Models (1999) is a documentary style film from Austrian Ulrich Seidl. It is impossible to tell how much is documentary and how much is fiction in this portrait of four Austrian models. It certainly is an intimate view of their lives -- we even see one of them putting her sanitary napkin on. Seidl is widely thought to dislike the people he chooses to make films about and that is very evident here. We are presented with hard drinking, dope snorting anorexic, insecure woman obsessed plastic surgery, getting better portfolio shots even if it means sleeping with a good photographer, and whose main concern if protecting and enhancing their looks while playing as much as possible.

The box claims it is a 58 minute story about three different models. It is actually 158 minutes and features four models, Vivian Bartsch, Elvyra Geyer, Lisa Grossmann and Tanya Petrovsky. Lisa Grossmann shows breasts and Vivian Bartsch shows everything. The film makes all important points about these women in the first ten minutes, then makes the same points again and again, making it a serious waste of time. 158 minutes spent rehashing the same intimate details of four essentially unlikable women is not my idea of entertainment or education. IMDb readers have this at 5.7 of 10. It won a best made for TV award in Austria, which is enough to make me grateful that I don't watch Austrian TV. IMDb has the running time at 118 minutes, which is closer to the truth than the DVD packaging. Possibly someone created a shorter version at some point. That is decidedly a step in the right direction. This is a well enough made, but depressing and not very compelling piece of cinema with nothing approaching new insights into the mentality of these four women. While I rather strongly disliked this film, the proper score is C-. If depressing character studies are your thing, this will meet that need in the first ten minutes.

Hi, y'all. I'm taking a mini-vacation. I'll still be digging up some other crap every day, and will chip in with some movies as well, but not with my usual volume of verbiage and such! I didn't do any of my own caps today, but I more collages from the ICMS caps.

Other Crap:

• The new ice queen: "ACTRESS Cameron Diaz is said to have pelted a model with ice in a spat over boyfriend Justin Timberlake."
  • Corinne Bohrer still gets my vote for Ice Queen
• Boggs, Sandberg elected to Hall of Fame
• An assortment of higher quality paparazzi pictures of Kirsten Dunst's boobies
• The FCC is launching an investigation into the live broadcast of 'The Tonight Show with Jay Leno' on New Year's Eve. That's when Motley Crue rocker Vince Neil dropped the F-bomb in wishing bandmate Tommy Lee a Happy New Year.
  • Good for them. Lock that Leno up! Tommy Chong's old cell is now available.
• Raoul Ruiz started shooting a film about the life of erotic Austrian 19th century artist Gustav Klimt, with creepy American film star John Malkovich in the title role
• Jessica Alba in Miami for the New Year weekend.
• Nicollette Sheridan, who plays oversexed Desperate Housewives vamp Edie Britt, has gotten engaged to boyfriend and fellow actor Nicklas Soderblom
• Comic book legend Will Eisner is dead at 87.
• Rebecca Loos: 'Posh has had 3 boob jobs'
• Baseball nuts - are you a member of SABR? SABR :|| Membership | What Do I Get With My Membership? The new online databases and newspaper search functions are freakin' awesome. 150 Years of the NY Times are on file, for example. I don't get anything for referring you there to look, or even to sign up. They don't even know I'm doing it. I'm just one satisfied baseball fanatic.
• PETA Media Center > Naked protest - Orlando - noon Tuesday - corner fo Church and Orange : "Bruised and Sprawling on the Ground, PETA Beauty Bares All, Including Truth Behind Circus's Phony Claims"
• Jesus and three disciples were gay. (Not Weekly World News or a Satire site!!).
  • Yeah, I always had my suspicions about Bartholomew and Thaddeus.
  • . And especially suspicious are #2 and #6 from the left in The Last Supper. Not only do they look a little too cozy with their neighbors, but both are wearing some pink. That's a little flaky right there.
• More religious nutbaggery. "The sacred geometry mysteries of Christianity"
  • I can relate. I went to a Catholic high school and I can tell you that Sacred Geometry was a bitch of a course. Turns out in Sacred Geometry, the sine may or may not equal the opposite over the hypotenuse, depending on whose prayers are being answered that day by the Holy Spirit.
  • I have to say that I still liked Sacred Geometry better than Sacred Phys Ed, especially when the Sacred Phys Ed teacher made us shower with holy water in winter.
• Breast Enlargement Contest Draws Fire: " Radio giant Clear Channel Communications has come under fire from women's health advocates over a Christmas contest in which stations granted breast enlargement surgeries to women in four cities. "
• Aussie networks fooled by fake tsunami pictures
• Mira Sorvino and Joseph Fiennes are in talks to topline thriller Civic Duty. Canadian filmmaker Vic Sarin is scheduled to begin filming in Vancouver at the end of next month.
• Paris and Nicole have undertaken a stint working in a morgue for the new season of The Simple Life.
• Letterman's Top Ten Signs Your Neighbor Is Vying To Be The Next Pope
• NICK & JESSICA'S 2ND HONEYMOON TURNS INTO A DOUBLE DATE
• The Straight Dope: Why are there so many widely varying names for Germany, AKA Deutschland, Allemagne, Tyskland, Niemcy, Saksa etc.?
• Latino Review visits the set of Domino.
• "The Online Film Critics Society announces their 2004 nominees". (Hey, it's their headline. Mastering grammar is not a prerequisite for online film criticism.)
• Hiking naked through the forest
• Dave Barry's blog picked this as the headline of the day. Can't disagree. "Butt shows long-term potential "
• Highly recommended. Jessica Alba on Miami Beach. SSSSSSSSSmokin!!
• The Sun's slideshow of promising 2005 movie scenes.
• J-Lo is no longer J-Lo. Now she just wants to be known simply as "Jennifer Lopez, pearl of the orient, mother of the sea, the Lord's anointed." Or, for short, you can call her Missus Whoopee Pants.
• Desperate Housewife Marcia Cross in the raunchy 1996 film Female Perversions.
• Indiana Jones has been voted Hollywood's sexiest grandparent.
• WTF? The Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim??? I think teams should have to retain their original names forever, like the Minneapolis Lakers of Los Angeles, or the Brooklyn Dodgers of Los Angeles, and The Oakland Raiders formerly temporarily of Los Angeles, or the Bad News Bears of Los Angeles.
• Madonna, Guy Ritchie renew commitment to one another, quality movie-making
• Borowitz: BUSH HIRES TEMP AS HOMELAND SECURITY SECRETARY. The temp, Grady W. LeBeau, was tapped for the post after filling out an application and scoring "above average" on a typing test administered by the White House's human resources department. The hiring of Mr. LeBeau is believed to be the first time a temporary worker has been appointed to a Cabinet-level post.

Other Crap archives. May also include newer material than the links above, since it's sorta in real time.

Click here to submit a URL for Other Crap

MOVIE REVIEWS:

Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.

• The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
• If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
• A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
• If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

Words, pictures, and vids from ICMS

• Kirsten Dunst (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

If you have your own site or blog, sign up today and earn some extra cash in 2005 by promoting the Fun House!

Scoops,
Here's a little something to go with Monday's paparazzi pics of the divine Jessica Alba on the beach in a white bikini. I didn't think it possible, but this woman gets better looking with each passing day.

• Jessica Alba

Today from the Ghost, part 2 of his coverage of an episode of the the late night series "Thrills".

• Madeira Turner doing a little topless sunbathing.
• zipped .wmv

• Mariana Valdez bares breasts and bum in a several scenes that feature her posing for the camera. In image link #12 and video clip #4, she goes full frontal. (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14)
• Mariana Valdez zipped .wmvs (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

• Bresats and bums as Mariana Valdez and Madeira Turner have a little lesbian fun. (1, 2)
• Mariana Valdez and Madeira Turner zipped .wmvs (1, 2)

The first and the latest on screen nudity from Spanish babe, Elsa Pataky.

• In the movie "Clara" (2002) we were first introduced to Elsa's lovely toplessness.
  (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15)

  Bonus nudity from "Clara".

• Here is Maru Valdivielso showing her breasts in a dark blue love scene, and again while she's praying to the porcelain god (#6). (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

Next, here is Elsa Pataky's most recent screen nudity. In the movie "Romasanta" (2004), that lucky bastard Julian Sands gets to play with Elsa's breasts for quite some time.

• Elsa Pataky, rear views in links 2 and 3, topless in the rest.
  (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16)

Here's the breakdown:
links 1-5...Eva in a bikini
links 6 and 7...Eva kissing another woman.
links 8-10...Eva showing off her white cotton undies while wearing a dude's button down shirt.

PRESIDENT'S NEW NEIGHBOR: TED NUGENT
Secret Service No Longer Necessary - Republican rocker Ted Nugent followed his idol and 18 months ago, he moved his family to a ranch in Crawford, Texas, "right around the corner" from President Bush's spread. Nuge says he'll keep his Michigan ranch for hunting trips, but he officially becomes a Texas resident this year. He said his son Rocco is doing great in school at Crawford and the hunting is terrific: "Right behind Rocco's school is game! It's a barbecue dream!"