away and he follows her. As she is running she lets him know where she is, like she is leading a prey to a trap, then they get to her home, she closes the door and he climbs to the roof and enters through the window in the cellar, there she pulls his hat down and there is a playful blindfolded foreplay that is like a choreographed dance, very hot and very well done, just for this scene the movie is worth watching.

    Wont say anymore of the movie, but some scenes are very well done and they are very erotic.

    Paget Brewster
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)

    HDTV 'caps of Brewster showing off some excellent cleavage during a guest appearance on the Charlie Sheen sit-com "Two and a Half Men".

    Malin Larsson
    (1, 2, 3, 4)

    aka Malin Morgan nekkid in a sex scene from the Swedish film, "Syndare i sommarsol" (2001). 'Caps by Marvin.

    Lucie Laurier
    (1, 2, 3)

    Hélène Cardona

    Simone Kerrick
    (1, 2, 3,

    Señor Skin takes a look at the 1999 off-beat, romantic comedy "Mumford". All three of today's babes are topless. Laurier also adds a hint of pubes.

    Pat Reeder
    Pat's comments in yellow...

    The F-word Is "Fine" - The FCC is investigating complaints about Motley Crue's Vince Neal saying, "Happy f---ing New Year!" live on "The Tonight Show" on New Year's Eve. But NBC says they got no complaints, and the FCC admits it's probably okay because children wouldn't have been watching due to the late hour.

  • And due to the fact that Motley Crue's fans are all in their 40s.
  • And the kids who did stay up that late had told their parents to f--- off.
  • NBC doesn't mind that the FCC got complaints; they're just relieved to learn that somebody was watching.

    Not A Rocket Scientist? - Britain's Daily Mirror reports that Britney Spears is tired of media attention, and "CSI" has inspired her to consider quitting showbiz, going to college and becoming a forensic scientist. The paper quotes anonymous "friends" of Britney as saying that her husband Kevin Federline told her that if she decides to do that, he'd be fine with it.

  • But he thought she meant a highly-paid TV forensic scientist.
  • She'll do it, as long as she doesn't have to take chemistry.
  • She's 23, hot-looking and a sexy dresser, so she figures she's qualified to be a CSI.
  • She can perform the autopsy on her own music career.
  • But then Britney watched "Medium" and decided to be a crime-fighting psychic instead.

    Norwegian Wood Pulp - A roll of toilet paper is for sale on eBay, along with a note from ex-Beatles manager Ken Townsend, affirming it is the very roll removed from Abbey Road studios in 1969 after the band complained that it was "too hard and shiny." They also thought it was disgraceful that each sheet had "EMI Ltd." stamped on it. Townsend says the T.P. was withdrawn and "things became much smoother." The toilet paper the Beatles wouldn't use is preserved in a glass box and has a starting bid of $75,000 (US).

  • Wow! Think how much it would be worth if the Beatles HAD used it!
  • That's what Paul pays for the toilet paper he uses now.
  • This toilet paper was so hard, it was rumored to have killed Paul.
  • It was the same paper the British Army gave to non-officers... They called it "Sergeant Paper."

    More Like J-E-L-L-O - Jennifer Lopez is so desperate to lose her diva image, she said she originally wanted her new album "Rebirth" to be named "Call Me Jennifer" because, she said, "I'm not 'J-Lo.' She's not a real person...I've never been anyone but Jennifer."

  • "Jenny From The Block" is also a crock.
  • So telling us what we're allowed to call her will help her LOSE her diva image?
  • You can call her Jennifer, but don't DARE make eye contact!