Secret Admirer (1985) is one of a plethora of kids are smarted than adults films that came out around that time. The group includes Sixteen Candles and Breakfast Club. A High School boy (C. Thomas Howell) has a crush on the home coming queen (Kelly Preston), his best friend since childhood, a brainy and less flashy but very attractive Lori Loughlin has a crush on him. Lori writes an anonymous love letter, which he thinks is from Preston. When he writes one back, Lori becomes sort of a Cyrano, rewriting his letter, and winning the heart of Preston. Preston decides to give him her virginity as a birthday present, and tells the entire school. The party is to be at Loughlin's house.
Meanwhile, the original letter causes no end of trouble, and has Preston's parents, and Howell's parents nearly swapping partners. That is enough of the plot to give you the idea. Preston shows her breasts parking in a car, and again in bed with Howell. IMDB readers have it at 5.7 of 10. I enjoyed the film the first time I saw it, but it was not the sort of comedy that you could watch over and over again. Once you know the plot twists, there is very little humor left. C.
"The Woman in Red"
The Woman in Red (1984) was a bad film I too could not resist because of Kelly LeBrock. Gene WIlder can be hilarious in front of the camera, and should have stayed there. Considering that he wrote and directed, you would think he could have given himself some funny material. What the film did have was great visuals. Some of the scenics in San Francisco were wonderful, and, like the dance in Singing in the Rain, the sight of the red dress blowing up over the ventilation duct is a cinema classic.
All of the particulars were in last night's edition. No argument from me, Film, C-, Kelly LeBrock, A+.
|Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)
catching up on info pages
In the Time of the
Butterflies. Images in Friday's edition
Images in Friday's edition
Dictionary is the "Jessica of the Jungle" movie. Images in
There's no female nudity in
Confessions of a
Dangerous Mind. (There is male nudity). It is a movie
based on the autobiography of a very famous manic-depressive with a
notoriously weird sense
of humor (game show guru, Chuck Barris). It is maniacally funny, and depressively
tragic. First-time director George Clooney, my hat is off to you if
you read this. You were really paying attention to Soderbergh. You
managed the atmosphere as well as you managed the camera work. I was
laughing out loud, and then I was almost in tears. Helluva good
first movie, big fella.
Barris claims that he was a game show host by day,
CIA assassin by night. As the director, Clooney made one move that was sheer genius. He just
let Barris tell his own story without trying to refute it or
criticize it, showing
him skulking around Europe, gunning down spies and moles. If Clooney
knew of any contradictory evidence, he didn't present it. By doing
it that way, Clooney was able to use the story to articulate this
this is true, how weird is that! And if this isn't true, how sad is
it that Barris really believes it?"
movies with pictures:
Watchtower (aka Cruel and Unusual) is supposed to be a erotic
version of a Hitchcockian suspense yarn, but it just plain stinks as
eroticism. The starring woman is not really very attractive, and the
sex scenes are dark. The mandatory bimbo victim chick, while
gorgeous, is only seen briefly in a steamed-up shower. Tom Berenger,
once a hunky guy and a pretty big star, is now really too old
and fat for nude scenes. In fact, he quite literally had larger
breasts than his co-star. As a suspense yarn, well, there isn't all
that much suspense. They show us that Berenger is a killer in the
first two scenes, then they place him in the lighthouse. Will he
kill his lighthouse partner, or the guy's sister or both, or will
his love for the sister reform him? We are suppose to care. It's
sometimes creepy, but way too goddamned slow. The only really good
thing was the double-twist ending, but you expect that in this kind
of film, and it was not an especially original ending, although I
liked the ending-after-the-ending. Thankfully, there was no evil
Bleed, our first movie
with a 2003 date, is a rather dumb grade-b erotic thriller, which
I'm about to spoil for you. After taking a new job, a disturbed girl
(Debbie Rochon) goes to a pool party in her new town. The people
there get wasted and fuck with her head. They tell her how they are
all members of the "murder club". She's just close enough to the
edge that she kills a woman in a violent catfight over a dent in her
car, and therefore lays claim to admission to the club. Then she
overhears the other "members" discussing the fact that they were
just kidding, and she is hacked off!
The other people at the party know there is a new
serial killer in town whose arrival coincides with Rochon's, and
that the masked killer's last murder created the job vacancy that
Rochon is filling. That seems pretty darned suspicious, so they
think she must be the one who is killing everyone, a theory which
seems even more logical when everyone at the party starts getting
killed after they piss her off.
Every single clue points to Rochon . (1) she's a
known, admitted killer (2) by killing the first victim, she got the
important job (3) she is mad at everyone at the pool party (4) she
has nightmares in which she sees the crimes being committed
Well, of course, since every clue pointed to her,
she didn't do it. It was done by some crazy guy who kills just for
fun, and everything pointing to her was a coincidence.
OK, here's my problem. I'll buy the other clues
being a coincidence, but they never explained the dreams. How the
hell could she dream the exact circumstances and faces of the
victims, who were in some cases people she didn't even know. Hmmmmmm.
Julie Strain, who provided most of the female
nudity, doesn't actually belong in the movie at all. She is killed
in the opening credits. She is supposed to be the girlfriend of the
first guy who was killed. The film starts with his death in the
street, then her death at home. Forget about the fact that Julie is
old enough to be the guy's mother, her scene simply didn't belong
there. The film works much better if the guy dies, then Rochon is
seen applying for his job. Plus if Rochon is the killer, there is no
reason to go to the guy's house and kill his girlfriend. She's from
out of town, and he doesn't even know who the girlfriend is.
I'll tell you what must have happened. They realized
the film was light on female nudity (plenty of male), so they called
up Big Jewel and said, "we need you, gal". Then they filmed a scene
with Julie just standing around by herself, topless, for about two
minutes. And that is literally true. No other cast members appeared
- she was talking to an unheard voice on the phone, then was killed
by a masked, robed figure. I assume the other cast members had all
gone on to other jobs by that time.
We thought that the worst movie of the year would be either Swept
Away or Pluto Nash. Boy were we wrong. At the last minute,
Roberto Benigni came along with his embarrassing, creepy version
of Pinocchio. I watched about two minutes of this on a
screener, then shut 'er down. It is exactly the kind of film that
should win razzies because it is completely ugly and demented, and
when you watch it, you wonder what the hell they were
thinking of. Benigni himself plays a craggy old Pinocchio like a
geriatric on heavy doses of speed (he's about 50), and the dubbing
is completely fucked, hysterical, out of synch and just plain
creepy. Suppose you're a puppet who wants to be a boy, and the
fairy turns you into a really ugly, hyperkinetic 50 year old man.
I say you ice the bitch then and there. 0% positive reviews from
Great film at ifilm.
Some Playboy chicks romping around naked in Brazil In
case you get lost, Carneval is the film you want
Biggest TV disappointments of 2002
National Society of Film Critics picks The Pianist as the top
movie of 2002. I was sure surprised when Ebert and Roeper
both left that one off their lists. I think Adrian Brody will be
nominated as best actor by the academy for his role in that film.
More looks at the
Danish soccer chicks. Slow to load (don't even try on
dial-up), but worth it.
Rolling Stone chooses the fifty best album titles
American pop star Madonna, who ascended into Britain's high society
with her marriage to film director Guy Ritchie, said she is fed up
with "everything that is English".
Is this woman the world's biggest jerk, or what? More important,
does this mean she needs a new phony accent?
war protestors are back again, this time forming a peace sign. I
believe this is what they mean by a
peace of ass.R
The Taiwanese turn to mouse testicles to overcome infertility.
I can see the Simpsons on their way to Taiwan, in a flashback to
the time when Maggie was conceived. Umm . .. mouse balls.
- from Spaz: "My suspicions were correct. Kaye Penaflore is the
Filipino virtual reality girl on the left in Jason X. She is
a reporter/producer for a Canadian Filipino show Flip! at
http://www.fliptv.com . She
even mentions the movie on her bio
Hey Scoops! Does anybody know where the Howard Stern show can be
viewed BEFORE it goes out on the E! Network? That network is so
lame. Why even carry the show if you're gonna blur out the good
parts??? Gentleman George
- Scoop's note: I don't know. Can anybody
clue us in.
From "E" (that's his nickname, not the network) . I wanted to start a list of movies from 2002 that
SHOULD have had nudity. Some of these were pretty close, but
were just begging to go all the way and show some serious skin.
Since I usually wait until movies are released on video, and I'm
behind in my rentals, I don't have too many of these, but I thought
I'd put it up and see if anyone has anything to add.
Here's a start, then, in no particular order:
Scorpion King - come on, Kelly Hu in that sexy outfit and ALMOST
showing it, she's not shy from her magazine pics
Spiderman - Two Words - Kristen Dunst
Time Machine - savages? a natural.
The New Kid - Let's face it, anything with Eliza Dushku
Clockstoppers - cute girl
Queen of the Damned - Wouldn't Naked Queen of the Damned sound
Crossroads - two reasons I wish they had a nude scene here, can
you guess what they are?
Resident Evil - not the Peek-a-boo, find the nudity kind, but the
Black Knight - why not
Soul Survivors/13 Ghosts - not spirit nudity - what's better than
scary flicks and naked chicks?
are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.
- The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the
review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
- If there is a white asterisk, it means that
there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined
there might be something else of interest.
- A blue asterisk indicates the review is written
by Tuna (or Lawdog or Junior or C2000 or Realist or ICMS or Mick
Locke, or somebody else besides me)
- If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too
ashamed to admit it.
'Caps and comments by Brainscan:
"Diamonds Are Forever" was the penultimate Bond movie with Sean Connery playing Bond, James Bond. A kick-ass movie, beautifully transferred onto DVD. Lots of extras, including a couple of interesting deleted scenes that add no new exposure.
Two babes worthy of note: Lana Wood as Plenty O'Toole and Jill St. John as Tiffany Case. We get to see Jill in lingerie and in a pretty skimpy bikini. Lana is in a dress cut down to her belly button and then in undies only, but with hands and arms covering up the goodies (it took both hands AND both arms to cover up her goodies).
Once upon a time I thought you could see Jill's nips through her nightie, but now I am pretty sure there is something other than lace betwixt her and us. And I figured if I went frame by frame through Lana's bedroom scene I could pull out some exposure, but noooooo. They were both beautiful women, however.
- Jill St. John
- Lana Wood
'Caps and comments by Hankster:
Today we go back to 1982 for a look at "Basket Case" a horror movie gorefest that many consider a cult classic. While I love horror movies, this never was really my cup of tea, but it did offer Terri Susan Smith showing us some skin. We see Susan having her boobs fondled while still clothed and then in a dream scene by the almost normal half of the separated Siamese twins (he shows full frontal nudity). Then the other twin who is just a head, who is carried around in a basket fondles and kills Susan. You either love or hate this movie.
- Terri Susan Smith
In the clean up the hard drive category here's Bebe Neuwirth in "Summer of Sam" looking somewhat different than she ever did as Lilith on "Cheers".
'Caps and comments by Oz;
Pirelli Calendar 2003
The link to the Pirelli Calendar 2003 was in the FH a few days ago. They also produced a 'making of' documentary about the calendar. It wasn't well produced. They even put it on TV without bothering to change the aspect ratio, making the models look even taller. Some sort of topless nudity by Jessica Miller, Sienna Rose Miller and Maria Carla Boscono.
Glamour, sometimes very sexy, by Alessandra Ambrosio, Heidi Klum, Filippa Hamilton, Natalia Vodianova, Isabeli Fontana, Lisa Seiffert, Yamila Diaz-Rahi, Karoline Kurkova and Sophie Dahl.
"The Taking of Beverly Hills."
Also in the FH a few days ago was a comment about how little nudity Harley Jane Kozak had done. These caps are no different, but she does look good in The Taking of Beverly Hills.
A Tia Carrere mini-gallery
Another actress who has done a lot of teasing with very little showing is Tia Carrere.
Plenty of nudity in 1900, and it needs an unrated DVD version done. Frontal nudity by Dominique Sanda and Stefania Casini, although I've seen more explicit nudity by Stefania in stills from this movie.
- Dominique Sanda
- Stefania Casini
"Vroom, Vroom, Vroom"
Vroom, Vroom, Vroom is an episode of Erotic Tales. The story is about a motor bike that changes into a girl when taken out at night by the male owner. It was actually better than it sounds. You see the unnamed motor-bike/girl after she has changed.
"What Women Want"
What Women Want, as if that can be solved, has no nudity. There is good cleavage shown by Helen Hunt and a sexy shot of Ashley Johnson as she gets felt up.
"Girls Just Want to Have Fun"
A Fame clone is Girls Just Want to Have Fun, with Sarah Jessica Parker being the dancer. We briefly see her in her underwear and the briefest of upskirt by Helen Hunt.
"Who's That Knocking At My Door"
Plenty of black and white nudity in Who's That Knocking At My Door, we just don't know who the actresses are.
"Son of the Beach"
Son of the Beach was a Baywatch send up. The humour was variable but it is pokie heaven. The following caps are from one episode. Enjoy Jaime Bergman (former PMOM), Kim Oja, Leila Arcieri and Rachel York.
|From the Mail Bag
I'm a long time Funhouse reader and was just as disheartened as "Gentleman George" to find out what Marvel Comics was doing with the Rawhide Kid. Just to give you an idea with what Marvel is planning to do with the character, I've attached pictures of the covers of the first two issues (downloaded