Uncle Scoopy's Fun House

Tuesday

Tuna
"Mortelle Randonee" Mortelle Randonee (1983) is a French noire detective thriller, but a very odd one. This genre is heavily dependant on the personality of the detective, as he is the one we are to relate to. Beauvoir, The 'Eye' (Michel Serrault) is not a classic movie detective. He works for an agency, badly botched his last assignment, and is being given anther chance by is boss. He is obsessed with a daughter that he was denied access to when his wife divorced him. He has a school class photo she sent, and each year he gets one guess as to which girl is his daughter. The case is a simple one. A rich Belgian family wants to know more about the young woman their son is keeping company with. The Eye sees her dispose of the young man's body, but suspects that she is his long lost daughter, based on absolutely no evidence. Rather than file a report, he follows the girl through most of western Europe on the pretext of catching up with the young man and returning him to his family. He watches her do her black widow routine over and over, and becomes more and more protective of her. All of this leads to a very French ending that I will not give away. The young girl is played by an 18 year old Isabelle Adjani, who shows breasts in two scenes, and spends the rest of the film looking amazing. Who could blame The Eye for becoming obsessed with her? There is also a stripper who shows breasts in a short scene. IMDb readers score this 7.6 of 10 (IMDb calls it Deadly Circuit, a more or less accurate translation of the title). It was nominated for five Cesars. Admittedly, I love a good whodunnit, but this is nothing like the classic detective film. The new spin on the genre was interesting, and the portrayals by the leads were wonderful, making this well worth the watch. Considering that it took place all over Europe, you might imagine a "travelogue" feel to the film, but that was not at all the case. This is a C+, one genre lovers will want to watch. Thumbnails Thumbnails Isabelle Adjani (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6) Stripper (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)
Hi, y'all. I'm taking a mini-vacation. I'll still be digging up some other crap every day, and will chip in with some movies as well, but not with my usual volume of verbiage and such! I didn't do any of my own caps today, but I did some collages from the ICMS caps. You'll see why his time was limited when you get to his section - awesome contribution - the best work we've ever seen on one of the all time great movies for celebrity nudity! Other Crap: Many years ago, I wrote a typically too-high concept skit for The Abominable Showman about learning Socratic philosophy through Punch and Judy hand puppets. (Socrates the Mouse outsmarts and humiliates his pupil and asks him to contemplate the nature of reality and illusion, whereupon the pupil bops Socrates with a mallet and tells him to "contemplate this, illusion boy.") Looks like I wasn't the only one who thought that was a cool idea. Sock Puppets sing and talk about things that don't exist. Here is a summary of that episode of The Showman, a show often considered to be the lowest point in the history of televised entertainment, if not the entire 20th century. (I really think we could have swept the 20th century poll if not for that pesky Holocaust.) First official picture from War of the Worlds. It could be, it might be ... it is ... Dakota Fanning, the terminally precocious child who is now Hollywood's official go-to kid. She's going to top the "Am I Annoying?" site before she reaches puberty! By the way, that was Dakota's look-alike younger sister as the child in "The Door in the Floor". Latino Review has more than a dozen new stills from SAHARA, starring Matthew McConaughey, Penélope Cruz, and Steve Zahn. "Explorer Dirk Pitt (Matthew McConaughey) and his slacker sidekick (Steve Zahn) embark on a treasure hunt through West Africa in search of what locals call the Ship of Death, a lost Civil War battleship that may house a very valuable cargo. A woman, Doctor Eva Rojas (Penelope Cruz), warns them that the ship may be linked to mysterious deaths in the area." Only in the movies dept.: Penelope Cruz is a doctor again, and is now challenging Denise Richards as the greatest portrayer of geniuses on film. First look at Keira Knightley and the Mickster in Tony Scott's Domino. (Excellent hi-res image) Oops, There It Is -- The Best Film Flubs of '04 EW.com Poll: Rate the lyrics of 2004's notable songs Big heads! "I often scan through the wire service photos on Yahoo News, and over the years I started noticing a really strange trend. Many of the photos follow the same form: a picture of a person in the foreground, and on the background, a GIANT HEAD." Further proof that all human knowledge, no matter how useless, is on the internet somewhere: "Jenny, are you there?" (867-5309) There is an 80s song by Tommy Tutone called 'Jenny (867-5309)' " This guy called that number in every area code and reported his results. "Shrek 2" is the best grosser of a record 2004, as well as the third best of all time. The Speeding Outhouse "You can go pretty quick in the Turbo Loo" Are there gay lovers in 'The Merchant of Venice'. Not likely. Actor Jeremy Irons was the only person who provided a sensible overview in this debate: "In Shakespeare's time male platonic love was the highest form of love ... Male platonic affection was regarded as a higher form of love to male-female, even husband and wife." The richest woman in the world wants to make the 2008 Olympics as an equestrienne. The co-founder of Wikipedia makes a personal statement about its reliability "Google is hiring about 25 new people every week, and receives more than 1,000 resumes a day. Google uses aptitude tests, which it has even placed in technical magazines, hoping some really big brains would tackle the hardest problems." Google, which began as a school project and did not exist six years ago, is now worth about as much as Ford and General Motors combined. Attention James Bond. Akzo Nobel has developed a unique temporary auto paint system which can peeled off after use. Vincent Gallo makes a sequel to the Brown Bunny - The White Bunny! It isn't really a sequel, but Gallo supposedly made this short film, and here's what The White Bunny consists of: Paris Hilton in her underwear, rotating on a turntable, followed by ... wait for it ... a White Bunny. Genius!!! As Defamer said, "two great tastes from 2004 that taste great together, freelance celebutante vaginalist Paris Hilton and megalomaniac fauxteur Vincent Gallo." Part of the boomer childhood disappears. One of MAD magazine's greatest illustrators, Kelly Freas, is dead at 82.: "Kelly Freas, an influential illustrator who produced sleek, stirring images for science fiction and fantasy books and helped shape the image of Mad Magazine mascot Alfred E. Newman, has died. He was 82." Great public nudity display in Amsterdam The trailer for 20th Century Fox's FANTASTIC FOUR movie will ship with prints of ELEKTRA, due out Jan 14. Miss Howard Stern Signs On to Host Porn Video: "Andrea Brooke Ownbey, better known as Miss Howard Stern, has agreed to host a porn video for Metro Interactive" In-flight Web surfing takes off Rumor - Kate Bosworth has been cast as Lois Lane in Bryan Singer's Superman. After XMas, Santa finally gets something for himself. The murder rate in many of America's big cities fell dramatically last year. Chicago - down 25 per cent. New York - fewest homicides in 40 years. New York’s murder rate per person is 6.9 per 100,000, making it it the safest large city in America. Murders in The Big Apple have declined from 2,245 in 1990 to 577 in 2004, a drop of more than 70%. Before you Yanks get in a self-congratulatory mood, consider that New York may be the safest in America, but the homicide rate is still triple that of London and Paris. You'll be pleased to know that Detroit bucked the trend, and managed to increase homicides by picking up some top draft picks out of Medellin, Colombia. Detroit has the highest rate in America with about 40 per 100,000 people, but Medellin has something like 130 per 100,000. If you're into this kind of stuff, here is a UN report on suicide and homicide rates in 86 nations. Colombia leads by a mile in homicide, with nearly triple that of second place Russia (80 to 30). But Russia is also #2 in suicides, and suidices are rare in Colombia, so the Reds give Colombia a good fight for the combined title, losing 83 to 72. Who would have guessed that the world's third highest rate for "suicides plus homicides" belongs to those plucky Estonians, who are strong in both categories: fourth in suicides and sixth in murders. The three Baltic Republics (Latvia, Lithuania, Estonia) are three of the top four for suicide rates. Russia is the other. Hubble Telescope's Greatest Hits Paris Hilton steals her own sex tape. The best part - she was caught on tape doing so!! Dead at 80: Shirley Chisholm, the first black woman elected to Congress Skeptical Inquirer Video - Is acupuncture simply a folk remedy with little medical value or a possible method of treatment for western doctors? The Netizen's Guide to Flame Warriors Two of the guys at Coming Soon! talk about the 2005 movies they anticipate most enthusiastically. Here's Dave Barry's farewell to the troops. In a world where nobody understands art, one man fights to get to the bottom of it. They call him Stan Murmur: Butt-Printing Artist The galleries of strange hobbies. Brian Concannon sets himself on fire for a living. Landover Baptist says: God Fails to Break His Own Record for Killing: "As unsaved, impoverished Hindus toiled in beachside shacks on Christmas instead of exchanging expensive gifts from American department stores to celebrate the Baby Jesus' Birthday, the Lord was plotting their horrific, briny demise." Here's a tough journalistic question: were the many UFOs seen before the tsunami an indication that space aliens caused the tidal waves, OR were the aliens just trying to warn us? Damn, I love hard-hitting Edward R Murrow journalism! By the way, this is not a satire site. This is their idea of legitimate news. The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou, as reviewed by the greatest of all critics - Filthy Other Crap archives. May also include newer material than the links above, since it's sorta in real time. Click here to submit a URL for Other Crap MOVIE REVIEWS: Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com. The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor. If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest. A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me) If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it. The movie reviews are displayed in an inline frame. Your browser does not support inline frames or is currently configured not to display inline frames. Go <a href="http://www.scoopy.com/recent.htm">here</a> to see the list of new reviews.
ICMS
Words, pictures, and vids from ICMS Scoop's comment: Here is the awesome work I mentioned! ICMS is da man! These caps are just about DVD quality, which is a real treat since this is an all-time nudity classic which has never migrated to DVD. These will pretty much replace everything in the Encyclopedia, so I added some borders and such to ICMS's raw caps and made some collages (below). Hi Scoopy ! Castaway (1986) - Day 1 "Castaway" (1986) was directed by Nicolas Roeg and starred Oliver Reed and a young Amanda Donohoe. They go to live on a deserted tropical island for a year and we witness the interactions and psychological happenings of the two. I really can't tell much more about this movie as I never seem to find time to watch the many DVD's I have lying around. I'm getting close to nervous breakdown here. What is remarkable is that in the IMDb women seem to like this film far more than men, but there weren't many women amongst the 448 voters. But when I add the 262 male voters to the 19 female voters the result is 281. Is there a difference of 167 votes here ... or how does their system work? Anyway, most important is that Amanda Donohoe was naked very often in this movie. To be precise, nearly 22 miniutes out of 112 minutes in PAL. I recorded this full-screen version to DVD from digital satellite TV (BBC) in late 2003. The film is not available on DVD anywhere as far as I know. I have a total of 24 clips and 59 caps featuring Amanda in various degrees of undress, ranging from topless to buck naked. I think it's best to divide this material over 4 days, if that is fine with you. To be continued... Donohoe 1 (.wmv zipped, .avi zipped) Donohoe 2 (.wmv zipped, .avi zipped) Donohoe 3 (.wmv zipped, .avi zipped) Donohoe 4 (.wmv zipped, .avi zipped) Donohoe 5 (.wmv zipped, .avi zipped) Donohoe 6 (.wmv zipped, .avi zipped) An index file of all the raw still captures The Donohoe still captures (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17) An index file of all Scoop's collages The scoop collages (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
A quick site note
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Crimson Ghost
NOTE: We currently have to do all of our movie files in zip format. Instead of viewing them online, save the zip files to your hard drive in the directory of your choice, un-zip and play from there. Today from the Ghost, part 1 of his coverage of an episode of the the late night series "Thrills". In this batch we have 'caps and clips of Nancy O'Brien (aka Nancy O'Neil aka Cynthia Boyd) going topless, full frontal and of course having some pseudo sex. Nancy O'Brien (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11) Nancy O'Brien zipped .wmvs (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
Jack Snow
'Caps and comments by Jack Snow: Happy New Year to everyone at the Funhouse! Here's another batch of Euro-caps, this time with emphasis on Eastern European actresses. The German movie "Giacomo Casanova", just another biography of the Italian ladies' man, featured several daughters of the east in the nude. Edita Khainová gave a nice full-frontal performance as a stripper. Ekaterina Strishenova showed a nice close-up of one breast and far-off full frontal in bad lightning. Klára Apolenárová showed breasts in a love scene. Lenka Kalousová and Tereza Sefnrová played nuns, but couldn't resist Casanova and also showed their breasts. As a nice addition, young German actress Mavie Hörbiger showed a bit of skin for the first time, baring her bum when lying naked in bed. Moving on..... On the third episode of "Heimat 3", Kazakhstan-born actress Larissa Iwlewa unwrapped one breast to feed her baby. On the same episode, Constanze Wetzel showed the goodies while hot-tubbin. Finally, I here are some pics from the oldest movie I've capped so far, "Herrliche Zeiten im Spessart" (1967). Hannelore Elsner and Diana Krner, still well-known to German TV watchers, both showed very little skin. Elsner revealed some cleavage, Krner showed some ass. Best nudity in this movie was done by Monika Zinnenberg who showed one breast. Hannelore Elsner Diana Körner
Dann
'Caps and comments by Dann: "Wake of Death" I'm a big fan of Jean-Claude Van Damme, even given that most of his flicks are dumb actioners with poor stories and bad acting, but usually some decent fights. Jean-Claude may have taken one too many kicks to the head, though, because in this 2004 action adventure, he looks really beat up, and that's BEFORE the fighting starts. Plot is typical: guy's wife and family are killed by a Chinese gang. He finds gang. He kills gang. Wifey is avenged, although J-C is about the only one left alive at the end. Pure crap, and may be a real disappointment for Van Damme fans. I think, just like with Steven Seagal's newer stuff which has nose-dived into ultra-badness, these guys are just getting a little too old for the ass-kicking action genre. Lisa King
Variety
Kirsten Dunst	Here's one more look at Kirsten's recent wardrobe malfunction. A little less exposure here than in the previous days' images, but there is still some nipple to be seen.
Mimi Rogers (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19)	Mimi recently took the number 2 spot in our Best Nude Scenes of 2004 reader's poll. Today, with a little help from Johnny Moronic, let's take a moment to look back at what must be her absolute best screen nudity. Here she is showing off her massive mammaries and rear nudity in scenes from "Full Body Massage" (1995).
Anna Nicole Smith (1, 2, 3, 4)	Everyone's favorite busty, white-trashy former Heffer in scenes from her softcore video, "Anna Nicole Smith: Exposed" (1998). In these 'caps we see her masturbating, gettin' it on, and about to do something to another woman's breast.
Pat Reeder www.comedy-wire.com
Pat's comments in yellow... 2004'S MOST OVERUSED WORDS Another End Of Year List Event - The English language mavens at Lake Superior State University in Michigan got more than 2,000 nominations for their annual list of words and phrases that should be banned for "mis-use, over-use and general uselessness." Among the 22 chosen were "blog," "sale event," "zero percent APR financing," "flip-flop," "you're fired," "I approved this message," the adjective "uber" applied to everything, "red and blue states," "erectile dysfunction" and "wardrobe malfunction." Or in Tara Reid's case, an "uber-wardrobe malfunction." John Kerry agreed that "flip-flop" should be banned, but then he changed his mind. They disapprove of all these messages. I'm sure those English professors would all love to permanently ban "erectile dysfunction." Why are conservative states red anyway? Conservatives hate that commie color! ELVIS WATER BRINGS $455 ON EBAY May Contain Actual Elvis DNA! - Wade Jones of Belmont, North Carolina, snatched a plastic cup from which Elvis Presley drank water during a 1977 concert and kept it in a freezer for 27 years. He finally decided to sell the three remaining teaspoons of water on eBay after hearing about the Virgin Mary grilled cheese sandwich that brought $28,000. The winning bid for the Elvis water was $455. Jones said it wasn't as much as the sandwich brought, "but I'm happy." He said he was too attached to the cup to sell it, so the buyer just got the water. He poured it into a #10 envelope and mailed it off First Class. He can't bear to part with the cup: you can still smell peanut butter on it. I wouldn't pay $455 for three tablespoons of moisture unless it was genuine, certified Elvis sweat! THE COMEDY WIRE'S TOP TEN LOSERS OF 2004 As many of you know, we have a book out called "Nine Hallmarks of Highly Incompetent Losers," which uses Comedy Wire stories to illustrate nine dumb mistakes everyone makes, such as "Never Plan Ahead," "Lose Sight of the Goal," and "Don't Communicate Clearly." It's become an annual tradition for us to list the top 10 losers of the year, and we wait until January 1, because it's never too late for someone to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory and end up on the list at the last minute. For instance, the Associated Press nearly made our list by naming their "Top 10 Stories of 2004" on December 20th. None of them featured the word "tsunami." This being an election year, there were many to choose from, and a lot of worthy competitors, from Pete Rose to Rod Artest to Courtney Love, failed to make the final cut. So these are truly the creme de la scum of loserdom. And the top 10 Losers of 2004 are... 10. Donald Rumsfeld - Now the #1 target of Bush critics and dangerously low on armor, he made possibly his biggest strategic mistake of all at the end of the year: agreeing to stay instead of skedaddling like everyone else. 9. Kobe Bryant - Prevailed in court with his claim that the sex was consensual, but even if that's true, when you tally up all the lost endorsement deals, legal fees and wife-mollifying jewelry, this could be history's first billion-dollar one night stand. 8. Reality TV show viewers - Sure, one show was even called "The Biggest Loser," but if you wasted hours of your life watching it, you know you're a bigger loser than the contestants. Eating worms, going on blind dates and redecorating your house from Sears do not become scintillating entertainment just because they're on camera. There is a good reason why Ed Sullivan used to be the only talentless person allowed on TV, and why that was called "The Golden Age of Television." 7. Michael and Janet Jackson - Unlike his nose, Michael has become a permanent fixture here, but his identical sister definitely earned her place beside him. Despite massive publicity from her Super Bowl "wardrobe malfunction," her CD was the bust that really flopped. If squeaky-voiced pop stars can no longer sell records by getting naked, Janet's could be the first of many careers that are over. 6. Dan Rather - Mr. "Loser Hallmark #3: Don't Sweat The Details" ended his journalism career by falling for "30-year-old" memos so bogus, they might as well have been laser-printed on "Forgeries R Us" stationery. 5. Ashlee Simpson - The new poster child for our "Loser Hallmark #8: Claim Talents You Don't Really Have." On "SNL," Ashlee proved she doesn't even have a talent for jig-dancing. 4. 2004's Dumbest Criminal - Always a hard choice, but the honor goes to three would-be burglars in Gerringong, Australia, who repeatedly tried to kick open a glass restaurant door, not noticing that (A.) it was a sliding door, (B.) it was unlocked, and (C.) the restaurant was open and 20 diners were watching them and laughing their heads off. 3. Martha Stewart - Bad enough she became the first domestic diva to go to prison since Julie Child knocked over a liquor store (or did we just dream that?), but the ultimate indignity was losing her prison's Christmas cell door-decorating contest. Oh, the inhumanity! 2. John Kerry - What do you call a man who gets more votes than any other losing presidential candidate in history? You call him THE LOSER! So could we please stop recounting votes and get on with our lives?! To keep this list from being dominated by Democrats, Sen. Kerry shares his space with Tom Daschle, George Soros, the Dixie Chicks, exit pollsters, people who paid Michael Moore millions for crackpot conspiracy theories they could read for free on the Internet, Deaniac slackers who didn't realize they actually needed to show up somewhere and vote, anyone who needed therapy or threatened to move to Canada in November because Bush won, and countless others who are still in Ohio somewhere, counting. Move on, already! 1. Ben Affleck - Last year he made "Gigli," so you'd think it couldn't get any worse. But Ben kicked off 2004 by losing J-Lo and releasing "Jersey Girl," and finished it with "Surviving Christmas." In between, he campaigned for John Kerry. Ben had a hand in so many disasters this year, we're amazed he didn't buy a time share in Fallujah. On the bright side, he is good at poker, a career where his talent for blank facial expressions actually comes in handy.