"Models" (1999)

Models (1999) is a documentary style film from Austrian Ulrich Seidl. It is impossible to tell how much is documentary and how much is fiction in this portrait of four Austrian models. It certainly is an intimate view of their lives -- we even see one of them putting her sanitary napkin on. Seidl is widely thought to dislike the people he chooses to make films about and that is very evident here. We are presented with hard drinking, dope snorting anorexic, insecure woman obsessed plastic surgery, getting better portfolio shots even if it means sleeping with a good photographer, and whose main concern if protecting and enhancing their looks while playing as much as possible.

The box claims it is a 58 minute story about three different models. It is actually 158 minutes and features four models, Vivian Bartsch, Elvyra Geyer, Lisa Grossmann and Tanya Petrovsky. Lisa Grossmann shows breasts and Vivian Bartsch shows everything. The film makes all important points about these women in the first ten minutes, then makes the same points again and again, making it a serious waste of time. 158 minutes spent rehashing the same intimate details of four essentially unlikable women is not my idea of entertainment or education. IMDb readers have this at 5.7 of 10. It won a best made for TV award in Austria, which is enough to make me grateful that I don't watch Austrian TV. IMDb has the running time at 118 minutes, which is closer to the truth than the DVD packaging. Possibly someone created a shorter version at some point. That is decidedly a step in the right direction. This is a well enough made, but depressing and not very compelling piece of cinema with nothing approaching new insights into the mentality of these four women. While I rather strongly disliked this film, the proper score is C-. If depressing character studies are your thing, this will meet that need in the first ten minutes.

  • Thumbnails
  • Thumbnails

  • Lisa Grossmann (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
  • Vivian Bartsch (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

  • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)

    Hi, y'all. I'm taking a mini-vacation. I'll still be digging up some other crap every day, and will chip in with some movies as well, but not with my usual volume of verbiage and such! I didn't do any of my own caps today, but I more collages from the ICMS caps.

    Other Crap:


    Other Crap archives. May also include newer material than the links above, since it's sorta in real time.

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    • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
    • If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
    • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
    • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.


    Words, pictures, and vids from ICMS

    Castaway (1986) - Day 2

     Oliver Reed and a young Amanda Donohoe go to live on a deserted tropical island for a year and we witness their interaction.  Anyway, most important is that Amanda Donohoe was naked very often in this movie. To be precise, nearly 22 miniutes out of 112 minutes in PAL. I recorded this full-screen version to DVD from digital satellite TV (BBC) in late 2003. The film is not available on DVD anywhere as far as I know. I have a total of 24 clips and 59 caps featuring Amanda in various degrees of undress, ranging from topless to buck naked.

     to be continued...

    More Dunst Paparazzi pics!
    At last! Some high quality versions of the "Spider-Man" star's recent accidental exposure.

    • Kirsten Dunst (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

    A quick site note
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    'Caps and comments by Brainscan:

    Here's a little something to go with Monday's paparazzi pics of the divine Jessica Alba on the beach in a white bikini. I didn't think it possible, but this woman gets better looking with each passing day.

    Crimson Ghost
    NOTE: We currently have to do all of our movie files in zip format. Instead of viewing them online, save the zip files to your hard drive in the directory of your choice, un-zip and play from there.

    Today from the Ghost, part 2 of his coverage of an episode of the the late night series "Thrills".

    • Madeira Turner doing a little topless sunbathing.
    • zipped .wmv

    • Mariana Valdez bares breasts and bum in a several scenes that feature her posing for the camera. In image link #12 and video clip #4, she goes full frontal. (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14)
    • Mariana Valdez zipped .wmvs (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

    • Bresats and bums as Mariana Valdez and Madeira Turner have a little lesbian fun. (1, 2)
    • Mariana Valdez and Madeira Turner zipped .wmvs (1, 2)

    'Caps and comments by Vejiita:

    The first and the latest on screen nudity from Spanish babe, Elsa Pataky.

    • In the movie "Clara" (2002) we were first introduced to Elsa's lovely toplessness.
      (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15)

      Bonus nudity from "Clara".

    • Here is Maru Valdivielso showing her breasts in a dark blue love scene, and again while she's praying to the porcelain god (#6). (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

    Next, here is Elsa Pataky's most recent screen nudity. In the movie "Romasanta" (2004), that lucky bastard Julian Sands gets to play with Elsa's breasts for quite some time.

    • Elsa Pataky, rear views in links 2 and 3, topless in the rest.
      (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16)

    The ladies of
    "Old School"
    Here's a great collage that features all the sexy and nude scenes from the 2003 Luke Wilson/Will Ferrell/Vince Vaughn comedy. We see Elisha Cuthbert in her undies, KY jelly rasslin babes Corinne Kingsbury and Lisa Donatz, and the girls taking the "Art of the Blow Job" class.

    Eva Longoria
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)

    Señor Skin 'caps of the "Desperate Housewives" mega-babe in scenes from the low budget indie "Carlita's Secret" (2004).

    Here's the breakdown:
    links 1-5...Eva in a bikini
    links 6 and 7...Eva kissing another woman.
    links 8-10...Eva showing off her white cotton undies while wearing a dude's button down shirt.

    Pat Reeder
    Pat's comments in yellow...

    Secret Service No Longer Necessary - Republican rocker Ted Nugent followed his idol and 18 months ago, he moved his family to a ranch in Crawford, Texas, "right around the corner" from President Bush's spread. Nuge says he'll keep his Michigan ranch for hunting trips, but he officially becomes a Texas resident this year. He said his son Rocco is doing great in school at Crawford and the hunting is terrific: "Right behind Rocco's school is game! It's a barbecue dream!"

  • And if he shoots and barbecues a few CNN reporters, he knows his neighbor won't complain.
  • The game is football, but once you remove the helmets and pads, the players are edible.
  • Ted Nugent may be the first guy rejected for Texas citizenship because he loves guns way too much.

    Speaking Frankly - Two Long Island women who sold hot dogs and sodas from a van were arrested last week on charges that sex acts were also on the menu. An undercover cop said one woman offered to show him her breasts and another offered oral sex in the van along with his hot dog. A police spokesman told the New York Post, "We've never seen hot dogs mixed with prostitution before."

  • But some would relish the thought.
  • If you wanted sex, you ordered the "Hot Dog and Doughnut Special."
  • Their slogan was, "Where the buns are fresh, and the wieners are never limp!"
  • That's so unhealthy, putting something like that in your mouth! A hot dog, I mean!

    With This Ring, I Thee Rent - Fox News reports that Michael Jackson's ex-wife Debbie Rowe plans to put her 2.13-karat diamond ring up for sale on eBay. She reportedly needs money because after she started seeking custody of their two kids, Jackson cut off her $1 million annual divorce payments, claiming she violated their agreement by giving interviews. The ring's value has not yet been determined, but Rowe will provide a letter authenticating it as the ring Michael gave her.

  • And what lucky woman wouldn't be thrilled with a romantic gift like that?
  • He was afraid that if she gave interviews, it might harm his image.
  • The value isn't known, but at one time, it was worth two babies.

    "Who's Your Daddy?" Indeed! - Monday, Fox TV aired "Who's Your Daddy?," a weepy reality special in which a woman had to guess which of eight men was her biological father. Adoption advocates called it "reprehensible, offensive, insensitive and harmful," and WRAZ-TV in North Carolina refused to air it. It resembled "The Bachelorette," with a buxom blonde in a mansion, asking the men personal questions and dancing with them (she'd been told her dad used to be a disco dancer.) The two finalists each told her why they'd given her up for adoption in infancy, but one was lying. If she'd picked him, he would have won $100,000; but she did pick her real father, so she got the money.

  • Which she used to pay for her dream wedding, to her dad.
  • She got to know all eight men really well, by dating them.
  • It was hard to tell which one was her dad...They ALL hit on her.
  • Personally, I thought the low point was the hot tub scenes.
  • Appropriately enough, the guy who spawned this show is refusing to accept responsibility.

    The Simpleton's Life - The Star Tabloid reports that Paris Hilton entered a newsstand on Sunset Boulevard in Los Angeles to buy celebrity magazines and was so angry to see they were selling her stolen sex tape, she ripped up a poster for it, grabbed the DVD, and said she was taking it and not paying for it. The clerk filed a police report for theft and vandalism. Unfortunately for Paris, it was all caught on the surveillance camera video.

  • Now available at Blockbuster for $3.99 a night.
  • So Paris' career continues.
  • If she'd known the camera was running, she would've had sex with the clerk.
  • Mostly she was mad about how few pictures of her were in the celebrity magazines.